Chapter 12:
"Is everyone alright?" asked Yamato.
Sakura was looking over Shikamaru when she answered. "I'm alright. Shikamaru seems to be doing ok. There's some damage to his right leg but other than that all he needs is rest."
Yamato look around. "Where is Sai? Neji, he was with you, wasn't he?"
Neji flinched. "He was, but..."
"But what?"
"But when I saw you guys in trouble, I told him I wanted to help. He started to follow me, then he said he would stay behind. I went to help you on my own."
"So he was left alone?"
"... Sorry."
Ino looked around with concern. "He could have been captured by the enemy."
"And where is Naruto? What happened to him?" asked Kiba.
"I'm pretty sure he went after Kakashi," answered Shikamaru. "We should look for him."
Sakura switched places with Ino and went off to search for her teammate. She knew Naruto had to be fighting Kakashi. For him, it was personal. She knew how he felt. Seeing her sensei fighting alongside with the enemy was difficult to swallow and they still had no idea why he was doing this.
Sakura gripped her arm and went deeper into the woods.
In the thicket, she found him laying on his back, alone. "Naruto!" She hurried over to see if he was still breathing. Naruto was still alive but he was wounded in several areas. Sakura immediately started treatment.
Naruto moaned, turning his head slightly to one side. "Sakura..?"
"Don't move. I have to heal this right away."
Against her orders, Naruto sat straight up. "Where's Kakashi-sensei?"
"I said don't move!" Sakura then grew sad and said softly, "I don't know. When I got here, all I saw was you. He must have left with the rest of the group. They all ran off after the fight."
Naruto lowered his head without a word.
"Have you seen Sai? We're looking for him."
"Is he hurt?"
"We don't know."
Naruto started to stand up, his mind now on Sai. "I didn't see him. We have to look for him. He could be lost and scared somewhere."
"Let me heal you first. These are deep cuts on your arms."
"I'm fine. I heal fast."
"You're not fine and I don't care how fast you heal! You're hurt!"
The compromise was for Naruto to search for Sai while Sakura healed Naruto on the move. It was difficult for her to do it this way but still possible. The group joined them in the search.
Eventually, they found Sai hiding behind a tree with his knees tucked to his chest. When Naruto called out to him, he jumped. As soon as he saw who it was, tears started to roll down his cheeks.
"Hey..." Sakura said gently. "Hey... What's wrong? Are you ok?"
Sai sniffled. "No... Not really..."
"What's the matter? What's wrong?" Sakura spoke to him as if he were a frightened child.
Sai sniffled and looked at her and Naruto with teary eyes. "When the fight happened, Neji and I ran off into the woods like you told us to do. But when he saw you guys in trouble, he said he wanted to help. I tried to follow him but when I saw more of the fights going on, I got scared and told him I wanted to stay behind and hide."
"I see. So you got scared." Sakura had a feeling seeing such an intense battle would be shocking to someone like Sai who was actually pretty docile. Hand-to-hand combat was one thing, but seeing powerful jutsu being unleashed like that must have been pretty frightening. Even Sakura felt a little intimidated by some of the jutsu she witnessed.
Sai sniffled again. "Yeah. I got scared."
"I see. So that's why you're crying."
He shook his head. "No. That's not why I'm crying."
Sakura was a little surprised by his response. "Oh? Then why?"
Sai sniffled again and another tear rolled down his face. "Because Neji... He wanted to help and he went in to help fight and I stayed behind. I got scared. I didn't know what to do."
Ino and Yamato spotted Sai and were about to call out to them when Sakura put a finger to her lips. They stood where they were and listened.
"I don't get it," Sakura said quietly. "Why are you crying? You said it wasn't because you were scared. Then why?"
"Because..." Sai almost started crying all over again. "Because I want to help fight and I can't!"
Sakura didn't know what to say.
"Yes, I'm scared and that's only a part of why I feel so bad. I'm not crying because I'm scared. It's because I saw what they could do and even though I'm scared, I still want to fight only I can't. I don't remember how! Naruto showed me some moves but I can see that it isn't enough. Not against people who can do those things. He told me I could do it before but I don't remember how and he said he can't teach me because it's something only I know how to do. And... And... And I can't remember how no matter how hard I try!"
Sai wept into his knees while the others watched in silence.
"I want to fight like myself again. I want to be me again. I can tell this isn't how I normally am because of the way you're all looking at me. I can tell... But I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be." Sai wiped his tears again. "When Naruto told me I had done something I normally do without thinking about it, I got so happy. I felt like I was a little bit of who I really am because I had done something normal without thinking about it. Without wondering if it was something I would do or anything like that."
Sai really, truly wanted to know who he was and be himself again.
