Hi everyone and I hope your Christmas was a happy one. Finally I managed to get my ass in gear and actually write something. However, this would not have been possible without the help of someone I now truly regard as a friend. She gave her time to read through this chapter and helped me enormously. She kind of realized I was losing the plot (not with the story - just with myself) and stepped in and offered her support. Words cannot fully express my gratitude because without her this chapter would not have been posted.
Chapter 12 - Sam
"I'd love to make an Izzy with you and when you're ready I will be too." Jules sat at her husband's bedside, remembering the conversation from so long ago. The happiest of memories; a beautiful Sunday afternoon spent with friends etched forever in her memory. She also recalled the rest of the conversation that evening when Sam had turned to her lying next to him on the bed. He had looked at her with those crystal blue eyes as he gently played with her hair. "I'm not sure we should both be at the SRU when that time comes." She had been taken aback by those words. "I've worked so hard for this Sam. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up the team," Jules had told him.
"It doesn't have to be you Jules; I'm not saying I want to be a stay at home dad, but maybe something a little less dangerous. I think us both being in the SRU is just too risky. We've both been injured - I don't want our baby growing up without its parents. "
She understood what he had meant that day - and even though she had fought against it, the feeling had been simmering under the surface long before her pregnancy. Maybe Sam had sowed the seeds that day or maybe it was just life catching up with her but there was something missing. Her drive and determination to be a part of the most elite police force in the country was waning. She wanted a different life for her and Sam. She'd tried to tell him. She'd told him she needed to feel normal and the baby growing inside of her had given her the excuse to have that normality she longed for. But now there was no baby, Sam's life was on the line and her life was on hold.
Jules sat as she had done for the past three weeks, six days and so many hours, in the armchair with its wooden arms and itchy upholstery which, no matter how hard she tried, remained the most uncomfortable seat she had ever sat in. She had gotten used to it. Had made it her own with pillows and blankets from home. She had spent a lot of time sitting in that damn chair watching the monitors and watching Sam. Watching, waiting; hoping for a miracle.
For the most part all Jules had for company was her thoughts She had imagined their life together; her, Sam and the baby, blissfully happy. And occasionally in her dreams they were all together and everything was how it should be, how it should have been. And then she would wake to the bleeps of the monitors in the windowless room with its dim lighting and see Sam and the stark reality of how it was and the terrifying possibility of how it still might be.
Jules leant forward and squeezed his hand. "I'm here Sam. I will always be here."
Jules looked at her watch, 7:55. She rubbed it softly. Sam had given her the watch last Christmas. She had always been too afraid to wear it to work; scared it would break chasing down some assailant. She could wear it now. She hadn't been to work since the day she had been shot and although well on the mend the thought of returning to the SRU - even on light duties - filled her with dread.
Jules knew it was morning only because the night had been long and the ICU was even quieter at night. She wondered momentarily why there were no windows in the ICU rooms. She wished there were. She wished Sam could feel the sun on his face or hear the rain tap gently on the window pane.
The door opened just enough for Jules to see Natalie standing behind it.
"Hi Jules" Natalie whispered. She kissed her sister-in-law on the cheek before placing a second kiss on her brother's cheek.
"How's Spike?" Jules asked.
"Good, busy. He's taking me out to dinner tonight. Told me to wear something fancy."
Jules smiled. It was good that the others were getting on with their lives and she knew why Spike was taking Natalie to dinner. He had told Jules last week he was going to ask Natalie to marry him and showed her the ring. He had asked Jules if it was okay with her he do this with Sam still so ill and she had scolded him for even thinking it was not right. Lives had to carry on and Natalie made him happy and Sam would be happy too.
"Jules, can I tell you something?"
"Anything"
"When I was in London I had an interview with an exclusive fashion house. They offered me the job… Then Sam got shot and I told them I needed time but now they're pressing me for an answer."
Jules was stunned and she was sure it showed on her face. She had no idea Natalie was even looking for another job let alone planning on working in another country.
"Do you want to take the job?" Jules asked knowing the answer before Natalie had time to speak and answered for her "Of course you do… What does Spike think about it?"
From Natalie's silence Jules knew Spike was completely unaware of his girlfriend's plans.
