Falling into chaos

Laughing loudly, Persephony leaned into Mamoru's arm pushing her chest against him. "Mamoru you are a riot! Such a charmer! You know my establishment is very exclusive. It's strictly dinner unless the clientele meet a certain criteria, then my girls can cater to their other needs," Persephony wagged her eyebrows suggestively.

Mamoru started coughing loudly, images of half-naked women crawling to him meowing creeping into his mind. "Thanks Per, but I'm okay," he finished still blushing.

Usagi, walking behind them, huffed loudly and flipped her ponytail back rather aggressively. That idiot! He would flirt with just about anything with breasts and legs. Walking past them she rushed into the elevator and pushed the down button impatiently. Not even bothering to say anything, she leaned into the wall and crossed her arms under her chest.

She didn't care if she was being rude she just wanted to get out of there. After they had shared the history of the Grey Wars and the search for the missing princess, Usagi's emotions and mind were completely frazzled. Now every slight giggle, suggestive comment, slight touch… was driving her nuts! She was bordering total depression and explosive anger and before she unleashed on one or the other she wanted to make sure she was far away from present company to avoid her irrational swell of emotions.

Persephony looked at the small woman in the elevator, she put a little distance between herself and Mamoru, biting her lip knowingly. She knew she was getting under her skin with all her obvious attention towards Mamoru but Tael had asked her to egg the poor girl on. He had quietly explained to her that the two claimed to belong to each other but stubbornly seemed at odds as well.

Feeding into Tael's mischievous nature, she had wholeheartedly agreed, she always did loved being a matchmaker. Finally, unwrapping her arms from Mamoru's she looked up and smiled warmly, "It was nice meeting you and hopefully I'll see you soon," she winked biting her lip once more. She could feel the anger and jealousy coming off of Usagi in waves.

Chuckling to herself she looked back at Tael and noted a slight twitch in his forehead. She was sure he was drowning in all of Usagi's emotions, being a creature so affected by emotions and thoughts he must be having a hard time not running away. She waved playfully at him and then sauntered off into the restaurant.

The elevator was quiet and so was the walk down the busy streets of the blue district. It was darker and the seedier crowd had found their way out. Usagi pushed herself through the crowd, stubbornly walking in front of them, not even paying attention to the leers she was getting or the loud propositions in alien languages. Her need to find privacy drove her forward in a blind rush in order to sink herself into her sadness in the quiet of the apartment.

Cursing under his breath, Mamoru took in the many creatures around them with eyes fixed on Usagi's small form weaving through the crowd. His longer stride allowed him to quickly catch up to her. It was like as soon as the elevator doors opened, she was hell bent on losing both men. She was just so careless sometimes it was aggravating! Reaching out to her he grabbed her arm none too gently and stopped her in her tracks.

She looked at him, fury in her eyes, trying to shake him loose.

"Listen Usagi I don't know what your problem is but right now is not the time to wander off in a tantrum." Sighing loudly, he dropped her arm and raked his fingers through his hair the humid air making it heavy and wet.

"Come on," he said a little more gently as he placed his hand on her lower back and pulled her forward, not bothering to look back at Tael. She nodded but refused to look at him and quietly but quickly the three of them walked back towards their home.After having walked them to their door, Tael made his way back to his restaurant and Usagi and Mamoru had taken yet another quiet elevator ride up to their apartment. Without a word, Usagi had quickly slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"Women," Mamoru huffed as he walked into the kitchen and poured himself some water from a jug in the refrigerator. Whatever was wrong with her he was sure he would hear about it later. For now, he reached over to open a cabinet above the fridge and opened it up, pulling a tin can with a plastic lid out of it. Leaning back into the bar he popped it open and looked over their earnings. Shaking his head, he would have never placed money in a can so carelessly if he had been home. Then again, these weren't normal circumstances. Counting over their combined earnings he was surprised to count ten thousand crystals, smirking as he thought of how fake the currency looked and felt in his hands. Like play money. Tael had told him the day that they went out to the ports in search of work that he would also start looking for a captain that was willing to go wherever they wanted and be reliable and safe. Sighing deeply, he set the can back in its place and walked around the bar to go over to the small night stand. Pulling some clean clothes folded in the top drawer, he settled onto the bed to wait for Usagi to emerge.

Usagi leaned into the wall under the shower head. She swallowed the lump in her throat, absolute misery threatening to take her down. She could feel the water hitting her bare back like searing hot shards of glass but she didn't move to turn down the water. The physical pain of the hot water almost felt soothing, distracting her of the soul wrenching sadness that had settled over her shoulders. It was so hard to explain, ever since leaving the restaurant she couldn't help but replay the story over and over in her mind.

