Hey guys, slight warning here - TINY amount of hetro erotica in here. I know this isn't what you came for, and might seem slightly out of place, but it seemed important I throw you guys a bone here. I mean, 11 chapters and no real erotica? What kinda Yaoi is this?

The low, piercing buzz drilled its way into Naruto's brain, slowly getting louder and louder. At first there was only darkness and a throbbing pain. The world gradually became more clear, senses returning as his brain tried to figure out which way was up: the dryness in his throat, tongue glued to the roof of his mouth; the pain centring at a fine dot in the middle of his forehead, throbbing in time with his pulse; a warmth under his right leg, about the only comforting thing he felt; that droning buzz, filling his ears, making his head ache further.

Naruto took a deep breath and screwed his face up, moaning the one word he felt capable of articulating.

"Fuuuuuuck."

He opened his eyes blearily, early-morning light filtering through the half-open curtains. He groggily retrieved his phone from under his pillow, automatically pawing at the screen to dismiss the alarm. He tried this several more times before realising his phone was off. Confused, he looked around the room.

For a second he'd forgotten he wasn't alone, and was somewhat startled to hear soft breathing to his right; slowly, the events of last night caught up with him. Naruto grinned, having thoroughly enjoyed himself despite the rocky start. Sasuke, lying next to him, was completely out of it. On his side, facing away from Naruto, his back rose and fell in deep, relaxed breaths. Naruto, in contrast, was sprawled out, right leg over Sasuke's knees.

He jolted as he suddenly became acutely aware of this fact, the warmth of Sasuke's clothed leg touching his bare one. Trying to remove his leg as surreptitiously as possible to find the source of the noise, now getting painfully loud, he leaned up on one elbow and surveyed the room, one eye half-closed. The disturbance wasn't readily apparent on his cluttered bedside table, or the desk. It took him several moments to realise what it was: Sasuke's phone.

Naruto rolled out of bed and yelped as he stumbled, his legs giving out from under him as he slammed into the wardrobe beside his bed. He groaned again, shakily making his way upright before tottering around the bed. Reaching the desk at the other end of the room, Naruto pulled Sasuke's trousers off the tatty office chair and tried to find the pockets in his semi-conscious state. He succeeded rather quickly, but chose the wrong side: the phone slipped out of the opposite pocket, falling straight on his toe.

Supressing a curse, Naruto knelt down to silence it, flipping up the old-fashioned model's lid. Some mashing of buttons later and it finally stopped, Naruto flopping forward and letting his throbbing head hit the floor in relief. It didn't last long: with the absence of noise, he felt a high-pitched ringing in his ears, damage done from the night before.

If I keep going to these I'm gonna end up deaf.

Sitting up quickly after a couple of seconds in case he passed out on the floor, Naruto looked up at his friend on the bed. The perpetual half-frown he always seemed to wear had faded completely, his face calm. Naruto smiled broadly: it made him so glad to see Sasuke look at peace. He glanced down at the phone on the floor, tempted for a second to let Sasuke sleep. He might even say he didn't hear the alarm at all.

But he couldn't: it would be a betrayal of Sasuke's trust, no matter how good Naruto's intentions were. "Hey dude," he started quietly, squatting down unsteadily and shaking Sasuke's bare shoulder slightly. "Your alarm's going off."

Sasuke frowned and stirred slightly, his lips parting in a sigh, but he didn't wake. His dark hair spread about the pillow, one hand up by his cheek, it was the most restful Naruto had seen his friend in a while. He shook more vigorously, still feeling bad for interrupting the precious few hours of sleep he'd got.

"Come on dude, time to get up. Sasuke…"

Without warning Sasuke jumped as thought electrocuted, pushing himself up onto one elbow. Naruto, already balanced precariously, fell backwards with a yell, knocking the chair over and cracking the back of his head on the lip of the desk. Sasuke, gasping for breath, looked around wildly like he'd forgotten where he was. In short order he pulled himself together, his face shutting down once more.

He looked down at Naruto on the floor, rubbing his head, and appeared concerned. "You okay?" His voice was raspy and dry, his throat in a similar condition to Naruto's.

Naruto winced, checking his fingers for blood; his scalp was tender, but there didn't seem to be any lasting damage. "Yeah, I think so. Probably got a little stupider. If I didn't have a headache before…" He trailed off weakly, holding up the flip phone. "Your alarm went off."

Sasuke grunted, fully sitting up. The covers slid off him and bunched up around his waist as he ran a thin hand over his face. "I've gotta go."

He tried pushing himself off the bed, but his legs gave way as Naruto's had earlier. Sasuke, however, wasn't lucky enough to have a wardrobe at his side of the room. He shot past Naruto, crashing to the floor, head disappearing as he narrowly missed the edge of the desk. He ended up underneath it, sprawled out on his back. All Naruto could see were legs jutting out from under his desk, a silence falling over the room. He thought Sasuke had hurt himself, maybe even knocked himself unconscious, but needn't have worried: he heard a deep sigh, followed by Sasuke's left leg rising into the air, his toes en pointe like a ballet dancer's.

"Bravo," Naruto laughed, applauding with his best posh accent. "Such grace, ten out of ten!"

"It's dusty as fuck under here," came the muffled reply. But as Sasuke sat up, brushing dust out his hair he was chuckling slightly under his breath. The two of them sat there on the floor for a while until the laughter died down.

Naruto passed the phone over to Sasuke, noticing the time. "Half seven? Christ dude, no wonder you're always tired."

Sasuke hummed in agreement, taking the phone. For a moment he just played with it, pressing it against his raised knee and sliding his dextrous fingers down it until he reached the base. Then he'd flip the phone over in one agile motion and start again. His eyes far away, he repeated this uninterrupted for maybe half a minute before Naruto decided to say something.