"You haven't told him?" she asked, the question filled with equal parts judgement and surprise.
"Not yet. With everything that has happened there just never was the right time." Natalie defended herself while knowing that she had just been putting off telling Spike.
"Don't you think he deserves to know?"
"I was thinking of telling him tonight over dinner."
"Tonight? - I'm not sure this is something you should say over dinner." Jules said fervently trying to stop Natalie from wrecking Spike's proposal plans.
Jules wondered if she should even attempt to involve herself in Spike and Natalie's dramas. She had enough of her own. But Spike had been her biggest support the entire time Sam had been in the hospital. She owed it to him to at least try.
"Natalie have you any idea how this sounds? You and Spike have been living together for almost two years and you didn't even tell him you were looking for another job. In another country, no less? What is it you want to tell him? You need to be honest with Spike and with yourself Natalie. You need to decide if you are really just saying goodbye; that for you the relationship is over.
"I was hoping Spike would come with me. He could easily get a job with the police force in London."
Jules rolled her eyes. "You haven't told him anything and yet you think he will drop everything and follow you to London giving up his career here - that's naïve Nat; naïve and selfish. The SRU is Spike's life, you can't just ask him to give it all up on a whim. He had already turned down a really lucrative job with the CSIS because he didn't want to leave the team."
Jules saw the hurt flash across Natalie's face. Maybe she had been a little harsh but she was secretly worried Spike would say yes and she would lose her best friend to another country.
You're leaving and the SRU was your life." Natalie hit back.
"How did you… "And instantly she knew "Spike told you?"
"He let it slip last week - but no one else knows I promise I haven't said a word."
"When would you have to leave for London?"
"End of November." A note of apology in her voice as she looked down and played with her hands in her lap.
"And what about Sam? Are you seriously going to leave for London while your brother's like this?" Jules replied instinctively taking hold of his hand.
Natalie chewed on her bottom lip. She knew she sounded selfish and she wouldn't even consider going until she knew Sam was going to be okay but she wanted this job. She wanted this job more than anything.
Their conversation was interrupted by the door opening. Sam's neurosurgeon walked into the room. The fifty something, chubby man with the kindest eyes Jules had even seen, took a chair from the side of the room and sat down with them. She liked Dr. Stephenson immensely. This man who had worked for nine long hours to save Sam's life had become her savior.
"Good morning. I asked to speak to both of you about the test results we have on Sam."
Jules inhaled deeply. She held on even tighter to Sam's hand as they both waited for the doctor to speak.
"As you know, we've had Sam in a medically induced coma since the surgery to allow time for the brain to heal and the swelling to subside. All the tests look positive so we think it's time we wake him up. We're looking at some time this afternoon so I'm here to answer any questions you may have."
Jules' mind was racing. This afternoon. She could get her Sam back this afternoon. Tears started to fall and Natalie took hold of her other hand.
"Does that mean Sam is going to be okay?" Natalie asked.
"The bullet caused significant damage and some bone debris was too deep to remove. What that means for Sam and how much this has impaired his brain function we still don't know. We could be looking at short term problems, or…." The surgeon looked at them both before continuing. "Severe, long term disabilities both physical and mental".
Jules had known this was coming. She had spent the last four weeks thinking about nothing else. Wondering how they would cope if the worst should happen - that Sam wouldn't be the man he was. How she would cope with her husband, who had been so active, so vital, if he didn't even know her. She had prayed that he would survive - and he had - against all the odds Sam had come through the surgery. She had gotten her miracle. Now she had to hope she would get a second one. A second chance for both of them.
"I should call mom and dad - they should be here." Natalie remembered having to tell them when Sam was in surgery. They had become world travelers since the General's retirement and had been on a safari holiday in South Africa. It had taken them four days to get to the hospital. They had initially stayed with Natalie and Spike until the small apartment had become too claustrophobic for all of them and the General had decided to book into a nearby hotel.
Jules nodded and said she would call Greg to let the team know.
Greg handed the phone back to Winnie. "Team One, briefing room - ten minutes." He announced through the SRU's loudspeaker system. He took hold of his coffee and walked towards the briefing room. Ten minutes to be alone with his thoughts and his coffee. He was flipping the pages of a buff coloured folder on his desk. It was Sam's file and decisions, hard decisions he did not want to even consider, had to be made.