"I'm crying because I want to know how I was before and how to fight like my normal self. I know I can do things because of what you guys have told me... But if I don't remember..."
He was crying from the despair of not knowing who he really was when it mattered most. Of knowing he was capable of helping them fight but being unable to recall any of it. Of wanting to help and being unable to do so in order to help his friends. Of knowing he was scared and not knowing how he normally handled it. There was so much he wanted to know and so much he knew he could do but had no idea what it was or how he did it. It was the stress that was causing him to cry. He wanted to help them but knew he would only get in the way in his current condition.
Sakura knew Sai didn't remember any of his ninja training. If he had, he wouldn't be crying like this. One of the things they were taught was how to not show emotion and to not let it interfere with the mission at hand. Sakura knew herself how difficult it was not to show emotion. It was almost impossible, for some more than others. Seeing Sai crying right now proved to her that he truly didn't remember any of his training. In a way, she was glad to see Sai show some shred of human emotion. Now she could see how he was truly feeling inside.
He was sad so he was crying. It was a good way to vent. Tears could actually be very cleansing. However, Sakura didn't want to see him cry like this. She wanted him to remember who he was, too. Even Sai, without his memories, knew this wasn't who he really was. He wanted to feel like himself again.
"Excellent work," said their boss, Seigi. "Testing their abilities is going quite well. But I think we've seen about enough. So far, there's no one worth keeping alive."
As a collector or rare jutsu, Seigi would often test a ninja's ability before killing them, just in case he had use of them. Every ninja who served him so far had rare or unique abilities which he highly prized.
"There was one man who possessed a rare type of jutsu," said Hebi. "He could use the wood-style. I have never seen it before and thought you might be interested to know of his jutsu."
"I have to say, that is interesting, but I'm not sure I want such a ninja. I would like to know more of his powers, but if he produces nothing special other than what you've seen, waste him."
"Yes, sir."
"Boss, sir," said Suzume. "There was a female who did not display much power. Either she is weak or she is holding back. A girl with long blond hair. And there are these two boys. Whenever a battle ensues, they run and hide, but they're clearly ninja."
Seigi sat back in his chair, thoughtfully. "Hmm. That is interesting. If they are indeed ninja, then they should be fighting. What else can you tell me about them?"
"The group seems to be protective of them. We have not yet seen what they can do. Their powers are unknown."
"Hm. That's something worth looking into," said Seigi. "If they are weak, why would they have brought along on such a mission, knowing what they were getting into? They might be protecting them because they're weak, but that might not be the case. They might be holding back their powers and need this group to look after them."
"What should we do with them, boss? If they possess great power, should we keep them alive and bring them to you? Or should we get rid of them along with the others?"
Seigi gave his hand a small wave and crossed his legs. "If you have an opening, kill them both. I see no reason to keep them alive if they refuse to show their power. They might refuse if you brought them back here to me. And they might not be very strong at all. If that's the case, then what's the point? I see no reason to keep them alive."
The ninja nodded. "Consider it done, sir."
"Excellent. Resume the attack at dawn. Take them down. But feel free to have some fun as well. Chances are the Leaf will send stronger ninja after them so you'll need to be more cautious with the next group the send. These ones are weak compared to those who will follow. I doubt the Leaf would send its strongest first on such a mission."
The group was dismissed and they all went down the long corridor together. They did not want to mention to their boss that these ninja was actually pretty strong. Not because they were afraid of getting a beating but because their boss already knew. He must have been aware that these ninja were no pushovers but wanted them to take down these ninja without complaining like a bunch of children. This was to toughen them up and prepare them for things to come.
"Next time, don't let your guard down, Yari."
"I did not-"
"Yeah, right! Could have fooled me with your eyes rolling back in your head like that. You were knocked out."
"Couldn't even take on a couple of girls."
Yari grabbed one of his teammates and pinned him against the wall. "Want to run that by me again? Huh?!"
"Take it easy, man!"
"Don't tell me to take it easy! You're all ganging up on me like I'm the loser. Where was Kakashi during all this? He ran off in the middle of the fight."
"But look at his clothes, man. He's covered in blood and everything else. Clearly he was fighting somebody. He didn't do that to himself."
"They were short a couple of ninja so Kakashi must have been fighting them."
"True. And it's not like Kakashi to run off and leave us to do all the work ourselves. He always wants in on it."
While they talked, Kakashi remained silent.
"Ah, who cares? I'm getting a snack and going to bed."
"Me, too."
"I'm skipping that and going to bed."
"Same here. 'Night."
Kakashi hung back and watched the group walk away from him. He turned and started to walk down a different hallway towards his bedroom.
"Kakashi?"
He looked up.
"Doing ok?" asked Shizuka.
