A/N: Oh those twins are a couple of idiots. Never tease a pregnant woman about her size. That is just asking to be murdered on the spot, and I am sure any judge will let the woman go as a case of temporary insanity. Enjoy the next bit of insanity!
TiP: Tamaki – 18 (too bad Mori stopped him, I think the kids would have had fun), Hikaru – 8, Kaoru – 8 (these two probably deserve more and if their mama found out what they said to Haruhi… I can only imagine what will happen… hmmm), Kyoya – 2.
Chapter 11 – The Twins Must Pay
"I can't believe my sons would do something like that to my precious daughter!" Tamaki ranted after he had been forced to leave the Morinozuka estate.
If Yumi were a different woman and not used to this type of… well, let's say theatrics, then she might have actually killed her fiancé for talking about another woman like he did. What did it say about her own sanity that she believed this to be normal behavior for the blond whining beside her? What did it say that she wasn't jealous? Although it was a bit disturbing that three people who were only one year younger were his children and Kyoya was mommy… none of that had changed since the day she met him, and from her understanding since the day Haruhi joined the Host Club her first year at Ouran. Instead of making a big deal about it now (yes dear reader, in the beginning let's just say she wasn't as accepting and Tamaki knew a fair amount of pain when they first started dating… at least until Kyoya and Haruhi pulled Yumi to the side and explained everything). Flipping through a magazine she pulled out of who knows where, she muttered, "Yes dear."
"I'm glad you agree with me! We will go and pick up mommy now!" Tamaki declared. He tried to stand up, but he hit his head on the roof of the car.
Yumi realized that in tuning the blond out, she might have just agreed to something she had no clue about. It was always a danger when it came to Tamaki, but she thought she would be safe this time… apparently not. Dropping the magazine, she narrowed her eyes on the man sitting beside her and asked very carefully, "What exactly are we going to do with… 'mommy'?" It felt so weird to call Kyoya that, especially when his other nickname seemed to suit him much better. The bespectacled man was definitely more of a Shadow King than a mommy. In fact, Yumi believed that out of everyone in the group, Kyoya was probably the least motherly (she actually had a scale and it this was her order… Haruhi – duh, she is a mother and a woman, Tamaki – he had a plan and liked to take care of people, Kaoru – he could hold his temper better than his brother and more in touch with his feminine side than others, Hunny – he knew how to get on the level with the kids and children flocked to him, Hikaru – well he is here because he isn't as manly as Mori, Mori – he liked to take care of things, was very patient, and handled children well, Kyoya – he could be patient, but was the least motherly).
"Wah?!" Tamaki screeched.
Covering her ears, Yumi glared at her future husband and growled, "If you don't tell me what you are planning on doing, I will call off the wedding."
Tamaki gasped, but immediately straightened in his seat and presented the perfect picture of princeliness. Clearing his throat, he took her hand and kissed the knuckles before saying, "Of course my princess. I was explaining that the twins needed to be taught a lesson, and that we needed to pick up mommy, I mean Kyoya to help us."
She wanted to laugh at his attitude adjustment, but who knows what kind of screeching that might have led to, so instead she nodded, "Did you call Kyoya? You know how he is about just dropping in? And he might be at the hospital."
"Good point! I will call him now!" Tamaki quickly pulled up Kyoya's cell phone number and dialed, and then anxiously (read very fidgety) waited for his best friend to pick up the phone. As soon as the blond heard the click of someone answering, he launched into his spiel, "Mon Ami! We have to punish our sons! They hurt our poor daughter's feelings and she is probably wallowing as we speak. Mori is probably having a shirt ruined by her tears!"
Pinching the bridge of his nose so that he wouldn't reach through the phone and strangle his friend, Kyoya released a large breath and then said only two words, "Explain yourself."
Tamaki took this as acceptance of his plan and he immediately told "mommy" how they were going to spend the afternoon, "So what do you think?"
Another sigh, "Tamaki, I am going to hang up this phone unless you can give me a good reason as to why I could go along with this asinine plan of yours!"
"What do you mean why? We have to defend our daughter!"
"Why do we need to attack Hikaru and Kaoru in order to defend Haruhi? Why isn't Mori defending Haruhi?"
