Hey All!!! Liger Zero Nightmare here, updating while Master Fifer is in Texas. And that means longer chapters. She does have access to a computer there, so lets all review and scare her with a massive amount of emails. (Cackles evilly)

Disclaimer ; Liger Zero Nightmare and Master Fifer do not own Fruits Basket , or anything else mentioned. If they did, ...we'd all be living in chaos.

Aktio trudged down the street, growling.

I cannot believe you had to be PERSUADED to come rescue your poor cousin?!

Good God-er Good me!!! would you LEAVE ME ALONE!!

No seeing as every time I leave you do something BAD-

Go away!!

-you're a TERRIBLE person-

Stay away from me!!!!!

Oh stop imitating Dane Cook!

Oh so you're not a Dane Cook fan!? I KNEW there was a reason why you were so uptight!

I am not uptight!

Suuuuureee you r not you too good clean doesn't lie person!

... is that suppose to be an insult?

Akito was now screaming out loud as he fought with his conscience. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, which is why he had gone around the block where Kyo was stuck in a tree three times. Every time he walked past the multitude of news reporters and cameras, they would stop and stare, watching as the ranting teen screamed at nothing about how it was a "goody two shoes"

" STUPID CONSCIENCE STOP BUGGING ME!!"

This was the short of thing that lead into the following ;

" Momiji stop jumping around your going to scare Akito's new bird."

" ohhh ok!"

" STOP IT!!!! STOP-"

SMASH!!!

" WHAT THE HELL!!!???!!!"

"OWWWWW!!"

" UFF!!"

" SQUAK!"

Akito had in fact, so busy fighting with himself he had failed to notice Momiji and Hatori, who had gone out to buy Akito a new Polly. ( Polly the 79th to be exact) Hatori rose to his feet, as Momiji jumped up.

" HIIIII UNCLE AKITO!!!!!"

" thats uncle GAWD to you, squirt."

Hatori sighed, then collected the screeching bird and its cage. " Akito, I thought you where watching your cousins?"

" Yeah, but then the orange one ran away-"

"OHHH!! I wanna be babysat by Uncle Akito!"

Akito barely opened his mouth to replay that the term "babysat" had a whole different meaning to him when Hatori cut him off.

" Who ran away, Akito?"

" Fat cat."

Hatori and Momiji blinked in usion. Hatori frowned, then sighed and rubbed his head after a moment.

" Kyo's missing?" He concluded.

Akito gave him the DUH stare.

Momiji took that moment to point down the street to where the Fire Officers and Police men where.

" He's not lost!" Momiji stated excitedly, jumping up and down while pointing. " He's right there! In that tree!! With all those people around him!!!!!"

Hatori sighed and closed his eyes. " And why is Kyo in a tree?"

"Weelllll, the idiot was stupid enough to climbed up there and is now too scared to come down. Oh hey you finally got me another bird? Took you long enough!"

Momiji had run off while the two "adults" where talking. Dodging Cameras, reporters and the squad of Fire men/ Police men, he made it up to the base of the tree. craning his head back so he could look at Kyo, Momiji started talking to the cat.

" Watcha doin up there Kyo?"

" Hiiiiissss!!"

" Are ya stuck up there Kyo?"

" I WANT UNCLE SHIGURA!!!"

" Bu he wents away!"

Kyo let out a loud wailing sob that made several onlookers heart wrench, but completely unfazed Momiji.

" whats that mean?"

A fire men walked up to momiji and put a hand on his shoulder.

" See?" He told Kyo. " Your friend down here wants you down too! Just reach out to the man on the Cherry Picker, that big ladder over there, ok?"

" NOOOOOO!!!"

The Fireman sighed. They had gone in circles for two hours, trying to get the kid out of the tree.

Momiji turned his attention away form Kyo the minute the Fire man had showed up.

" Wow mister, are you a real Fire man!?"

The fire man blinked then nodded.

" Why yes I a-"

" Oh cool!!" Momiji yelled cutting off, the fireman. " I always wanted ta be a fire man but uncle Akito said fire mans weren't good for anythin but strip..strop...stripping! Is that true mister Fire man??"