The princess's pain seemed to be as real and poignant as her own. Shaking her head, she watched as she splashed water on the shower tiles and followed the water as it trail down the white tiles. Sniffing, she showered quickly and turned off the water. Wrapping herself in the synthetic warmth of the towel she stepped out and toweled down. Once done, she wrapped it around her once more, tucking in an end between her breasts. Hesitating at the door, she squared her shoulder and prepared herself for any reprimand Mamoru had for her. Pulling the door open she nearly walked into his chest.

"S-sorry," Usagi stuttered, still surprised to meet him outside of the door.

"It's okay," he said, quietly walking past her. Mamoru walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. It was as hot as a sauna in there, wiping the mirror, he set his things down and hoped to hell she hadn't used all the hot water.

Toweling his hair, Mamoru walked back into the room, so relaxed after his shower he was startled to see the small dingy apartment in Pax. For a moment, he had completely forgotten where he was. Cursing under his breath, he continued walking past the kitchen into the bedroom taking in Usagi quietly sitting on the floor past the bed. She had her knees up, and she was resting her head on her knees, with her arms tightly wrapped around her legs. No doubt anyone looking up from the street could get a clear view of her panties but she didn't seem to care. The wall with the single window was completely gone and he only had to guess that the small black remote laying next to her had something to do with it. Quietly settling the towel on the night stand he went to settled in when he heard her sniffle.

Looking back over her he took in the almost imperceptible shake of her shoulders as she valiantly fought to keep her cries and tears out of earshot. He had never really been one of those guys to comfort others, not because he was heartless, he simply felt uncomfortable and so incapable. He had so much trouble understanding his own life and emotions that he hardly considered himself a suitable candidate to comfort others. But Usagi, Usagi always seemed to draw him in an indescribable fashion. His attention always turned to her no matter what the cause… he was drawn to her, almost as if he had a sixth sense in regards to her. It was disconcerting and, used to being on his own, he knew that was one of the reasons he pushed so hard to keep her at a distance.

In this moment however, visibly shaken and so far from those she would have normally turned to, his heart beat painfully in his chest watching her. Pushing himself, he quietly walked over to her and sat down next to her, slightly mimicking her pose. Instead of wrapping his arms around his knees however, he stretched out his legs, still bend at the knees and rested his long arms on his knees and propping his head on his right upper arm.

"So we have a balcony now," he started hoping to lighten the mood. "You figured out how to use the remote…" Mamoru drifted, noticing she wasn't even trying to hide her tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mamoru asked quietly, blood pooling in his ears, he was so uncomfortable but he needed to make her feel better. Looking over her, he couldn't bear her in this state of distress and misery.

Not bothering to turn to look at him, Usagi quietly whispered, her voice quivering, "You'll only make fun of me."

The thick emotion and statement pierced him deeply. Frowning, he knew he had only himself to blame for the way she perceived him.

"I'm not a complete asshole, I mean with you sometime I am," he quickly amended as she had turned disbelieving eyes on him. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I don't mean to be and I wouldn't be mean if you're really hurting."

Sniffing, Usagi looked into his clear eyes and the sincerity of his statement settled her frayed nerves. "I usually talk to Luna or Rei…" She looked at him then, taking in his bare chest that had become visibly more defined during their stay here. He had put his thin pants back on from earlier, and she couldn't be happier because even more fully clothed, he looked indecent. Blushing a rosy pink, she turned away, somehow aware that he knew she was checking him out even though he hadn't turned to look at her or say a thing about it.

"I'm not sure why I'm so emotional after hearing that story. I just keep going back to us being stranded so far away from everyone and everything we know. I just feel so useless. I don't know what to do." Turning to look at him his eyes were focused on hers.

"There are times were I forget that we're not here by choice, times that I fall into this life so completely that it starts to feel normal. Like when we're here, just you and me…" taking a minute to swallow the lump in her throat she almost choked on the tears she pushed back. "I don't know if I can just wait around for someone else to rescue us. I can't just sit here I need to try and do something… I mean I'm Sailor Moon for crying out loud! I have to be able to do something to fix this, to get us back home-" she sobbed loudly, unable to hold back her pain at her frustration and feelings of inadequacy. It had been those feelings that had been plaguing her mind and soul since all of the girls' powers reawakened.

Unable to hear her talking and thinking so low of herself, Mamoru unthinking reached over and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into this chest. The minute he did, she started crying in earnest, falling into his embrace.

"Usagi, I know that you miss home… I miss home. I want nothing more than to make it happen faster, to get us there faster, but we're doing everything we can," he stopped, his voice getting thick with emotion. "We don't know how safe we are here, if you try to transform, we don't know if you'll be detected. It's too risky. I would rather us have to work harder and endlessly for a year in order for us to fly under the radar and be safe. Besides, there are no guarantees that you or I as Sailor Moon or Tuxedo Kamen can do anything to get us home."

