Author's Note: I know that, in my comments/previews I sent many of you, I contradicted myself from the last A/N. It said, Ness was in it for the sex, which she somewhat is. Nessie is a very influenced girl so when she assumes Jake only wants sex, she tells herself that she only wants sex also. But if you re-read chapter -, you can see the subtle hints that she is in love with Jacob. Like her irritation with Jacob not telling Charlene, and her only wanting sex with him. Also, let me know if you guys are even getting my replys & preview, cuz I have no clue if you readers are receiving them. Happy reading!
"Love is not blind, it simply enables one to see what others fail to see."
Chapter 12 - A Glimmer of Hope-
"I thought Seth was meeting us?" Claire questioned, lifting her hand to shield the sun from her eyes.
Across the picnic table, Embry replied, "He went with Leah to visit Emily at the hospital."
Ness grimaced at the mention of Leah. She knew there was absolutely no reason to despise Jacob's ex-girlfriend. Leah had never personally done a thing to her but she wasn't fond of her, or Emily. Pushing aside her irritant of the women, she queried, "Oh? She had her baby?"
"MmmHmm," Claire nodded seeing Quil and Jacob step out the doors of the diner with food trays in hand.
Everyone knew the heartbreaking story of the Leah, Sam and Emily love triangle but no one ever spoke a word about it.
Not thinking, Ness readjusted the sunglasses on her nose while saying, "That must be hard for her. I can't believe Emily did that to her own cousin."
Claire's eyes went wide when Ness made that comment about her cousin Emily. The girls had this argument time and time again. Emily didn't purposely steal Sam from Leah, it just happened but Claire figured out the truth. Renesmee disliked both, Emily and Leah for different reasons but both pertained to Jacob. If Emily never came down from the Makah Reservation to visit her cousin, Leah and Sam would have never broken up. Therefore, Leah would have not ever rebounded with Jacob. As trivial as Renesmee's reasons to loathe each women was, Claire turned the other cheek allowing Ness to have her own feelings. Though, it's been nearly two years and she couldn't understand why Ness still held a grudge, when things between Jacob and Leah were undoubtedly over. However, when it came to Jacob, Ness has always been over protective and jealous with the girls that gravitated towards him.
Not wanting to argue about this yet again, Claire brought up a different topic just as Quil and Jacob sat down the tray of food and drinks the retrieved.
"Ness, you know Aaron?"
Jacob ears perked up wondering why Claire was asking Renesmme about Aaron Connelly. As he set Nessie's food in front of her, along with her drink, he watched Nessie's reception to the question.
Not really having a response, Ness looked up to Jake saying, "Thanks."
Jacob took his seat adjacent to the passive teenager, concluding it was too difficult to see her reaction with the sunglasses covering her face. Replying to Claire, Ness verbally pondered, "Aaron? Yeah, what about him?"
Scooting over, making room for Quil to sit between both she and Ness, Claire informed, "He was asking me about you."
"So?" Ness shrugged punching the straw through the lid of her soda.
The boys stayed quiet, all already consuming their burgers and fries all covertly interested.
"Well what should I tell him?" she asked unwrapping her burger.
"Tell him, I'm not interested."
Ever person's jaw at that table dropped, and Jacob almost choking on a fry. With wide eyes each stared at Ness in awe, not believing she wasn't remotely interested. She was actually turning down a guy. That was so out of character. Ness was never single for more than a week, everyone thought she couldn't function without having a boyfriend. It became uncomfortably quiet amongst the table. Each teen noticed, besides Ness, who was chewing on her food, gazing up at the tops of the surrounding evergreens.
Everyone managed to swallow the comment Renesmee made and got back to their lunches as well as other conversation. Everyone except Jacob. He stared across the table at Ness, wondering if their intimate night in the hotel room caused her to not even wonder about Aaron being a potential boyfriend. He was reflecting upon her behavior in the last couple of weeks. It had been nearly a month since they had sex, and not once has either spoke about prom night. Thinking it over, Jacob realized Miss boy crazy hadn't talked about a male suitor in some time. Maybe something in her changed?
