A.N Thank you so much for your reviews especially the ones keep asking for more its definitely helped me to find the time to post this chapter. Your encouragement is amazing so thank you very much! Well here it is I hope it meets your expectations as I have had not had a chance to proof read but I thought I best get posting before anything else gets in the way of me uploading ... enjoy!
If Piper thought she was going to receive any semblance of a reply she had obviously been sorely mistaken. Alex continued to stare at her like she was a ghost which, Piper mused, in a way she was, a figure of Alex's past appearing within her future and Piper guessed she was in shock. She originally had no intention of revealing herself but as soon as Alex had admitted to Ava that she knew her she had panicked, terrified that Alex would spill all the details from their past. Before she had even had chance to think she had moved as quickly as her sore body had allowed. Now regret was washing over her like a wave Ava was looking between them with increasing confusion and Piper was now at a loss for how to proceed.
"Alex?"
The sound of her name seemed to startle Alex from her wide eyed staring and she started to shake her head from side to side. Ava went to move towards her but Alex stopped her raising her hand in caution and Ava paused her little face filling with hurt.
"Why would I need protecting from you and Kubra mummy?"
Her daughter's pleading eyes met with her own but Piper now realising exactly what she had said in her desperation to stop Alex from revealing their past to her daughter now felt almost trapped by Ava's stare.
"I think I would like to hear that explanation"
Those husky tones settled deep into her bones warming her very soul even though they were filled with confusion and anger. Alex was now pointedly looking anywhere but her and Piper didn't know what to say. She turned to Alex the desperation clear in her expression but Alex just ignored her obvious need for help and Piper sighed.
"Ava can you get ready for bed please?"
Her daughter's face turned stormy and Piper braced herself for the inevitable backlash she was undoubtedly going to receive.
"No mummy please I want to know!"
"Ava..."
Piper reached a hand out to her daughter but it remained empty held out in thin air Ava staring at her defiantly from next to Alex and Piper felt her insides twist.
"Actually I don't think I can do this, I need to fucking leave I'm sorry"
Alex spoke her voice strained and Piper watched as Ava's face fell as she looked up at Alex her face creased with emotion.
"Please don't go"
Alex let out a large sigh as she ran her hand through her hair. Her posture was still tight with stress but Piper could see she was trying to force herself to remain calm for Ava's sake and for that Piper was grateful. Still pointedly ignoring her probing gaze Piper watched Alex as she crouched down in front of Ava her hands coming to rest gently on small shoulders.
"I need to go just for now ok? You and your mummy need to talk and I can't be here for that"
"But why Alex?"
Alex shook her head and then cupped Ava's cheeks with her long fingers.
"Because it will hurt me too much ok?"
Alex's voice cracked over the word hurt and Piper involuntarily took a step forward. Her injuries caused her to stumble slightly and Ava broke free from Alex's grasp rushing to her side and wrapping her arms around her middle steadying her stiff sore body.
"Are you ok mummy?"
Piper nodded and involuntarily she leant against Ava the warmth of her small body seeping into her own and the pain eased ever so slightly.
"See you soon Ava"
Piper's gaze snapped back to Alex and she stretched her hand out trying to stop her from leaving she felt Alex at least deserved an explanation.
"No Alex wait, please? We can-"
"Talk?"
Alex voice was cold and mocking but Piper nodded meekly those green eyes that used to look at her with such love were filled with anguish and anger and Piper flinched under the intensity.
"Well yes"
"No Piper"
Alex turned abruptly and strode towards the door.
"This time you get to watch me walk away see how it feels to be on the other side"
Alex gave her one last that Piper couldn't decipher the conflicting emotions too great before she looked back at Ava who was staring at her with tears building in her eyes.
"I'll be back to see you soon Kid I promise. We're friends don't forget that"
Ava smiled and nodded through her tears and Alex smiled back hesitantly before her gaze locked with Piper's once more the burning intensity returning before she swept from the room the door bouncing in the frame as it shook with the force Alex had used to shut it.