"You don't have to go, you know."

Sasuke said nothing, staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused, still playing with the phone.

Naruto, not to be deterred, continued. "I mean, when's the last time you got some actual sleep? You can't function like this man, you're gonna burn yourself out." He sighed, resting his tender head against the desk. "You're allowed to have a sick day. They can cope without you for a bit."

Sasuke's phone completed a few more revolutions before he stopped abruptly, chewing the inside of his cheek. Naruto struggled to hold his tongue: Sasuke was thinking.

Eventually he flipped the phone open, dialling a single digit before holding it up to his ear. "Jūgo? Yeah, I'm not gonna be in today. No, I'm fine... I'm fine, okay? I'm just taking a sick day. Catch up on my sleep, like you told me to. Uh huh."

Naruto couldn't hear the voice on the other end, but he was listening intently: it sounded like this guy, Jūgo, had similar concerns to Naruto.

"Just run business as usual today. One thing though." Sasuke continued, his eyes seeming to focus. "You still have the contingency packets I gave you? Good. We need one. Sound Four. The instructions are all inside the file. Take Karin." He paused, tilting his head slightly as he listened. "No, just Karin. You know this isn't his strong suit."

Naruto scratched his jaw and tried to commit those names to memory: he wanted as much information as possible.

"I'm fine, honestly: we had a run in with them last night. A friend and I." Sasuke sighed, his voice frustrated. "Yes, Jūgo, a friend. Focus. I think they're gonna make a move. They have to go"

'Have to go?' What the hell does that mean?

Naruto was worried again. What was a contingency packet? What did Sasuke plan on doing with it?

"I don't like it either Jūgo, but it's not up for debate. Take care of it." Without waiting for a response he hung up, dropping the phone.

Naruto fidgeted awkwardly for a second, rubbing the back of his head absent-mindedly. "…are you okay?"

Sasuke's head drooped slightly, his eyes fluttering before snapping back open. They seemed dull once more. "I'm okay. Just…"

"Tired?" Naruto completed, jumping up, only staggering slightly. "Me too. Come on, let's sleep this off. You want a drink?"

Sasuke nodded silently, letting Naruto pull him up. Yawning, Naruto padded through to the kitchen and filled up two pint glasses with water. By the time he got back, Sasuke was already asleep, breathing deeply once more. Naruto smiled, resting the glass gently within arm's reach and carefully got into bed again. Within seconds he, too, was comfortably snoring.

(╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

Naruto smiled as he stretched, slowly coming back to consciousness. It was much nicer than last time, no piercing alarm but the gentle sounds of the city through the window. Opening his eyes, it took a second for the world to come into focus; once it had, he found himself feeling much better. The headache was still there, a dull throb, but he didn't feel as ill. The water must have done its job.

Retrieving his phone from under his pillow once again, he checked the time: one in the afternoon. They'd been under for quite a while. Sasuke was still completely out of it, on his side once more. This time he was facing towards Naruto, his pale face seeming peaceful once more. Despite the black eye and cuts, he looked slightly better.

Maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Deciding not to wake him, Naruto sat up and planted his feet on the ground. He raised himself slowly off the bed, but needn't have bothered: he'd sobered up and found his sea legs. Rubbing the back of his head, Naruto grabbed a towel and a change of clothes, heading to the bathroom. He always liked a good, long shower after a hard night's drinking.

The hot water felt amazing on his skin, the steam swirling around him. As he shampooed his hair, he thought about how well-rested he was. It wasn't just sleeping in after a long night: he hadn't felt this refreshed since he had shared a bed with Hinata.

When Hinata started staying the night, Naruto realised how much he enjoyed sleeping next to someone. He found it difficult to sleep alone after that; if Hinata wasn't at his, he was over at hers. They'd spent many late nights watching movies and playing video games – Hinata being just as competitive as him after a few drinks – and lazy mornings doing nothing much in particular. First it made Naruto wistful, feeling lonely despite all the people around him.

But soon Naruto's mind turned to his and Hinata's… activities. She'd started off so shy, but once they got comfortable with each other she was insatiable. After a while, the image of her and sex were intertwined: her supple skin, smooth and yielding to the touch; her lips, always warm and inviting; that hourglass figure, trim waist and full, round hips, rival to none; and her large, plump breasts that had always driven Naruto absolutely crazy…

Naruto felt himself stir, and before he knew it he was rock hard. He couldn't get the thought of her out of his head, the things they'd explored, perusing desires that many people wouldn't even speak aloud. It was like he'd said to Kiba: it was the quiet ones you had to watch out for.

Why don't you just take care of it yourself? Sasuke's sleeping, and it won't take long…

Naruto bit his lip, the throbbing emanating from his very core. He wanted release, and he wanted it now. He leaned one arm against the shower wall, squeezing his eyes shut as he made the decision: no. Even though the door was locked, even though there was no way he would be walked in on, it would still feel wrong. He pushed off from the shower wall and ran his hands through his hair, water droplets spraying the wall.

I can't believe I was about to jerk off with Sasuke in the next room… what the fuck is wrong with me?

He sighed, grabbing his shower gel and trying to focus on washing himself. But the thoughts of Hinata wouldn't leave his mind, every position he'd had her in rushing through his brain, the face she made when she came, everything…

"'Naruto Uzumaki and the Case of the Persistent Boner…'" Naruto muttered as he scrubbed his chest and stomach.

He was still quite sore from Jiraiya's intense training, but he could see it paying off: he was thinner in the waist, but building up his upper body and arms. Going over his stomach again he could definitely feel his abdominals under the surface, not quite showing. Jiraiya said the only way he'd shed the last thin layer of fat was if he also started dieting, a suggestion Naruto was very quick to dismiss. The difference was really noticeable in his legs, however, his thighs and calves bulking up in size quite quickly: he would have to get new jeans if this continued.

