A/N: How is everyone doing lately? I'm GREAT! Anyways, here's your chapter, FINALLY. ; ) P.S. This chapter might be a two-parter. Meaning, I post one half, and then the other half very closely behind the first. I just couldn't figure out where to stop, so I just paused and split it up. You all get double the love today!
That first night that Mulder and I had seen those lights in the sky 24 months ago, everything after that night went by so slowly, in one big blurry nightmare. It took me a year later to finally realize that things were never going to be the same again. That humans might eventually become extinct. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was the cold hard truth. And after I found out that Mulder was gone forever, time didn't slow down again like I thought it would. After that, time began to speed up surprisingly. I guess it was because I had nothing to search for any longer. My quest had ended, and I finally began to try to live out the rest of my days on earth as best as I could. It's been hard, but Alex and my new 'family' make it so much easier. And now, it's been one whole year since I got separated from Mulder, and 9 months since I ran into Alex, and 6 months since we ran into our new friends. Six months since I found out Mulder and Skinner were gone. I went through all the stages of grief, as expected. And then I finally began to accept it. But…then the dreams started. And they've been coming every single night now. I haven't told Alex about them. But I'm beginning to think that maybe they will stop if I finally open up to him about them. But, then he might be upset with me for not telling him sooner. Either way, I'm beginning to feel that these dreams might mean something. It's almost as if Mulder's spirit is trying to tell me something. And even though he's gone now, I began to feel him again recently. I can't even properly explain it. But, it's almost as if he's here with me, in my head. All the damn time now. And it's really starting to unnerve me. I just want to forget, and move on. But Mulder is plaguing my dreams lately, and I need to know why.
I pull myself out of bed, and wipe at my damp forehead, as I walk over the window and look outside. I look back at a peacefully sleeping Alex in the bed for a brief moment, and then back out the window. Spring is here now, and I know that eventually we will be searching for more supplies again, or possibly even travel some more. The others want to travel again, but I kind of want to stay here. I like this house. But Alex wants to search the planet, for other possible survivors. I mean, I am curious to know who else is still out there, but at the same time, I haven't really had much luck with strangers playing nice. Anyways, I just can't believe that I've been living like this for two years now. It still seems like everything just happened.
I hear Alex's voice over my shoulder, and turn back around. "Dana? You okay?" He asks me this almost every morning now. And I always just nod, and he drops it. But I have a feeling that he's going to start trying to pry things out of me eventually. And I can't shrug it off forever. Honestly, the dreams are beginning to affect me.
I heavily sigh and walk over to the bed, plopping down next to Alex as he pulls himself up into a sitting position. He sits there and stares at me out of the corner of his eye, patiently waiting for me to respond. I sigh again, and begin to shrug, but then change my mind.
"I've been having these…dreams." I begin, and Alex cocks his head to the side, waiting for me to continue.
"About?"
I hesitate before answering, and Alex notices immediately. "Mulder." I murmur, and Alex raises an eyebrow.
"How long have you been having these dreams?" He carefully asks, and I look at him like a dog with their tale between its legs.
"Almost two months." I slowly respond, and Alex heavily sighs.
I fully expect him to scold me for not telling him, but am pleasantly surprised when he does the complete opposite. "Want to talk about them? It might make you feel better." He replies, tucking my hair behind my ear.
I sigh again and wet my lips with my tongue. "Well, they start out the same. But always end differently. I'm in the forest, and it's dark, and I hear Mulder's voice. He—he's calling for me, and there's this bright light. So, I walk towards the light, and I see this-this ship. Mulder's inside, and he's trying to tell me something. But there's someone, or something else in there with him, and they won't let him. And then he's gone." I pause, and Alex chews at his bottom lip, deep in thought. "But now, certain details change with each dream. And when I wake up, it feels like it actually happened. I can't explain it. But something feels…off…lately." I finish, and make myself look into Alex's eyes.
Alex ponders things for a long moment, and then finally replies. "They're just dreams, Dana. But, sometimes we dream about certain things after traumatic events. It-I guess it's just our mind's way of coping with things. Even I have experienced that in my life. But they eventually stop. I wouldn't worry about it too much." He says, patting at my hand, and I nod. I sure hope he is right. But for some reason, I'm still feeling uneasy about it.
