Chapter 12: Mental Instability
Marshall gasped for air suddenly. His eyes locked onto Rue's face for a moment, and he stood to his feet. "Natanya, run!" he gasped out as he saw her, taking her arm and running towards the door. "He's coming! We have to get out of here!" This happened only for an instant before his eyes cleared, and a puzzled expression crossed his face. "Uh… Rue?" he asked, utterly bewildered. "What in the world just happened?"
His eyes surveyed the hospital, and he frowned in confusion. "I'm so confused. I was charging at… AH!" He cried out and grabbed his head as an unfamiliar woman's face appeared in his brain. For some reason, the image physically hurt. He winced and took another couple steps, before being assailed by another image… a different girl, vampire this time.
She was smiling, laughing. He took another step – cooking food in the treehouse?… another – some sort of rehearsal dinner? Losing his balance, he stumbled and crashed over into Rue… his head colliding with her knee. Slumping to the ground, he lay there… his eyes wide. All he muttered though was, "Somebody… opened… the… doors…"
The lady at the front desk's eyes shot up as Marshall started running around like a lunatic. Rue's reaction was quite the same… She didn't really know how to react to this. She just kept staring at him with glassy eyes. As soon as he crashed onto the floor, the lady began to write something down. "…Lemme guess, you were 'n the mental part o' th' hospital, right…?"
Shaking her head, Rue picked up the curled up Marshall once again. Bouncing him like a little child, she cooed, "It's going to be alright… Relax…" Just so he wouldn't give her a funny look, she hissed in his ear, "Quit acting like a fool in front of everyone! You'll give everything away!" Flashing a sweet smile at the lady, she backed out the door and set Marshall down and gripped his shoulders. "What the heck just happened to you?! I was almost scared to death that you were dead!"
Marshall said nothing, or rather nothing that made any sense to Rue. He simply kept repeating the words over and over again. "Somebody has opened the door. Somebody has opened the door. Somebody has opened the door." It was bad… really bad. He could barely think as various thoughts assaulted his brain. It was as if a flood of memories was threatening to drown him, and he couldn't get to the surface as hard as he tried. He was drowning in memories, as he attempted to seal them behind doors once more and make some sort of sense out of the world.
He looked at Rue, as if he were completely confused and trying to shuffle through his mind to figure out who in the heck she was. "Rue," he finally said, as the name clicked once more in his brain. "Get me somewhere I can lie down and think. Otherwise… I'm afraid I might just go insane. Fionna's place will do nicely…" He winced as he lowered his head. "Fly. I'll follow."
Yanking her hands away from him, she forced herself to give a shaky nod. "…I don't want you hurting yourself again… I'm going to carry you…" Before he could even open his mouth to protest, Rue had already tied her jacket around her waist, scooped him up, and began flying at top speed to the treehouse. It took only a few minutes to reach the treehouse. The living room window was open like earlier…
Wait, how long had it even been since they were put into the hospital? It could've been days… Something suspicious could be going on… Rue didn't think she had time to turn around and find somewhere else to go, so she folded her wings against her back and dove in. Once she set Marshall on the couch, she sat by his side and worriedly glanced down at him. "…Are you okay? Can I get you anything?… What's even going on?!"
Fionna and Cake looked up from the small dinner that they were eating and rushed upstairs as they heard Rue land above them. As they opened the door and saw her standing over Marshall, Fionna rushed over to his bedside as well. "What the glob is going on? And if Marshall Lee isn't well yet, why in Ooh did you remove him from the hospital?"
Marshall looked up at the three girls and shook his head, still unclear and mind pounding. "You three need to get out of here for a while. I need some time to rest, and think, and…" He shivered as yet another fit of memories washed over him. Then he muttered, "The Hunter lives forever. He is a demon, but also a God. He is as wily as the devil, and as controlling as a dictator. When he is around, you can trust nobody." With those words, he promptly passed out.
"What the heck was that supposed to mean?" Fionna asked, looking at Marshall bewilderingly. Then she glanced between Cake and Rue. Motioning for them to leave the now unconcious Marshall alone, she exited the room, saying "The three of us need to talk."
Tears brimming her eyes, Rue turned her head away. "I-I don't want to talk about this now…" She gulped and shuffled over to the window. "…I'm worthless… Sorry…" Rue mumbled, crossing her arms. She slid her arms under the others' sleeve and dug her nails into her wrists attempting to draw blood. Knowing her fate was nearly impossible to take now… It was just a matter of minutes before she'd break down and go insane as well.
