A/N Thanks to Willow for the beta!


Chapter 12

After the feast, Deirdre had to help a drunken Robb up the stairs. She excused the guards and left Grey Wind outside the door.

"How did I end up with such a beautiful wife?" Robb asked, attempting to kiss her as she tried unsuccessfully to get him to sit on the bed so she could remove his boots. "Oh yes, I remember. The king gave you to me to protect your honor." He chuckled. "Kind of humorous if you think about it. How many women did he bed while he was here? And yet, he was protecting your honor. If only he knew the very dishonorable things I wanted to do to you from the moment I first saw you. I know… I know, it's wrong to admit, but I would have taken you before him, the damn Kingslayer, and certain death just to be with you."

"Robb, you're drunk." She smiled, pushing him backwards on the bed.

"I am. I'm so very drunk," he laughed loudly. "I haven't been this drunk since Jon, Theon, and I were drunk last autumn festival. Theon invited some women from Wintertown to come drink with us. He took one of them in the loft, leaving Jon and me with the other three, who took turns kissing us."

Deirdre smiled as she listened to him reminiscing. She had finally gotten his boots off, and began removing the rest of his clothes, with very little help from him.

"One of them, her name was Anne, and she was a sweet girl who eventually cried that she loved Jon with all her heart and asked him to run away with her so they could be married. I've never seen Jon look more terrified in his life," Robb continued with a laugh. "So he went inside, leaving me with three women, one of them utterly broken-hearted and weeping that she'd never love another. Theon returned and took Anne to the loft and from what I understand she loved another that very night. But that still left me with two women and we all had had too much wine and ale."

She watched him for a moment before prompting him, "And yet you were honorable, unlike Theon…"

"I wasn't honorable," he said, sitting up. "I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. So I told them both that I was saving myself for a golden-haired, green-eyed woman who had crept into my dreams many nights before. Then when I first saw you in Winterfell, I knew that you were the one from my dreams."

"You truly dreamt of me?" she asked. "Why have you never told me before?"

"Because eventually the dreams changed, and I grew afraid of them. I dreamt of you and you loved me, but you were at the Wall and I was far away. I was trying to come back to you. And Jon was with you, always by your side," Robb grew solemn, his eyes studying her as he traced her lips with his fingertips. "But between us is always a river of blood that has washed away everyone, washed away Winterfell, and it's preventing me from finding you. There is always snow and blood and fire. Always."

So entranced with what he was telling her, Deirdre didn't even noticed how tightly Robb gripped her arm until a slight pain made her glance down at his fingers digging into her flesh. Quickly, he released her. Her gaze returning to his face, she was struck by how upsetting by the dream was.

"Robb, it was only a dream," she said. "We're here together, at Winterfell. It was just a dream."

"Is it? I dreamt you would come to Winterfell, and you did. I dreamt you would once love Jon, and you did. I dreamt he was at the Wall, and he is, and I dreamt that I loved you so much that I would crawl through pain and blood to get back to you, and I would," his voice was full of fear now and she too felt afraid. "And the river of blood has already begun… Bran, my mother…"

Deirdre shook her head in confusion and Robb's eyes glistened with tears. "They told me to guard myself, because I lay with a lion. I've tried to not love you, but then I feel dead inside. It's not worth it. I'd rather live by your side for only a day and have you devour me than live any longer without you." His lips crushed against hers and he stole her breath away. His hands clutched her tightly to him like he feared she'd try to escape his grasp. And she felt his fear and his love mingling together, until she too felt afraid.

Then he made love to her so hungrily and demandingly it drove her to new extremes of pleasure, forcing cries from her that most likely could be heard throughout Winterfell, but neither of them cared. When he fell back on the bed in exhaustion, she boldly took him in return and elicited screams of delight from him, too. They marked each other with teeth and nails, taking and giving equally. And then they kissed away the sting from their wounds before making love gently, lovingly.

"Robb," Deirdre said, nuzzling her face in his sweat-dampened neck. "Please don't be distant from me anymore. I cannot bear it."

"Never again," he promised. "I never meant to hurt you. I love you and the thought that I did hurt you fills me with so much shame and guilt. I know I'm not Jon, I'll never be…"

"No, you won't ever be him. But I don't want you to be." She shook her head, propping up on one arm so she could look at him. "Because I've grown to love you, Robb. I love your passion, your loyalty and your openness. I love the way you love me, and the way you love your people and family." Robb didn't answer, merely continued to hold her gaze. "I love you, my beautiful young wolf."