"I guess you're right. But, I don't understand why they started a few months after? I didn't have them at first. I mean, I've been doing fine lately. And I just wish they would stop. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this sooner." I quietly say, hanging my head.
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me everything." Alex replies, squeezing at my hand.
I look back up at him, and he's smiling at me reassuringly. It makes my chest tighten up, and every time he looks at me like that, I always remember that I'm not alone. Alex cares…about me. And I…well…I guess I care about him, too. It's still a strange feeling, after 9 months. I'm not even sure I will ever get used to it. But strangely enough, it just feels…right. This is my life now. And I think that Alex and I are in an actual relationship. I mean, we've never actually officially confirmed it. But I figured it was a given. Sharon, Daryl, and Frank sure seem to think that Alex and I are. And I think I'm ready to ask Alex, but I just don't know how to go about it.
"Do you consider me your girlfriend?" I unexpectedly blurt out. SHIT. Well, I guess that's one way to go about it, Dana.
Alex's eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles. His smile is so wide, that I'm not sure I have ever seen him look this happy before. I suddenly can't look at him, and I begin to fidget with my pillowcase.
"Well, I-"
"Forget I said that. I'm sorry. Stupid question." I interrupt, turning away from him.
But I feel his fingers curl around my shoulder, and he gently forces me to turn back around. The huge goofy smile is still plastered to his beautiful face, and if I was standing up right now, my knees would be buckling.
"Dana…" He chuckles again, dropping his hand to my elbow. "My honest answer-well-yes. I do. Is that-is that a problem?" He asks, slightly cocking his head to the side.
I immediately shake my head, and he sighs in relief. Then he leans in, and God, his eyelashes are so long. How am I just now realizing this?
"God, your eyelashes are so long." Did I just say that out loud? What is with me today?
Alex laughs, throwing his head back. "Are you feeling alright this morning?" He asks, smirking, and I nod.
"I have no idea why I just said that. But it is true. They are beautiful." I smile back, and he shrugs.
Honestly, this is the first time I think I have seen Alex Krycek humbly accept a compliment, without getting a big head about it. He is blushing now, and clearing his throat.
"Well, um-thank you?" He replies, running his hand through his hair.
Without a second thought about it, I am up on my hands and knees, and crawling further towards Alex. He just sits there, smiling at me. I lean in, and lightly press my lips at the corner of his mouth. His breathing quickens, but he still doesn't move a muscle. I think he knows that I don't want him to, just yet. I trail my lips across his cheek, and up to his ear. I gently nibble on his earlobe, and he produces that throaty high-pitched moan that I love hearing so much. He still doesn't move, as I place my hand on his knee, and slowly move it upwards. He swallows, blinks, and swallows again.
"D-Dana." He breathes, closing his eyes for a moment.
"Shhh." I breathe back into his neck, and I feel him shiver against my lips.
My hand reaches his inner thigh, and I just keep it there for a long moment, while my tongue tastes the skin on his throat. I use my other hand to tangle in the back of his hair, and I yank his head back. Alex lets out this deep throaty growl, but still doesn't move or touch me back. My other hand scoots up just a bit further, and I can feel all of his muscles tensing with anticipation. I gently suck at his jaw for a brief moment, and then completely pull away, sneering. I begin to pull myself off the bed, and when I look back, Alex has this horrified, yet turned on look on his face. It's the best facial expression that I think I have ever seen on a person.
"You fucking tease!" He sneers, shaking his head, and I laugh, quickly trying to escape his hand as it reaches for me.
Alex lunges for me, pulling me back onto the bed by my waist, as I squeal and flail my arms and legs about. And then he is pulling me underneath of him, and pinning me down. I don't even bother to try to escape, because this is exactly what I wanted. I have kind of developed this addiction to pissing him off and turning him on at the same time. I know that normally, in the past, I would have never been like this with anyone. But I think that I've always known that it was a hidden desire that I always secretly yearned for. I may have always seemed so reserved, and mature. But there was always a part of me that wanted to do other things that I wouldn't normally do. I guess ever since my high school prom, honestly. I just never found the right person to break through that shell, until now.
