extra long chapter for extra loving fans! thank you for the reviews! We're back to M because it, well it's M.

I own typos only.

M M M M M M M M M M M -M? yes, for sMut. (hence the M)


Everyone expected her to be weak when she left the hospital. She did the exact opposite.

Sort of.

From the moment she was released, she demands. It's a silent demand, because she lacks words to speak. So she demands silently for a ride home, a ride to her house. Her eyes are set, harsh and determined as she demands silently for a ride to her apartment. And while Peter watches her, communicating silently with his own eyes that he wants to care for her, she will not let him in. Her face turns in a silent plead that she will not discuss this, not now. And so she turns away from him, coat in hand.

It feels eerily like the last time he's retrieved her from the hospital, his arms around her suitcase, walking in front of her in a trance like state, leading her to the SUV that he's been assigned in her...absence. He opens the door from her before opening the trunk and placing her luggage in the back. The only thing in her little suitcase is a shirt, the rest were blood stained and burned at the hospital and so it's light as he lifts and shuts the door at the same time before climbing around front and into the drivers seat.

She stares out the window. It's raining, hard, the pounding sound of the rain and the rhythmic thud of the wipers wipe out all traces of rain and all chances of conversation. Not that she'd talk away. She has nothing to say to him, or anyone, anyway. The rain makes things dark, bleak like winter, and she feels it deep down to her aching bones, seeping in and suddenly she's burst into tears.

Peter's swerving and the car shifts and she moves sideways and jolts forward, bracing her hands against the dashboard as he rests on the side. He turns to her, she's in tears and she won't look at him.

"Olivi-"

But she wipes her tears faster than he swerved off the road. She hadn't even known she had broken out in tears.

"I'm fine."

But she's not.


Her apartment has become a prison, and she is the slave.

She spends day in and day out working on the apartment, cleaning and cleansing then doing it all over again until she's tired. Her body is still to weak to go out for her runs but she sits on the small porch sometimes and stares into the air. It hasn't stopped raining since she's been released from the hospital.

Today it's hailed a bit and she plays with the last of the drops on the deck, rolling the tiny ice ball between her fingers before it falls away and turns to slush on the wood. She's drenched, skin fading from pink to purple. But she doesn't shiver as she sits there in her underwear, she's muted, silent, calculating.

She's lost in her own mind, just thinking. She's so damaged now. Incredibly damaged and that's the problem. She thinks, that perhaps she's not strong enough to go on, that perhaps she's so damaged and broken and she's unfixable. But she doesn't feel broken or unfixable. She doesn't feel. What the fuck was happening to her?

"Liv?"

There's panic in his voice as he slides open the glass door to the porch. He sees her in the rain and rushes to her, running to her side and lifting her up, swear words falling from his mouth. The moment he's brought her inside she flails around in his grasp, shoving him away.

"What the fuck Olivia?" he nearly screams at her, reaching for a blanket to wrap around her, "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

She doesn't answer, instead she glares at him, pulling the blanket around her skin tighter. She's not shivering from the cold, she is not shivering from fear, she is just shivering because she can, like a shaking little Chiuaua, so fragile and breakable, but stronger than diamond. She stares at Peter, defiant.

"I'm fine."


It's been close to 4 and half months since she's touched him.

Besides the occasional hand held, cheek brush and forehead kiss, he hasn't touched her once. She guesses it's because she's not ready for anything else, and she isn't, but she would still like to know that he is partly human inside. He's so patient and so kind and it's killing her because he does so. Sometimes she wishes he would be more assertive, to let her know he still wants her, still wants to love her. But he does nothing.

She sips on her glass of whiskey as she sits at the bar alone tonight. Peter doesn't know where she's at and she doesn't care right now. She sets the glass down and the bartender pours her another. She doesn't understand why he didn't follow her here, why he isn't right next to her knocking them back. He cares for her still, right? As she scans the room she has the slight choice between lean and mean looking drummer with neck tattoos and older business man in a pin stripe suit. It'd be all too easy to take one home, to touch her the way she wants Peter to, to love her the way she wants Peter to. But instead she turns her face back to the bar, she'll give it one more shot, one more chance.

If Peter doesn't want her then, she doesn't know what she'll do.


She notices that his eyes linger two seconds too long on her blouse, another button down unbuttoned, and she takes that as a sign that maybe he still wants her. She's worn her one and only push up, a no surprise black lace bra that Rachel had gotten her from Victoria's Secret once upon a time ago and she's giving him a silent smolder as he stares at her. His lips part and she takes that as a sign that he wants her. She turns, sways her hips and heads for her office, shutting the door behind her.

He enters not two seconds later, shutting the door and locking it behind him.

She's sitting behind the desk and she looks up, her stomach tightening at the glance in his eyes. He leans against the door and stares at her. They don't speak and she stands, unbuttoning her blouse as she goes, revealing skin underneath to his eyes, hungry for the flat expanse that was her stomach. She comes around and leans on her desk.

"Touch me Peter," she commands, "Touch me like I know you want to."

She notes he wastes no time to come up to her, pressing her against the wood of the desk behind her, hips pinned as he wraps his fingers into her hair, pulling her lips to his. She drinks from him as he drinks from her, raw and slightly rough as his tongue invades her mouth and his hands push away the bra on her breasts. Her fingers wrap around the belt buckle on his pants and she's sliding it away as he nips her neck, her body arching into his hands, hair draping down her back. She shakes from pleasure, a moan escapes her lips and suddenly she can't get enough of him.

Her fingers and gripping his sides as her leg wraps around his hips. She's dry humping him right here in her office, unable to get enough of the friction between them. She hears his chuckle as his lips dance over her skin. She panting, hot and heavy already and she's still dressed her pants. Peter senses this and he moves his hands from their attention on her nipples to unbutton her pants and slide them away, her panties going with them. He lifts her in one motion and he yanks her pants completely off before shrugging out of his own shirt and shoving his fingers into her heat.

She lets out a strangled cry and nips his shoulder. He's so rough with her and she loves it, his fingers a pace that is bordering painful. She duels him with her tongue, unable to satisfy her thirst for him. His thumb flickers across her clit and she lets out a beautiful whimper, her own fingers swiftly unbuttoning his pants and pulling his boxers and pants down together.

"Fuck me," she whimpers into his ear, "Please Peter."

He removes his fingers, lips never leaving her skin as he shoves himself inside her. She lets out a loud cry, her body stiffening. Pain ripples through her frame at his entrance and she remember just vaguely that the doctors had told her would be slightly uncomfortable her first time after her miscarriage. Peter freezes, afraid, but she scoots her hips up closer, grinding. She needs this so much.

She's desperate.


What did you think? Like it? enough smut for you? dark enough? Angsty enough? tell me!

Next up, Peter has an embarrassing secret that he SHOULD tell Olivia?