So sorry about the delay guys! But this thing will be 30 chapters when it's all said and done so I hope it makes up for the wait. Enjoy!
She could feel her heart tensing the closer they got to the ballroom, and every minute he was touching her. And her stomach was roiling, but though she was unspeakably nervous about the party…seeing those she loathed and how they would react…what ridiculous insinuations they would throw at her…she also felt herself almost dying a little, if that even made sense, at the feel of his warmth touching her body. His cologne was also in full effect, like always, and as she closed her eyes again in order to stifle her nerves, vividly, she was back in her bedroom, back in time, and she was in her corset and he was at the door, but instead of him leaving, he somehow closed the door and came over and kissed her…a gentle yet slowly bruising kiss, a welcome, welcome feeling for her...
Rose's eyes flashed open again, almost feeling like she was going to faint. No. Goodness no…she could not think like that! She…she couldn't…She wanted to scream, and, what's more, scream at herself, but of course, this was neither the time nor the place…She dared not look beside her at Cal, but she could feel her heart thrumming all the same as if she had.
Rolling her eyes, she barely had time for her previous nerves about the party to return before they were finally there, as if by magic. Closing her eyes again, wanting to scream, she then thought considering what hell was in store for her tonight, spending the evening with Cal in her bedroom would have actually been more enjoyable…Her cheeks burned as she finally processed her thought, and then she jumped a little as Cal leaned towards her and said, "Too late to turn back now, so I hope you enjoy yourself. I'll try and dance with you later."
He smiled, then, and she forced herself to smile back. Then the doors were opened for them, and Rose forced herself to smile again as she felt all eyes on them. She stared blindly, hardly daring to look at anything or anyone. She heard whispers… strangely, they seemed to be delighted ones…but other than that, she was numb. Finally, finally, she was seated at their table, and Cal leaned towards her and said, so softly only she could hear, "You look like you're going to faint, darling. There's nothing to be nervous about. You look beautiful, and at least try to enjoy yourself. I'm sorry I can't spend the whole evening with you, but at least try…"
He winked, then, and then finally let go of her arm, her arm suddenly feeling cold and empty without the contact. Dimly, she watched him cross the room, handsome face alight with a smile, to go chat with business partners and clients, her entire being suddenly feeling empty and bereft without him there to help her. Spend time with her. Protect her from awkward questions and judgments…His words washed over her again, her face burning. "You look beautiful…"She had heard the rest, but that seemed to resonate most…
Then, as if in a daze, she registered a small group of smiling older women coming over to talk to her. Rose blinked, feeling bile coming up as she recognized all of them… But she smiled then, and she knew she just had to get through this night and then it would be over…
They were all elegantly dressed in their finest dresses and gloves, and wearing only the most expensive jewelry. Evidently, their husbands were all busy talking business, leaving them to talk the area of expertise they were most skilled in: gossip. Or rather, at this point, her. The first, a woman with graying hair in a stylish updo, took the chair closest to her, the rest following suit. She forced herself to focus on the woman's dress color, navy blue, and the sparkles that adorned it, and not her face just yet, for she felt she would probably scream angrily in it.
"Rose, dear," she simpered, her eyes bright. "Oh my goodness, I almost cried when I heard the news. We all did, really." Here all the women nodded enthusiastically, some even wiping their eyes with handkerchiefs. "It's…goodness, it's such a miracle that you, you survived that dreadful sinking! Oh…and that he found you…oh but I must say, he was a very broken man at your funeral. It, why, it must have been the most wonderful, romantic reunion between you two! But anyhow, oh, what matters is that you are here, alive, and with us again! You look beautiful, dear, and oh you and Mr. Hockley make such a lovely couple. When you two came in, it was so beautiful. I could tell instantly how in love you two are!"
Rose felt cold at that statement.
The other ladies all nodded again, smiling. Choruses of agreements rang around the table, like dreadful high-pitched music, and then Rose smiled again, however woodenly. She didn't know whether to scream or laugh…
The same woman reached out to finger Rose's dress, admiring it. "Oh what a beautiful dress too, to match your gorgeous hair! Oh, to be young and beautiful again. When you get to be our age, you always wish you had paid more attention to the pleasures of youth."
Now the other ladies all giggled again, and then another asked, "Have you set a date for the wedding yet?"
Feeling incredibly awkward, robotic, Rose said, "I…I, no, we, we haven't. I…it may not look it, but I…I am still a little under the weather. I, I'm sure my mother has told you. But he has been really understanding about the entire ordeal. We, we are just enjoying spending time together again, really."
She smiled again, marveling at how good of a liar she could be, and all the ladies, who had previously gasped in sympathy at her saying she was still sick, now sighed at her last statement.
Then another said, "Oh, well, true love isn't true love without understanding, dear. You will make a beautiful bride when the day finally occurs, and we can hardly wait for our invitations!"
Everyone all agreed again, save for Rose, of course, and she just had to wonder at how cold and snobby, or so shocked that they would never want to speak to her again, these very same women would become if they knew the real truth about her, real secret: that she had been a prostitute.
