Chapter Twelve
Beth was the first of the Greenes to regain movement. As everyone was still staring blankly in shock at the pile of walkers, the teenager ripped herself free from her boyfriend's arms and stumbled toward the heap, sobbing quietly and muttering about her step-mother. Grace had always held a small amount of guilt for running away before the town was overtaken and abandoning her friends, but seeing the Greenes mourn their loved ones, she was grateful. There had never been the fear that she would be bitten by someone she cared for after they turned, there wasn't the volume of deaths. Everyone she had known in her old life save for Daryl and Merle were simply gone, vanished and partially forgotten except for faint memories. Grace had never known large scale grief like this.
Amy had been sudden and tragic but unavoidable. Jim had been slow and unavoidable. Already everyone was aware of what would happen and they knew what needed to be done afterwards. They had no hope. There was no pretending. The Greenes though, had believed that their loved ones could be saved, that there would be a cure if they were kept in that barn long enough. They lost them not just the once when they first turned but again as they were spilling from the barn and gunned down.
"Beth don't!" Maggie pleaded quietly as her sister staggered closer, stepping over limp limbs to reach the spot where her step-mother had fallen.
"Mom?" She whimpered, "Shawn?" With no care at all for her own safety and not a flinch that she was touching corpses, Beth lifted the body of a fallen walker and rolled it off of her step-mother. The woman must have turned quickly as she was wearing an everyday dress and skirt. Nothing to show she'd been sick and in bed. They had probably just told her to rest, take it easy because she'd had quite the ordeal. Then she had turned. Maybe it was a shock to them. She might have been one of the first.
It was impossible to tell if the woman had once been pretty from the condition of her body. Her face was all grey matter and sunken cheeks with eyes so deep in her skull that it was nearly impossible to make them out. Grace had seen pictures on the fridge and the walls of the farmhouse though, and Beth's step-mother was unrecognizable from the woman she had been.
It was heartbreaking to see just how young the little blonde teenager looked in that moment - so fragile and completely devastated. Anger welled up in the pit of Grace's stomach. Hershel could have prevented this. He should have. To keep his family so blind to what was going on around them didn't help anyone, it didn't make it easier when the inevitable happened, it only made the in-between moments less painful. His willful ignorance was causing the destruction of his family. They just couldn't cope with that they were now seeing because they hadn't been prepared in any way for it.
Using as gentle a voice as possible, Grace took a step away from Daryl and toward the girl, kneeling beside the pile of corpses. "Beth, honey, come on. You don't need to see this." She didn't want to startle her when she didn't get closer. "Go on up to the house with Claire. Take Jimmy with you. We'll clean up this mess. You can bury her later when this is all sorted out."
Daryl growled, low in the back of his throat. "Don't you go near 'em, Grace."
"I'm getting Beth." She responded, taking another step forward.
"No ya ain't."
"Someone needs to."
"She's got family. They can do it."
Grace ignored him and continued to move close to the girl surrounded by dead things. Beth was going to need someone to help her cope. Maggie as well. They had nothing to fall back on, no way to understand what had happened when their world was destroyed. She felt bad for them, pitied them, shared their grief. She was grateful to not see her own loved ones turn but she also didn't know what happened to them. This was her family as well. Everyone she ever knew. Some of them could still be alive, surviving like she was, but it was likely that they'd never meet again. If they were out there, she'd want someone to be there to comfort them. "Come on, Beth"
Beth was deaf to Grace's gentle coaxing, instead she rolled the body in her arms over and moved to brush the hair back from its face. The movement was enough to spread her scent clearly because the bruised sunken eyes flew open, milky pupils searching. Grace jumped back as the group sprung into action, Daryl yanking her backwards and dragging her by her arms away. Rick caught Beth as Shane jumped in to help pull the girl free. Glenn grabbed the walker, yanking the other way and then holding the body down as T-Dog and Merle both began to smash the walker in with their boots.
Seeing his youngest daughter in danger, Hershel finally rose. Rick passed off the hysterical teenager to her father and surveyed the bodies.
"Double check them all." The former sheriff grimaced. "Someone get a shovel. We'll need to go through all the skulls to make sure."
"Are you insane?" Hershel snapped, clutching Beth to his chest.
"You do you want someone else hurt?" Rick's jaw twitched. "This is your time to realize what world we're living in."
"You're animals!" The old man began to help his daughter into the house. "All of you, ANIMALS! After all we've done for you this is how you repay us."
Grace watched from around Daryl's shoulder as Glenn glanced across the crowd to see Maggie still focused on the bodies. When Maggie looked up to meet his gaze, she frowned and turned on her heel to follow her father and sister inside. Patricia joined the group heading back to the house but Jimmy stayed behind, surveying the damage.
"Ya okay?" Daryl mumbled, nervously glancing at the bodies and slowly sliding the two of them further backwards.
"Fine." Grace nodded. "I didn't even get close."
"Gracie?"
"I'm good, Merle."
"Christ," Merle was shaking his head in disbelief at the retreating quartet. "Tha' man shoulda been watchin' his damn kid better. Don't see our girl stickin' 'round here."
"Yeah," Grace turned in Daryl's arms, still leaning against him for support. "Look how many there are. Shit, how'd they get them all in there?" Grace was whispering now, her voice dropping as if speaking loudly would wake the dead. "It can't have been easy."
"Otis did it." Rick frowned. "Hershel said they hadn't put anyone in there since Otis. He'd go out into the swamp and collect them when they got stuck in the mud. I guess they led them here with the catch poles."