By the time he'd rinsed all the soap off his body, he'd become distracted enough that he'd softened slightly. Taking a deep breath, Naruto quickly turned the shower to cold, stifling a scream as the freezing water blasted him at high pressure. He stood under it for a second or two before he couldn't take it any more, slamming the heat on again. Sure enough, that above all else had worked: he wouldn't be walking back through with a very suspicious bulge.

Drying himself off, he walked through the living room in just a pair of trousers, vigorously drying his hair. He figured he shouldn't let Sasuke sleep too long, or else he wouldn't be able to sleep again that night.

That's if he sleeps at all tonight.

He was worried the lack of rest was getting to Sasuke, and it made him wonder if his friend was taking care of himself. Was he eating properly? His diet seemed to be mainly liquid these days, as far as Naruto had seen. And he was thin as a rake too, not that it was unusual for him.

That decided it: Sasuke was getting a proper cooked breakfast, the works. Grinning, Naruto pulled some pans out of the cupboard and got to work.

(╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

Naruto edged through the door, two fully laden plates on his right arm, trying carefully not to drop anything. Jiraiya's training had paid off: the contents of the crockery had refrained from spilling to the floor.

"Breakfast time!" He yelled cheerfully, a wide smile plastered across his face.

Sasuke heard him this time, groaning and stretching like a cat. Cracking an eye open, he yawned and sat up. "Breakfast…?" Seeing the plate, almost overflowing with bacon, eggs, sausage, toast and, of course, black pudding, he raised an eyebrow. "You've been busy."

Naruto carefully handed him the meal and sat down on his side of the bed, picking up his knife and fork. "Without beans, too: I remember your preferences. 'Not real tomatoes' my ass."

Sasuke gave a small smile and nodded, eyes fixed to the plate. "Thank you, Naruto."

They ate in near silence, Naruto digging in with reckless abandon, Sasuke very carefully incising all his food like a surgeon. Eventually, Naruto leaned backwards and patted his stomach, half a sausage and some black pudding still left on the plate. "That's it, I'm defeated. Needed that though."

Sasuke nodded and hummed in agreement, still halfway through his. "This is the good shit."

Though it took him longer, Sasuke finished every last bite of his meal. He pointed a knife at Naruto's plate. "You gonna…?"

Naruto looked up from his phone and chuckled, passing the plate across. "Go ahead dude."

Sasuke nodded and polished that off too. He sighed, closing his eyes and smiling as he had the last bite of black pudding. "Chouji was definitely right: the last bite is sacred."

"Oh God, don't get me started," Naruto laughed. "Remember when he used to fight everyone for the last piece of meat at the steakhouse?"

"Most people let it go. If I remember correctly, the only person that didn't was…"

"Yeah, I know," Naruto grinned as Sasuke looked pointedly over at him. "It pissed me off is all. I wanted that meat."

His friend just rolled his eyes as he got out of bed, grabbing the plates. He, too, seemed steadier on his feet as he took them into the kitchen. When he didn't come back after a minute, Naruto set his phone down and followed him through: he was at the sink, dutifully washing the dishes Naruto had used, scrubbing the grease off a particularly large frying pan.

"Aw dude, there's no need for that," Naruto started after a second of being unsure what to say. "I'll get them later, yeah?"

"You were kind enough to make me breakfast, so I'm doing the washing up." He glanced over his shoulder at Naruto, flashing him a small smile. "Seems fair to me, no?"

"I guess, yeah," Naruto smiled, taken aback by Sasuke's gratitude. "Thanks man. Here, I'll dry."

Grabbing a tea towel, Naruto went over to help his friend. Together they were finished in no time, a feat which Naruto would have procrastinated over for days: he never liked washing the oily pans, always insisting they needed to soak for a few days.

"That takes care of that," Sasuke said, rinsing out the sink. "What do you wanna do now?"

Naruto thought for a second, drawing a blank. "I dunno really, I haven't anything planned except my training at eight. We could just chill out, watch something?"

Sasuke looked over at the TV for a second, nodding. "Here, I have a better idea. Would you mind if I showered first?"

Intrigued, Naruto nodded and went to find a spare towel: luckily everything was still relatively clean from the laundry load he'd done. "Do I get to find out what we're doing?"

"All in good time, Naruto." Sasuke winked as he strolled to the bathroom, towel over his shoulder.

(╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

"So," Naruto started as they turned another corner, in a part of the city he wasn't too familiar with. "When am I finding out where the magical mystery tour ends up?"

"We're almost there," Sasuke said, half turning so Naruto could see his face. He had led the way for almost ten minutes, on top of a further twenty minutes on a bus taken from Naruto's flat. The only thing he knew was that there was a big retail park nearby, and from the looks of it they were heading there.

Sure enough, Sasuke's slow pace led down the stairs from the street and into the mammoth car park. Naruto grumbled a bit, but knew he wouldn't get an answer until Sasuke deemed fit to reveal it.

"Okay," Sasuke smiled, swivelling on his heel and stopping abruptly. "Here we are."

Naruto looked up in confusion at the giant letters on top of the store. "DFS? Why did we trek all the way to a sofa shop?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, seeming impatient. "Because your sofa's all manky, remember? I thought we could pick out a new one."

"A new one?" Naruto asked, hurriedly following Sasuke as he strolled in, hands in his pockets. "I was just gonna look around the charity shops, I can't afford a new couch."

"Well yeah, but you can look at all the types here, figure out exactly what you want. Don't want to settle on just anything for your first proper couch, do you?"