Ness looked over to him, noticing he was absent mindedly staring at her. It felt more as if he was looking right through her. To be sure, she looked over her shoulder and saw that there were a few people from their school eating lunch in the back of a pick-up. Nessie's legs went numb with adrenaline when she notices that one of them happened to be Charlene. Eww, she thought snapping her head back to Jacob, who had now turned his line of vision where Ness was staring. Wanting to associate with the sight of Charlene with pain, Ness kicked Jake's shin under the table.
"Ow!"
"Quit daydreaming and eat," she said smiling at him.
Doing as she said, he got back to his triple patty cheeseburger and noticed he was missing a straw from his drink. With his mouthful he mumbled, "Crap, I forgot a straw."
"I'll go get you one," Ness said sliding of the bench. Staring down at him, she laughed at the ketchup dripping down his chin. "And a napkin, Does anyone else need anything?"
Following , she took off towards the burger diner with an capsized gut. Not wanting her friends to know she was about to throw up, she found a reason to take off to relieve her queasy stomach. Stepping inside, she made her way to the bathroom. Ness assumed her sensitive stomach had finally settled but something made her anxious. Hanging over the toiled her head was engrossed with the thoughts of Jacob staring at Charlene and the history final she took this morning and didn't study for. Both left her stomach so unsettled that she vomited the content of the burger she had literally, just consumed. I was doing so good, she thought.
Meanwhile, Claire playfully mentioned, "Jacob, you and Nessie have been awfully chummy."
"What do you mean?" he wondered clearly, not noticing they've been attached at the hip since prom.
"Claire's saying you guys are so far up each other's ass-"
Interrupting her boyfriends, inappropriate wording she pinched his side shrieking, "Shut up Quil!"
Shaking her head, Claire turned back to Jake saying, "What happened at prom? She took off with Nahuel then you disappeared. "
"Yeah, once you left Charlene wouldn't leave me the hell alone," Embry whined tossing a piece a garbage, as if shooting a basket ball through a hoop.
Giving half truth, he said, "Nahuel broke up with her. She called me and I had to go , reassure her that he was just another asshole."
"I kinda figured something like that happened," Claire added, "and Ness must feel safe with you nearby, which you guys are always within a five foot radius of one another."
"No we're not, and I just had to be there for her."
"Man, you didn't have to do anything for her," Quil said.
"We all know why he comforted her."
Wiggling his eyebrows at Jake, Embry chuckled,"Yeah."
"No, that's not what I meant," Claire replied throwing a fry at his head.
" Jake wishes, I saw you writing her name in your notebook-" Quil laughed pretending to write in a notebook.
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen," he drew out the mockery he was making of Jacob.
Between his teeth, Jacob snapped, "You can shut up now, Quil."
Instantly shutting down, Quil halted turning to Claire he fussed, "Man, why is everyone telling me to shut up?"
"Because you don't know how to close your mouth," Claire said flicking his nose, then redirecting a question at Jacob.
" Do guys really do that?" she needled eminently.
Claire noticed him rub his forehead not only in disgruntlement but with embarrassment. Taking notice, Claire diverted back to the original topic at hand. " I'm just trying to say you both seem different. Especially, Nessie I mean she hasn't had a boyfriend in three and half weeks, I think that's some sort of record."
All began laughing at that, even Jacob smirked. It could very easily be the longest Ness has been without a boyfriend since her eighth grade year. When Claire snapped her mouth shut, every teen assumed Ness was coming back.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Jake shrugged.
Taking her spot on the wooden bench, Ness eyed her food as if it had just insulted her. Feeling intimidated by the hardly eaten burger, she breathed through her mouth, not wanting to sniff the scent. After many more concentrated breaths, Ness heard Jake mutter, "Eat. We're waiting on you."
"I'm not really that hungry," she said pushing her food away.
Embry noticed the morose expression on the girls face, and wanted to investigate. "You don't look to hot, are you feeling okay?"
Claire attached her concern to Embry's declaring, "You look tired."
"I've been feeling sick all morning. I didn't study for my history final, I think I totally bombed it."
"You bomb a test?" Quil chuckled lightening the mood, " That's a first."
The group began to get up, stretch and toss their garbage in the closest trash can.
Jacob frowned, upset she was feeling ill. Tuning out the others he looked to her and notified, "I told you we didn't have to hang out last night."
Removing her sunglasses, she placed them upon the splintering wood of the picnic table. Pinching her nose she retorted, "But I wanted to."
"You feeling sick right now?"