"…I-I just need to think… Please… Just leave me alone…" With that said, she slipped out the window and fell backwards. Rue swooped back up and landed on the roof, then proceeded to curl up into a ball and sob. It would take just one leap to end it all… Maybe she'd even forget all about Ooh… The priorities she made just minutes ago were forgotten, depression crashing over her like a sudden change in the tidal waves. She was drowning, but it was all in her head…
Fionna watched Rue fly out the window silently before turning to Cake and nodding her head. Cake stretched into a ladder that allowed Fionna to walk outside up to where Rue was standing. When Fionna stepped off, Cake stretched up so that she was standing next to Rue and Fionna. "Sorry," Fionna said as she sat down next to Rue and placed her hand on the young Demon's shoulder. "You have me as a friend. Its now impossible for you to be alone at a time like this."
Cake sat down on the other side and placed her paw on Rue's back. "One for all, and all for one. Heroes to the bitter end."
Fionna stared out at the Candy Kingdom and surrounding areas in thought. Then she said, "I don't know what happened today, why Cake took you to the hospital, or even why you never found the plants, but I can tell what you are thinking right now. I'm all too familiar with it myself… but it doesn't matter. You are thinking about the fact that you can't handle whatever just happened. You don't have to. You have me and Cake. WE can handle anything, if the three of us are willing to work together."
Rue jerked her hand away from Fionna's and hugged her knees tighter. It was too hard to keep everything in now… Everything she told Marshall, she still hadn't told Fionna… The truth was spit out, her fear of their response numbed. Who would even care once she was dead? "…Cake was right when you first met me…" She gulped, "…You don't understand, do you?! Look at me!"
Rue suddenly jerked her head up and glared at them, her eyes darkening. "I'm a monster! I kill people for a living! And you… Oh you… You've come to trust me… I'm this-THIS terrible creature, and you've come to see the good in me? You must be insane…" Her rant was finished with a forced chuckle as she keeled over onto her side.
"…Oh, but who wouldn't be insane in this messed up place we have here…? W-We're all crazy… Ehehe… We're… All… Insane… And honey, you will never understand-" Her hand gripped Fionna's wrist, her gaze turning pleading as she spilled out, "You will never understand what I've been through…" Her sharp nails dug into her friend's wrist, already beginning to leave little crescents.
Fionna's response was quite surprising, even for someone who would be qualified a hero. She said nothing about the pain shooting up her hand, and instead used that gripped hand to pull Rue into a hug. "I can attest to one thing more than anything else. Rue. Maybe I don't know as much about you as most people. Maybe I can't comprehend where you came from. Maybe whatever dark area you crawled out of is beyond anything I can imagine. But it doesn't matter.
"You crawled out of it. You left that place. How you did doesn't matter. What happened before doesn't matter. You aren't a monster for one reason. You CARE, and you desire to change. It may be hard. It may be rough. As long as your heart is in the right place, though, there is nothing that we cannot accomplish. It doesn't matter what you've been through." She started quietly singing an old pop song whose CD she had found a while back, and BMO had played for her.
"Be tough and Courageous.
Be Brave and Be Strong
Right Here In My Arms Now
Is Where You Belong
So Dismiss Your Terrors
Forgetting Your Past
Both Now and Forever
Are All That Will Last
There Is No Nothing
That We Cannot Best
We're Fighting Together
And We'll Win The Test"
As she was pulled into the hug, Rue inhaled sharply, not daring to return the embrace in her state. The song droned on in her ears long after Fionna had finished, and they sat in silence, even if it first sounded like nothing but echoes. Glassy crimson orbs were beginning to show shards of black in them. Fionna's comforting did little to try to shine light on the darkness taking over Rue's mind.
For one, her brain refused to let it even pass through correctly… Two, she was broken enough to cause her to snap. The voices already started to fill her head. "Fionna…?" Rue choked, her hand clenching into a fist, "…If I ever snap and hurt you… Y-you need to kill me…" Her head turned so that she could properly look into her eyes. "…You're mortal… I-I don't want to hurt you… Please… D-don't question me…"
"Never," Fionna said, not moving from the embrace. "I trust you, even if you are not willing to trust yourself. You say there are voices inside your head telling you what to do. Well, mine are there too now." She leaned forward so that her mouth was right next to Rue's ear. "You can choose your fate." She whispered. "You do have a choice. Kindness, friendship, loyalty, passion. These are the true strengths in the world. You possess them."
The words were whispered in a way that made them echo, the way they would make a person feel like the thoughts were coming from inside. A combat. "They demand from you as well. Sacrifice comes from darkness, but also from light. Get up, angel of darkness. Spread your wings. MOVE! Stop listening to those other voices. Listen-To-Me! It is time to change!"