Each member of the team entered the briefing room and took their respective seats. The past month had been hard on his team and morale was at the lowest it had ever been. Ed, still harbouring intense anger at the Government's decision to allow the sniper to walk free, stared into his coffee cup, reluctant to make small talk with his team mates. Spike, his days spent at the SRU and most of his nights spent with Natalie and Jules at the hospital, looked exhausted. His witty banter had all but disappeared. His team needed a break and Holleran had finally agreed to a week's leave for all of them. However, there was still business to be concluded.
"Firstly, I have just received a call from Jules. The doctors are going to wake Sam from his induced coma this afternoon." Greg knew his team would want to be at the hospital to support Jules. It was the news they had all been hoping for yet dreading at the same time. Every one of them trying to prepare themselves to face what they did not want to face - that in all probability Sam might not be the man he was a month ago.
"Do we know what time exactly Boss?" Spike the first to speak.
"No set time Spike but I'll speak to Holleran and see if we could get out of here by two. Also, Holleran has authorized a week's leave for Team One so today is our last shift." Greg looked at his team - he was proud of them all; they had worked tirelessly to catch the sniper and they deserved the break.
In any other circumstance this statement would have yielded whoops and cheers from his team. But his team was shattered, demoralized, worried and angry. They were all relieved of the break, but no one was in the mood to be happy about it.
"Secondly, and I know how you all feel about this, but unfortunately even if Sam makes a full recovery, the SRU's rules on this are clear. We need to talk about a replacement for Sam."
"What rule is that?" Questioned Leah.
"It is the rule, Leah which states you can work your ass off, pull double shifts, risk your life so the people of Toronto can sleep easy in their beds. But if you happen to get shot in the head in the process, then you won't have a job anymore. That's about right, isn't it Boss?" Ed said with his usual dose of sarcasm, yet the unbridled anger in his words was plain for all to see.
Ed had tried to contain his anger and had been working through it with the Unit's counselor as was the rest of the team, but he was finding it challenging to say the least. He was glad of the break but he wasn't sure it would stop the feelings he had that maybe the SRU wasn't the place he wanted to be anymore.
"So Sam risks his life and now he hasn't got a job anymore? Surely he could come back in some other capacity…if he recovers"? Leah asked.
"Could you see Sam behind a desk?" Spike fired back.
"Boss none of us are ready to make that kind of decision. I propose Wordy stay on with Team One until we know more. Wordy - would you be OK with that?" Ed asked his friend and colleague sitting across from him.
Wordy agreed to stay with Team One. In truth Wordy did not want to return to guns and gangs. He missed the camaraderie of his teammates and the adrenalin rush that he only got from the SRU.
The rest of the team agreed that Wordy be seconded to Team One for the foreseeable future. Wordy knew, as did the rest of the team, that his position would be permanent. The Sarge was right, the SRU's rules on traumatic brain injury are absolute, Sam could never come back to the team. Yes, he was happy to be back - it was the place he loved, but it was a bitter pill for all of them to swallow knowing he was there to replace Sam.
"What about Jules - when is she going to return to light duties?" Ed asked
Greg noticed the look on Spike's face and after years of profiling knew he was hiding something.
"What is it Spike - you know something we don't?"
"No Boss" Spike lied. He knew she wasn't coming back to the SRU but that was for Jules to tell - no one else.
"Hot Call Team One - potential hostage situation - 7578 Oakdale, Winne's voice called the team into action.
"Thanks Winnie - Suit up - we roll in ten. Winnie get me everything you have on the subject and the number of hostages".
The team dispersed quickly. Just a normal day for Team One except it didn't feel normal for any of them anymore.
Natalie had left shortly after the neurosurgeon had told them all he needed to. Jules was once again alone with Sam. But if she were honest, it was how she liked it. She would talk to him for hours, or read passages from his favorite books. She told him of her dreams for a better life for them and how she didn't want to be at the SRU any more.
It had surprised Jules how easy her decision to leave the SRU had been. It came without regret or remorse. Spike had tried to change her mind, but Spike knew Jules better than anyone, except Sam. He was her best friend and he had finally relented telling her she was making the right decision.