"Nasty," Andrea shook her head, pushing one of the bodies with her foot. "Look at this mess. And why the barn? Waste of good space. Rotten and falling down my ass."
"It was probably just a ploy," Rick agreed. "He knew. Deep down he knew. He wanted to keep them hidden from us so he didn't have to face the truth."
There was no way he couldn't have known, Grace was sure of that. Just seeing the walkers was enough proof that these were not sick people. The bodies rotted, they didn't feel pain or temperature, and there was nothing but a drive to eat. They were mindless. Without motivation they sat and waited. They followed sound, smell or movement but with no stimulation, they would probably just sit and rot to pieces. In a few years, the majority of the walkers would be gone, rotted away. Maybe some would freeze and preserve or they would dry out in the desert but the majority of walkers in hot, humid climates like this would be nothing but bones. There wasn't the population to keep the walkers' numbers up. There just weren't enough people remaining. If they could just last long enough, soon there would be far less of a threat. The walkers they met would grow slower, more likely to fall apart, less able to keep up. They'd become an inconvenience rather than a danger.
For the family to have lived so close to them and still keep pretending that those corpses would come back as loved ones, that was just pure denial. There wasn't any excuse for ignoring the facts other than a misguided grieving strategy. If that wasn't the reason behind it then there was something seriously wrong with all of them. Even Andrea had understood as she watched her sister turn. The blonde had stayed with her sister's body keeping vigil but when Amy turned, Andrea made her peace and put her down. It was easy to see when they returned that these weren't the people who died coming back. Not a hint of humanity remained in a walker's eyes. They were flat and dead still. No spark.
"Where do we start?" Glenn grimaced.
"I'll go get Otis's truck," Shane offered. We can take 'em out to the west field and burn 'em."
"No, I'll do it." Rick shook his head at his friend. "Already got Hershel pissed off enough at you for opening the doors. Last thing we need is him pissed you took the truck without asking."
"And the wife and son should be buried." Grace offered. "At least give them that bit of peace. They might be more likely to forgive us if we allow them a grave to mourn at. It help them find closure as well." She looked at Jimmy. "Would you mind pointing them out to us? You don't need to stay and help clean up if it's too much for you.
The teenager was still pale with shock and wringing his hands but he jumped at the sound of his name and looked at Grace with wide eyes. "I'm okay," Jimmy's voice was raspy like he'd been shouting. He cleared his throat. "The one that went after Beth was her step-mom. Shawn is over there," He pointed to one of the bumps.
"Poor bastards," Daryl tsked softly.
"The walkers or the people?"
Daryl just shrugged in response.
Slowly everyone began moving in their own direction, working to check on walkers to make sure they were really dead this time and lining up the bodies. Daryl and Merle moved together, one at the head, the other at the feet. When Shane pulled up the truck they lifted the corpses and stacked them like logs. Grace found herself stepping over to the barn and pulling the doors open wider. Inside there was clear signs that the walkers had been there for a while. Long deep gouges lined the walls where they had tried to claw their way out and the floor was covered in a mixture of gunk and fluffy white stuff. Grace blinked in confusion, bending down to pick up one of the white things from the floor. It was a feather. Seeing as the chickens were penned up a far distance from the barn it suddenly became clear that not only were the walkers housed, they were fed as well.
"Poor bastards." Grace repeated Daryl's statement and dropped the feather back to the floor.
They wouldn't leave tonight, not after what had just happened. Everyone needed to mourn and forgive each other. It would do no good to burn bridges and then move to another farm. They had to fix their relationship before someone tried to get revenge. They had to clean up the mess they had made before they could even think about moving on. At least it would be a better sleep tonight without worrying about the walkers breaking out of the barn.
This all depending on Hershel letting them stay though. If he really and truly wanted them to leave, the best thing for them to do would be to pack up and get out as soon as possible. Shane would need to be dealt with immediately if he caused any sort of a problem. If Rick wanted his family to stay and Hershel was letting them, that was their own business. Shane couldn't be throwing a temper tantrum every time he was told no. That was just a liability. Grace hoped that when all this was done and Rick had a chance to really think about what happened, that he would take the time to talk to his friend and put him back into place. This wasn't their property and even though in this new world it really was fight or die, if someone else made a choice, then it had to be respected. Respect and trust were not earned through force.
Two sloppy holes, four foot and change deep. Enough that the bodies would stay buried but not so much that it was hard to pull yourself out of them. Andrea, T-Dog and Grace worked on one while Shane, Merle, and Daryl had a little pissing contest over the other one. Each many tried to dig deeper and faster than the others. All it resulted in was a sloppy hole.
"You think they're going to let up anytime soon?" Andrea whispered over the chuch-chuch of the shovels in the dirt. She kept looking under her arm and nearly hitting Grace with the butt end of her shovel.
Grace sighed, glancing over at the other hole and wiping sweat off her forehead. "Probably not. The three of them all have something to prove.
"Dunno how they're doin' it. T-Dog rubbed his arm where the white bandages were stained brown with mud. "This hurts like a bitch."
"Probably why they're digging so hard."
"Ya'll wanna stop chatterin' an' start diggin'," Merle shouted, swinging at the dirt once again.
Grace tried to fight back a laugh. It was frightening how easily she could laugh after watching a whole barn full of walkers get shot. Shouldn't she be repulsed or something? Nothing seemed to faze her anymore. The bodies, the gunk, even the smell was losing its shock value. It didn't matter because these weren't real people. They were walkers. The group put down walkers all the time.