Piper swallowed hard choking down the sob that felt as though it was lodged in her throat. Ava pulled away from her and went and sat on the couch her head downcast her hands twisting together fidgeting and Piper knew she needed to explain.
"Why did you lie mummy?"
Ava's voice was small and meek and Piper shook her head trying to shake some sense into her head on how best to proceed. She felt torn. On the one hand she had already disobeyed Kubra she had come into contact with Alex, the secret was out, Pandora's box well and truly opened. But at the same time how could she explain everything that had happened between herself and Alex to an eight year old so that Ava understood.
Sighing feeling completely wrung out and overwhelmed Piper moved sluggishly to the couch were she leant heavily against the arm.
"Come, come and get in bed with me and I'll try and explain everything"
Ava looked at her with her eyes narrowed and Piper smiled making sure her expression was one of reassurance.
"I promise I'll tell you as best I can but I just really need to lie down"
"Are you hurting?"
Piper nodded and Ava's face relaxed she jumped up from the couch and took Piper's hand gently leading the way to the master bedroom. Once they were settled under the covers, Piper propped up against the many pillows so that her body lay without protest, Ava turned to look at her expectantly.
"So why did you lie mummy?"
The hurt was obvious and it made Piper's heart squeeze but she forced herself not to become upset. It they were having this conversation she needed to remain calm otherwise Piper didn't think she would be able to start, let alone finish, the tale Ava needed to hear.
"Because Kubra asked me to. I promised him and it wasn't worth me breaking that promise"
Ava looked at her with wide eyes and she leaned forward so that she could whisper into her ear quietly.
"Will you get into trouble now?"
"No I didn't tell you I knew Alex, you worked it out all by yourself, and Alex only confirmed it. If Kubra is going to be mad it won't be because I told you because I didn't"
There were many other reasons why Kubra was going to be mad but Piper held her tongue and kept her fears to herself.
"So how do you know Alex?"
Piper turned so that she could see into blue eyes so alike her own and she sighed softly.
"It's a very long story darling are you sure you're ready to hear it?"
Ava nodded firmly and Piper started to talk all the while keeping Ava's hand wrapped tightly in her own terrified that once her daughter knew the truth she wouldn't want her touch any longer.
"Ok well I suppose it starts when I left university in New York..."
Alex had stood in the lift looking at the control panel for what felt like forever but in reality must have only been a few minutes. She couldn't decide what to do her mind warring with conflicting thoughts and fears. She was angry and upset that much was a given, not expecting to come face to face with Piper so soon, but she was also struggling with the overwhelming urge to run back pull Piper into her embrace and sheild her from her ugly reality. A part of her was also curious she wanted to hear the conversation that was now going to happen between mother and daughter wanting to know exactly how Piper was going to explain their shared history. Would she lie tell Ava they were once nothing more than friends or would she be bold take the bull by the horns and tell her about their relationship and why it ended. Alex knew that Ava had no idea what exactly it was that both she and Kubra did for a living knowing that if she did she was certain the little blonde would have asked plenty of questions. Deep down she knew she could easily find out what Piper had said next time she saw Ava but at the moment she didn't know when that would be. Once Kubra found out that she now knew exactly who he was housing at the hotel Alex was fairly certain her contact with Ava would be greatly reduced or even stopped completely. The thought made her more upset than she cared to admit.