And now her best friend was about to have his heart broken by her sister-in-law. She didn't know whether to tell Spike or not. She did not want to be disloyal to either of them, but she knew in her heart if Natalie chose her career over Spike, it would be the biggest mistake she would ever make.
She looked at her husband and stroked his cheek. "Sam, when you wake up the first thing you need to do is sort your sister out."
The hostage situation was contained and no lives were lost or taken. It had been a good outcome. Debriefing had been a swift affair, all of the team wanting to be somewhere else. At just after 2:15 p.m. Team One left the SRU building and made their way to St. Simon's hospital. It was where they wanted to be. Where they needed to be.
Jules was flipping through the pages of a magazine. She tried to concentrate and read the article on fitness and diet but skimming was the best she could manage. Her brain had been unable to process anything since Dr. Stephenson had spoken to her.
Jules had always considered herself strong in every sense of the word. Physically she could take down a subject twice her size and mentally, she was like armoured- plated steel - or had been until Sam. He had broken through the wall she had built around herself. Bit by bit he had chipped away at it until it crumbled in a heap. He had made her soft - made her fall in love - made her vulnerable. He made her want things that she had never thought she wanted; babies, the house in the country the white picket fence. She wanted it all. Now as she watched Sam lying so still she would trade her very soul just to have him back.
Jules looked up from the glossy magazine when she heard the door open. She smiled, grateful the guys were there. They had been her support, had carried her through some desperate times over the last four weeks. She relaxed just a little knowing they were there with her.
Leah said she would stay with Sam while Jules had a break so she led the others to the ICU waiting area. The room was small but the chairs were comfortable and a hot and cold drinks machine sat tucked in the corner. Magazines were neatly displayed across the small imitation oak table, together with a rubber plant that looked sicker than some of the patients.
Greg sat down next to Jules taking hold of her hand as he did. "Do you know what time they're going to….?" he asked softly.
"About four. Dr. Stephenson said I should be in the room. If Sam wakes up immediately he said it would be beneficial for him to see a familiar face. He also said it could take a few days for him to become fully conscious." Her enormous chocolate brown eyes looked into Greg's as she inhaled deeply. Greg could see the fear in her eyes as he gently squeezed her hand.
Dr. Stephenson had also told her she needed to prepare herself. Although rare some medically induced coma patients never recover and however unlikely, there was a possibility Sam could slip further into a vegetative state. She didn't share that with Greg, too scared if she said it out loud it would become a reality. She had to hold on to the hope that Sam would wake up and he would be okay. She clung to that hope with every fibre of her being . She couldn't contemplate the alternative. They had suffered so much already.
"It will be okay Jules. You'll get through this. No matter what happens, we're all here for you."
Jules smiled at Greg, a hopeful smile but the sadness and the fear stayed in her eyes.
Everyone tried to make normal conversation. The team talked about the last call and how they had a week off. Jules appeared to be interested but Greg saw something different in her. A distance in her voice he had never heard before and he knew right then and there that Jules wouldn't be returning to the team.
Greg's heart ached. It was hard enough to lose Sam, but Jules had always been special to him. His protégé. He had always believed she belonged on the team and would take over from him one day when retirement beckoned. Greg sighed heavily; nothing was ever going to be the same. How could one decision determine the fate of so many? Everything that had happened over the last two years had been the result of his decision to volunteer Sam and him to assist Team Two on that freezing cold morning in January. Greg wished he could turn the clock back, go back to that fateful morning . If they hadn't joined Team 2 that day Andrew would still be alive and Sam wouldn't be in a coma.
The waiting room door opened and Natalie walked through.
"Mom and Dad are on their way - any news yet?"
Before Jules could answer a nurse followed Natalie through the door and looked at Jules.
"We're ready Julianna."
Jules blew out a sharp breath as she stood up from her seat.
Spike made his way to Jules and wrapped his arms around her.
"It will be okay Jules and when Sam wakes up you tell him we said Hi."
Time dragged in the waiting room. Minutes ticked slowly by. Silence broken by sporadic conversation; every one of them lost in his or her own thoughts, all wondering the same thing, would Sam wake up and if he did what lay ahead for their colleague and friend?