Her feelings for Jon seemed so incomplete and young, compared to her love for Robb. She loved Jon for awakening her heart and for the love that he had given her. Robb had quickly surpassed all of that and become everything to her.

A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as Robb leaned over to capture her lips in a kiss, and he didn't let her out of his arms for the rest of the night.

xOxOx

At dawn, Robb woke alone to a cold bed. His head throbbed, and he felt ill. He noticed all the bite marks and bruises on him as he dressed, and smirked. His wife was more passionate than he ever thought possible considering her sweet nature outside their bed. And she loved him now. Some of their discussion from last night was foggy, but he remembered her confessions of love with a smile. Sending a servant to look for Deirdre, Robb met with Maester Luwin to review household budgets. Theon joined them later, sitting with his feet propped up on a table, doing little more than distracting them with his complaining.

"If we need to take from the stores, then it must be done, Maester Luwin," Robb said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He had grown tired of the seemingly endless and trivial matters that he had had to deal with daily since his father and his mother had left. He knew part of it was his own fault because he hesitated in trusting others to handle things for him and insisted on overseeing everything. Even Maester Luwin encouraged him to loosen the reins and trust others to do their duties. But Robb needed to reassure himself that he was capable of handling all the responsibility of Winterfell. "I noticed that the new gelding is limping. Talk to… what is the boy's name?"

"Aric?" Theon asked then his brow furrowed. "No, I think Aric is his brother from the kitchens."

"My lord, you're exhausted and have been at this all day. You need a brief respite, or even a longer rest. Let's postpone all of this until tomorrow. You could spend some time with Bran and Rickon. Or your wife, before she forgets what you look like in the daylight," Maester Luwin insisted.

"I know I need my rest," Theon said, as he stood and stretched. "And I wasn't up as early as you."

"I'll be fine. Hand me the accounts…" Robb stopped when the double doors flew open and Deirdre rushed in, completely enraged.

"How could you not tell me the truth last night? Why did I have to overhear it from the guards?" she accused, ignoring Theon and Maester Luwin, who both watched her like she had lost her senses. "Didn't you trust me?"

Robb stood as she reached the table.

"Did you just think I never noticed how your mother suddenly treated me like she feared I'd slit your throat in the night? Or did you think that I'd never wonder why I suddenly have a guard all the time? Why I'm no longer allowed to be alone with Rickon?"

"Calm down," Robb began, but when she looked as if she might hit him, he grew irritated that she couldn't see things from his side. "How was she supposed to trust you? Someone in your family tried to kill my brother twice. I defended you, I said I didn't think you'd ever do anything to hurt Bran, but you're a Lannister and an outsider to her. Do you think I liked it anymore than you; the fact my wife's family tried to murder my brother and crippled him forever?"

"You didn't think I'd do anything to hurt Bran? You didn't think? How could you not know?" Deirdre face was a mixture of shock, anger, and so much pain that Robb felt like a knife had cut into his heart.

"Robb is trying to protect his family," Theon interjected before Deirdre glared him into silence.

"His family?" Deirdre laughed coldly. "The family I thought I was part of? But I'm just an outsider, aren't I? Much like you, Theon, but yet, I don't see you being guarded."

Her anger seemed to fade as her pain became harder to hide. "If you love me, you have should know I would never do anything to harm your family," she replied, tears rolling down her face now as her yelling was punctuate by choked back sobs. "You'd know that I could never, ever, hurt an innocent child. Some members of my family would kill me if it pleased them, but apparently you think I'm just like them. And all your words of love… how could you love such a monster?"

Robb looked down, unable to face her. She was right. He did know she'd never hurt Bran. As much as he tried to be wary around her, as much as his mother had insisted she could be dangerous, his heart had always told him she wasn't capable of hurting anyone he loved.

Deirdre backed away from the table a few steps, shaking her head in disbelief, and he glanced up, knowing he should say something, anything to comfort her, but shame made him silent. But when he said nothing, she turned and ran from the room.

After she left the three men were silent for a moment, and the room felt as if her sobs and accusations lingered in the room. At last, Maester Luwin glanced at Robb and sighed. "I understand why your mother doubted her, though I never agreed with it. She barely knows your wife, having spent all her time with Bran. Deirdre's shown nothing but gentle kindness and love to everyone here, especially Rickon. Your mother forcing you to keep Deirdre from Rickon was as cruel to him as it was unfair to her."

"I know." Robb put his hands on the table for a moment before pent up anger caused him to scatter everything on it to the floor. His hands clenched into fists and he felt sick. He was such a fool. He should have done everything in his power to convince his mother that Deirdre would never do those things, and, if she hadn't believed him, he should have stood up to her and done what was right anyway. He'd been so focused on taking care of his duties to Winterfell, he'd forgotten his duties to his wife.