She tried to picture Rooster's boy that she'd shot back at the hunt camp. The little clearing of trees, the shock of the smell, the way her hands trembled as she pulled the trigger over and over. The kickback making her wrists ache. Merle's panic, then Daryl's. Everything seemed to have happened such a long time ago. That was Claire's cousin that she'd shot. A teenage boy. But Grace felt not a speck of remorse. She knew, knew deep down that he was already dead.
A flash of Andrea holding Amy, waiting for her sister to come back so the other blonde could be the one to pull the trigger. Holding her, whispering as if she could hear, not letting anyone close, but knowing. Andrea had known what was coming. What needed to be done.
The handful of pills she'd given Jim. Those chalky capsules that would knock him out, leave him flying high until his final moments. Where was Jim now? Wandering? Still sitting under that tree? Rotting slowly stuck in a fence? Eating gophers in a ditch?
Jacqui who couldn't bring herself to face the outside world.
The walkers Grace had beaten in with a rock to protect Sophia.
The ones she'd tricked into the church so they could run away.
These things weren't people any more. This funeral was long overdue. If they'd seen these monsters every day - smelt the stench, watched the skin shrink, listened to the teeth grind together, been face to face with the sinking eyes – how could they not know? How could they still think there was a way to save them? Even if there was a cure, it wouldn't save anyone that was already dead. It was morbid to think that someone rotting to pieces would still hold onto their humanity. It made her stomach flop for the first time since Beth's stepmom had grabbed her. To be trapped inside a rotting meat-sack that you were unable to control. That was just plain horrifying. That was a lot more terrible than thinking that they were dead empty shells.
"Think that's about it." Shane leaned back to admire his hole. Both Daryl and Merle glared. "Someone wanna go get Hershel?"
"Send Rick," Andrea shrugged. "I doubt that Hershel will want to see any of us."
"Lunch time!" Carol called, she had Sophia on one side and Claire on the other. Both girls were helping to carry the food. Grace didn't want to ask where it had come from. They had so little of their own now that any meal of that quantity had to be from Hershel's personal stores. She wondered if the man was aware or if he was still lost in his own world while his family suffered on without him. He'd been quiet at the funeral. When he had come outside he'd been wearing a pressed grey suit and tie that smelled of mothballs. In a monotone he'd read out the 23rd Psalm, dropped a handful of gravel in the grave, and then walked away. There was no comforting gesture for his family. He hadn't even glanced at his daughters. Everyone else had slowly trickled away after that, leaving the graves to be filled in by Grace, T-Dog, Andrea, and the Dixons.
It was hard work digging graves but moving the rest of the bodies was nasty. Grace felt disgusting, her clothes covered in dust, dirt, and other questionable substances. She didn't want to know how much walker guts she'd actually gotten while dragging bodies in and out of the truck. It had to be done, there was no leaving the bodies to rot. It was unsanitary, the cloud of insects made that clear. Who knew what sorts of bacteria developed on these bodies and what would happen during the first rain storm. Already the smell had become second nature and that in itself was disturbing. Becoming accustomed to death and rot was disturbing.
"You better wash up first." The short-haired woman looked pointedly at them and everyone who'd been cleaning up the yard, looked up unphased. They all knew they were filthy, Carol didn't need to point it out to them. One by one they went to the water pump and lined up, someone producing a hard white bar of soap to make the washing-up process easier. There wasn't much to do about their clothes but at least their hands and arms could be cleaned before they started to eat. Work gloves only kept the gunk directly off their skin, the smell still stuck and there was dust and sweat to cope with.
The meal was vegetable soup and hard brown buns, slightly burned on one side from not being baked properly. Still Grace found herself sitting beside Daryl, downwind from the burning pile and leaning against a tree, savouring every bite. This wasn't where she'd pictured herself getting her next meal.
"Hey," Daryl grunted softly beside her, startling Grace out of her thoughts. He was addressing Carol who had made her way over from where she had been serving the food.
"Hello," she offered softly, smiling down at Grace and Daryl nervously. "Grace, Maggie would like to see you in the house as soon as possible."
Grace looked at Daryl but she was already nodding, "I'll go now." She popped the last bite of bun in her mouth. "Do you know where she is?"
"Beth's room." Carol frowned, worrying her lip a little bit.
Grace found herself mirroring Carol's concerned expression. "Is something wrong?"
Carol gave her shoulders a noncommittal shrug. "Beth's in a bit of a state and we can't find Hershel. Claire's upset about it but I think it would be better for her to stay outside with the group. I don't want to interfere though."
"Better to keep her out of the house. I'll go see what I can do. Has anyone told Jimmy?"
"I doubt it. He stayed with us; they went to the house. I think Maggie's upset that he's helping us clean up."
Daryl gave a disapproving grunt. Grace hadn't realized that he was still listening in on the conversation but sure enough he had settled his bowl in his lap and was glaring up at the house. "Fat lotta good the rest of 'em are doin'. They was so worried 'bout keepin' the walkers alive but once they was dead i's our job ta clean 'em up? Lazy bastards. Betcha tha girl got herself bit."
"Daryl," Grace found herself scolding as Carol put her hand over her mouth, shocked.
"I's true."
"It doesn't mean while we're here we can't help them. It's not her fault that her dad is a crazy person."
"Yer jus' gonna go up there, not even knowin'?"
"I'm going to help her. If she's bitten or scratched or whatever then she'll need someone who's not her father to help her deal with it. We don't even know for sure yet."
Daryl narrowed his eyes and stared her down. She knew what he was saying, these people weren't supposed to be their problem. It should have been a stop off to regroup before they headed off to wherever they were going. They had a plan, a place to go. The truck was already packed. She'd been so determined to leave with or without the group, but she couldn't leave a problem like that behind. She could at least check on Beth to confirm or deny. After that, well she'd figure things out then.