Kakashi sighed. "It's fine."
"Are you?" When Kakashi didn't answer, he pressed a little harder. "Tell me, Kakashi. What's wrong?"
Kakashi clenched his fists. "It's... that boy."
"Boy? Oh, the one with blond hair you mentioned before? What about him?"
Kakashi lost his temper and snapped, "I had him! We fought in the woods and he went down. I had him and I didn't do him in!"
Shizuka didn't judge or criticize. He listened.
"He was on the ground ad I had the weapon in my hand, but I..." Kakashi growled at himself. "I didn't kill him. I could have but I didn't."
He was so upset with himself. He would never hesitate. He could always do it before. Nothing ever stopped him except for a direct order from his boss.
"I don't understand why I didn't do it. Why did I stop?"
Kakashi felt like grabbing his boss's whip and lashing out at whatever stopped him. He wanted to turn that weapon on himself and teach himself a lesson. He was so angry, he seriously considered doing just that. He wanted to beat that weakness out of himself. He was so ashamed and angry.
"Am I going soft?" he asked himself aloud.
"You? Ha!" Shizuka snorted. "Please. You're not going soft. Not you."
"Then why didn't I do it? Why didn't I kill that boy? Why did I stop?"
Shizuka saw the rage and self-loathing in Kakashi's eye. He was truly upset. More upset than Shizuka had ever seen him be before.
"Kakashi... I don't think you're getting soft. Far from it. You probably didn't go through with it because the kid couldn't fight back. It was too easy. If I know anything about you, you like a challenge. A boy laying on the group unable to move is not a challenge. That's why you stopped."
He hadn't considered that. Kakashi thought he had a moment of weakness, but it was actually pride that stopped him. He couldn't kill someone who couldn't fight back. He wanted a real fight and a real victory. Killing a boy on his back with his eyes never seeing it coming was too easy. It was a disgrace. The others might even make fun of him for it, but that wasn't want matter most to Kakashi. It was his own pride. If he was going to kill anyone, he wanted them to see it coming.
He felt better now. He wasn't getting soft. It was just pride.
Shizuka put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "Feeling better... Crybaby Kakashi?"
Kakashi punched him.
Yamato lowered Shikamaru to the ground, carrying him inside the wooden fortress he created. Shikamaru still needed to heal from his injuries, but it was his chakra that he was more worried about. He had used so much it would take a while for him to recover. He knew he had used his jutsu too much, but he didn't want to use it once or twice and hope he got lucky. He wanted to capture the enemy but now they were wise to his technique so he had to be careful and come up with a new strategy.
"They fled again," said Sakura as the group sat down to rest. "You think it's because they had been weakened or was it because they had gathered enough information to bring back to their boss? Shikamaru already said that these guys were testing our abilities and learning what we could do so they could counter it. Now that they know what we can do..."
"We also have to worry about Sai and Neji. The enemy seems to be aware that they're not fighting at the same level as an experienced ninja and that we've been protecting them," said Yamato. "I'm concerned that the enemy will either see them as easy targets or that they're holding back great power they don't want the enemy to see. In either case, the enemy is going to target them first."
"Yeah..." Sakura looked over at Sai who kept his back to everyone. He was laying curled up on the floor. He seemed embarrassed about letting the group see him cry openly like that, but also ashamed at his own weakness. Sakura felt sorry for him.
Sai knew he wasn't who he was before and wanted to be.
Sai just wasn't Sai without his memories.
"We need a new plan. We have to find their hideout as quickly as possible, but those who would have made doing that a lot easier are... well..." Yamato glanced over at Neji and Sai.
Neji's Byakugan would have made it a breeze and Sai could have used his drawings to search high and low for the hideout. Neither of them could do that now so they had to rely solely on Kiba and Akamaru, but tracking down a hideout by scent alone would not be easy. They were tracking Kakashi's scent but if Kakashi wasn't at the hideout, then the plan would not work the way they wanted it to.
For several long minutes, they brainstormed new ideas and theories. They had to come up with a new plan and a plan if the first one didn't work out and then another plan after that.
While they talked, Sai looked at the books he had brought with him on this adventure. Though he read every word, he did not retain any of the information. He just couldn't focus.
Then he found another book. The one Naruto rescued for him during one of the attacks. Naruto said this was Sai's picture book and it meant a lot to him. Sai didn't know why, but he wanted to find out. He picked up the book and opened it to the first page.
On that page was a drawing that looked a lot like him facing a large beast with a weapon. Sai turned the page and saw another drawing of himself facing a different beast, but in this drawing, he was carrying the weapon the previous beast had carried. The next page was the same and the one after that. He kept getting upgrades each time he faced a new foe. He flipped to the last page but he wasn't in this picture. Someone else was facing a different beast. The page before that one had the same different person facing a new foe with the previous foe's weapon.