Alex stops for a moment, still straddling me, and I stop wiggling underneath of him as well. He just stares down at me, with that familiar twinkle in his eye, and I suddenly feel nervous again. Every time he looks at me like that, I know exactly what he is thinking. Even though he hasn't said it a second time, I still know.
"What?" I find myself asking, and he apprehensively chuckles, leaning down.
"I just-I love you." He murmurs, and before I can even react, his mouth his crashing onto mine.
I let it slide a second time, considering that my mouth is kind of preoccupied right now. I try to not let it bother me. But even as he releases my hands, and I trail them through his hair, kissing him back…a part of me still wishes he wouldn't have said those three words, again. But after a moment, I am able to forget about it for now, as that familiar urge in my lower belly resurfaces.
XXX
"I need to see her. You promised." I try to calmly say, but my whole body is tense and shaking.
"You will get to see her. Soon."
I turn my head, and a part of me still is not used to what I see looking back at me. Scully needs to know. She needs to experience what I have experienced. She needs to know that I am not gone, and that things have only just begun. She needs to understand, and see everything with her own eyes. That is the only way she will truly believe everything. I mean, I know she has seen a lot the past few years, but if only she knew where I have been the past several months, then maybe she would accept everything for what it truly is. I honestly didn't even believe it myself at first. And the truth…well, I finally found it. And it's everything, yet nothing I thought it would be. I can't even really explain it. It's just…so much more complicated than I had originally thought.
"When?" I calmly demand, clenching my jaw.
"Soon. But you need to understand one thing. You will forget everything for a little while. And then it will all come back to you all at once."
"Why?" I ask, furrowing my brows.
"It's standard procedure, Mr. Mulder. 'We' will decide when you are ready to remember. That's all you need to know for now."
I close my eyes, heavily sigh, and slowly nod. And when I open my eyes, I am once again alone in my room. And honestly, I think I would rather not remember, and see Scully again, than to know what I know, alone. My quest was always to search for the truth. But now that I know it, I'm just not sure what to do with it, yet. I know that 'they' told me that something big would eventually happen again, but that is the one thing that I'm still kept in the dark about. And this newfound knowledge is incredible, but tragic. It's just not how I wanted things to happen. Not like this. I've lost everything. Including my passions. I mean, there are other people here. The chosen ones…the messengers. But it's still bothering me, that I have no idea where Scully is. All they will tell me is that she is safe. But is she alone? Is she with a new group now? I need to know that she is not alone, at least. I knew that we would get separated that day, and I still went out there. I let it happen. As if a magnetic force was dragging me out of that abandoned building. And all of the events that transpired after that seem like just one big bad dream. What happened after I thought I was going to die during that explosion, that's what changed everything inside of me. And I can only hope that there are more good survivors left on earth, than bad. God, why me? I don't want this role anymore. Being one of the chosen ones is not all it has cracked up to be. In fact, it really sucks. Who would have thought, that knowing so much would be such a heavy burden to bear?
XXX
I'm still grinning from what Dana asked me two days ago. Honestly, I had been kind of worried about what exactly she thought we were to each other. I mean, I know that she's not exactly on the same page as me, and I'm not sure if she ever will be. But, it felt great to know that she at least thought of us as "exclusive". I mean, not like there was many options out there right now anyways. But, it still was a relief to know that she had been thinking about our relationship. That meant that her feelings still had potential to grow. I could accept that. That's all I ever wanted, from the first day that I had realized how I felt about things. And honestly, even though it's tragic that Mulder is gone, I am glad that Dana is in my life, and that it's just me and her. I mean, there's also Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. But they go off and do their own thing a lot. That's what I like about them. They don't cling or follow. And I think that I'd be okay with having them around for a long while. Besides Dana, they are the only other people I have ever had respect for. They are good people. Something I haven't seen much of on this planet, especially since the attack. And sometimes, I get this crazy idea in my head, that they aren't human. I know it sounds ridiculous. And it makes me sound like fricking Mulder. But they really are unlike any other human beings I have ever met. I can't explain it, really. They are just…different.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the van pulling into the driveway. Dana is in our room reading, I'm making food, and the others had gone out for more supplies. There has been some talk about leaving the house, now that it's warming up. But Dana isn't sure that she wants to. And honestly, if she decides to stay, I will gladly stay with her. We make a good team. We would just have to figure out who gets the van, and find a second vehicle for supply runs. I kind of want to explore more, and see what else is left out there, untouched. But based on the previous experiences, I realize that there had been more bad than good encounters in the past. So, I can see why Dana would want to stay. I know that she wants the others to stay also, but they keep saying something about finishing some personal obligations. Whatever the hell that means. The need to know wasn't really a top priority right now, honestly.