Staring back with determination, Grace patted her side, "I got this." Saying fuck it to all her usual doubts, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. She felt him tense but he didn't pull back.
The house was quiet as Grace walked up to it. Glenn paced back and forth on the porch but jumped out of rhythm when he saw her. "Grace, thank god!"
"What's going on? Carol just told me that something happened with Beth."
The Asian man was nodding furiously, seeming more like a bobble head than an actual person. "She just collapsed, you know? One minute Maggie and I were talking and Beth is doing the dishes and the next she's on the floor. She won't even talk to anyone. It's like she's gone." He widened his eyes and dropped his mouth in a demonstration of a blank expression. "We put her into bed but I dunno. What if something's really wrong?"
"Deep breath," Grace raised a hand to fend off Glenn's over excitement about the situation. "I'll go take a look at her. We'll handle things when we get to them. For now let's just try to stay calm before we start a panic."
"Uh-huh," Glenn nodded, "That makes sense. Wouldn't want to start a panic. No one should panic."
"Go for a walk, Glenn."
He looked up at her with confusion for a moment before hanging his head. "I guess I should go check on things. Just a lot has happened today. I'm a bit..."
"Wound up?" Grace chuckled. "Go, I'm sure when you come back everything will have sorted itself out." She smiled reassuringly and continued on into the house.
On the first night when she'd stayed with Daryl, she'd been pointed in the direction of Beth's bedroom when someone mentioned Claire staying there, so it wasn't too difficult to find. Maggie was talking quietly to her sister when Grace walked into the bright bedroom.
"It's going to be alright. It had to be done see, wasn't right to leave them like that. Mom and Shawn, they're better off now. In a better place... Oh." Maggie looked up, startled by the light knock on the door.
"Sorry," Grace whispered. "Carol said you wanted to see me." It was better to just ignore what she had just heard. There would be nothing worse than embarrassing the other woman by acknowledging confessions clearly not meant for her ears.
"Patricia's locked up in her room, Dad's gone who knows where." Her voice was laced with bitterness. "I can't deal with this crap!"
"How's Beth?"
Maggie shrugged, looking down at her sister, the tense shell breaking for a moment. "She's just... I don't know what to do."
Grace took a step into the room, closing the door behind her. "Mind if I check her over?" Maggie shook her head and Grace walked the rest of the way to the bed.
Beth was pale, quiet, and lying perfectly still, with her eyes unfocused but directed at the ceiling. The older Green was squeezing her sister's hand tightly, staring down at her face. Carefully she brushed a loose strand of blonde off her sister's cheek. The girl didn't even flinch. Without equipment of any sort, Grace ran through the things she could do to check the girl and what she could do to help her. Hershel kept all the medical supplies locked up in his office though. Without him, she was limited.
Maggie was frowning down at her sister, "Beth, hon, Grace is here to see you. She wants to check you out." And still Beth didn't move.
Hoping to get some sort of reaction from the teenager and provide at least a little comfort to her sister, Grace spoke softly to the girl as she picked up her free wrist. "Hey Beth, it's Grace. Do you remember me? I'm just going to do a couple of simple tests to try and find out what's wrong."
"What's wrong with her?" Rick frowned as he pulled a lacy nightgown from the cardboard box sitting on Hershel's bed.
"She's blocking everything out. No reactions. My best guess is shock but who can tell." Grace shrugged, "Could be PTSD, she might be cationic. She's dehydrated so I hooked up an IV but other than that, it'll be wait and see. All I know is she's not bit or scratched and she just lost her step-mother for a second time. It would be nice if her father were to get his ass back here from where ever he took off to."
Shane gave a snort and picked up a picture frame from the dresser. "Yeah where is our man Hershel any way?" Lori glared and Shane slunk back a step.
"These are you stepmother's things?" Rick dropped the fabric again, gazing around the room warily.
Maggie nodded, "He was so sure she'd recover and they'd just pick up where they left off."
"Looks like he found an old friend." Shane lifted a flask that had been tucked behind the frame. "Guessing this ain't Annette's."
"That was my grandfather's." The oldest Greene pursed her lips at the bottle.
Staring at Rick, Shane gave the metal a shake and the last drops of liquid hit the sides. He tossed the flask to his friend, who caught it and passed it off to Maggie. "I didn't take Hershel for a drinker." Rick questioned and Maggie stared down at the flask in her hand.
"He gave it to my dad when he died. Daddy gave it up the day I was born. He didn't even allow liquor in the house."
"Well he must have had a stash then." Grace pointed to the flask, "and if that's empty then he's gone looking for more."
"Drinkin' away his troubles," Shane shook his head. Just what we need."
Rick gave his friend a glare before turning back to Hershel's daughter. "What's the bar in town?"
"Hatlan's." Maggie's jaw was clenched now, her fingers white around the metal. "He practically lived there in his drinking days."
"That's where we'll find him," Rick sounded certain.
Glenn jumped right into the conversation from his ringside seat. "I've seen the place. I'll take you."
"Alright," Rick started towards the door. "I'll get the truck." Glenn moved to follow him but Maggie stepped in the way.
"After what happened at the pharmacy?" The woman hissed with shock. She seemed almost hurt that Glenn would want to leave and more than a little worried at the prospect of the Asian man going into town. "No."
"It's an easy run," Glenn insisted, trying not to be too forceful with Maggie. He was used to going on runs, it would bruise his ego the same way that not being able to take watch while he was injured had hurt Daryl. They both needed to be useful, to help contribute. Seeing Glenn's torn look between pleasing this woman and keeping himself happy made Grace grin a little to herself. The poor guy had it bad. Really bad.