The Fire man froze. He had been trained to save people from fires, run into burning buildings and calm any sobbing deranged human, but had never EVER encountered a 4 year old asking him if he was a stripper. Somehow, he doubted it'd be in the manual ether. Thus he could only gape in surprise, his mouth opening and closing every once in a while.

Momiji watched him do this, tipping his head to the side.

" Mister Fire man you look like a fish when you do that! Are you a fish Fire man!!!???"

" er...I ...eh..."

"Ok mister Fire man!"

Momiji returned his attention back to Kyo, who was inching back and forth across the tree, avoiding the Firemen in the Cherry Picker.

It was then that Hatori and Akito showed up.

" Do I have to!!" Akito whined as he shoved his way threw to the front of the tree.

Through the apologies to the people that Akito had rudely shoved, Hatori managed a " Yes."

Akito groaned.

Ha ha you got told!

" Shut up you!" Akito told his conscience gruffly, then walked over to the tree. He shoved Momiji out of the way, and told the Fire man to move.

" CLEAR!!!!" He yelled.

And then he kicked the tree.

Kyo let out a scream as the tree shook. Finally, after Akito had kicked it a couple of times ( and before any one could get to him to tell him to stop) the branch Kyo was on broke. The cat plummeted to the ground, screaming.

Luckily, the fireman Momiji had questioned had recovered and was there to catch him.

ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER

" Hatori!!!! I'm bored!!!!!"

Hatori sighed, and refrained from strangling his relative. After they had gotten home, Akito had jumping onto the couch turned on the T.V., leaving Hatori to deal with a panicked Haru, a crying Kyo, A was-sleeping-but-was-awakened-by-the-commotion-and-is-now-grumpy-Yuki, and a hyper active Momiji.

" Why don't you help me?" Hatori asked as he balanced a tray of food and juice cups over to the table where the kids sat.

" uh, NO! I want to do something FUN not babysit a bunch of screaming brats!"

Hatori came very close to growling when Akito's words reached the kids ears. All of them looked like they where going to cry AGAIN, something Hatori was not sure he could handle. Comforting the kids took a moment, but a moment was all Akito needed. One of his plans popped into his head after a certain few commercials.

" Hey Hatori!!!" He yelled. " Why don't we go camping!!!"

Hatori turned to look at him.

" Remember the LAST time we went camping?"

"No."

FLASHBACK

Akito was in the mood for an adventure! Something exciting, and fun!

Which was how the entire Zodiac found themselves stuck in the middle of nowhere - camping. The Sohma family happened to own a lake, of which, Aktio was currently in the middle of , on an air mattress. He was swinging around a paddle, pointing at random objects and creatures. Screaming.

" I rule you all!!!! I OWN you all!!!!!"

Akito cackled crazily, swinging the paddle in random directions.

" You! Yeah you! I own you!!!! I am your MASTER!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The bird Akito's paddle was swinging at gave a started " Squak!" and flapped off.

" That's right, run you dinner with wings!!!! I own you!" Akito swung the paddle so that it pointed to a rock.

" And you!!!" Same thing only with a tree,

" And you!! Fish.

" And you, yeah you, YOU DUMBASS CRETIN!!!!" That one was a boat. Akito continued this until he slammed the end of his paddle into the air mattress he was standing on. It gave off an angered " hisssssss" and began shrinking like Kyo does when he sees leaks. Had this happened to anyone else, they would have jumped off and swam for shore. But this was Akito. A power crazed drunk Akito.

" And you!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And you , STUPID!!!!!!! Yeah I'm pointing to YOU, YOU OVERSTUFFED PIG!!!!!!! -"

Kagura sniffled dangerously then preceded to beat up Kyo because she was upset.

"- And you, and you, and you!!!!! And ESPECIALLY YOU!!!! And you!!! And you!!!!! Andblub- blublbublbulblbubblub ...blub . . . . . . . . blub . . . . . . . . . . blub . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .blub.

Shigure sighed. He looked at the pile of popped mattresses at his feet then looked up at Hatori.

" Your turn."