Ed stood, unable to sit any longer "I'm going to the cafeteria to get a coffee - that stuff tastes like Spike's socks."
"Lemony fresh with a hint of lavender?" Spike quipped.
The team laughed - a genuine laugh for the first time that day. Spike had managed to ease the tension in the waiting room just a little.
Jules watched Sam's face intently - watching, desperately hoping to see a flicker of his eyes, or a movement in his hands. The doctors were conducting various tests trying to elicit a response from Sam. It had been forty-five long minutes and there was no indication, no sign whatsoever that Sam was waking up.
Open your eyes, please Sam. Jules silently prayed.
Dr. Stephenson turned to Jules "Try and stay positive - this does not mean Sam won't wake up, it just means it might take a while."
Jules was trying to remain positive, but her resolve was fading. Finally, she couldn't stand by any longer and jumped forward.
"Sam, listen to me, you have to wake up… Sam, wake up. You have to wake up." Jules begged through her tears.
Suddenly, Sam's finger on his right hand moved a fraction.
Jules looked at the others for confirmation of what she had seen. They had seen it too.
"Keep talking to him Julianna." Dr. Stephenson encouraged.
"You've been hurt Sam, and you're in the hospital, but you are okay. The doctors just need you to wake up. I need you to wake up…"
Sam's eyes, which had been closed for so long, started to flutter. Jules thought it wasn't possible for her heart to beat that fast without exploding. Had he heard her? Was he responding to her voice or just the noise in the room?
Sam's right hand began to move more and more, appearing to try and grab the hospital cover, but unable to get his hand to grip.
"What's happening?" Jules begged.
"This is normal Julianna, it's a good sign and really good sign. It just might take a while for Sam to come round." Dr. Stephenson explained.
"He looks like he is in pain" Jules said
Dr. Stephenson explained that it could feel very strange for Sam. He would probably have no recollection of the incident and would not understand why he couldn't move or speak. He told her to keep encouraging Sam.
"Sam, I know you are feeling really scared right now, but baby I promise everything is going to be okay - you are going to be okay." Jules prayed she wasn't lying to the man she loved.
"Ju…?"
Jules heard it - just. Sam's voice barely a whisper. Had he tried to say her name? She was sure he had. She had to hold on to that hope. Believe it in her heart. This was what she had been hoping for - longing for - but could never quite believe it would be possible. Yet here she was in this room where she had spent so many lonely nights praying for a miracle and he had tried to say her name - he knew who she was. The past six weeks had taken so much from them both, it had been almost impossible to keep believing - to keep having faith.
"Yes, yes Sam, it's me." Tears cascading down her cheeks. She stroked his face with one hand while brushing her own tears aside with the other. She had shed a million tears over the last four weeks, but these tears were the happiest tears she had ever shed.
Whatever lay ahead of them now Jules knew they could face it together - that everything would be okay.
Sam was unconscious seconds later.
Dr. Stephenson placed his arm around Jules, instinctively knowing she needed his reassurance.
"I told you it could take a few days for Sam to become fully conscious. I think we've worn the poor man out. Come on, I think you could use a coffee."
Dr. Stephenson led Jules out of Sam's room.
"What happens now?" Jules asked.
"We wait. We know he is coming out of his induced coma. His vitals are stable and, more importantly, he said your name, which means he has retained some cognitive function. Jules, this is better than I had hoped, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. He still has a long way to go."
Jules' legs suddenly felt weak, and she sat down on a chair.
"Are you feeling okay Jules?" Dr. Stephenson asked.
Jules nodded. "Fine. A little overwhelmed."
"That is understandable - you've been through quite an ordeal. Why don't you just rest and I will speak to Sam's family - are they in the ICU waiting room?"
Jules nodded. She wished she could tell them herself, but couldn't trust her legs to get her there. So she sat in the chair as she gently played with Sam's wedding ring. She had placed it on the gold chain around her neck with her mother's locket. The nurse had handed it to her before they had taken him to surgery. There had been times she struggled to believe he would ever get to wear it again. Now she had hope - she had been given her second miracle.
I know you have all waited so long for this chapter and I really hope it didn't disappoint. Please leave a review if you feel it worthy. Thank you again for being so incredibly patient and a HAPPY NEW YEAR.