Seeming to sense Glenn's dilemma Rick leaned back, resting a gentle hand on Maggie's arm. "Hey Maggie," he reassured, "I'll bring him back." He gave her a serious look before actually leaving the room, headed to get Otis's truck to make the trip into town.
Lori made a sound very similar to a growl and charged out of the room after Rick. Grace rolled her eyes. Leave it to Lori to need to voice her opinion and get in the way. At least Maggie was sort of justified in her concerns, she had little experience with the walkers. She couldn't understand that with proper observation of safety, Glenn would be just fine. That the only reason the pharmacy had gone wrong was because Maggie hadn't been aware of what to look for. If she was worried about walkers it was a step in the right direction. She could be swayed to understand that they weren't just sick people.
Grace found herself sitting with Maggie and Andrea next to Beth's bed. Jimmy had finally found his way inside and was nervously pacing the floor. While she was there to support the family, she didn't want to move forward with extreme treatment, worried that the nervous energy was only going to work Beth up further. Instead she simply sat and read while occasionally checking the teenager's vitals. She didn't need the nervousness and fussing as it would only encourage her distress.
"Andrea," Grace finally said after the twelfth time she seen her check Beth's temperature with the back of her hand. "Can you take Jimmy and go to the well? I want to run Beth a cool bath but we need to boil the water all first and then wait for it to cool."
Realizing that he had a task to complete, Jimmy nodded eagerly. He stepped over to the bed and leaned down to brush his lips across the blonde's forehead. Beth didn't react but he smoothed her hair down anyway and whispered that he'd be back. Looking up expectantly at Andrea, he straightened.
"Yeah, we'll go." Andrea sighed. She passed the cloth she was holding to Maggie and Maggie smoothed it over Beth's skin once more.
When it was just the three of them in the room, Grace turned to Maggie and gestured that they should leave the room without making a sound. Maggie followed Grace reluctantly into the adjoining bathroom and Grace closed the door behind them. "What's going on?"
Grace bit her bottom lip and tried as slowly as possible to explain, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way," she gritted her teeth, "but you need to stop acting like she's on her deathbed."
The dark haired girl gasped and Grace tried to backtrack.
"She's not sick like that, I promise. No bites or scratches. She's just having trouble processing everything that's going on and it's kicked her body into a defensive state."
"So you're saying that us fussing over her isn't doing her any good?"
"Well, no..." The tone Maggie was using didn't exactly loan itself to a pleasant conversation about what was happening. "But I know you're not trying to hurt her. You're worried about her and your dad and Glenn but Beth is the only one here to care for. You just need to slow it down and not so many guests in the room. I'd like to leave for a little bit myself. It can be just you and your sister unless you need something, then I'll be happy to help. Keep her cooled down but don't hover. Maybe try reading out loud? There looks to be a lot of books in the house. Find something you think she'd like. Hopefully once she relaxes her body will stop perceiving danger."
"But her heart is racing."
"I think she's just having a sort of panic attack. She's freaking out over everything that's going on and not processing well. We just need to keep her calm and comfortable until she wakes up. Then I'll be better able to assess her. Just act calmly around her for now. I want to see if it will help and it definitely can't hurt. I'll give her a sedative before I go to help settle her but it would be best if you calmed down as well." Grace was trying to use her more reassuring voice but she couldn't help but still be a little worried. There was no change in Beth and if she didn't start showing improvement soon, Grace was going to have to come up with another plan really quickly. "I'll be outside helping with the clean up if you need me. Lori or Andrea should be able to find me no problem."
Maggie nodded, seeming to not really know how to respond. Since that morning her entire body seemed to have deflated. Her clothes were suddenly baggy, her posture slumped, the skin under her eyes purpling with stress. "Do you think they're okay out there?" She didn't mean the group out in the yard burning bodies.
"Glenn will be fine." Grace's expression softened. "Rick does a good job keeping an eye on things. They'll watch each other's backs."
"Lori seemed..."
"She's always worried." Grace rolled her eyes. "She'll make herself sick the same way that Beth is if she keeps it up." And she'll lose the baby, she thought, but Grace couldn't add that. Somehow that was still a secret that had been closely kept. Hershel wouldn't tell his daughters that information even if Rick had used it to try and gain some leverage so they could stay on the farm a little longer.
The other woman looked sick to her stomach still and Grace found herself reaching across the bathroom and offering her open arms to her. Maggie collapsed against her shoulder whimpering, trying to fight back the tears. Her words were muffled but Grace could make out bits and pieces. "...glad they did it...right thing to do...shouldn't have left them...no way to be..."
T-Dog and Shane were sitting around the burning pile of bodies when Grace got there. The smell had died down a little, but the aroma of charred and rotted flesh still faintly hung in the air. She had to fight back covering her mouth, choosing instead to swallow down the bile at the back of her throat and take shallow breaths.
"Where's Daryl?" Grace questioned.
Shane shrugged but T-Dog stabbed the end of the pitchfork he was holding into the pile. "Off with his fucking brother."
"Merle causing trouble again?"
"Stirrin' up old shit is all." T-Dog rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't get to me still but it does."
"He doesn't mean it..." She started to defend Merle but was cut off with a grunt of disapproval.
"Oh he does," Shane butted in, "you should know that better than most of us, having to deal with him all these years. I'd figure you'd be the last one jumpin' in to protect Merle."
