Insert usual disclaimer here. I'm only doing this for fun – that's enough of a reward.

NAME: The Black Pearl

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: On the ocean, wherever the wind and the sea take me.

FAVORITE PASTIME: Lying at anchor in a peaceful bay or harbour and looking at the flash frigates. (1)

FAVORITE BOOK: I can't read but I love listening to my captain's stories, even if many of them get a bit unrealistic after the first bottle of rum. But at least they're entertaining!

THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: Being careened on a lonely beach to have all those nasty barnacles scratched off my hull, and my captain sensuously petting my wheel.

THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: Being burned by that funny little smurf with the big wig and the squeaky voice.

FAVORITE SMELLS: Fresh rum – I'm a pirate ship, after all!

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: Ahhhhh…it feels nice to have my deck swabbed on my favourite spot between guns two and three on the starboard side!

FAVORITE FOODS: Anything that's really dead, not alive with weevils and maggots like some of those rather old ship's biscuits! I hate the feeling of them scrabbling around in my insides…

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Oh, I don't mind carrying either of them. They smell better than my crew, in any case!

STORMS, COOL OR SCARY: Scary. The pressure of the wind makes my masts hurt. Ow!

FAVORITE DRINK: The rum my crewmembers sometimes spill on my deck. Alas, it isn't much, they're vey careful with it!

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I would stop people blowing holes into ships. They don't realise how that hurts!

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Nothing, really. I'm very content with myself now that I'm not cursed anymore.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Yes, with a cute little whaling ship called the Diamond. But then another one, named Eliza Swann, came and ruined it all! (2)

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: That depends on whether it has been turned recently. Oh, you're not talking about the hourglass? Oops, sorry…

WHAT'S IN YOUR ANXIETY CLOSET: Being crushed by the Kraken just because he's after the shiny trinkets in my captain's hair! That's why the Kraken was after him, Jack only made up the Davy Jones story afterwards because he thought it sounded more…well, piratey!

WHAT'S YOUR LOFTIEST DREAM: Hosting the next Talk Like A Pirate Day celebrations of the Tortuga Club of Relationally Dysfunctional Bachelors, of which my captain is the president.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE: Being told that my new owner is the funny little smurf with the big wig and the squeaky voice. I really don't like the cut of his jib!

WHAT DO YOU WISH PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT YOU THAT YOU FEEL THEY DON'T: I'm not an East Indiaman, I'm a galleon! It's rather obvious, don't you think? (3)

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(1) "The Flash Frigate" is a rather sarcastic sailor's ballad from the Napoleonic Wars; in 18th century slang,"flash" was an adjective meaning something like "elegant, refined and fashionable". "Flash girls", however, were something quite different, though : )

(2) The Black Pearl's answer to "Have you ever been in love" was inspired by a verse from the song "The Bonny Ship The Diamond" – I found it funny that one of the ships mentioned in it is called Eliza Swann!

Here's a health to the Resolution,

Likewise Eliza Swann,

Here's a health to the Rattler of Montrose

And the Diamond, ship of fame.

We wear the trousers of the white

And the jackets of the blue,

When we return toPeterhead

We'll have sweethearts anew.

(3) According to some site I read recently, the Black Pearl is an East Indiaman, but, judging by her forecastle she can only be a me if I'm wrong, though!