He supposed that made sense. As they walked through the automatic doors, Naruto noticed a strange bulge in Sasuke's back pocket, a rectangle straining awkwardly at the tight jeans. He'd seen him put his wallet in his hip pocket and his phone in the opposite one, and couldn't quite work out what was in it.

He blushed and looked away quickly as he realised he was staring at Sasuke's ass.

"So, what do you reckon?" Sasuke stopped, staring over the rows and displays. "What kind of thing are you after?"

"Well…" Naruto started, getting into the idea now that he was here. "It can't be any bigger than a three-seater, I don't have the room for that. Right now it's just a two, but if I could get a bigger one for a good price it wouldn't hurt."

"Two- or three-seater, got it." Sasuke nodded. "What else? Material, colour?"

"Black would be good: it goes with anything. And I'd probably take it with me if I move flat, so it would make sense to get something that's gonna fit in. It can be made of whatever the fuck it likes, as long as it's comfy."

"Yeah, only thing is you have to watch out for leather on bare skin: very uncomfortable." Sasuke paused, like he was thinking, then added. "Shall we take a gander?"

They began strolling along the aisles, Naruto keeping an eye out for anything he liked the look of. "Good to know, the perils of leather. Take it that's an experience of yours, nudity and leather?"

Sasuke smiled slyly, looking around. "I never said nudity… although, honestly, you're right."

Naruto laughed, trying to keep quiet and failing. "I was trying to wind you up, but…"

"But," Sasuke picked up, a wicked grin on his face, "You should know by now that shit doesn't faze me."

"Do I wanna know?"

"I'm not sure, do you?" Sasuke chuckled, continuing anyway, his voice low. "Would you want to know that it was a quick shag on a sofa? That it worse for him, being the bottom?"

"Christ Sasuke, too much information!" Naruto almost yelled, but the effect was lost in his laughter: he pleased to find himself no longer uncomfortable with that kind of humour.

"I had to peel him off the couch afterwards." Sasuke continued, raising his eyebrows. "He wasn't stuck or anything, I'm just that good."

Naruto was giggling so hard he was almost doubled over. "I can't breathe," he wheezed, collapsing into a nearby couch. Sasuke sat beside him, a satisfied smile on his face.

"Okay, okay, I'm good," Naruto sat up, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and looking around. "What the fuck are we sitting on?"

"Emm…" Sasuke looked down a second, his face deadpan. "Leather."

Naruto was gone once more.

After eventually calming down, they got up and tried to find the section Naruto wanted. A staff member smiled at them as they passed, arranging cushions on a sofa. "Hey guys, need a hand with anything today?" She asked chirpily, a genuine smile on her round face.

"We're just browsing today, thanks," Naruto said, not wanting to waste the girl's time.

"Actually," Sasuke started, surprising his friend. "We're looking for the three-seater sofas. We're thinking black, preferably not" – he gave a sideways glance to Naruto – "leather."

"Ah yes, that's a classic look," the blonde grinned, bouncing slightly as she straightened up from the couch and pointed. "There should be some over at that end of the store. We've got some good deals on right now, would you like me to come give you a hand?"

"No thanks," Sasuke replied, his charming, smooth smile coming into play. "We probably won't buy anything today, but thank you very much."

"Yeah, thank you," Naruto beamed too, the girl's energy infectious. "Don't work too hard."

"I doubt it," she scoffed light-heartedly, getting back to her cushions. "Happy travels guys!"

Naruto still found a smile on his face as they headed to the aforementioned section. "Wasn't she nice?"

Sasuke hummed quietly. "Yes, she was. Bubbly, and not pushing the sales. Hard to do when you earn a commission."

"Maybe she was just hoping for a ride on the Sasuke Stick?" Naruto joked crudely, faux-winking at his friend.

"She would be sorely disappointed."

"I bet." Naruto laughed. "Leave some for the ones that actually swing that way, huh?"

They reached the area they wanted, getting on with the business of testing couches. While examining one (not soft enough, according to Naruto) they noticed the big 'sale' sign hanging from the roof.

"Is there ever not a sale here?" Naruto asked as he pointed at the sign, gently swinging as some unseen breeze pushed it. "The only adverts they ever had were 'The DFS sale is now on!' and they ran year round. Seriously, a summer one, a winter one, they probably had spring and autumn covered too."

"Yeah, I remember." Sasuke nodded sagely as they inspected another. "When we eventually nuke each other to fuck, the only thing that'll survive are cockroaches and the DFS sale. 'DFS Nuclear Winter Sale, now on!'"

Naruto snorted as he sank into the deep material of the next couch. "Ooh, I like this one. Check it, it even has those recliner things!" He reached down and pulled out the handle, his feet swinging up and almost clipping Sasuke's shins.

He hopped neatly aside, raising his eyebrows. "These assassination attempts are getting quite creative, Naruto. Maybe you'll succeed one of these days."

Naruto blushed, but tried to play along. "Darn it, and I was so close!" He chuckled awkwardly, scratching his cheek. "Sorry."

"S'all good," Sasuke grunted as he, too sat down and propped up his legs. "This is pretty nice. You like the leg-rests?"

"Yeah man, but look at the price." He gestured to a small table next to them, set up to look like it was in someone's living room. It was a convincing effect, save for the big '£400!' sign on it. "I'm spending like a hundred, max."

Sasuke frowned. "You're gonna get a plank of wood and two fucking cinder blocks for that price."

"You'd be surprised what you can pick up in a charity shop, dude." Naruto replied, reluctantly getting up.

Sasuke followed, looking back at the sofa as they wandered on. "Isn't it a bit weird, having something that someone else has used?"