A part of me was a little concerned about these weird dreams that Dana was having lately. I know that I should have been a little offended that she hadn't told me about them sooner, but at least she told me at all. I just sometimes wondered if Mulder was always going to be the reason that Dana couldn't fully open up to me. I mean, I understand that she and I could never have what her and Mulder had. Two very different connections. And I know that the two relationships are on completely different levels. At least, I hope they are. Dana has never really opened up to me about what she and Mulder were to each other. All that she had told me was that it would have never become something like what she and I have. And when I asked her why, she quickly changed the subject. I'd like to think that it was more of a platonic love with them. Like, a spiritual connection. But, even that seems to make me a little jealous. It just sounds so much more intimate than the physical relationship that Dana and I have. And I don't even know why I'm thinking about Mulder so much the last few days. None of this really bothered me, until Dana told me about the dreams, I guess. Two days ago, Mulder was dead in my head, and hers. And now, it seems like he is haunting me. I don't like the feeling at all. I feel like I'm competing with a ghost. A competition that I will never win. And as much as Mulder and I fought in the past, I still always knew deep down that he was a better man than me, in every way. I envied him, which is why I always gave him such a hard time. But secretly, I also respected him. I wanted his life, his passion. And he would never know that now. But I don't think I could have ever actually admitted that to him anyways.
I hear the others walk into the house, and soon enough, Dana is entering the kitchen, and wrapping her arms around me from behind.
"Hello, good-looking. Watcha doing?" She mumbles into my shirt, before letting go.
I turn my head to look at her out of the corner of my eye, and she smiles at me, opening a bottle of water.
"Cooking. Hungry?" I ask, and she nods at me.
Sharon enters the kitchen a moment later, with a box full of supplies, and sets them down onto the table.
"You two gonna help, or what?" She asks, with a half serious, half teasing tone.
I roll my eyes, and Dana folds her arms, nodding.
"Sorry, Sharon, we're coming." Dana replies, and Sharon smirks at the both of us.
"Hey, Dana, I was thinking we could like have a girl's day. I mean, if that's okay with "his-highness". Sharon mocks, pointing and bowing at me.
Dana chuckles and looks over at me, and then back over at Sharon. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'm sure "his-highness" doesn't mind, right?" She replies, grinning at me, and I know that I could never say no to that beautiful face.
Plus, she can do whatever the hell she wants. I don't even know why Sharon thinks that Dana needs my permission. Do I really come off as a controlling boyfriend that doesn't want to share? I mean, I know that Dana and I have been spending a lot of alone time together lately, but it wouldn't bother me to spend a day without her. I spent my whole life alone. One day is nothing.
"God, Sharon, you make it sound like Dana is my slave or something." I scowl, and Sharon leers at me, folding her arms.
"Oh? You mean, she's not?" She teases, and Dana laughs, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Dana can do whatever the hell she wants." I make jabbing motions with my cooking spoon at Sharon, and then look at Dana out of the corner of my eye.
Sharon only grins and nods, before heading out of the kitchen. I know that we joke a lot with each other, like a brother and sister. But it does kind of bother me that Sharon would even joke about me not letting Dana do other things besides be with me all the time.
"You okay?" Dana asks, touching my arm.
I sigh and place the spoon on the counter. "You don't think that I'm like that, do you?" I ask, frowning, and Dana chuckles, shaking her head at me.
