He hadn't spoken a word to her since the day before.
She was still getting used to the belt around her neck that was hiding the bandage.
She directed the words at him in every way possible, even if he hadn't said anything and she could feel him attempting to hide his presence.
"Am I like him?"
Silence. Was he angry with her? She was still taking in all that happened the day before. She called Ryou to her house, obviously it being a stupid decision, and she discovered that her friend still existed within him, but so did Yami Bakura. What was his reason for attacking her with the knife? He mentioned testing the Pharaoh. Was that what he was doing? Testing?
It was the first time he forcefully shoved her soul aside, and took control for himself. She hadn't expected it of him, and had even tried to fight back a little, but she found that she didn't know how. He was so careful the first times. So gentle and seemingly caring. This time he scared her. His anger scared her, his willingness to shove her out of the way and take matters into his own hands. He never answered, so she tried again.
"Am I like Yugi?"
"I told you. You are Yugi."
But she knew it wasn't quite true. Maybe Yugi's soul and hers were one and the same, but she knew now. She had different memories, and different memories make you a different person. Right?
"I…I know you say that…but I'm not really…not yet…maybe I will be…but I'm not yet…"
The idea of losing herself to Yugi still hurt a little to think about, but it was true. She already remembered certain things about his past. And she was conflicted, because she wanted to remember more. She wanted to remember everything else, but at the same time, she didn't want to forget her past either.
"Yes. You are like him. You are like him in a million ways, and yet, you're different in a billion more."
His answer surprised her, seeming deep, but personal. He rarely spoke this personally to her about anything. But if she was Yugi, then didn't they know each other? Well? She thought back to the duel with Pegasus. Yes. They did know each other. When she thought back to that moment, that moment that she shouldn't remember, but she did, she felt much closer to him.
She thought back to the day before, and realization hit her all over again.
"You miss him…"
If the feelings she remembered, and anything the show said were true, then they were very close. She thought about it for a minute from a Fan Fiction perspective. If Yugi forgot everything, and Yami was still there, with Yugi who couldn't remember-….
"I'm sorry…you must miss him terribly…."
She knew how much it hurt to lose a friend, after all, she thought she had lost hers to Ryou, only to discover later that her friend still existed in some form or another. She made a mental note to ask about that later. And the realization was hitting her again. Yami had lost Yugi. According to the show, they were inseparable, in every meaning of the word.
He laughed. It wasn't a sad laugh, but not an overly happy one either. The word "Knowing" seemed to describe it.
"It's funny. Leave it to you Yugi, to apologize to me for making me miss you when you're standing right in front of me. That's exactly what he would do, Hannah. You're more like him every day. That's exactly how he would respond."
That might have been the longest sentence he had ever spoken to her. And after all of this, she was still scared. After yesterday, wanting to just vanish, wanting to remember all at once so she would disappear with Yugi in her place, she was still scared. But she had to listen to her friend. She wanted her to remember slowly, so that's what she would do. Even if it was painful. Because she trusted her best friend with her life.
"Yesterday…I told you to do it…but you didn't…you could have had him back right then and there…but you didn't…why?"
There was a moments silence before his answer.
"I almost did. You don't know how much I was tempted to do it. How much I wanted to do it. But it would be painful. It would hurt you. And Yugi wouldn't want me to cause you pain."
Why was he so willing to talk all of the sudden? Not that she didn't like it, but it was odd. Was it because…she did sound more like Yugi? If she did, it was so subtle she didn't notice. If she was changing, it was slowly. Maybe it wouldn't be as painful as she thought?
"So I'm really not him…? We really are different?"
"You are him, but it's complicated."
She thought about that for a minute, not caring to even attempt to block her thoughts from him, as she didn't know how to do it well enough to make an impact anyway.
So she was Yugi? What did that mean? It meant that everything she knew was a lie. She already had it proven to her. She remembered what it felt like to be Yugi. She could remember how it felt to speak with his voice. But did that mean that's who she was? If she was Yugi, did that mean that this life she was living now was a lie? Her entire LIFE was a lie? None of it happened?
