So...who hates me? I know, I'm an asshole. But hopefully this chapter will make up for that slightly.


The week up to Rachel's funeral had been difficult for everyone. Everyone from glee club came back to honor their fallen member. It'd been a rainy, depressing week. Santana hadn't been sleeping well, every time she tried she'd see Rachel. She'd see her smile, her laugh, her eyes, everything, she saw everything about Rachel.

Gently extracting herself from Rachel, she got out of the bed. Turning back to tuck the blanket back around her sleeping girlfriend, she stirred.

'Where are you going, San?' Rachel groggily asked.

'I'm just going downstairs, I need to get something to drink and mami said that her and papi were coming home early,' she said softly tucking the blanket around the shorter girl's arms. 'I'll be back up though, they said they wanted to talk to me, shouldn't take that long. But as soon as I get done, I'll be back up here snuggled up with you, baby.'

'Mhm, alright San. I love you.'

'I love you too baby,' Santana whispered pressing a gentle kiss to the girl's lips. 'more than you'll ever know.'

Sitting at the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee, her vision started to blur. Her parents took the week of Rachel's death off, along with the following two weeks. They spent everyday with the Berry's, helping them get everything together for funeral. Santana did as well, although when everyone from glee got back, she spent the day with them just reliving moments that they spent with her. The day Finn finally got the idea that Rachel wanted nothing to do him with. Their first day back at Mckinley from Christmas break.

Walking down the hallway with their hands conjoined, swinging with each step they took, Santana couldn't help, but smile. She wanted this, she wanted the happiness with Rachel that she always hoped for, but was to afraid to go after. More importantly though, she wanted Rachel to be happy and judging from the 1000-watt smile she was sporting she was extremely happy. Then she saw Finn Hudson. He was standing at Santana's locker, just waiting for her, when he saw their hands, he didn't glare like she thought he would, he simply smiled.

'What do you want Finnocence?' Santana said as they approached her locker.

'Nothing, I just wanted to say that I truly am sorry about outing you. I shouldn't have done it. I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for badgering you Rachel, if Santana makes you happy then that's all that matters. I would like be your friend again, same with you Santana, if that would be okay?'

'If you're serious about it then we can see. It takes time.'

'Yeah, no I understand, I really am sorry and I'm serious. I won't stand in your way.'

'Thank you Finn,' Rachel said leaning over to huge the boy.

Sighing, she stood from the island and rinsed out her cup. Setting on the drying rack she made her way up to her room. She hadn't actually slept in the bed, not that she was sleeping, but when she was attempting she was on her futon, she just couldn't bring herself to touch the bed. It hadn't been touched since that day. Stopping once she made it in her room she looked at the bed, unmade, a reminder of the last time she made love to Rachel, the last time she cuddled with her, the last time she kissed her, the last time she saw her. It made her ache, it made her heart ache, it made her head ache, her limbs, it just hurt her everywhere. Bypassing the bed she went to her closet and pulled out the outfit she bought for today and went to shower. When she finally pulled herself together, she made her way downstairs to the living room. When she got there she wasn't surprised to see her parents, she was however surprised to see the glee club there, Mr. Shue and Miss. Pillsbury, Sue, Coach Beiste and the Berrys. She thought they would all meet at the funeral home. Smoothing out her dress as she sat down, she gave a sad smile to her guests. Clearing his throat as he stood, Hiram went over to Santana and knelt down in front of her, resting a hand on her knee.

"We were going through some of Rachel's things last night and we found this," he softly spoke as he pulled a sealed envelope from his suit jacket. "It in her desk, and it has your name on it," he said handing the envelope over. Squeezing her knee, he went back over to his husband. Looking at the handwriting she knew it was Rachel. With a shaky breath she stood up and walked to the kitchen. Sitting at the island she inhaled a shaky breath and gently opened the envelope. Pulling out a folded piece of paper, she closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of Rachel. She couldn't explain it and if anybody asked they would have said she was crazy, but it smelled of Rachel, nutmeg, peach and just Rachel. Opening her eyes she unfolded the paper and smiled when she saw Rachel's loopy script.

Santana,

Hi. If you're reading this then my battle has unfortunately ended. I'm writing this because I want you to know that I love you so much, so much more than I've ever loved anybody in my life. The night we made love for the first time was the best night of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was by far better than Broadway ever will be. Speaking of music, I heard a song on the radio just a few days ago. It's been in my mind since. It's called 'Love letters straight from the heart'. It was recorded by a number of artists over the years, Nat Cole King, Elton John and Elvis Presley in 1966. There are a number of other artists, but I won't bore you with that. I do however want you to know the lyrics.

'The sky may be starless, the night may be moonless, but deep in my heart there's a glow. For deep in my heart I know that you love me. You love me because you told me so. Love letters straight from your heart keep us near while apart. I'm not alone in the night when I can have all the love you write. I memorize every line, I kiss the name that you sign, and Darling, then I read again from the start. Love letters straight from your heart. I memorize every line, I kiss the name that you sign and, Darling, then I read again from the start. Love letters straight from your heart.'

I just love that song now that I can't get it out of my mind. There is just something about some of those words that speak to a person who is in love. Just read the lines in the first verse again about love letters that keep us together even when apart. Isn't that true? You're not alone in the night, when you have all the love that I can write to you.

You need to know that I again apologize for how harshly I treated you when you told me that you loved me that first time. You spoke nothing, but the truth. You've treated me like a princess since the day after. You've made me happier than I could have ever hoped to be. I now know what people talk about when they talk about true love, because that's what you are to me Santana Lopez, you're my one true love. I know how hard it must be for you not to have me by your side now, but just know that in time we'll meet again. Like the song; I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through.