"I never thought so," Naruto replied as he looked through the cheaper models. He pinched the collar of his light army jacket, perfect for this time of year. "I got this from a shop that does vintage and ex-military stuff, Ino showed me it. But in this case, I don't really have a choice."

They were silent for a minute or two, Naruto checking the averages on the lower end of the price spectrum, before Sasuke piped up again. "Let's go look at the expensive ones."

"You know I can't afford it, Sasuke," Naruto sighed, frustrated that he didn't seem to understand the concept of being poor.

Sasuke was slightly affronted. "I know, I know: just for fun though. Come on, it'll be a laugh."

Naruto grudgingly followed as his friend continued. "I did this the last time I needed to do up my flat: you wouldn't believe how stupid some of the fancy ones look."

And it was true: the higher the price, rising significantly into the thousands, the more bizarre shapes they saw. "How can that even be comfy?" Naruto asked, nodding to one that seemed to be made up of several ovals.

"It's not supposed to be," Sasuke whispered, before chuckling slightly. "It's avant-garde. Pretentiousness for the sake of pretentiousness."

"Do people really buy into that?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Sasuke shrugged. "Some of them. The ones that want to appear smarter than they are."

"It's fucking weird."

The next ten minutes they spent sinking into large, comfy chairs and elegant sofas. Naruto started giving reviews in an overly posh voice, especially for the stranger designs. Sasuke joined in after a while, and soon the two of them were trading jabs and jokes.

They'd just settled into an especially good one, black with white trim along the edges. The fabric was very soft, the seats just the right level of firm. As Naruto lay back into the cushy fabric, he threw his arm over the side and felt a small set of switches. Curious, he pressed one to find himself smoothly sliding backwards accompanied by a mechanical buzzing. In a second he was comfortably reclined, legs in the air, head lying back.

Sasuke soon joined him, his smirking face coming into view. "Didn't I tell you this would be fun?"

"Okay, okay, you were right." Naruto grinned, throwing his hands behind his head. "This is the life, huh? I think this one's my favourite."

"Holy shit," Sasuke exclaimed softly, head whipping up suddenly.

Naruto's stomach felt like it had dropped out of him, his heart pounding. What had happened this time?

Who are we gonna see that royally screws our day over? Are we gonna have a confrontation in the middle of fucking DFS?!

Naruto craned his neck, moving to lean one elbow up on the backrest and almost slipping. Frantically he scanned the room, trying to see if anything was amiss. But everything seemed normal, just regular people sampling sofas.

"Someone's actually looking at that fucking sofa! The oval one. Look, look," Sasuke breathed, trying not to be too obvious that he was gossiping. "I can't believe it!"

Naruto sighed, breathing deeply. Sure enough, a man with a tiny ponytail and oversized scarf was holding his chin and nodding as the sales rep talked him through the features. Slowly Naruto saw the funny side, closing his eyes and shaking his head, a grudging smile growing.

This boy is gonna give me a goddamn heart attack.

"Hey, is something wrong?" Sasuke asked, the smile sliding from his face.

Naruto was about to reply when they were interrupted by a short cough. He twisted his neck round to see a thin, middle-aged staff member standing over them, a strained smile on his face.

"Hello boys, are you interested in this model?" He asked, his voice saccharine-sweet; it was obvious he thought they were just playing about. Naruto was just about to mutter an apology and leave, but Sasuke spoke before he could.

"Yes, actually," He replied confidently, putting the recliner back in the normal position and standing up. "Let's hear some of the features."

Naruto scrambled off his seat as fast as the electronic motors could get him back upright. He had no idea what Sasuke was trying to do, but he figured he'd best play along.

"This is currently valued at one and a half thousand pounds." The sales rep replied snootily, pushing a pair of glasses up his nose in the most obnoxious manner possible. "I highly doubt the two of you will be purchasing it."

Naruto was stunned by the man's rudeness, but could see why: between him in a scruffy army jacket and Sasuke wearing a shirt so deeply unbuttoned his nipples were at risk of falling out, they didn't exactly seem like high rollers.

"Well I happen to have made myself a good deal of money moving large quantities of heroin around the city." Sasuke said quite calmly, much to the shock of the man. "Come on" – Sasuke paused as he checked the man's name badge – "Steve. Sell me this couch. That is your job, hmm?"

"Oh. Right, yeah." The thin man paused for a second, looking around nervously. He seemed to decide it was a joke, but obediently checked the information on the sign. "So this is the… Sanzio, the three-seater model. It has electric reclining features, and faux-leather piping." He pointed at the white edging along the armrest, slowly gaining assurance.

"I could read all that off the information sheet the same as you did." Sasuke coolly stated, looking impatiently from under his brow. "What are the dimensions? We have limited space to work with."

Naruto was amazed: in seconds Sasuke's manner had completely changed from friendly and relaxed to cold-blooded, with a razor-sharp edge.

The man ran a skeletal hand along the card, muttering to himself, before reading it out. "Eighty inches wide, by forty-"

"-In centimetres, we're not savages."

"Uh…" Steve looked up, counting something on his fingers before Sasuke sighed and cut him off again.

"About two hundred by one hundred, right? Come on Steve, that's a simple conversion." Sasuke managed to sound both bored and intimidating as he looked at his watch for a second. "That'd just about work for us. Be a bit of a squeeze though. Does it have a warranty?"

Steve was starting to look nervous, Sasuke really hammering him hard. "I-it comes with three years standard, six if you pay extra."

"Finally, something I didn't know." Sasuke sighed, putting his thumbs through his belt loops. "Tell me more. C'mon."

He was scanning the information frantically, trying to find something he hadn't already said. "Well… It's comprised of tiana fabric and comes in a variety of colours. We have red, grey, blue and-"

"What's tiana fabric, Steve?"