Hearing his words ring so true, she started crying harder, allowing the truth to wash over her but it didn't comfort her in the slightest. She felt so inadequate. She had failed without even trying. On top of that, their close proximity has made her face her feelings for her supposed nemesis and those feelings were the hardest to deal with. It wasn't that she didn't know how she felt, in fact she was more sure of it now than ever. She had somehow fallen in love with this idiotic, incredibly handsome man somewhere along the way but the worst part was how incredibly impossible the idea of her loving him seemed.

Trying to physically soothe her, he pulled her away from his chest and tried lifting her face with his left hand hooking his fingers under her chin and pulling her face up to look at him. Looking into her tear stained face, despite the pain in her eyes, a flash of awareness shot through him and his body heated up at the unexpected rush of desire. He breathed heavily, but hadn't turned away.

At the same time, Usagi's heart started racing, feeling the warmth radiate from him, her nerves were on fire and she could feel her heart beating wildly. Mamoru leaned in, so focused on her lush pink lips his breath wafted over her lips. Usagi felt the heat pool into her lower belly in anticipation as she lowered her lashes. Feeling his warm breath, his lips moved in closer to hers, so close if she breathed they would touch. And just as quick, he jerked away, breathing heavily, he let the arm around her drop.

Not able to mask his emotions, without looking at Usagi, Mamoru took a deep breath trying to reign in his raging hormones and wild emotions, he bit his lip and considered his next words carefully.

"We can't do this," he said resolutely, pushing himself up and walking back to bed.

Feeling her heart shatter completely, she bit her lip to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape. Looking back up to the depressing gray planet looming in the sky, she summoned all her strength and pushed herself to ask the one questions she feared to hear the answer to the most.

"Were you disappointed when you found out it was me?" She said still looking at the dead planet.

Mamoru felt complete dread seep into him. He had only a few choices but he knew that he would have to at least share a bit or be honest completely. Feeling suddenly a little reckless, he sighed deeply and stared up at the ceiling, lying on his back on the bed.

"No, I think a part of me always knew that it was you. Only you, Tsukino Usagi can bring the worst and best out of me just like Sailor Moon."

"So then was there ever anything-" she started.

"I dream of her alright," Mamoru said quickly closing his eyes. He couldn't believe he was telling her his secret. Even though they had become friends, he had always guarded that secret connection with the Princess.

"What do you mean," she whispered, looking into the room over at his form.

"The Princess, I dream of her. She comes to me at night, but sometimes they're just memories…" he drifted, unable to go into the intimate details of the memories he had dreamt of.

Suddenly he shot up from the bed into a sitting position. Come to think of it, ever since the first night here on Pax he had yet to dream of his princess. Fear crept into his bones, thinking that maybe she was truly gone or they were just too far out of reach for even his dream princess. Not wanting to read more into it, he sighed deeply and brushed his hands through his hair.

"I know that we were lovers once and I've been searching and waiting for her as long as I've been Tuxedo Kamen. I don't know what to think any more about her. After what happened with Beryl, I let go of the idea of us finding her and waiting for her. I'm angry, why should I have to wait for her in order for me to live my life."

"Is that why you started dating?" Usagi asked quietly.

"Yeah," he said refusing to look at her. "But it would be different with you…" he drifted off, looking to see her reaction.

Usagi turned, startled that he had admitted that he'd thought about dating her. So he was attracted to her? She wasn't the only one affected? Did he care about her then?

Smirking, he took in her startled face, her wide blue eyes stared intently at him. "It would be different if we ever did find her. It would be the ultimate betrayal." Taking in the cute "o" her mouth hung in, he squared his shoulders and continued, hoping to get her to understand. "You're the leader of her guard Usagi, you guys are all like sisters, could you ever be with someone your sisters' love?"

So there it was. Feeling the truth in that statement weigh down into her soul, she knew he was being driven by pure logic and he was right. She would never betray one of the girls by dating someone they loved. A sudden rush of hate went through her thinking of the unnamed princess. Where was she?! She wasn't there when they had needed her the most and here she was once again squashing another dream.

"So you love her?" she asked quietly.

"I know that I did love her," he said cryptically looking into her eyes, willing her to understand.

"Okay," she said, willing herself to accept that same logic.

"Come on Usagi, come to bed," he said hoping to mend the fragile relationship they had been creating these past weeks. Watching her as she stared back out the window, he knew that with his bout of honesty, there would be once again another wedge between them. He felt a pain deep in his chest, he wanted to desperately cling to their new closeness. It was something he had always longed for but he knew it was dangerous, he was supposed to share that with the princess but all he could think of nowadays was Usagi.

Sighing deeply, she grabbed the remote, she secretly wished he would change his mind but she would accept his decision, after all he had been absolutely honest with her. Clicking the wall into existence, she walked back to their bed and placed the remote on the nightstand and settled herself into the right side of the bed, turning to lay on her side to stare into the small window and wall. Feeling the bed shift behind her Mamoru scooted over to her and quietly settled behind her wrapping his arm around her and pulling her tight against him. Relishing in the momentary warmth and comfort, she settled into the bed and drifted off into a restless sleep.