Sighing, frustrated with her own indecisiveness, Alex began to pace the small enclosed space feeling like a caged animal. Her stomach felt as though it was twisting tightly and as Alex recognised another of the emotions warring within her she felt a wave of anger at her own stupid sentimentality. She was deeply worried and not just for Ava. Seeing Piper again in the state she was currently in had simultaneously shocked and upset her. Whoever had attacked her this time had done a real number on her and it caused her to see red. She wished she knew which heinous man had dared to lay a finger on the blonde so that she could give them a taste of their own medicine. She had always been protective of Piper right from the moment she had met her. There was something about the way Piper had seemed so innocent and curious about the world had caused her protective streak to rise up and she was shocked at how quickly the urge had appeared even after all these years apart. Even though Piper was obviously trying hard to appear ok for Ava Alex could instantly tell she was in a lot of pain. Her posture was hunched as though her body was trying to curl into itself and her poor bruised face looked swollen and sore. Alex's first gut reaction had been to want to wrap Piper in her arms and never let go until her brain had kicked up a gear reminding her of everything the blonde had put her through. Still her heart protested that deep down she understood Piper's reasons now she was older and wiser but what she couldn't fathom was how the woman who professed her love for her daily could leave her the day her beloved mother died.
The thoughts swirled around her head, twisting her emotions leaving her torn and confused not knowing what to do. Alex let her head fall back against the wall groaning as the lift doors suddenly opened and one of Kubra's working girls made to get in.
"What floor?"
Alex stared at her for a moment before she shook her head and stepped back out into the corridor ignoring the girls disgruntled mutterings. Coming to stand in front of door number 13 she was surprised to see that the door was slightly ajar. Looking up and down the corridor making sure she was alone she reacted on impulse pushing the door open slowly she inched her way through the small gap letting out a small sigh of relief when she noted the living room was empty. Her ears pricked up as she could hear the low rumble of voices and as she stepped into the living room she noticed the main bedroom light was on, the door partially open. As she came closer to the couch the voices became clearer and Alex sat down silently so that she could listen without being caught.
"So you just left?"
Ava's voice was tinged with an emotion that to Alex sounded suspiciously like disappointment.
"Yes..."
There was silence until Ava's voice sounded once more.
"Did it make you sad?"
"Did what make me sad?"
"Leaving Alex?"
Alex held her breath waiting for Piper's answer.
"Yes so much darling I can't even begin to explain it to you. Deep down I thought I was doing the right thing, for me, but I never should have left not like that it was selfish of me"
"Did you love her?"
Ava's voice was soft, hesitant almost, her curiosity obvious.
"Yes more than I have ever loved anyone apart from you"
It was with both equal parts hurt and joy that she accepted those words Alex feeling the tears build in her eyes her chest thrumming with need.
"Sometimes I wish I had never left but then if I hadn't I wouldn't have met your Daddy"
"Daddy is nasty and horrible to you but Alex is kind and funny and brilliant!"
A soft chuckle escaped before she could stop it and Alex quickly went quiet hoping she hadn't been heard.
"Oh I know darling but if I hadn't met Daddy then I wouldn't have you sweetheart and I love you so much. I wanted you so badly and when I held you for the first time it was the best moment of my life"
There was silence once more for a few moments before Piper spoke again her voice hesitant and unsure.
"Do you understand everything I have told you or do you have more questions?"
"You said Alex was your girlfriend"
"I did"
Alex's mouth dropped open she hadn't expected Piper to be quite so honest with Ava but she also felt strangely proud that Piper had found the courage to tell her daughter the truth.
"Did she love you too?"
There was no reply and Alex felt like bursting in through the bedroom door shouting yes a hundred times over.
"Yes so much I never doubted that I know she loved me but at the time it wasn't enough..."
"Oh mummy don't cry"
Alex heard Piper's soft sobs and she physically gripped the couch cushions forcing herself to remain seated. Piper didn't deserve her attention she left, not Alex, she had caused all this. It was a mantra she forced herself to repeat over and over until Piper's sobs finally petered out and she heard Ava speak again.
"There is one thing I don't understand?"
Alex waited patiently as she heard Piper blow her nose and clear her throat.
"What's that darling?"
"You said you left because you didn't like Alex's job the one she still does now?" Piper must have nodded for Ava continued to speak "Why didn't Alex just change jobs if she loved you so much?"
A wave of unease ran over Alex as Ava asked her question she wondered how Piper would answer without giving away the true nature of her employment. Alex had never explicitly said to Piper that walking away from the cartel was something that just couldn't be done but she knew Piper had already worked this fact out. It was almost as if the day it had dawned on Piper that for Alex this was her life, not just a phase, was the day that the first crack had appeared in their relationship. One that she had been unable to smooth over no matter how many times she tried.