"It's, uhh…" Steve paused, checking the sheet once more but coming up empty. "I'm, ehh… I'm not sure."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue harshly. "It's Italian, you idiot. You've done a piss-poor job on this one, Steve." He noticed something else on the man's badge, brow furrowing in a frown. "Wait, you're assistant manager? How the fuck did that happen? You may as well turn your title over to your colleague over there and put us all out of our misery: she'd do a better job than you with only her goddamn cushions instead of the sheet you're hiding behind."

Sasuke took a step forward until they were eye-to-eye, voice brutally cutting. "Even if I wanted this couch, I'd import it from a fucking Taiwanese sweatshop before I wasted the commission on you. Come on Naruto, let's go."

Sasuke began his slow amble out of the store, leaving Steve with an expression similar to that of a landed fish. Naruto awkwardly turned to follow him, slightly embarrassed but extremely vindicated in the way Sasuke had completely deflated the man.

"Dude," Naruto started, laughing as he fell into step with Sasuke. "I think I just witnessed a murder. You destroyed him!"

"He was a bellend," Sasuke grunted, fishing about in the tight pockets. "I need a goddamn smoke after that."

As they passed near the exit, they heard shouting from behind them: Steve was shouting at the girl who'd greeted them earlier, grabbing a cushion from her display and throwing it across the showroom. Naruto turned to confront him, blood boiling, but Sasuke grabbed his arm.

"Don't, Naruto. That's not our fight." Sasuke said quietly, but he seemed sad.

He looked over to see the girl tearing up, just standing there and taking the abuse. "It's not right though! We pissed him off this much, we should help her."

Sasuke wheeled Naruto round, locking eyes with him. "And what do you suggest? We yell at him some more? And what happens when we leave? She gets it worse the next day. And the day after. You're not always gonna be there to protect people, Naruto. Sometimes they need to fight for themselves."

Naruto knew he was right, but it angered him to no end. He looked round once more, the whole shop looking on as the girl walked dejectedly to the cash register, Steve redoing the whole display. Reluctantly, he turned and walked away.

Outside, Sasuke brought a cigarette to his lips, about to light it before he stopped abruptly and patted his pockets. "Fuck," he cursed around the cigarette. "I've lost my wallet. Must've been in there. Wait out here, I'll be two seconds."

Naruto was going to protest, but the cigarette and lighter were thrust into his hands as Sasuke stalked back into the shop at high speed. He made straight for the register, speaking to the recently scolded girl. Sasuke's back was to him, so Naruto struggled to see what was going on, but her face lit up and she started chatting animatedly.

He's all suave and charm I'm sure. Why can't I be like that with women?

But he knew that it was more that he hadn't found anyone he connected with enough. In fact, recently, the person he seemed most in tune with was Sasuke.

He seemed to be in there for a while considering he was just retrieving a wallet, turning back at one point to give Naruto the thumbs up. Then he seemed to be signing something; finally, he held up his wallet and pulled out a few notes, giving them to the cashier. She teared up again, leaning over the counter to hug Sasuke. He grudgingly returned it with a pat on the shoulder, and turned to leave.

"What was that all about?" Naruto asked as Sasuke took his cigarette back and lit up.

"Someone handed in my wallet," Sasuke replied, tilting his chin up and blowing smoke above his head. "I got chatting to her after that. Cheered her up."

Naruto thought that explained most of it. "What was with the money?"

"I gave her a small tip, just something for making us smile."

"Aww," Naruto smiled, touched by his friend's generosity. "That was good of you."

Sasuke shrugged. "Not really: I've got plenty to spare."

"Speaking of which…" Naruto started, trailing off awkwardly. "That thing with the heroin: was that true or were you just trying to fuck with him?"

Sasuke looked off into the distance for a second, taking another draw. He seemed to decide something. "A little bit of both." He chuckled slightly. "It's amazing how many people just ignore a confession like that, isn't it? I wasn't really involved in most of the drugs, wasn't my thing. I was mostly protection work, some B and E, occasionally intimidation or muscle. But every so often I moved high-priority packages, stuff that needed to get somewhere without interference. But by my reckoning I'm just as responsible as the guys that sell it: it's how we made money, at the end of the day."

Naruto tried taking that in, needing a few seconds to wrap his head around it. Intimidation and hired muscle? After the display in the shop, it didn't surprise him. "B and E?" He asked eventually, not familiar with the term.

"Sorry, breaking and entering." Sasuke clarified. "I'd steal shit most of the time, plant stuff on occasion. It was fun."

"I'm sure it was," Naruto muttered. This was the most about his old job that Sasuke had said at once. He'd eked some of it out, assumed the rest, but hearing it in all so candidly was somehow more disturbing.

Sasuke was still avoiding his eye. "Does that freak you out?"

Naruto tried to be honest. "A little. I know it already, really, but hearing the specifics… it's weird."

"Remind me not to tell you stories." Sasuke's face had reverted to stoicism again, shutting down. "There's a reason I drink too much."

There was an awkward silence, Sasuke just inhaling deeply from his cigarette. He eventually sighed, grinding it out on a nearby bin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"No, it's okay." Naruto replied quickly, feeling like it was his fault: he shouldn't be discouraging Sasuke. "It's a bit frightening, but… that's all behind you now. I wanna hear it. And I think speaking about it helps."

Sasuke still wouldn't meet his eye. "Thanks."

There was a further silence, punctuated only by the cars rolling slowly past. "So now what?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke finally looked at him, a bit of gleam back in his eyes. "Now I'm gonna make you dinner. Let's hit the shops."

(╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

"You really don't have to do this you know." Naruto said for the thousandth time, standing around awkwardly as Sasuke arranged the food and pans on his counter.