Two boys at opposite ends of the book facing foes and gaining their weapons. It seemed they were defeating all these foes and taking their weapons as a prize. What an interesting idea. He thought it was clever. Did he draw this? He must have been talented. Sai felt proud, knowing that he was capable of such a thing.
He just had one question: Who was the second boy in this picture book?
If he was the drawing on the one side of the book, then who was the other drawing of? Who was this boy?
Sai closed the book, then opened it again. Right in the middle, where the book naturally opened.
"Hm?"
This page was very different from the others. This one had only the two boys, but in this page, there were no weapons and no foes. Instead, on the page they were standing side by side, holding hands.
What a nice picture. Sai's heart felt lighter just looking at it. He liked it.
The boys were friends. They cared about each other. They were not enemies.
One was Sai and the other was...
Who was he? Who was this person Sai cared about? Who was not an enemy? Who seemed to feel the same way about him?
Should he ask or try to figure this out on his own?
Sai looked around and realized that the meeting had already ended and everyone was starting to go to sleep for the night. Naruto was starting to lie down nearby. Sai crawled over to him.
"Naruto?"
"Yeah, Sai?"
Surely he would know.
Sai held up the book, showing Naruto the page in the middle. "Who is this?" he asked, pointing to the boy on the left page.
Naruto looked. He remembered when Sai drew this in front of him when they were looking for Sasuke together.
"That's your brother."
"My brother?" That's right. Naruto mentioned that he had a brother. So this was him? Sai turned the book around to stare at the page. "My brother..."
"Yeah." Naruto sat next to Sai and pointed. "You drew this in front of me a little while ago. We were on our first mission together. You said you wanted to show your brother something but couldn't remember."
"Did I have memory problems back then?"
"No. I think it's..." Naruto looked at the drawing of the two boys holding hands and smiling. "I think it's because you blocked it out. Not the picture, but a part of yourself. You forgot the bond and what it felt like. You thought you had no feelings. But then, you remembered what it felt like to love someone and to be loved by someone. You remembered what a bond was and then you could draw this. You remembered the drawing because you remembered the bond."
"The bond?" Sai looked at the picture book.
"Yeah. And when you remembered that, you remembered how to smile. You smiled at me. An honest, from the heart smile." Naruto faced Sai and grinned. Then his face broke into a smile.
Sai saw Naruto's smile and smiled himself. Just seeing that toothy smile full of joy and love made him feel like smiling, too. Naruto had so much compassion and understood people very well. Sai thought he was very intelligent.
"Thank you... Naruto."
"For what?"
"For the things I remember and the things I don't." Sai hugged the picture book to his chest and crawled away from where Naruto was getting ready to go to sleep. "Good night."
"You don't have to sleep so far away," Naruto told him. "I don't mind you sleeping next to me like the other night."
"It's ok," he said. "I know you're there. I know you're with me."
Kakashi looked up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He was sore from his battle with Naruto, but that wasn't what was keeping him up. He could still see that boy's face. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it out of his head.
It must have been pride that stopped him, but now he was having doubts.
The best way to make sure he didn't feel this way anymore was to get rid of the boy. No more boy, no more problem.
Tomorrow, he would kill that blond boy. No matter what.
He had to do it.
Sai walked slowly through a strange fog in the darkness. There was nothing around or above him. Just an endless darkness and fog. Finally, he came to a place with multiple stone parapets. They lowered until they were under the fog. They rose again, but as pillars this time. They formed a staircase which Sai climbed.
He came to a new place which didn't appear to be any different from the endless darkness and fog he had been wandering through. The only difference was what stood out from the foggy ground.
Several stone pillars. There were several of them forming a circle around him and each one had a round jewel resting on top. He approached the jewels and noticed that they all looked the same, except for the color. They were all different colors but they were all shaped the same and were all the same size on identical pillars.
He was tempted to pick one up but he didn't. He didn't know who these belonged to. Even worse, he didn't know which one was his. If any.
The pillars started to move closer, fencing him in. Sai stood in the center and watched the pillars advance towards him then stop. They seemed to want him to pick one. Which one should he pick? What would happen if he chose wrong?
Which one? Which was right?
"Sai?"
Sai opened his eyes and realized that fog was just a dream. The pillars weren't real. He was still in the wooden fortress Yamato had built for them.
"Sai?" Sakura was leaning over him. "Are you ok? You were moaning."
"Yeah. I was just... having a dream."
"Ok." Sakura sat back. "We're getting ready to move out now."
"Alright." Sai picked up the picture book he left lying on his chest and got ready to follow the others.
Another battle is coming up.
Please review! ^-^