Hatori sighed, put his book down, and dove into the lake to retrieve the drowning Head of house. For the fifth time. See, some idiot -coughcoughAYAME- offered Akito some Bud Light. Now being the innocent, naive little 12 year old that he was, Akito immediately knew the drink was alcohol and downed another 10 glasses. Hence, why the older members of the Zodiac where taking turns saving him from drowning. The younger Zodiac's - Yuki, Kyo, Haru, Kagura, Momiji, Ritsu - a very panicked and in a tree Ritsu- Rin, Kureno, Kisa and Hiro had figured out by Akito's second glass of Bud Light to stay as far away as possible. Since the trip had been last minute, almost no toys had been packed, so the kids where bored. And we all know what happens when little children are bored. That's right. They where playing a kidish version of unsupervised Truth or Dare. Currently, Kureno was doing the chicken dance, Momiji was singing " Little bunny fu-fu" repeatedly, Rin was galloping in a circle on all four legs ( and throwing in a whinny every once in a while), Kagura was rolling in the mud, Yuki was downing a whole lot of cheese and running from any bird he saw ( double dare) Haru was Mooing constantly, and Kyo was trying to catch a bird, then eat it ( double dare returned.) Kisa and Hiro - being all but babies at the time- where sleeping. And occasionally puking and spitting. And Ritsu . . . well no one could manage to get him down from the tree. Shigure glanced around at the sight before him and came to a decision .

" May who ever invented camping be cursed into the 15th pit of hell." Shigure then sighed, and stood up to fix everything. By himself, seeing as Hatori was still carrying a delusional, power mad, drunk, and full of water Akito and Ayame was being . . . Ayame.

" Do you remember now?"

Hatori glared pointedly in Akito's direction. Akito laughed, then faked a look of innocent when Hatori glared at him.

" ummm no?"

"Uh-huh."

Aktio pouted, but when he found Hatori was refusing to go camping, he switched to a different topic.

" Well, how about we go back to the mall. The kids can play in that plaything they have there! It'll be perfect!"

" I have to be back in my office in half an hour."

" Well, then I'll take them!!"

Hatori's looked couldn't be classified, it was a mixture of so many things.

" Akito." He said slowly " Do you remember the last time I let you handle anyone under five by yourself."

Akito rolled his eyes. " Ok one got stuck in a tree, but COME ON! The kids a problem child!"

Hatori breathed in, then out.

" Before today."

Akito frowned. " No. When have gone near the brats before today?"

FLASHBACK

" Hey uncle Hatori-OH MY ME WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!"

Hatori sighed, then continued to rock a baby Kisa in his arms. HE glared at the House head, who had barely turned ten.

" Akito , please refrain form swearing in front of-"

" Don't care." Akito slowly approached Kisa, eyeing her as if she where a piece of clothing.

" It's ugly." He decided after a moment. " Send it back."

Hatori closed his eyes and summoned his patience. Good thing he had so much of it.

" We cant return her, Akito. This is your new cousin, Kisa."

Akito growled " another one!" under his breath but came closer anyways. He suddenly looked up at Hatori.

" Can I hold her?"

While all of Hatori's instincts screamed NO!!! at the request, Hatori handed Akito the baby.

' After all' he told himself ' this is the first time Akito's shown any interest in the other kids...besides what could he do?'

" EWW IT SPIT ON ME!!"

"AKITO NO-"

CRASH!!!!

Hatori immediately picked up the now screaming Kisa from off the floor. Akito wiped his hands on his pants, looking disgusted.

" AKITO!" Hatori yelled, checking Kisa's head.

" What!!?? It SPIT on me!!! Keep it away form me its DISGUSTING!!!" Akito turned on his heel and left.

Hatori would have attempted to strangle him had he not have to take care of Kisa.

UNFLASHBACK

" I knew the kid couldn't have THAT many problems without some reason!!" Akito mused.

" You dropped her on her head!"

" Yeah I shoulda punted her to North America too." Akito nodded, then whipped out his To-Do list.

'Punt Kisa to North America next time you see her.' He wrote, then closed the mini notebook with a SMACK.

" AKito, you cant go anywhere, its almost the kids naptime."

"WHAT!!!" AKito hollered. " I STILL have to watch the brat brigade!!"

" Yes." Hatori gave him a pointed stare. " It's your job until Shigure comes back. Lets just hope it's soon." The last part was muttered darkly.

LZN : see? LONG Chapter. Now, for that Holiday special... R&R ppl!!!