"I know I don't have to," Sasuke replied patiently, as he had an equal number of times. "I want to."

Since Naruto had kickboxing later on, Sasuke had insisted on something light: they'd left the shop with fresh salmon, a variety of cheeses, and a mishmash of small ingredients. Naruto had assured him he had enough pasta – he stockpiled it in 3kg bags just in case – so here Sasuke was, boiling the water and throwing in measured handfuls of penne. He threw some butter in a pot, letting it melt as he carefully cut the salmon fillet in half.

Naruto almost had a heart-attack as he casually twirled the blade between his fingers several times when he was done, ending up with the blade pointed down. "This isn't actually a half bad knife."

"Yeah…" Naruto started, flinching. "But can you not… you know?"

"Oh, right," Sasuke looked up, grinning, putting the knife down. "Force of habit."

"Force of- you're a fucking lunatic, Sasuke!"

Sasuke shrugged as he delicately poured flour into the pot straight from the bag, measuring by eye.

"So what am I getting then?" Naruto asked, impatient to find out: Sasuke still hadn't told him, despite having all the ingredients.

"We are having…" Sasuke paused as he stirred together the flour and butter. "Pan-fried salmon with pasta in a béchamel sauce."

"The fuck's a béchamel?"

Even with his back facing him, Naruto could tell Sasuke had rolled his eyes. "White sauce you plebe."

"Ohh yeah, I've had that before." Naruto nodded.

"Not like this you haven't."

"You realise you're being such a stereotype right now?" Naruto teased, leaning against the counter. "You're gay, a snappy dresser, sassy and proud as fuck, and now you can cook? I'm just a feminine disposition away from Gay Bingo."

Sasuke laughed, deep and full, using his wooden spoon to gesture in the air. "Hey man, if you're a stereotype you gotta own it. Here, be a good little sous chef and grate some of that cheese, will you?"

"Yes Head Chef," Naruto grinned, picking up the packets and cheese grater. "This is fancy fucking cheese: what the hell is pecorino?"

"It'll change your life." Sasuke stirred some milk into the pot and left it for a second, grabbing a small knife and cutting the packet open. He cut the tip off the sharp-smelling triangle, spearing it on the end of the knife and offering it to Naruto. He smiled, biting it off carefully. It was as it smelled, sharp and salty, but very full. He closed his eyes for a second, savouring the taste.

"That's some nice fucking cheese dude."

Sasuke smirked, cutting off a bit for himself and gesturing at Naruto with the knife. "You have a lot to learn it seems."

It took a further ten minutes for Sasuke to fry the salmon and complete the sauce, multitasking well on the crowded hob. All he asked Naruto to do was drain the pasta and set up the dining table. He shooed Naruto to his seat as he plated up, arranging the salmon fillet over the pasta, drizzling the thin sauce over it and sprinkling the different cheeses on top.

"Bon appetite, motherfucker." Sasuke grinned as he put Naruto's plate in front of him. It smelled amazing, and when he took a big mouthful it tasted just as good.

"Good?" Sasuke asked smugly, knowing the answer from Naruto's face.

"Shut your whore mouth and let me eat."

Sasuke laughed and dug in himself, eating as he had in the morning, slow and neatly; Naruto couldn't get it in his mouth fast enough.

"So I take it you didn't enjoy that?" Sasuke dryly responded to Naruto's finished plate.

"I'm not worthy," Naruto groaned, bowing. "Teach me, master."

"I'll consider it," Sasuke said haughtily, nibbling exaggeratedly on a piece of pasta. He kept it up for only a second or two before he couldn't help but smile. "Thanks man, it means a lot. You just have to look online. Lots of good videos. Kinda had to cook for myself, you know?"

"So did I, but it was mostly instant ramen."

Sasuke finished his food, Naruto this time dumping it all in the sink. "Has to soak." He said, deadpan.

"But you could-"

"Has. To. Soak." Naruto interrupted, deadpan, looking at Sasuke pointedly.

Sasuke waved him off, but smiled. Naruto looked at his phone, checking the time: he needed to get ready for training. He suddenly had an idea.

"Hey Sasuke, how about you come to kickboxing with me?" Naruto asked, trying to gauge his friend's reaction.

It wasn't very encouraging. "I… probably shouldn't."

"Come on, I know you still enjoy training."

"I do," Sasuke sighed, scratching his jaw. "But… it's like with our friends, Naruto. I'm not sure Kakashi would want me back."

Naruto took a second to realise what was wrong with that sentence. "Wait, what? You trained with Kakashi? When?"

"A bit before I left." Sasuke said casually, like he'd forgotten to mention it. "You were getting a lot stronger, progressing faster than me. I wanted to see what the deal was, so I hired him for private lessons. He… wasn't what I expected. But he gave me some good advice. About martial arts and… other stuff."

Naruto frowned, but didn't want to push: it seemed a sensitive subject. Still he was surprised: Sasuke had always trashed kickboxing as lacking discipline. But he went to Kakashi because of Naruto's growth as a fighter.

He went to Kakashi because of me. He considered me strong. He respected me.

A rush of pride went through Naruto, and he wished he could go back and tell his younger self, the one that struggled so much to earn Sasuke's approval. Hell, he still felt like he needed to. He understood why Sasuke hadn't told him at the time: it would be like admitting defeat, that he would have to publicly recognise Naruto's strength.

There was very little conversation after that, Naruto getting his stuff together, Sasuke milling about. As he got his bag zipped up, having changed, he turned to his friend. "This was really good Sasuke. You're welcome over any time. You know that, right?"

Sasuke nodded. "Thank you: that was the first good night's sleep I've had in a while, and it was in no small part down to you. I feel… safe here, I guess."