Grace found herself laughing at the truth in Shane's words. She'd seen Merle come down a lot from the wild man he'd once been. There wasn't as much venom behind anything he said, not so much bite to his words. "Where'd they go?" She couldn't be bothered to fight about Merle when there wouldn't be any defending him to Shane or T-Dog. They'd both formed their opinions and wouldn't be swayed by the little changes the older Dixon was making. They didn't have the connection that years of history brought. He was still a liability to them the same way that barn full of walkers was to the group.
The former sheriff's face narrowed into a glare. "At that ol' ruin where Merle was campin'. Not helpin' here."
That was an out and out attack. Grace found herself glaring back at Shane. "How many people does it take to watch a pile burn? You two seem to be handling it alright on your own. They're probably waiting for Glenn and Rick to get back so we can figure out if we're leaving or not."
"We ain't leavin' now!" Shane snapped.
Grace just rolled her eyes, "What's there to stay for here? They don't want us here and that's not our fault, is it? Someone had a hand in helping Hershel with that problem. I'd start watching yourself more closely, Shane. If you don't check that attitude, it won't be Merle you've got to complain about. We'll all have to ask you to leave."
Grace found Merle and Daryl sitting on the stone foundation checking their weapons just where Shane had said they would be. They were relaxed into a quiet rhythm, passing things between themselves and sharing a bottle of beer. Daryl was making arrows from a pile of long sticks he must have collected. Merle had his gun taken to pieces and spread out on a greasy towel. Grace didn't know anything about the weapon other than how to fire it and that it needed regular maintenance. It was reassuring to know that they were being taken care of even if she hadn't seen it happen before. She made a note to ask Daryl to show her what to do with the gun when they had a moment. Along with knowing how to shoot the thing, she should be able to clean it just in case anything did happen.
"Rick back yet?" Merle brought the bottle to his lips and leaned back.
"Not yet. It'll be dark soon though."
"His bitch came by 'bout an hour ago. Tried to get us to go lookin' for him. Tol' her Rick could handle hisself and to go make herself useful. What've ya been doin' all afternoon anyway? Still nursin' tha kid?"
"Beth," Grace offered and Daryl nodded.
"She's sick, Merle," Daryl rolled his eyes at his brother.
Merle gave his brother a crooked grin, "Shouldn't matter none ta us. She ain't our problem. Thought we were headin' out today. I want outta Satan's Bed and Breakfast."
Daryl gave his brother a dirty look and responded with exasperation. "Tol' ya, we'll figure things out when Rick gets back wit' tha Doc."
"Then can jus' meet us there!" Merle pointed out. "Them folk can drive jus' like we can. Plenty of cars."
"We'll figure it out when Rick gets back," Grace stubbornly agreed with Daryl. "I'm not leaving until this mess gets sorted out. I want Rick to talk with Shane before anything else goes wrong. And that's his place, not yours, Merle. So don't go getting any ideas!"
"Like I wanna talk ta 'Roid Rage. Nope, I'm jus' waitin' fer him ta fuck up an' get hisself killed so we don't gotta tiptoe through the tulips 'round him."
"Don't start trouble," she sighed. Merle was a lot of bark but his bite wasn't to be messed with either. If he started something with Shane, he'd finish it. Even if that meant one or both of them ending up seriously injured - maybe worse. "You coming into the house for dinner when it's done?"
"Guess so." Daryl gave a noncommittal roll of his shoulders.
"Ain't like we got food out here," his brother pointed out. "Jus' tell us when it's ready. Send the girl out when it's done if ya don't wanna come back out all this way yerself."
Grace sent a withering look in Merle's direction but he just grinned back. She snorted in response, already starting to walk away. "She's not carrier pigeon."
"Bird'd be a hell of a lot more useful. 'Least we could eat tha bird when it outstayed its welcome!"
Was it any wonder that Merle butted heads with most of the group when he talked the way he did? He might have settled down to mostly harmless teasing and only slightly offensive language but he still knew just the wrong thing to say at exactly the wrong time. Grace waited for the quiet "umph" and responding smack that meant Daryl had cuffed his brother and Merle had punched him back. She fought back the bubble of laughter as the two scuffled behind her, still very much like small children.
In the end, Grace did send Claire out to get the boys but only because she was helping Carol and Andrea set up the table. Patricia had finally stopped crying and seemed embarrassed by the scene she'd put on. Her and Maggie had been taking turns sitting with Beth and reading out loud from a rapidly dwindling stack of the teen's magazines. Her pulse wasn't so rapid anymore and since the IV had been put in she no longer seemed so pale. Grace was still waiting for the snap back to reality but the little blonde was probably on the mend.
Jimmy and Claire were both worried though and the others tried their best to keep them occupied with chores. It wouldn't do to have them getting over-excited and working Beth up in the process. When she was awake and stable, then they could visit. Until then it was regular updates and limited interaction with the other girl. Claire seemed to take it well enough, quietly accepting her new chores and completing them promptly. Jimmy on the other hand was sullen. He spent most of his time sulking and mucking out the stalls. It was safer keeping him in the barn where at least he couldn't sneak in without someone noticing them.
He was let back into the house for supper though and as they all began to gather, Carol looked around and noticed that Lori hadn't joined them.
"Have you seen Lori?" She asked to Andrea and Grace who were putting dishes on the table. "I don't want her to miss the meal."
"Back bedroom?" Andrea offered. That was the room where Carl had slept when he was too injured to move out of the house and his mom sometimes napped there during the day when she got tired or stressed out. "Maybe she fell asleep."
"Lori?" Carol started toward the hall but Maggie stopped her.
"She's not back there." Maggie had been keeping track of gathering everyone for dinner.