Theon and Maester Luwin watched him quietly as he sat down with a sigh. He'd wait until she calmed down and try to make amends. He picked up some of the ledgers off the floor and tried to reorganize them, focusing on the menial task to distract his mind from his overwhelming guilt.

"My lord," a boy from the stables rushed in a few minutes later. "Your wife rode out of the hunter's gate. We tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to us."

"Saddle our horses," Robb ordered the boy, and stood. "Theon, go to our chambers and get something of hers and bring me my cloak."

As Theon rushed out of the room, Maester Luwin followed Robb, asking, "My lord, do you need them to bring the hounds to track her?"

"Grey Wind, to me," Robb called shortly to his wolf, who fell in line behind him. "No, Grey Wind can find her faster than hounds, and offer her protection until we reach her. Maester Luwin, watch after Bran and Rickon until we return. I'm taking ten men with me."

"She couldn't have gone far, my lord. She doesn't know these lands."

"Which is exactly what worries me most." Robb stopped and looked at the maester. "Her getting lost is far more dangerous to her than one of us. She won't be cautious, nor will she notice the sounds of anyone approaching her. We know what lives in these woods. She doesn't."

Theon returned with Robb's cloak and gloves, as well as one of Deirdre's cloaks and gloves. "Her handmaiden said she had no cloak."

"Gods, what is she thinking?!" Robb exclaimed, rushing to the stable. As he passed Bran and Hodor, Robb called out to them, "Bran, I'll be back shortly."

"Robb, take Summer with you," Bran replied. "He can help you find Deirdre."

"I hope she doesn't run into any wildlings. I don't suppose she's armed, is she?" Theon asked under his breath.

"Doubtful. She doesn't even have her cloak. And she's not supposed to leave the outer castle walls. It wouldn't occur to her how dangerous it was." Robb vowed that when he brought her back to Winterfell, he'd teach her to defend herself, and tell her the dangers of what was outside their walls. As they left the castle, Robb saw the snow falling quietly- a silent but deadly risk to her, if they didn't find her soon. "We have to find her before she freezes out here. Or worse."

"My lords." The boy brought their horses to them and added, "She was headed toward the Wolfswood."

Robb led the party out the hunter's gate. Both Grey Wind and Summer took off before them. The men split into two groups as the snow began falling harder. It wasn't long before Robb grew impatient and worried enough to split his party into two smaller groups, in the hopes of covering more ground.

The snow had been falling for an hour, and a thick blanket covered the ground when he heard the direwolves howling. He broke into a gallop, racing through the trees after the sound. At last, he saw Deirdre and breathed a deep sigh of relief and released the hard grip he'd had on the reins. Her horse, Flame Dancer, danced about as the wolves frightened him.

"Grey Wind, Summer, back! Go!" Deirdre yelled at them both, trying to regain control of the horse.

Robb couldn't help smiling, but he quickly stopped when she turned around and saw him. "Get these damned beasts away from me."

"Grey Wind, Summer, to me," he commanded. When the wolves obeyed, she sent him a deadly glare, as he dismounted to come and calm her horse.

"I don't want your help," she snapped, but he ignored her; not letting her stubbornness endanger her further. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, and he rested his hand on her leg.

"I don't want to talk to you," she replied, turning away from him.

"Fine, but you need to come back to Winterfell now. It's too dangerous out here and you're obviously freezing."

The other men rode up, and Robb got her cloak from Theon. Handing it up to her, he told the others to ride on without them. Deirdre had lowered her face from them, clearly embarrassed, while she put on the cloak. After the men departed, Robb looked up at her, but Deirdre refused to give him the satisfaction of even glancing his way. He'd never seen her so angry and hurt.

"I know I deserve your anger. You're not capable of doing anything to harm Bran," he continued calmly, but she dug her heels into the horse's side, taking off after the men.

Robb sighed deeply, and mounted his own horse to follow her. She rode like she was being chased, much too fast for the wooded areas with snow-covered, uneven, unfamiliar ground. The horse could easily falter and break a leg, if he could not determine the depth of the snow. The harder he rode to catch up to her, the faster she went. When she burst out of the woods, Robb shouted Theon's name angrily, since Deirdre had already put too much distance between himself and her. Theon turned back to try to stop her, but Deirdre could easily outride Theon. Seeing she was indeed returning to Winterfell, Theon reined in his horse to wait for Robb.