Bobbing her head up and down, she put her elbow on the table and rested her fist on her temple, sighing, "You know how anxious I get."
"Yeah," he agreed.
"Not only that, my nose in running like crazy. Maybe I'm dehydrated or getting a cold or something."
"I hope not," he said coming to his feet, " we have the graduation party to go to."
Standing, she grabbed her food and threw it in the trash giving voice to her view,"It's a bon fire like any other,"
"Yeah, but this time we have a reason to throw a one. Hannah and Paul are coming by the way, they really want to see you."
Ness grinned with the mention of his niece and nephew, they were the cutest things she's ever seen. Both toddlers had big brown eyes, tanned skin and angelic faces. She adored how Rachel dressed them and each had more hair on their head than Renesmee, and she envied it.
Unlocking her Volvo from afar, her and Jacob slowly made their way closer. She had acquired the car, when she started dating Nahuel. Ness told Edward she was no longer getting rides from Jake and that she needed a car. Edward, happily complied giving her the 2003 Volvo s40, the exact car they had when she moved to Forks.
All their friends climbed in while Ness and Jacob were only halfway to the white automobile. With thoughts of Hannah and Paul, Ness beamed wrapping her arms around Jacob's triceps.
" You don't have to coax me with your niece in nephew, I'll go if you want me too."
Allowing Ness to keep a hold on him, he continued walking totally content. Approaching the car, Ness handed him the keys wanting him to drive. The two climbed in maintaining their conversation. Unknowing to them, Quil, Claire and Embry wanted to see how the interacted.
"When is it?" Ness asked buckling her seatbelt.
"Saturday at two, Charlie said we could have it in his back yard."
"I still can't believe Seth is my uncle now, or that Leah is my aunt, it's weird."
"You're telling me?" he sniggered starting the car.
Everyone started chatting about random subjects over the loud music. A few miles outside the school, Ness turned down the music rolling her head over to Jake.
"Hey, I like that song," he complained wanting to hear the alternative song that was being played every five seconds on the radio.
"It's played out."
"Yeah," he admitted she was right.
"Are you gonna pick me up after you go to the gym?"
"I have to go to work today."
"Really?" she frowned, "I thought we we're going to see a movie and celebrate your last day."
"We can still see a movie but you'll have to wait until I get off work."
"What time?"
Coolly, he put his elbow on the shoulder rest letting his palm relax on the leather stick shift. Just as fluently, Jake let the words dance out of his mouth, " I should be done by six."
"I don't think teenagers should work," she said with her whole body angled at Jake, " I mean you only have so little time to be a teenager."
Smugly, he replied, "How else do you think I can afford to pay for our movie tickets?"
"I'll pay," she offered clutching his hand in her palms, " So you can totally miss work."
Jake countered, "Nessie I promised this guy I'd have his truck done by tomorrow."
Pulling his hand up to her nose, she begged into the back of his hand closing her eyes, "Please, please just ditch work. For me?"
That questioned sounded so familiar to him. He wondered if ditching work would result in an s Shaking the thoughts from his mind, Jake answered taking her left hand and kissing it, "I would, you know I would but this guy's paying double to have it done by tomorrow."
Miserly, Nessie felt her face fall. She really wanted to hang out with him. Lost in thought, she stared at him observing his features with hands still clamped jointly. Flipping his hand over, she softly ran her index finger along the wrinkles of his palm waiting for the light touch to tickle his palm.
" Don't," he said pulling his hand away then reaching for the ticklish spot above her knee. Ness cackled as Jake unrelentingly squeezed her thigh
"Stop it!" she yelled amongst, her giggling. By hook or by crook, the two settled by interlacing their fingers.
"You're such an ass," Ness giggled, tickling his side.
"Why don't you two just get a room, screw and get it over with?" Quil interrupted.
Unknowing to them, Embry, Quil and Claire all dumbfoundedly observed the two tease with one another. They were used to it but they've never seen it done in such a, flirting type of manner. Jacob kissed her hand for goodness sake, and Ness dismissed it as if it was natural, and a normal part of everyday life.
Quickly, Ness took her hand back, straightened up and turned the music back up. Now she was paranoid that Jacob had blabbed, how else would Quil know they had sex at prom? Wait, he didn't say anything about prom? she pondered.