"I told you that Mori is too busy consoling our only daughter!"
Sitting at his desk at home, Kyoya threw down his glasses and pushed the heel of his palm into his eyes, and told himself once again that Tamaki was practice for when his own child came. Very calmly (and he was surprised he could be this calm dear reader) he asked, "What happened that we have to defend her honor?" Since Tamaki didn't understand what he was asking before, he figured rewording it would get him the answers he needed. WRONG!
"MOMMY! I told you that the twins hurt her feelings!"
Kyoya really wanted to kill his best friend and prayed for patience… and that his own child would not push his buttons like his best friend could… practice, this was practice. Practice be damned! Instead of extoling any more patience on the blond, he growled, "Tamaki, unless you can explain what the twins did to hurt Haruhi, I will take one of Satoshi's shinais and use number 36 on you, and that will be after I use a couple of other numbers on that list as well!"
Tilting his head to the side, Tamaki furrowed his brow, "Number 36?"
"I will hold you under water with the shinai!"
"MOMMY! Don't be mean!"
"Then tell me what I want to know!" Kyoya growled. Only Tamaki had the power to make him lose his patience… okay the twins were pretty good at it as well.
Realizing he was in a precarious position, Tamaki finally filled Kyoya in on what happened over the course of the afternoon, leaving nothing out, "So that is why we need to defend her honor."
"They actually said that to a pregnant woman."
"That's what Yumi said."
Kyoya heard snickering in the background and asked, "Is Yumi there?"
"Yes, why?"
"Give the phone to her."
"Okay mommy, but we are on our way to pick you up. We will be there in a couple of minutes."
"Just give her the phone."
Tamaki did what he was told and handed the phone to his fiancée, "Mommy wants to talk to you."
Nodding, Yumi took the device and put it up to her ear, "Yes, Kyoya?"
"Do you have something in your hands with which to hit him?"
"I have a magazine."
"Roll it up, hit him over the head, and then give the phone back to him."
Not one to argue with the great Shadow King of Ouran, Yumi did what she was told and knocked her fiancé on the back of the head, "Sorry, I am just following directions. Here, Kyoya wants to talk to you again."
"I can't believe you hit me! OW!" Tamaki held his head, "Mommy she hit me twice!"
"Good for her. Now tell me why I should come with you," Kyoya smiled picturing the hitting events.
Rubbing the back of his head, the blond explained, "Because they shouldn't tell Haruhi she is fat or to go on a crash diet! Plus Hikaru and Kaoru are afraid of you. They won't listen to me."
Kyoya had to agree with Tamaki's logic and that meant he had been friends with the blond too long or been caught up in too many Tamaki schemes… which actually led back to the first one. Putting his glasses back on, he shook his head, "I'll be waiting for you out front." If one of the Hitachiin twins had said something like that to his wife, Nobuko, he would have murdered them and received a sense of satisfaction; and the twins should know better than to say stupid stuff like that knowing Haruhi is pregnant. There was only one word for their speech and actions: brainless. They made Tamaki look like Einstein.
"Thank you mommy!" Tamaki yelled gleefully and quickly hung up the phone. It was less than a minute later that he saw the Ootori home coming into view. The twins would pay for their insolence… at least he hoped they would.
Within moments of pulling up to the house, Kyoya walked out the front door and stepped into the limo. Eyeing his friend, the raven haired man wanted to hit the blond, but held himself in check knowing Yumi had already taken care of it for him, "Do they know we're coming?"
"No. I haven't called them or sent them a message," Tamaki answered.
"Did you call the others? You know Hunny, Chika, and Satoshi would probably like to get in on this. They are all protective over Haruhi."
Shaking his head, Tamaki looked sheepish, "No. Should I have called them?"
Kyoya rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone and soon the three men in question were on a conference call. The Shadow King put the call on speaker and had Yumi explain the situation and then he took over what the plan for the day entailed. Each time Tamaki tried to talk and interrupt everything with this overreacting, Kyoya instructed Yumi to hit him with the magazine… much to Tamaki disappointment (now dear reader, I know you want to know how many times Tamaki was hit… he should have been hit 4 times, but Yumi hit him an additional time stating she wanted to make it a nice round number… and because it was fun). When the explanations were done, Kyoya asked, "So do any of you want to pay a visit to the Hitachiin estate with us?"