"Alex makes Kubra a lot of money poppet and Alex loves her job, the money and the travelling that comes with it make her happy"
Alex wanted to rage it was important yes but if she could have given it up and walked away with her life then she would have if it had meant she could have had a lifetime with her blonde haired lover. A loud yawn startled Alex from her inner monologue and she smiled as she heard Piper chuckle.
"Someone's tired I think it's time for you to go to sleep don't you think?"
Alex listened as the duvet was moved around and the light in the bedroom was dimmed to a low glow leaving the living room almost in complete darkness.
"I still love you mummy even if you did hurt Alex you said you were sorry"
"I love you too darling"
Alex could hear the emotion in Piper's voice knowing she must be feeling relieved that Ava had not shunned her for revealing their past.
"Alex won't stay mad forever mummy I think if you tell her you're sorry she will be nice to you again"
Piper's chuckle was humourless and Alex cringed slightly "She doesn't want nor need my apologies darling. I hurt her Ava I don't deserve her forgiveness I left her on her own when she needed me the most"
"Well I think you're being silly if you just say sorry then you can be friends"
"We can't be friends Ava"
Ava did not reply and Alex heard Piper's tone turn to one of gentle warning.
"I won't stop you from seeing Alex I know she's your friend but I don't want you causing mischief ok? Kubra is already going to be very angry if he finds out I've seen Alex and I don't want you to pester her about me alright?"
"Can I tell her you told me you were her girlfriend?"
Piper sighed "You can tell Alex anything you want but only if she asks ok? If Alex doesn't want to talk about it you need to zip it and not keep asking questions, you don't want to upset her do you?"
Ava must have shook her head for she heard Piper mutter a quiet good before everything went quiet and Alex presumed they were settling down to sleep. It was an odd sensation sitting here being so close to Piper and hearing her concern for her yet she still felt separated as though she had been a mere spectator to the evenings revelations. It was almost like watching and hearing the events play out on the big screen like she had not actually been involved in what was going on around her. Letting out a deep sigh she let her head fall back into the couch trying to force the tension away that had built in her neck and shoulders. She knew she should leave soon the longer she stayed the more comfortable she would get and it wasn't fair to Piper or Ava her continued presence in their home while they were both unaware. The thought of leaving caused her insides to twist she felt as though she needed to stay and keep them both safe, not let Piper endure anymore hurt. Knowing that both Piper and Ava were close was strangely comforting, she felt at ease for the first time that evening and she revelled in the sensation knowing it wouldn't last for long.
Straining her eyes into the dark Alex tried to make out the detail in her surroundings but in the low light she found she couldn't. Moving quietly she noticed the small lamp on an end table next to the arm chair and she moved stealthily flicking the switch. The room was instantly bathed in a soft warm glow and Alex smiled pleased that she could now take in every detail of Piper's home. Alice and wonderland was now sat on the coffee table and Alex reached for it eagerly. Knowing now who the book belonged to she flipped through the pages until she landed on the second to last blank page. Her own hand writing stared back at her and she smiled at the message she had written all those years ago.
'If you my dear are Alice ..
Then just who am I in this little adventure?
The mad hatter it would seem ...
All my love AV'
Piper had laughed hard when she had found the inscription one day months after Alex had written the words one night as Piper had fallen asleep against her. The fact that she had kept this copy only pulled at Alex's heartstrings and she found herself curious as to why Piper had kept this particular souvenir of their time together. Placing the book back down Alex sighed heavily and raised a hard to her face. Pushing her glasses up onto her head she rubbed at her tired eyes and wished for an easy solution to her current predicament. So engrossed in her thoughts she did not hear the telltale sound of the floorboards creaking and she only became aware she was not alone when Piper's strained voice whispered into the room.
"What are you doing here?"