"What are you talking about?" Jake asked, knowing exactly how Quil intended his comment. Quil knew how much Jacob wanted Ness, and so did Embry. However, Embry had the decency to never poke fun at him the way Quil constantly did.
Ness sat in the car, uncomfortable and speechless about what Quil said. Jacob was sending Quil a warning glare through the rearview mirror. Knowing he screwed up, he replied with a chuckle, "Nothing, man."
From that point on, the ride back to school was dead silent.
Pulling into the school parking lot, Jake found a spot right next to his red car. When everyone filed out, they said their thank you's for having Ness drive and took off towards campus. Both Jacob and Ness heard Claire begin to chew Quil out for his inapt remark. Grunting, Ness pulled out her messenger bad, thinking, He was so obnoxious today.
Locking up her car, Ness scratched at her head waiting for Jacob to grab his book back. Slamming his the door shut, Jacob locked it and came to Nessie's side.
With his backpack resting on his back, Jacob sat on the hood of the Rabbit somehow shoving his hands into his fitted jeans. Exhaling noisily, he patted the spot next to him. Skeptically, Ness took a seat next to him. Not liking her feet dangling, she placed her heels on the front bumper. "What is it?" she asked.
"I know we've been putting it off but we should really talk about what happened at prom."
Getting a knot in her throat, Ness gulped. "Jake, we're friends right?" By some means, Ness found her voice was smooth and sounded normal.
"Are we?" he teased. When she gave him a dry look, it forced him to reply honestly,"Yes, we are."
"Don't read too much into it, friends, good friends… Friends do favors right?"
"And you consider me taking your virginity a favor?"
"Yeah. I'm… glad it was you and not Nahuel."
"But Renesmee this is serious. I feel like I took advantage of you."
" No," she irately shook her head, " you didn't."
Lifting himself from the car, he stood directly in front of her gravely articulating, "But I did. I did, you should have made me stop-"
Ness cut him off. "Jacob can I explain myself?"Reaching for arm, he touch settled at his hand.
Her touch, eased him a bit. Gazing down at her creamy hands, Jake stared at her tiny hand in his. Pulling him closer, she didn't let go, as she stared into his eyes. Jake was curious as to why she kept grabbing his hand. She's been doing it all month long, in the middle of chemistry, and occasionally she'd take his warm hand in hers as they walked through the school hallway. Suddenly more aware of what Claire was asking, a glimmer of hope sparked in him. They've been so connectedly lately, even more so than before they had sex. Perhaps, their cohesive connection was more than just friendship. She did blow off Claire's mention of an interested senior and she did seem to be clingly.
"Go ahead."
Taking her hand back, she folded her arms informing, "There's no way you took advantage because you didn't wake up that morning thinking, 'I'm gonna nail Nessie tonight.' It wasn't premeditated. At least I hope it wasn't."
"It wasn't," he said. Acknowledging the sound of the school bell buzzing, ordering them to head to their fifth period, he helped Renesmee down from the car's hood.
He turned to begin walking to the locker rooms but Ness rowdily shouted, "No! stay, we'll be late for gym, I don't care. Lets finish talking 'bout this."
When he stood stationary, Ness took that as an agreement.
"You've always been there for me, you love me and you care about me, you'd never intentionally hurt me, and you didn't seek out to have sex with me. You didn't think of me as some slab of meat. You were…you were gentle with me and, I want to thank you for that. I'm happy that…" now staring at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing in the world Ness completed her proclamation, "that I lost my virginity to my best friend and not some guy who could give a damn about me."
"Renesmee-"
Holding her hand up to make him stop talking, she continued, " Ya know you're right about all my ex's too. If it was with any other guy I woulda been like a piece of trash. They'd just toss me out when they were done."
Guilty with his presumptions, Jacob apologized for thinking she was an easy lay. "I'm sorry I thought you were…"
" A slut," she finished for him.
" I'm sorry that everyone else thinks you are too."
Gripping the strap of her bag, she commanded, "Define slut."
With his hands, yet again, pressed into his pockets he responded, "Not you."
"Good answer. It bothers me that people assume, but I don't know if I even care anymore. As long as you don't think I open my legs for anyone, I'm fine. You're opinion of me is the only one that really matters."
Covering her mouth, with the back of her hand, Ness jogged over to the nearest shrubbery. Jacob followed worried.