"What'd you mean she's not back there? Where is she?" There was a slightly frantic note in Carol's voice. "She asked me to watch Carl. I thought she must have been tired."
"She does lay down most afternoons." Andrea agreed.
"Crap!" Grace stood suddenly, "Has anyone seen her since this afternoon?"
"Carl?" Shane asked as if the boy was responsible for keeping track of his flighty mother.
Carol shook her head, "He's been with me and Sophia all afternoon. We haven't seen her."
"Well then where is she?" He retorted.
Grace found herself standing in front of Merle and Daryl who were both sitting awkwardly in the living room and waiting for dinner to start so they could go back outside. "What exactly did she say to you?"
Daryl's eyes went wide, "Somethin' 'bout goin' af'er Rick."
"Wanted us ta fetch him for her is more like it." Merle snorted at Lori's attempt to push the brothers around. "Like we was gonna go fer that."
Grace nodded but more to herself than Merle. Turning around to face the rest of the group, she crossed her arms. "She went after them."
"What?" Carol gasped, "No, that would be... Well it would be stupid."
Shane tossed his napkin down on the table. "Damn it!" He pushed his chair away from the table with the backs of his knees. "I'll go after her."
"Shane, wait!" Andrea protested but he was already gone, storming out of the house and grabbing the gun he'd left sitting beside the front door. Quickly the adults stood to follow him.
"Be back 'fore long." He called behind him, hopping into the Hyundai. The car flew out of the driveway before anyone could say anything to stop him.
"Well that was unexpected..." Dale shifted his weight as he stood on the porch.
"How did no one see her?" Andrea cast an accusing glare around the room.
"First of all, she probably didn't want to be seen." Grace started, only to be interrupted.
"And you were watching Carl!" She pointed at Carol. "When she didn't come see him, why didn't you ask around?"
"Prol'ly 'cause she's always leavin' her kid." Merle raised an eyebrow. "Stupid bitch wants to take off 'thout tellin' anyone, that ain't our business. Can we eat now?"
A small whine at the doorway alerted them to Carl listening in on their conversation. Claire stood nervously behind with Sophia.
"S'my mom out there?" The little boy questioned. Grace raised her eyebrows at Claire and the girl shrugged as if to say, "I tried to stop him."
"Shane'll get your mom back." Andrea offered up unhelpfully, talking down to the boy as if he didn't know what was wrong. As if he didn't realize just what could happen.
"She's probably dead. My dad too. I heard you talking." Angrily the boy rubbed at his eyes, the skin on his cheeks flushing.
"Carl," Grace stepped in between. What he needed no wasn't lies and false hope. He needed a harsh reality. "Shane's gone to try and find you mom. If he finds her, he'll bring her back. If for whatever reason they don't come back, look around." Widely she gestured to the room, the people in it. "We're family Carl. If something goes wrong, we're all here. Until then, I need you to be brave. We're going to go back into the dining room, sit down, and have dinner. So no worrying until we have proof that something went wrong. Do you understand me?"
Carl sniffed and stuck out his bottom lip but he nodded his head.
"Good, now come help me and Sophia carry the food out from the kitchen."
Carl worried all through dinner. It was easy to see from how he was fidgeting and fighting to keep from staring out the door that he wasn't comfortable with waiting for the return of his parents and Shane. It broke Grace's heart to watch his suffering. After everything that had happened to him already, what right did his mother have to leave her son without so much as a backward glance? Lori was acting selfish. Sure they would have tried to stop her if she had told them what she was doing but maybe someone could have gone out. It was a wonder that Carl didn't end up with abandonment issues with how often his parents took off on him.
That wasn't even taking the baby into account. She hadn't been running at peak performance, what with throwing up nearly everything she ate on top of the poor nutrition they were all already suffering. Any trouble she ran into had a good chance of being too much for her. Not taking backup was a stupid move and all the guns were supposed to be locked up with Dale. If Lori did have a firearm, she'd stolen it, but the idea of taking one probably didn't cross her mind. She may have taken one of the knives or maybe even a machete but it took a lot more strength to go through a skull than Grace had ever thought. Who knew if Lori would be able to wield a blade with enough effort to destroy the brain.
It made her think of Beth, lying there in her bedroom, unaware of the world around her. Her father god knows where. What was it with people and running away from their children. Didn't they realize just how precious family was? Just what they'd been given? The opportunity that the universe had provided for them in giving them this other life to care for? And yet they chose to run from it. To leave their children and continuously put themselves at risk.
Grace found herself pacing the sitting room as she waited for everyone else to finish dinner. Her stomach had been too upset to eat much. People missing. People gone out to find them. People abandoning their children. Hershel. Rick and Glenn. Lori. Shane.
Rick was one thing. He's gone with Glenn to try and fix Hershel's mistake. The bastard of an old man gone off to find liquor when his daughters needed him on the farm. It was his fault that they had to watch their friends and family rot away slowly for weeks on end, his fault they'd held on to false hope, his fault that they'd seen them gunned down en masse and now it was his fault that they were alone to deal with it.
"You're going to wear a hole through the floor," Carol smiled softly from where she'd curled up in an armchair in the corner of the room. "Come sit." She patted the sectional net to her, marking her book with a scrap of paper.
Had there been anyone else in the room, Grace wouldn't have liked that Carol so easily pointed out Grace's anxiety. They were alone in the room though and the offer seemed innocent enough. She sighed, complying with the request and flopping heavily into the worn fabric, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands finding her face.