That took a minute to soak in. 19 YEARS worth of life, just never happened? It was that simple? She never knew the people she thought she knew? Did the things she thought she did? How could it all be a lie? She thought of the boy she knew was in the bedroom next to hers. The brother she couldn't remember. She thought back over her "childhood", but he wasn't in it. She knew he was in it before, but she had no memory of him now. It was like he never existed. Because, in a way, he didn't. If it was true and they WERE in a game, then he didn't exist.
"Do you accept who you are?"
Why would he ask that, if he could hear her thoughts? Maybe because she hadn't decided yet? She thought on it. Did she accept the idea that she was someone else entirely? She had to think back to everything of his that she remembered. It all felt real….just as real as her memories did. So which ones were real? There were far fewer of Yugi's to analyze, but they still felt real.
So, could she accept it? Was she really someone else? Could she accept the idea that none of her past happened, and she was someone else entirely? Yesterday she had been ready to die. To lose all of her memories at once, and let her personality die. So, if she could do that, surely she could accept being someone else.
"Yes…I think so…"
"Then you're ready. I've been waiting to show you something until you were ready. I think it's time."
He had already shown her proof of the fact that Yugi's soul and hers were one and the same. When she was in spirit form, she looked like Yugi. She sounded like him. She was him. So what was it this time? What could she possibly need to be ready for? What could possibly be more drastic than showing someone that they weren't themselves?
"O-Ok…"
She closed her eyes, knowing that it would probably be asked of her anyway.
It felt like falling asleep. She was almost sure she did fall asleep first. But then a new area appeared and her eyes struggled to focus. Wait, a new area? What, could he teleport her now? No. That was stupid. So, where was she?
A room. A simple room. 4 walls, a door, and a bed? Toys scattered across the floor? She instantly recognized this room, but didn't want to admit it to herself. 'It's his soul room. It's Yugi's soul room.' Her brain told itself, remembering it from the Anime. But if this was his soul room, then that meant…
As she moved to stand up she noticed the differences. She caught the blonde hair she could see out the corner of her eyes, and the different feel as she moved. She looked down at her hands, half expecting them to be transparent, but they weren't. They were however, different. Not her own. Maybe even a little bigger? Shorter nails. A little less fragile looking and less…feminine. Slowly trying to process this information, she took in more differences. As she looked down to examine what she could see of herself without a mirror, she noticed the Millennium Puzzle hanging on the chain around her neck, and the distinct lack of something else she expected to be there. Of course. How could s/he/ not have noticed before? Yugi was, after all, a boy. But this felt different than the time in the mirror. This felt more…real. She felt more present here.
She felt a little odd, but mostly different. Not a bad different, just different.
The door of the room opened very slightly, and he knocked a couple of times catching her attention. She had seen him before, more than once, but that didn't mean she wasn't surprised. Here, she couldn't see straight through him and to the wall behind him. Seeing a fictional character in real life was still shocking, even after the third or fourth time. Remembering that he was real and not just the voice in her head, was shocking.
"Can I come in?"
She quickly nodded, still unsure of the whole situation, but trying to make sense of it.
All in all, he still scared her a little. He held himself like a King, probably because he was one. His voice was deep and commanding, and could easily be harsh and even cruel if he so desired. He carefully stepped into the room. Wait. Carefully? Why was he being so careful? Why now? He hadn't bothered to be careful yesterday.
"Do you know where we are?"
"It's his-…my soul room…"
She couldn't help but gasp after she said it. It wasn't her voice. But why would she expect any different? So here she was again, in a situation similar to before in the mirror. Speaking with another's voice and seeing with his purple tinted eyes. But if he was right, it was her voice. She just didn't remember it. Ok, that wasn't entirely true. She did remember it a little. Not a lot, just a little, but she could remember that voice coming out of her mouth before. She scanned the room again, still curious about the whole situation, and her eyes finally landed on him again.
There was that familiar look in his eyes. The look of longing. The look you get when you miss someone. She knew he missed Yugi, and she almost wanted to do something to fix that. But what could she do? If everything he said was true, she was Yugi herself, she just didn't remember. Not all of it. So she thought back to what she did remember of his life. Calling Yami "Mou hitori no boku", and helping him fight Pegasus. How excited she was to see him for the first time. She remembered fighting against him in the duel with Kaiba. And then the warmth she felt when she forgave him and accepted his help again. She remembered clicking the last piece of the Puzzle into place.