Groaning a little inside her head, as she saw more women approaching, these ones cold and arrogant looking, under the impression that they were queens, she had to wonder if excusing herself for some air would go over well…
Then Rose's heart almost stopped as she heard the foremost speaker of the group say, "Oh but you and him are so beautiful together and will both be so happy when the day finally occurs. You are so lucky you are the one who got Cal out of all the girls your age! And he only has eyes for you, dear, that much is clear. Every young girl would love to be in your shoes!"
Everyone agreed again, and then a taller woman who was part of the newer group of women who had just joined said, "I have to admit, I was skeptical that you would still look the same after such an illness that you suffered, and apparently are still suffering from. But you do still look very agreeable, and you two still make a handsome couple. But pity you had to stay in such a horrible place as a common rat-infested, dirty clinic! You probably picked up other horrible germs there, too."
Rose bit her lip, enraged, silently wanting to dump wine on the woman's dress. Pity her dress was already red…Also, a huge part of her wanted to say it had been a rat-infested, dirty brothel, thank you very much, and watch the upturn of the woman's nose, and of all her equally snobby friends, and all of them walking away and never wanting to talk to her again, torture her again. But she did not.
"Oh, no. The doctor took fantastic care of me once I got back, and still is. But I appreciate your thoughts."
The woman and all her friends, silent witnesses, were still scrutinizing her, as if they suspected she held a secret. But clearly she found nothing worth criticizing, and simply sniffed and said, "Well at least he still wants you, after being in such a place and being reduced to filth for all those months. Not many young men would."
Wanting to slap her now, and questioning exactly how she had been "reduced to filth" and asking why wouldn't Cal still want her, when she wasn't an old, snobby, vain, dried-up husk like her, she simply smiled, gritting her teeth, and eventually all the women went away.
The group still seated at the table then all gushed again, wishing her well, and then they took their leave, to her intense, intense pleasure…
And so it went. She was fielded left and right by lots of other women, and lots of men. Each time she had to smile, grin and bear the torture, and listen to them all proclaim how happy they were, and how they could not wait for the nuptials when they finally occurred…or what a perfect couple they were…or how beautiful she still was, especially from the men…or simply even be stared at with cold smiles that suggested obvious suspicion, though thankfully the latter was only from a few individuals…
Finally, finally, all of that seemed to be over, at least for the time being. Feeling she could finally breathe again, she went and got herself a glass of wine and went and sat down again, finally getting a fair chance to take in the ballroom.
Gray. That was honestly the only word Rose could think of to describe the elegant ballroom where the party was being held. The uppermost ballroom of the hotel, and also the largest, had been reserved for the party, and she had to admit, the final effect was stunning, despite the dour color. The carpet was plush, silken, and finely made, and would have been even better despite the color. The walls were also gray, but the room was warm and everywhere she looked, guests were laughing together and drinking, or gathering refreshments. The orchestra was playing lively off in the corner, and the dance floor was full of swirling couples. Bright golden lights were strung up all across the room to create a dazzling final environment.
Finishing her glass, she went and walked over to get just one more. She would certainly need it…when, suddenly, she was hounded by yet more people. Wanting to curse them out, she recognized them as giggling girls around her age she had been forced to be friendly with in the past. She assumed they were here, as she was, either because their fiancés or husbands were business partners or clients of Hockley Steel, or because they were simply the daughters of clients and business partners.
"Oh Rose," one gushed. "You look so beautiful! Oh you and Cal make such a wonderful couple…I would love to be you. You most assuredly got the best out of all the young bachelors." She then sighed wistfully.
The others all agreed enthusiastically, and for several minutes she had to listen, yet again, for what seemed the umpteenth time, about how lucky she was, and how they would love to be her, and how they couldn't wait to be bridesmaids in her wedding…and how they were a perfect couple, and how beautiful their love was…and, finally, how she would have to come over for tea soon…
Wanting to scream again, now, she mused at least those girls weren't snobby and insufferable as other girls their age she knew she would also have to face eventually.
Closing her eyes and opening them again, she scanned the room, searching for Cal. She found him, and he was laughing at something another man had said. Goodness…she never, ever thought she would say this but she wanted him to come to her rescue…
But then she smirked as she noticed a girl from the gaggle that had just accosted her staring longingly at him.
Snorting a little, she simply went and sat back down. A number of gentlemen, some around her age, most older than her, asked her to dance, but she politely declined each time.
Then, suddenly, she was almost shell-shocked as Cal gently came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder and said, "May I have this dance?"
Turning, she almost didn't know what to say. Wide-eyed, she blinked and said, "Oh goodness, you scared me!"
He grinned and said, "Well, would you care to or not?"
Staring at him, suddenly she felt like it would actually be much more enjoyable than sitting at the table…or, worse yet, giving others the chance to field her with more questions and interrogations that hadn't had a chance yet!
Standing, she gratefully accepted, and then they were dancing. She honestly had to admit, as they whirled, that he was an excellent dancer. She also had to admit, if she was being perfectly honest, that the sight of him smiling at her as they talked was also welcome. She…she was almost enjoying herself!…
"I figured I would finally come to your rescue after all of that, when I finally could. You looked as though you were going to scream."
