Chapter Twelve

Cindy wrote that she'd gotten Eric's address from his Facebook profile, though he didn't remember putting it there. Her e-mail was a long, heartfelt apology for the way she'd misused him:

"I've matured a great deal since I was nineteen, and I realize how unfair I was to you. There was so much I should have told you so much sooner, so much I was thinking and feeling, and instead I led you on. I accepted your proposal even though I was having doubts about our relationship. That was wrong of me, and I know I wounded you. I'm glad to see you went on to find someone else to marry. I'm glad you found the right person. I wish I could say the same for myself."

He felt a little guilty about the self-satisfaction that arose within him when he read those words. Cindy's life hadn't been all puppy dogs and rainbows without him, whatever she had imagined it would be when she left. She was right. She had misused him. Maybe he should tell her just how much. Just how lost and angry and confused her leaving had made him. Just how incredibly unfair it was. And how Tami was ten times better in bed than she was, thank you very much.

In the end, though, he wrote a two-word reply: "Apology accepted."

She must have been at her e-mail right then, because within a minute, he had a reply: "Thank you for accepting my apology. You always were a gracious guy."

To that, he replied, "I hope you found yourself." He didn't mean to come off as angry and sarcastic. He half meant it. He half wished her well. He'd cared about her once, deeply.

Eric went through the rest of his e-mails, replying where necessary, and was about to shut it down when he saw that Cindy had replied again. "That was such a silly idea of mine," she wrote. "I don't even know what I meant when I said that. I don't know if I ever found myself, but I went to college after all, and I got a degree, and I've been really successful at my job. Last year, they made me a partner in my accounting firm. I think my husband was jealous of my success, and that contributed to the divorce."

To that, he responded, "My wife is very successful. She's the Dean of Admissions at Braemore college. I would never begrudge her that success."

See how much of a better husband I am than the guy you picked?

After he sent it, he felt a little guilty, since the truth was that he hadn't exactly encouraged Tami when she first got the offer.

This time, he waited. When he heard the soft chime of new mail, he opened Cindy's message.

"Of course you wouldn't begrudge her. You were always such a supportive boyfriend. You could be that way because you were confident without being cocky. That was one of the sexiest things about you."

He shut the screen of his laptop abruptly, as though someone might have seen. Of course no one had seen. The kids were hunched over their Constitutions, or at least over their cellphones hidden between the covers of their Constitutions.

He eased the screen of his laptop back up and read the message again. He had to admit, it made him feel good, especially now, when it seemed he was being pushed a little out of Tami's life. Josh-Josh-Josh. Every bedtime conversation was about Josh. Josh got a great job as a math teacher in Philadelphia. Josh might go back and get his Ph.D. in math one day. Josh was captain of the math club in high school. Josh just bought a new car. Josh this and Josh that. Josh. Josh. Josh.

What about Eric?

He read the message a third time, and then he typed, "Yeah? What else did you think was sexy about me?"

He looked at the line he'd just typed.

You're a moron, he told himself.

He promptly deleted the words. Instead, he typed, "I don't mean to be rude, but this is my work e-mail you've been writing to. I shouldn't be receiving personal e-mails on this account."

Then he shot off an e-mail to Tami: "Hope your day is going well. Just wanted to say I love you."

He shut his laptop, stood up, and announced. "Y'all, sorry I was being lazy about teaching this morning. Let's have ourselves a little discussion." He pointed to Marcus at the back of the class. "Income tax!" He was proud of himself for suddenly remembering.

"What?" Marcus asked.

"The 16th amendment allowed Congress to levy an income tax. Let's talk about that."

[FNL]

"So today I gave Josh a full family health history," Tami was saying as Eric lay on his back, hands crossed over his stomach, starring up at the ceiling. She was sitting up against the headboard. One lamp, the lamp on her side of the bed, was still on. "Do you know one of his favorite movies is Foul Play? Isn't that a weird coincidence? I mean, you wouldn't even think a kid his age has ever seen that movie. Well, Julie's seen it, but only because I made her watch it. But isn't that amazing, that we both have one of the same favorite movies? Oh, and you know what else he told me today? He said – "

"- Cindy e-mailed me today to tell me she thinks I'm sexy."

"What?" Tami's hair bounced with the force of her turning head. "She just wrote you an e-mail completely out of the blue that said, I think you're sexy?"

"More or less."

"No," Tami said. "No. She didn't do it out of the blue. There's a context. I want the context."

He pulled himself up into a sitting positon next to her. "There's not much of a context, really. We were writing back and forth – "

"- Writing back and forth! Yeah! That's the context, Eric. What did you say to her?"

"I thought you said you weren't the jealous type?"

She looked directly in his eyes. "Give. Me. The. Context."

He recounted his e-mail exchanges with Cindy. The ones he actually wrote. Not any of the ones he thought about writing.

"Hmmm….well at least you didn't give her much encouragement. She figured out she tossed away a good thing, I guess."

Eric smiled.

"What are you smiling about?"

Eric stopped smiling.

"You need to draw a clear line with her."

"I did."

"I hope so," Tami said, and slid down in bed and made a hrmphing sound.

"I told you what I wrote her."

"You didn't tell her she was being inappropriate, did you?"

"I don't think…I don't think that was really necessary. "

"Well if she keeps e-mailing you to tell you how sexy you are, you better tell me about it."

"A'ight."

"And don't go liking all her status updates on Facebook. That'll give her the wrong idea."

"I never like anyone's status updates." Sometimes, if someone posted a bit of news – like when Vince posted he'd made quarterback of the new super Panthers or when Luke posted that he had signed up for the military – he would pick up the phone and call and offer his congratulations and advice. But he didn't like clicking like.

Tami was quiet for a long time. He wondered if she was stewing over Cindy's forthrightness or suspecting him of further encouragement. He didn't really care which. At least she was preoccupied with him for a change.

"Eric," she said, her voice a weird mix of soft concern and hard irritation, "what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You tell me. Clearly you're upset about something, and you're doing your little passive aggressive dance."

"Dance? I'm not doing any kind of dance. "

She sighed. She threw off the covers and stood up. "Get out of bed," she ordered.

"What?"

"Get out of bed, go open us a bottle of wine, and meet me in the living room. We're having this out."