"Of course not. And neither does Sharon. She's just teasing you, as always." Dana replies, smiling sweetly.
I nod, and watch Dana walk back out of the kitchen, paying extra attention to her swaying hips until she is out of sight. And now, I'm thinking about what I'm going to do while Dana and Sharon do their thing today. How pathetic is that? I guess I could always hang with Daryl and Frank. Haven't done that in a while. Maybe I could use some "male bonding".
XXX
From the very moment Sharon and I got into the van to drive up to the park just up the road, I knew something was off. I felt it that morning, and the dream the night before had been the most intense one yet. It was like, I was being watched, and there was this weird energy surging all throughout my body. My stomach had been slightly upset the whole morning, and I just didn't feel right. But, I decided not to tell Alex, because lately, he worried about me so much that I was beginning to feel slightly smothered. I know he meant well, but it was like having a second Mulder. So, I had made the excuse to read my newest book in my room, but in reality, I just sat there looking out the window most of the time. I could only hope that the feeling would eventually fade. Which is why I decided to go to the old park up the road with Sharon. I had come up here a few times with Alex in the evenings, to watch the sun set, and sit on the swings. The area was overgrown with weeds, and eerily quiet, but it seemed to always calm me.
Sharon parks the van in the grass, and we get out, walking towards the dried-up creek near the forest's entrance. It was now warm enough to wear a thin long-sleeved shirt without a jacket. We both walk along the edge of the forest, chatting about random things. I am beginning to get a headache, the further we walk, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Sharon seems completely oblivious to what I have been feeling that whole morning, along with everyone else. And honestly, I would rather have it that way anyways. I was never really good at being sick. The saying, "Doctors are the worst patients" is apparently true.
Sharon's voice suddenly pulls me out of my deep reverie, and I have to think for a moment about what she had just said.
"I'm sorry, what?" I respond, looking over at Sharon, who is eyeing me with concern.
"Dana. You-you're bleeding." Sharon replies, pointing at my nose.
I hadn't even felt the wetness on my upper lip, until Sharon said something.
"Oh…" I lightly gasp, wiping at my nose with my sleeve. I didn't really care for this shirt anyways.
"You alright?" Sharon asks, touching my wrist, and I nod.
"Yeah, it's just the dry weather." I mumble, tilting my head back. "I-" I pause, as everything around me begins to spin.
"Dana?" Sharon gasps, grabbing at my arm to steady me.
"I—I'm fine. It's just-um-" I suddenly can't think straight, and find myself dropping to my knees on the ground, as I grab at my head.
"Dana? DANA, talk to me! What's wrong?" Sharon asks, kneeling down next to me.
"I-I don't know. I don't feel so good…all of…a sudden…" I murmur.
And then everything goes black for a few minutes.
XXX
The moment Dana and Sharon left, I began to feel extremely anxious. And I knew that it wasn't just because Dana wasn't here with me. This was different. I couldn't really even explain it to Frank and Daryl when they asked me several times why I was so quiet, and constantly pacing the room. I just felt off. I didn't want to tell Dana earlier, because I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her to go out and have a girl's day with Sharon. But I just couldn't shake this feeling, and I found myself constantly looking out the window for the van to show up in the driveway.
An hour passed extremely slowly, and then I finally began to calm down a bit. I was able to play one card game with the guys, and then I decided to go out for a walk by myself. When I felt anxious in the past, taking a walking alone always seemed to help me calm down. It was worth a try. It was either that, or pace a hole in the floor of the house.
XXX
When my surroundings began to become less blurry, Sharon's face came into view over me. I didn't know how long I had blacked out, but it seemed like it wasn't too long. Sharon had pulled me into her lap, and was touching my face and calling out my name over and over again.
"Oh my god, Dana, are you okay?" Sharon asks, helping me sit up.
I look at my surroundings for a moment, and then finally nod. "I-I think so." I try to concentrate on Sharon's face and voice, but I can suddenly hear this loud high-pitched ringing coming from the forest. "Do you hear that?" I ask, and Sharon furrows her brows at me.
"Hear what?"
"Listen." I raise my hand, and point out towards the forest.