She sensed the amusement he felt, and suddenly didn't have the energy to be snippy back. "Yes, yes I did. Goodness, it was a nightmare, and I never thought I'd say this but I actually wanted you to come and talk to me."
He only smiled a little, to her surprise, and she suddenly felt self-conscious. His hands on her waist were suddenly never more noticeable. True, they had been affecting her ever since they had started dancing, but now… They were warm and steady, and again, as she focused on their nearness, she felt butterflies again attacking her stomach…
Oh it was certainly the wine that was making her woozy…yes, certainly the wine…
They ended up dancing three dances, to her surprise, and would have wound up dancing a fourth, when suddenly he said, "I am sorry, darling, but duty calls again. I'll see if I can get away again later."
Here he kissed her hand then, and it was almost as if she had been shocked, the warmth of his mouth almost seeming to burn her hand. Watching him retreat, she almost felt empty…bereft…sad that he couldn't spend time with her for awhile again. And she didn't know why she felt so bereft and…and odd now.
Shaking her head, she went and sat down again, wanting to get some air soon. Crisp cold winter air would do her much good…and do her cheeks much good after that…
Come to think of it that had been the most enjoyable part of her night…
Sighing again, she decided to suffer through the rest of the night with resignation. There wasn't that much longer now…only a few hours at least…But she groaned yet again as she spotted that infamous Robert Zwicken ambling towards her with a huge friendly smile on his face, clearly drunk...Swearing in her head, she mused later she'd keep an eye out for his wife who was having an affair with Oscar, and that young couple that Cal had wonderfully told her about...
The drunken older lady, a short, sweet little thing admittedly with white hair in an updo, was twirling on the dance floor now, and had begun to warble Silent Night. Rose found it amusing at first, even sharing amused looks and smirks with Cal, but near the end it became rather irritating. Though something made her block it out near the end of the party...
Finally, when the party was finally, mercifully ending, staring blankly across the room, she suddenly felt wide-awake, as if she had been shocked…The woman's awful singing ceased to exist...
There, far, far across the expansive room, there was a young man, his back to her, only a little older than her, telling a story to very intrigued, laughing youth, like all the first-class people in her age group. He looked so, so very familiar…it was like she knew him, that particular first-class man…without a doubt, but she could not place it…he was tall, slender, had slicked-back blond hair…and then it hit her. Her heart sped up, and happy tears pricked her eyes. Starting to smile, she almost couldn't bear it.
Why, it was him! Jack! Without a doubt! The resemblance was simply uncanny, and if only she could see his face, she would feel all the happiness she had been drained of since the sinking coming back to her tenfold, forever and always. Oh god! But why, why hadn't he sought her out yet? Had he just arrived?
Butterflies swarming her at the prospect of talking to him again, seeing him again, she blinked rapidly, and wanted all those terrible people to go away, so she could see him, have him all to herself!
Blinking the tears away, a huge smile lighting her face, she was going to get up and not just walk, but run over to him and tap him on the shoulder, when suddenly, the man turned around and walked away, still laughing, and her heart sank, her stomach cruelly plummeting fast. She felt gutted…absolutely gutted…no. This man was decidedly not him…so horribly, very, very obviously not him…
This man was the same age, true, and looked very like him from behind, but this young man was laughing snootily at whatever story he had been telling. The man's handsome face was contorted now in mirth, but it was clear he still held himself with unspeakable arrogance.
Bitter, hot tears now almost threatening to spill over, she bit her trembling lip, feeling drowned, encased in terrible heartbreak again. Why? Why had she been so foolish? But at the same time she knew she hadn't been…In that moment, she had been so sure, he had somehow survived and was here, ready to rescue her. Take her away from all of this…Love her. Be with her…like they had planned…
And then sadness and reality hit again, crushing her.
She was so stupid! So foolish! To think that he had survived was laughable, even for her!
He was dead. Never, ever coming back! She was such a naïve, stupid fool!
And finally, worse yet, she finally realized that without a doubt, all of those terrible, terrible nightmares about him…and about the sinking…would be returning tonight. Strangely she had been doing fine for awhile, her sleep blissful, but this…this…she knew the night would be simply unbearable, simply frightening…
Feeling cold, she closed her eyes and could already see countless victims slowly coming for her as she screamed and ran away, their dead faces contorted in evil expressions, evil smiles. All of their skin was slipping off…their eyes were sunken in…Some were even skeletons now…or some were merely missing limbs, the water having caused their bodies to start decaying…
They were coming for her, all for her. She had survived. They had not. She shouldn't have. What made her so special?
Almost screaming, she snapped her eyes open and blinked her tears away, focusing on calming herself as best she could.
Then suddenly Cal was coming towards her, smiling and laughing a little, and she heard him say, "Darling, are you ready?"
Of course, once he finally caught a good look at her, his smile vanished, and concern reached his face.
"Rose? Are you all right?"
Turning to him, she softly said, "Take me home, Cal. Please." Her voice was trembling and she was struggling not to cry or start screaming now. The woman's singing was at full volume now.
"Yes, of course…"
And so they left, Rose leaving one hell behind and knowing another was waiting for her in her bedroom, late at night, where nobody could save her or protect her.