Naruto was floored by that statement for a second. "Oh, wow. T-thanks Sasuke." He decided to broach something he'd been sitting on for the day, feeling shy and vulnerable. "Hey, if you like… you can stay here every so often. We can share a bed, if it helps you sleep. I kinda like it too."

Sasuke looked conflicted. "I… I'll think about it. Enjoy your training, Naruto."

Naruto was a bit disappointed, but understood: it was a very strange proposal. He immediately felt embarrassed as they left the flat. "Eh, yeah, yeah. Don't work too hard."

Sasuke seemed to find that funny. "I'll give it a try, but I think it'll be the death of me one of these days."

(╯'□')╯︵ ┻━┻

Naruto was woken by his doorbell going off, accompanied by someone loudly rapping their knuckles off it. He rolled out of bed, absentmindedly thinking that the postie wasn't usually this aggressive.

He winced as he walked across the living room, his right hamstring twinging slightly. He thought he'd pulled it at Kakashi's session, but insisted on going to Jiraiya's too. It had probably done more harm than good, but Naruto had been proud of himself.

He opened the door, eyes bleary, expecting to collect a parcel and go back to sleep. Instead he was confronted with a large bald man, his beer gut hanging above an overtight belt.

"Got a couch to deliver, one to remove, for a Naruto Uza… Uzeemaki? Am I saying that right?"

"Close enough," Naruto yawned, then the actual words hit him. "Wait, a couch?"

"Yeah, a couch. A sofa." The man had a gruff sort of voice, thick with the local accent. "You ordered one, right?"

"Not that I can remember," Naruto frowned, scratching his head. "But that's me. The name, I mean."

"Look, you wanna see the paperwork?" He asked impatiently, holding up a clipboard. "I'm three deliveries behind, and they gave me the thickest bastard to train up. He's waiting in the van, and I'm just waiting for the daft motherfucker to try eat the fucking gearshift."

Naruto squinted at the papers: it was his name and address alright. But the billing information was different, one A. Materasu. No address, paid with cash… it felt suspicious as hell.

But slowly his sleep-deprived brain kicked into gear, and a likely culprit came to mind.

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, I'll take it. Sorry man, I got a bit mixed up."

The man said nothing, but radioed his partner to come up. First they levered the old sofa out the door and down the stairs, no mean feat. Naruto offered to help, but the first man waved it off. Secondly, the new couch was brought up. Naruto's jaw dropped as it was deposited in his lounge: it was the one Sasuke had argued with the salesman over, the Sanzio. It was beautiful standing there in his flat. But as the shock wore off he was more angry than anything: that was a big decision taken without his knowledge.

"Okay," the first man said, handing over the clipboard. "Paperwork time. Sign here, here, and here. Date there. Perfect. Keep this. I don't know what the fuck you did to your old sofa, but this one's got a six year warranty. Enjoy."

Naruto was still disoriented as he saw them out, grabbing his phone and sitting on his new sofa. It felt amazing. It just made him angrier. He selected a number from his phone book and tapped dial.

They picked up very quickly, Naruto hearing some rustling on the other end, followed by a muffled 'I have to take this.' Soon he heard them properly. "Hey Naruto."

"Sasuke." Naruto spat through clenched teeth. "Would you happen to know anything about the new sofa I'm currently sat on?"

"You're out shopping early. Must be really keen"

"I'm in my flat you spanner. And don't try play dumb, Mr A. Materasu." Naruto sighed. "Sasuke, why the fuck did you buy me a sofa?"

"Uh-oh," he replied sarcastically. "Busted."

"This isn't funny, dude!" Naruto yelled, finally losing his cool. "Why drop one and a half grand on this thing for me? How long were you planning on doing this?"

"Well I owed you a couch, since I fucked up your last one." Sasuke said as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world. "You said you liked that one."

"How long?" Naruto almost growled.

"Pretty much as soon as you told me it was knackered." He said nonchalantly. "The words you're looking for are 'thank' and 'you'."

"Sasuke, why don't you get this?" Naruto groaned, running a hand through his hair. "You can't just spend this much on me."

"Why not?" He sounded sincere. "You've no idea how much money I've made in the last few years, do you?"

"That doesn't matter!" Naruto was finding fewer and fewer solid reasons why, but wasn't happy with Sasuke's decision. "It's the principal of the thing. I don't take handouts. And imagine how much good that money could have done for a charity."

He sounded offended. "I donate money to charity thank you very much. And you're missing the point: it's my money, I spend it how I like. It's a gift."

"Do you think you can just buy me shit and it'll make up for everything you did?" As soon as it was out of his mouth, Naruto regretted it.

Sasuke was silent for the longest time, but when he spoke again he didn't sound angry. "Do I feel guilty? Fuck yeah. But I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness, Naruto. I know what I did to you, taking off, hurting you… that's not something I can buy forgiveness for. Now quit being a cunt and take the goddamn present."

He hung up, leaving Naruto speechless at the other end. He threw his phone down on the sofa and rested his head back. On the comfy, comfy sofa. He realised, too, that the nice girl that had served Sasuke would get commission from such a massive sale. No wonder she'd looked so happy. Naruto sighed, picking up the phone again and sending a quick text.

'I'm sorry. Thank you.'

'You're welcome, you knob. See you soon' Came the reply.

Thanks for reading as per usual guys! I'm getting a bit better with the pacing, but I have had some comments saying they almost gave up on the story: I worked it out, and since starting I've averaged about 6k words per month. Now considering I have a lot on in my life, I feel that's not too bad. I am hoping to post once a month at the least, but I take quite a while to get a chapter through - slow writer problems :P

Please comment with criticism, thoughts, points about my writing, etc - I want to get better at writing through this, so I would love feedback from you magnificent people :)