"She's a wild one when she's angry, isn't she? Truly a Lannister. I think you might 'hear her roar' any minute now," Theon laughed, but Robb was not in the mood for teasing. Now he was furious at her for being so careless.

When they reached the stables, Deirdre attempted to walk by him without acknowledging his presence, but Robb jumped off his horse in front of her. He grabbed her by her arm and tried to lead her inside so he could talk to her about her reckless behavior, but she jerked away from him twice, deliberately going in another direction. Robb had enough. Walking to her, he picked her up and flung her over his shoulder, carrying her into the castle, and ignoring the men staring and laughing at them and her yelled threats. He marched upstairs to their chambers, before he flung her down on the bed.

"I understand you're angry, but you will listen to me. I won't tolerate you putting yourself or anyone else in danger again out of spite. I have too much to worry about without thinking my wife will throw a temper tantrum and put herself, her horse, or anyone else in danger," Robb yelled. "Now calm down and listen to me."

"There is nothing you could say that I want to hear now that I know how you truly feel about me." Deirdre sat up and made for the door.

Robb blocked her way but didn't put his hands on her, not yet. He knew she ached to strike out at him, and he wouldn't do anything to add to anger or make her fear him. "You need to understand that the Lannisters were guests in our home and they tried to kill my brother. When they couldn't, then they sent someone else to kill him. If Summer hadn't stopped him, he would have killed Bran and my mother, and two people died in the fire he set to distract us. We all felt betrayed, my mother more so anyone. But it is my fault for not convincing her that you are nothing like your cousins."

Her jaw tightened, and she wouldn't meet his eyes, so he continued, "In my heart, I always knew you would never do those things, but at the same time, I tried to honor my mother's wishes. But I'm at fault for not convincing her. She left for King's Landing so soon after the attack, I barely had time to convince her. Once she was gone, I should have been honest with you. For that, I'm sorry. The guard was watching you because the night you came running outside to the Godswood and wouldn't tell me why. I was concerned about your safety."

"Each night you'd climb into our bed, and turn away from me. So, at least part of you doubted me," she replied quietly.

"No," he insisted, finally grabbing her shoulders and turning her to look at him. "I was exhausted every night, from my duties and from worrying. Then you didn't seem to want me to touch you. There were nights when I'd watch you sleep and want to wake you. My body ached for you, and our bed felt so cold, but I didn't know how to tell you about your cousins' attempts on Bran. My mother even speaking of such things about the queen would be considered treason."

"Last night you had a chance to tell me everything and, yet you didn't."

Robb dropped his hands by his side. He wanted to drag her into his arms and hold her tightly, but she was too angry now.

"May I go now, my lord?" she asked, her tone the same as she used when speaking to her cousin Prince Joffrey – courteous, yet cold and distant. It was like a slap in the face that she treated him so formally.

"Yes. I want you to stay, but I won't force you. However, do not leave Winterfell again without an escort," he replied, sitting down on the bed.

Deirdre left the room without another word and Robb fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wondered how long she'd be angry with him, but he knew he deserved it. At least she hadn't gone for the jugular and tell him Jon would have believed her. She wasn't vicious and cruel like she could have been.

She didn't come down for supper. Robb knew from her handmaid that she'd gone into her chambers after their fight and hadn't left it since. Robb had the guards removed as proof of his trust, but he knew it was too little, too late. He tried to focus on his duties, but his mind was with her, making him irrational and short-tempered with everyone. He drank some wine after he'd managed to chase away everyone, including Theon, with his foul mood. In the early morning hours, he climbed the stairs wearily to his chambers. He was surprised when he opened the door to find it still softly lit.

Deirdre had been crying so much that her eyes were red and swollen, but what bothered him more was the raw pain in them. In a few strides he was by her side, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. She stiffened at first, but didn't attempt to push him away. Eventually, she clung to him as well as he heard her sobbing.

"Forgive me," he whispered over and over again. And she nodded, holding him tighter.

"Robb," she whispered and he pulled back, cradling her face in his hands. "I'm sorry: for my cousins, for earlier. I was so angry and I wanted to hurt you, but I acted like a child. I don't want to go on fighting. I've missed you so much these last weeks."

"Don't apologize for your cousins. They aren't your fault," he murmured against her lips. "I promise I will never keep something so important from you ever again. But you must promise me that when you're angry with me, you won't endanger yourself."

Deirdre promised him, sealing it with a kiss and murmured, "I love you so much, it hurt me that you could ever doubt me. I don't care what anyone else thinks of me, but you."

"I'm a fool. I love you more than I can ever explain." Robb lay down beside her and just held and kissed her for hours.