"It's rough waiting, but they'll be alright." Carol didn't seem to realize that the mix of emotions Grace was feeling had little to do with waiting for the safe return of their group members and more to do with the people they'd left behind. "We'll figure out what we're going to do once they're back. I'm just hoping there's not a split about who stays and who leaves. I can't imagine us all not being together. After all we've been through..."
"After all we've been through, she should have known better!" Grace spat, letting her control slip for just a moment and allowing the venom in her stomach to ooze into her voice. "She should be here. They should both be here with their kids. With their families!" Suddenly she found herself fighting back angry tears. "How could they just walk away like that?"
Carol exhaled, her forehead creasing with concern. "I don't know. When Sophia-when you and Sophia-were gone all I could think about was finding her, what she was doing, had she eaten, where was she sleeping, was she safe, were you there to protect her, was she alone? It consumed me."
"Lori nearly lost Carl not a week ago."
"She's not handling it very well. One minute she's babying him and refusing to let him out of her sight, the next it's as if just looking at him reminds her of what she could have lost. I think she panicked that she could be losing Rick as well now. It hasn't been so long since he was dead to her."
That made Grace snort, "And her son's near death experience isn't important? He keeps losing his parents. That hurts. I can remember how much it gutted me to watch my mom dying of cancer. I was too young when my dad died but I still think about it sometimes. I can't even imagine what he's going through. He's old enough to know the risks but not really to understand. He's caught in the middle. He needs them still."
Carol ran a hand down Grace's back, rubbing slow circles to relieve the tension the other woman was carrying. "We just gotta be there for him."
"It shouldn't be us though. Lori should be here!"
"She not though," Carol's hand stopped. "You told that boy not to worry. You told him that we were family and we'd be there for him. Are you going back on that?"
"No," Grace clenched her jaw.
"Is it his fault what his parents do?"
"Never."
"Then don't take it out on him." Carol's stern look softened. "Maggie said you wanted her to read to Beth and she was going through some of the books in the library. Said there might be something for the kids to read if they got bored. Why don't you take the kids to find something to read before bed? It'll take your mind off of things and theirs."
Carol was right. After picking out a stack of books and carrying them out to Sophia and Carol's tent, they'd snuggled under the blankets to fight off the cold. They took turns passing the book between them. Carol even came in the read for a few pages before stepping back out of the tent to talk with Andrea. She had given Grace a pointed look that said they were all getting concerned over how late it was and how long Shane had been gone.
Grace had found herself dimming the light as Sophia and Carl both slowly started to drift off. She kept reading, even as their eyes closed and the two children sunk deeper into their sleeping bags. There hadn't been talk of where Carl was sleeping if his parents didn't return but by the looks of things he'd be staying in the tent rather than the house tonight. They looked far too comfortable to move. Sophia had her doll wrapped up in her arms and Carl had stolen the extra pillows to curl around. His mouth twitched in his sleep, forming a quick grimace before the tiny wrinkles smoothed out again.
Even as the children slept, she kept reading. Bookmarking where they had left off and she focused harder on the words, which were starting to swim before her eyes. She yawned, flipping the page once again, trying to stay awake. Grace was tired. After everything that happened today she wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for a week, preferably somewhere well secured.
Outside the tent, quiet footsteps and the whisper of fabric rubbing together broke through the rhythmic breathing of the children. The tent zipped rasped loudly and Grace's hand shot out for the gun she'd left resting on the foam bedroll beside her. From where she was laying on her stomach, it was easy to see the tent flap and Grace pulled the gun closer just in case.
The moment the ruffled hair poked through the door though, she relaxed. "Hey." Grace smiled softly at Daryl.
"'ey," he grunted back, squinting at the sleeping kids. "They out?"
"Yeah, I've just been reading. Might go to bed soon."
"Lori's back. An' Shane." Daryl chewed on his thumb, staring hard at the children with a mixed expression that Grace couldn't quite read.
"I'll come out and see them then. We'll leave these two to sleep," she stretched, closing the book and wrapping her blanket around her shoulders a little tighter. As Grace stood and stepped out of the tent, Daryl held the flap for her. He kept watching her as he closed the tent, straightening up only to stare down at her, his eyes slits, his jaw clenched.
"What?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Nothin'," Daryl stretched out his hand and brushed her hair behind her ear. His lips quirked up in a genuine attempt at a smile. "Jus' glad ya ain't stupid."
"Oh that's nice to hear," She half-laughed.
"Ya know what I mean," He frowned, the rough pad of his thumb catching on her cheek. "Jus' happy ya are who ya are, ya know?"
"I know," she responded, reaching up the cover the fingers stroking her skin with her own. Grace rubbed her cheek against his palm and smiled at him. Leaning her head up, she subtly hinted and Daryl gave her a quick kiss in response. He sighed and rested his forehead against hers. Grace found her eyes closed as she just breathed in the smell of wood and cigarette smoke, enjoying Daryl. "I love you." She tested, breathing it out softly. The words were still so raw and new that she wasn't sure how Daryl would take them.
He grunted, leaning to catch her mouth again, tongue licking her lips then retreating. "Mmmm." He mumbled against her, pulling her into him and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "We should go. Ya can get some sleep then."
"Come to bed with me?" She asked, snuggling into his shirt as they turned toward the driveway. "Please?" It was sort of a low dig to pout but she found herself wanting comfort. There were still three of their group out there and who knew what condition Lori and Shane were in.
"Can't," Daryl shook his head quickly, "Got watch. I'll come in af'er. Prol'ly wake ya up when I get inta the truck."
"Probably. Wake me up if I don't though? That way I know you're alright."
He nodded, pressing his face against this side of her head. "Love ya too, huh?"
"I know," She smiled, leaning into him a little harder.