She felt a spark of emotion at all of that combined. She…missed him too?
"I'm sorry…" She said, looking back up at him, ignoring the sudden familiarity that was in her voice now, "I'm sorry I can't remember…"
He looked shocked for a little less than an instant, but then regained his calm.
"Yugi…" He started, a sad but genuine smile appearing on his face, "It's alright. Don't apologize. It's my fault."
That confused her just a little.
"How…is it your fault…? Did you…make me forget?"
He sighed, preparing to explain.
"No, Bakura did that himself. I agreed to play this game in the first place. I…had no way out, Yugi. Eventually, you'll remember that too. You were there. He made it impossible to back out. It was impossible to say no."
That's right. This was apparently all a game. Bakura had been the one to erase her memories the first time?
Wait. That sounded familiar. Really familiar. She read that before? That's right. It was a Fan Fiction! She remembered reading a Fan Fiction, where those same things happened…Yami Bakura started a game…and it required Yugi and Ryou forgetting everything…but, how could that be?
That was one of the several fan fictions she read. But that didn't make sense. She knew that what happened in the Anime and the Manga were a general idea of what really happened, but a Fan Fiction? She remembered that Fan Fiction pretty clearly. Someone wrote the first chapter but never posted more. It was uploaded a long time ago. It wasn't a very long chapter, either. She remembered that there was a little bit of dialogue between a few of them. And she remembered that Yugi was scared. Yugi was scared…but if she was Yugi then that meant…
"I…I was scared….?"
"You remember?"
"N-No…I read it…in a Fan Fiction….how could a Fan Fiction be real…?"
It didn't make sense. Fan Fiction wasn't real.
"No you didn't. It isn't that the Fan Fiction was real, it's that you never read that Fan Fiction at all."
This confused her entirely. He wasn't making any sense in the least bit, at all. None.
"But…what do you mean I didn't read it...?"
"That was the last thing to be erased from your memory, and it appears to have left an imprint. The day that you thought you read that Fan Fiction, was the day the game began, Yugi."
But…that wasn't that long ago! A couple of weeks, maybe! They had only been in this "Game" for a couple of weeks? She had lived 19 years, in the span of two weeks? But of course, she hadn't really lived them, had she? If this was all a game, her life never happened. That thought started to scare her again. Everything she held dear, never happened. She never had a first dog, or cried at a song that touched her, or had all of the birthdays she thought she had. She never had her best friend, or any of her friends, she never did anything she thought she did.
She fought back the tears as hard as she could, not wanting him to see her cry, but even after her best effort, the tears fell anyway.
"I…I'm scared…"
She didn't want to voice her fears to him either, but he was the only one there. Maybe, if she was Yugi, he would understand. Maybe he could find it in himself to care, even a little, about the person who stole Yugi away from him. The person hiding him with fake memories.
It was a moment before she realized what had happened. Before she realized that he had even stepped closer. It took her a second to realize that his strong arms were around her comfortingly, in a hug. It shocked her. She had never seen him display such emotion, and the fact that they could physically interact in this room shocked her. But the comfort. The comfort was sweet. It was beautiful. She was still crying. A little harder now, indulging in the comfort being offered.
"Yugi…it's alright. I'm here."
She had never intentionally called him by Yugi's nickname for him. She always felt it was too intimate for someone she had just met. She called him "mou hitori no boku" once, after the time in the mirror, and she may have slipped once or twice, not knowing she did it, but the rest of the time, she addressed him as "Pharaoh", trying to keep it as formal as possible. But now, maybe it was different? She was Yugi, right? So maybe she could start calling him the same thing Yugi called him.
"C-Could I…call you "Yami"…?" She questioned carefully. The last thing she wanted was to make him mad, especially when he was offering her such comfort in her time of fear.
"Of course."
"Yugi…" He started quietly, still hugging her, but not in an intrusive way, "I missed you."
She was going to tell him that she wasn't Yugi. She was going to remind him of who she was. But then she was uncertain of who she was. With his voice so close, and everything she just thought over…She remembered the spark of emotion she had when she went back over what she remembered of Yugi's life, and when she did, another spark of emotion hit her. Stronger this time. And she knew, that what she was about to say, wasn't a lie. She wasn't just saying it to please him. It was true.
"I…I missed you too…"