"…You really don't understand… If I kill you, it'd be almost impossible to get you back… I'd never want something like that to happen… You have to trust me on this." The words whispered in Rue's ears caused the other voice trying to corrupt her to send pain much like a jolt of electricity through her body. It was trying to fight back against Fionna… Her body spazzed and jerked. Deep chuckles of amusement roared in her ears as she was broken further, being used as a puppet. If this went on for much longer, there was no doubt she'd end up killing someone…
"I completely understand. You are the one who fails to. I am a hero, and that is defined as doing the right thing, regardless of what the personal cost may be. Killing you would be WRONG on a number of levels, and the bloodshed would haunt me forever. You aren't evil, just lost. Don't you get it?" She frowned and looked Rue in the face.
"The only reason you can't control this thing is because you will not try. You say you fight it, but that is NOT what you are doing right now. The voices get loud enough and you decide to listen. This one time… Just this once… CHOOSE to listen to me, instead." For a moment she was silent, before whispering, "You need to trust me on this… my friend."
"I-I can't!" Rue screeched loud enough for maybe even Marshall to be able to hear her. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know! You haven't been possessed! You haven't had to wake up every day and look in the mirror to be faced by a MONSTER! Are you blind?! Can you even see me what the heck am I?! What am I even good for besides taking others' lives?!" She paused only to prevent her nails from penetrating through Fionna's skin, ripping herself away from her.
"I'm a killer! I am STILL a killer! You don't understand that I can't fight these… These VOICES! I can't stop them! I can't CHOOSE not to listen to them! It is IMPRINTED in my BRAIN that I. AM. A. KILLER! I AM A GOOD FOR NOTHING, UNLOVABLE, LIFE-TAKING MONSTER! And NO ONE can fix that! It's out of my CONTROL!" The second she finished, she buried her face in her hands. "You wouldn't understand… You'd never understand what it's like to be powerless against the demon that is yourself…"
Fionna was silent for a moment, before whispering, "Nobody is powerless, but you are right that you could never win a fight against yourself… not when you look at it as if you already lost. No person walking onto a battlefield, declaring that they have already lost the fight, is going to walk off of that field alive. Don't you understand? It doesn't matter how strong it is, or how strong you are. Countless stories have been told of massive armies being taken down by smaller ones. Strength isn't the determining factor for victory, Rue. It's attitude."
Then, although not too hard, Fionna slapped Rue across the face. "You are who you choose to be. So stop acting like some sort of victim. Anybody can change their stars. Look at me? You think I was always some heroic, self-sacrificing, fearless hero? I started out a coward who could never do anything but hide under a rock. For the first 12 years of my life… that was the way I lived!"
Then her face darkened. "You're right. I don't understand. But I do KNOW that if you give in, you make yourself powerless. If you stop fighting, you let It win. You choose to listen, to stop fighting, thinking that it would be easier that way… thinking that heeding the voices is the only option, because the other one is too far-fetched, too hard to grasp, too impossible to even consider. I hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes. You aren't fighting to win, just to resist.
"If all you ever do is resist, you have to lose. No war can be one when one party refuses to go on the offensive. I know this; if you do not try to fight… you WILL always be under its control." Her face resolute, she added, "So I won't make it easy for you to give in. You want to give in, fine, but you'll have to choose to. I'm not going anywhere. I'm forcing you to make a choice. Either give in and kill me, or for once in your life… stop resisting and FIGHT back."
"F-Fionna, how do you expect me to have a good attitude if all I can think about is how many times I've failed others?!" Rue grabbed the blonde's shoulders and shook her vigorously. "Do you understand what clinical depression is?! Yeah, think of that but a hundred times worse! I have no choice but to think what I do! I have no choice but to become overpowered by them! I have no choice but to become what the voice makes of me! I can't!"
"Have you ever had to fight against something that's physically AND mentally overpowering you?! They can meld my thoughts into anything they want! I'm powerless! I can't do anything to stop it! You've never been possessed, have you?! Would you HONESTLY understand that what you're saying is easier said than done?!"
Rue clutched her reddened cheek and stayed silent for the rest of Fionna's rant, then finished with a sigh. "This… This is going nowhere… You wouldn't understand… I'm sorry… Just… Just leave me alone, okay?" With that said, she gave Fionna and Cake one last sorrowful glance before jumping off the roof of the house and swooping down into the forest.
Fionna watched her take off with a sigh. She didn't say anything to Rue, but as she flew off… She whispered, "Yes. I know what clinical depression is… I lived a year of my life in that state. And I know it isn't easy… but… It's necessary." Cake was silent, an unreadable and unsettling look across her face. A mixture of agreement, acceptance, and regret. Some people… No matter how much they wanted to change… Could never be anything more than a monster.