Sharon sits there for a moment, straining to hear, and then eventually nods. "Yeah. What the hell is that?" She asks, looking around, and I shrug, pulling myself up to my feet.
Sharon helps me balance for a moment, until we were both sure that I can stand on my own, and then I begin to feel this weird magnetic pull coming from the forest. I don't realize that I had begun to walk towards the sound, until Sharon grabs at my arm.
"Dana, where are you going?" She asks with concern, and I shake my head at her.
"Something's happening in there." I murmur, slowly walking into the thick forest.
Sharon says nothing else, and simply follows close behind me, as I weakly make my way towards the strange sound. After a good minute, the sound stops, and we are both left standing there with confusion. I look around, but all I can see is tree after tree all around us.
"Maybe we should-"Sharon begins, but is interrupted by a loud whooshing sound and a big gust of wind coming from our right.
We both look at each other for a moment with hesitation, and then begin to walk faster towards that certain area of the woods. From a distance, the silhouette of a body comes into view. And as we get closer, it looks like maybe a deer laying on the ground. But as we get even closer, I begin to realize that it isn't a deer at all. It is a person. I stop for a moment, as my heart begins to pound in my chest.
"Dana?" Sharon glances at me with apprehension, and I force myself to take several steps closer, not realizing that I am holding my breath. The fear that suddenly overcomes me is so overwhelming, that I think I might pass out again. But I don't. I am literally just frozen in disbelief. This has to be the most realistic dream yet.
"Oh, god. Sharon. OH MY GOD."
XXX
By the time I make it back to the house, I am much calmer than a half hour before. I know that Dana and Sharon would probably be out another few hours, and I had forced myself to just let it go. I knew I was being ridiculous right now, and that Dana would be fine. I guess I was just not used to her leaving the house without me there to protect her. You know, in case anything bad happened. God, listen to me. I really am being ludicrous.
I take a deep breath, and slowly exhale, making my way up the porch steps. It takes me a moment to realize that the van has pulled up behind me, just as I open the door. I turn around, sighing in relief, and begin to make my way down the stairs again. Sharon opens her door first, with this weird expression on her face. But I don't really think much of it. I do find it odd though that Dana is taking a long time to exit the van, and is avoiding eye contact with me when I walk up to her.
"You guys are back early. What happened to girl's day?" I ask, smirking. But my smile quickly fades, as I realize that Dana's eyes are filled with tears, when she finally looks up at me.
I look over at Sharon with confusion, and she only shakes her head at me, still standing next to the van. What the hell was going on? Did I miss something?
"Dana?" I ask, reaching out for her, but stop when she noticeably flinches. I pull my hand back quickly, and look over at Sharon again.
"Alex…" Sharon speaks up, with a warning tone.
I look back at Dana, and notice the red stains on her shirt.
"God, Dana, what happened?" I ask, taking a step closer, and Dana visibly clenches her fists at her sides.
I look at them both with confusion again, and slight annoyance. Why were they both acting so weird?
"Is anybody going to tell me what the hell is going on?" I ask, impatiently.
Sharon looks over at Dana, and then back at me. And eventually, Dana heavily sighs, taking a few steps back, and slowly opens the passenger's door on her side. I furrow my brows at her for a moment, before slowly walking over to the open door, as Dana backs away to let me look.
And what I see, unconsciously sprawled out across the backseat is simply…unbelievable. There are no words. And suddenly, I am extremely angry. Was this some kind of sick joke?
"WHAT THE FUCK?" I spat, running a hand through my hair.
This wasn't real. Maybe I was having a sympathy dream for Dana. This wasn't happening right now. There was no way that I was looking down at a very much alive Fox Mulder laying in the backseat of our van right now. Unconscious, but definitely alive. Shivering and twitching. Curled up in a blanket. In our fucking backseat.
"I need some explanations. RIGHT. NOW."
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SECOND PORTION (COMING WITHIN THE NEXT 24-48 HOURS!) …
XXX
A/N: It will all make sense eventually! And I have 12 days off of work, so I have time to type up the rest of the second portion right now, which is almost finished! :D