"I'm in Kyo-Chan!" Hunny declared quickly.
"We can't," Chika muttered, wishing he could go along with the hosts this time.
Satoshi explained, "Yah, Chika and I are in Hokkaido with our wives. We won't be back until tomorrow for the dinner."
"Don't worry Sato-Chan, Chika-Chan, we will make sure the twins learn their lessons," Hunny snarled.
A shiver ran up the spines of everyone on the phone and in the limo (yes, even Kyoya, but he hid it well). Dark Hunny was already coming out, and that meant that the twins might not survive the afternoon.
Turning to look at the woman in the car, Kyoya asked, "Yumi, is your dress done?"
"Um, yah. A couple of minor adjustments needed, but it is finished other than that," she answered. Given that question, she knew a couple of redheads that might be missing from the populace by tonight.
"Excellent. Then we don't need to worry about that. Hunny, we are on our way," Kyoya smirked and hung up the phone.
It didn't take long to pick up the former loli shota host and be on their way, and right now he didn't appear to have a loli bone in his body. No, Hunny looked like he wanted to rip the lips off of the twins and make sure they can never speak again. It made Kyoya wonder at the strong reaction, "Hunny?"
Hunny knew what Kyoya was asking and told him, "They have just been a little too free with their comments lately. They told my son that if he kept eating cake, he would never find a girl and then took Usa-Chan away from him. I had just given him Usa-Chan that morning because he was never really interested in her before. Mitsuo is seven. I think he has a lot of time and I ate cake all the time and found someone! Then apparently they told Kayo and Kiku that they were lucky Sato-Chan and Chika-Chan chose them because there were a string of other girls lining up since high school. I know they were teasing, but it is starting to get out of hand, and I have a feeling today's comments weren't a joke."
So it appeared the twins were not only morons with pregnant women, but with children and the others' wives as well. Pinching the bridge of his nose again, Kyoya grumbled, "You would have thought after the auction in high school they would have learned their lesson about pranks and teasing, but apparently not."
"What are we going to do Kyo-Chan?" Hunny asked seeing the glint in his friend's eyes.
"Mommy, they need to be punished!" Tamaki proclaimed.
Yumi was flabbergasted and wondered how the twins were still alive, and could not force any words out of her mouth.
Smirking, Kyoya looked up and allowed the sun from the open roof to shine on his glasses, hiding his eyes, "We are going to make sure they know never to say anything inappropriate any longer." He pulled out his phone and dialed a number, and when someone picked up, he said, "Good afternoon, Shiori. Is it alright if we borrow Hikaru and Kaoru for a while? We should have them back by group dinner tomorrow night."
"Why? What's going on?" Hikaru's wife inquired.
"Well, since Tamaki is getting married next weekend, we decided to do some male bonding tonight. Is that acceptable?"
Smiling, she quickly relayed the information to her sister before addressing Kyoya again, "Sure! You boys have fun tonight. What about Haruhi and Yumi?"
"Haruhi has a family function tonight and I believe Kiku and Kayo are out of town. However, if you want to do a girl's night, I believe Nobuko, Yumi, and Sachiko are free," Kyoya stated covering his tracks and glanced at Hunny and Yumi to make sure he wasn't mistaken, and his smirk increased slightly at the nod from both. Once he got off the phone with Shiori, he would need to call Nobuko while Hunny called his own wife.
"Oh, then we will call them. Thanks Kyoya! You boys have fun!" Shiori declared and got off of the phone with the Shadow King.
Without wasting a moment of time, Kyoya and Hunny had their wives on the phone and explained the situation. Both women were willing to help with the plan and agreed to go out with Shiori and Tsukiko with Yumi for girl bonding time. In fact, while the men were talking to their wives, Yumi's phone rang and she got her invite for a girl's night out. Accepting, she would hang out with them while the boys handled the twins, and hopefully by tomorrow night, Hikaru and Kaoru would have learned their lesson… permanently. Of course with Kyoya in charge, who knows what could really happen to them.