Hunching over she prepared to vomit but nothing came up. Standing straight, she turned to Jacob saying, " I feel sick again."
Could she be? We didn't, shit we didn't use protection. He knew if that would happen, he'd feel alright about it. But for Renesmee's sake, he hoped she wasn't pregnant. He didn't want her to struggle, and he couldn't bare to think of her having an abortion, or miscarrying or putting it up for adoption. There's no way. He tried to convince himself it couldn't happen to them, but a part of him worried.
"Do you regret it?"
"Not at all," she smirked inhaling.
"But Nessie, we weren't… safe."
Rolling her eyes dramatically at Jacob's suggestion of a possible pregnancy, she said, "What are the odds of that happening Jake? "
"What if, Renesmee, I don't want you to resent me in anyway."
Tilting her head, it wobbled in divergence, "I could never resent you and if you must know, it was that time of month last week."
Hearing the bell ring, both started to make their way to their gym class.
"Do you even want kids?" Ness wondered.
"Yeah," he whole heartedly informed, "One day. Don't you?"
"I don't know? I'd have to be married,. I'm not saying I'm wholly okay with having a kid just cuz I'm married. We'd have to be able to support the kid. I would have a career and financial stability and he'd have to be a pretty amazing guy to be a good father.."
"That's a good point, if I were to choose a mother I'd want a girl like you."
Smirking, she squinted her eyes at him, raising a brow asking, "Is that a compliment?"
"Yes, I've seen you with kids. Hannah and Paul love you, I could only imagine how much your kids will love you."
"Alright, so the fact is I'm not pregnant or having children, in the near future. Ugh! Now let's leave it at that and not talk about it kay?"
"Sure, sure."
Taking his hand in hers, she requested politely with great curiousity, "Now, it's your last day, what do you plan on doing the rest of your life?"
"Well football, school, maybe a girlfriend," you perhaps, "I don't know?"
"You do know," she said pulling out a stick of gum offering it to Jacob, "you have everything figured out, not like me."
"You'll figure it all out, you do have another year," he said popping the spearmint flavored gum into his mouth.
Stopping at the schools doors, she realized she'd be without Jacob for a whole year. Her stomach sank, she knew that reality was going to hit sooner or later, but now it was real, this was her best friends last day of high school.
"Don't remind me," she complained, " At least you can leave for school. I'm stuck here another year… alone."
" You have Seth and Claire," he reminded.
"Yeah but it won't be the same without you. I'm really gonna miss you," she said. Biting her lip, Ness fought the pressure building behind her eyes. Wrapping her arms around his waist, Ness could feel the tears fall.
I'm such a baby.
" I'll miss you too," Jake replied, holding her like they were welded together.
He knew it was a new era. He wouldn't be able to see her every day at ever hour during passing period, he wouldn't run the track with her, nor do their study sheets in chemistry or even see one another every weekend. It was over and now that he was graduating, his life was going to dramatically change in a matter of months.
Author's second note: I'm not to happy with this chapter, I don't know why? Everything that happens works. Maybe, I'm just nit picking or irritated that I was so uncreative in my wording. Whatever it is, I hope you look past it. Sorry, it seems I left you hanging in this chapter. I really got lazy with the last part but it didn't need to much detail. Also, I didn't think I was going to repost so soon but you guys reviewed like crazy, I really appreciate that, it gets me excited to update. Now about the story, I wanted to involve Ness and Jake's friends, they are after all a part of their life, just like their family. And Quil, Claire and Embry see something sparking between the couple. Jake notices too. The way I see the quote relating to this chapter, is that everyone else can tell that there's love between Jake and Ness, everyone can see that besides her. Kay, ya'll know what to do, review=preview.
Thanks to: SaiyanWerewolfgirl, X3MonochromeX3, Mia Melibne, denica, Ginny WpGr, IndianFeather1994, fanpire nikki, Snakefang, Amanda12197, Lettuse., JUSTaDAMNbook, dkgors, ScorpiusRoseLover, luv2beloved, Pattyheartcake, Tashay 789, Efficient Vixen. Thanks for all your support and reviews, Luv ya all. Long reviews, means long previews and if you guys noticed I give a little insight to what I was thinking when writing or what may be in store for the future. HAPPY READING!