One day, Santana, we'll meet again and I'll still be as deeply in love with you as I am now. But until then I want you to promise me something. Don't roll your eyes, I want you to promise me. Promise me that my death won't be the reason you never leave Lima, you're destined for great things Santana, get a recording contract, make a movie, become a professional cheerleader. Just do something that you love, do it for me and if you find somebody in the future that you love just as much, if not more than you love me, I won't hold it against you. You deserve to be happy and I don't want to hinder you from loving somebody else, from having a family, just being happy. That's all I want for you is to be happy in life. I love you Santana Marie Lopez.

Love Always,

Rachel Barbara Berry

P.s- Please take care of my fathers, this hurts them just as much as it hurts you.

Looking up from the now tear-stained letter, she stood from her stool and on wobbly legs she carried herself to the living room, clutching the letter in her hand, making her way over to Leroy and Hiram, she stood in front of both of them and drew in a shaky breath before leaning over and engulfing both of them in a tender hug.

"I love both of you so much and if you ever need any-anything, even if it's just to be parents to a girl for a day because you can't have your daugh-daughter, I'll be there, always. I'll take ca-care of you. She wants you to be taken care of, I'm not going to let her down," she cried into Hiram's shoulder. "I wanted what you guys have with her, the love, the family, all of it. It was her, always was and it'll always be her, forever."

After that, everything happened slowly. She fixed her make-up, even though she knew it would be ruined before she get got to the funeral home. The funeral was just as depressing, even if the eulogy was nice and Rachel still looked as beautiful in death as she did in life. Santana cried the entire time, she couldn't help it. After her casket was lowered into the grave, Santana just stood there. After everyone else had left the only ones still there were the Berry men, Quinn and the Lopezes.

"Before I noticed that she wasn't breathing, I told her how much I loved her and I apologized for torturing her. I told her she didn't deserve it and she didn't even hear me," Santana spoke softly as she cried. "I told her that I've loved since second grade and I just didn't have the courage to do anything about it until there was hardly anytime left. I didn't want to deal with everyone's harassment for being gay. And it doesn't matter because she wasn't alive to hear a word of it."

"Santi, she was alive, when you went to your room, she was alive," Antonio stated taking his crying daughter into his arms. "You were in your room for twenty minutes at least, before you started screaming for me. When I finally got you out of the room and I checked her pulse I assumed that she had passed away within the last ten. The coroner even told me that my assumption was right. Mija, her time of death was 2:15 p.m. You went to your room at 2:00. She heard you, mija, she heard you and she died knowing that you loved her and that you were sorry for all the hardships you gave her. She died being loved," he spoke with conviction.

"She heard me?"

"She had to, mija. She heard you, Santi."

'She heard me. She heard me tell her that I love her? She heard me.'

Groaning, Santana sat up in her bed.

"Way to fall asleep when you have a bad day, dumbass," Quinn said from the futon.

"Quinn?" Santana asked squinting her eyes. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure you were alright. I figured you'd need a shoulder right now. Although from the sounds of it...you'd rather have Rachel Berry instead."

"Wait, I was asleep?" the Latina asked confused. "I just had a really bad dream?"

"Uhh, yeah. You've been asleep for like at least two hours."

"Just to clarify, it's still like October 2011 right?"

"Yes."

"Rachel Berry doesn't have cancer?"

"No."

"And Rachel Berry is still dating the overgrown manchild Finn Hudson, correct?"

"No."

"NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?"

"First of all, stop yelling at me. Second of all, once you slapped Finn in the auditorium and ran out, Rachel demanded that he tell her what you were talking about everyone knowing that you're gay. He told her, and she broke up with him. Said something along the lines of she should have never dated him and he was a disgusting human being."

"So what you're saying is is that Rachel Berry, resident diva is cancer free and is newly single?"

"Yes, also just so you know, she loves you too."

"What?"

"She loves you Santana. Her and I are friends, we talk about things, she told me before that she loved you, the only reason that she was with Finn was because while yes she did love him, she didn't think she'd ever have a chance with you."

"You're crazy."

"No, you're crazy. Crazy about Berry. Don't deny it either. We've been best friends since second grade. You love her, but you were always afraid of the looks that people would give you for loving a girl, especially Rachel Berry, but you know what? If you don't tell her how you really feel, you'll never get the chance to have her."

"She loves me?"

"Oh my god Santana, yes! She loves you. She literally is in love with you. She. Is. In. Love. With. You." Quinn said slowly as if talking to a child. "Now what are you going to do about?"

"I-I. I'm going t-to to tell her that I love her too?" she asked more than stated.

"God help you. Yes, you tell her that you love her, you court her, you tell her that you want to be with her."

"Right. Right. Right."

"Sooooo?"

"Oh right, right now. I need to go to her right now."

"Okay, there we go. Put your shoes on dear."

"Shut up tubs, you're not my mother," Santana snapped. "Wait, is she home?"

"For calling me tubs, I shouldn't tell you," Quinn shrugged. "But, since it's for her...yes. She is home right now."

"Thanks, Q," Santana said as she gave the girl a quick hug. "If you want to stay here, I'll be back in a bit, we can have a girl's night!" she hollered as she made her way down the stairs.

Chuckling, Quinn just shook her head and made her way downstairs to the living room to watch some t.v. Sometimes she felt like she was Santana's mother.

'She better be good to her.' She thought before she became enthralled in The Real Housewives of Atlanta.


Like I said...the last chapter wasn't the end. This isn't the end either. Hopefully this makes up for the saddness and hopefully it doesn't piss you all off so much that you stop reading. This was always the idea for me. I just never let on to anybody about it. So with that...R&R.