Chapter Twelve
Kai and I were sitting on the pier, empty beers between us two days later. The sun was sinking into the ocean. We had been sitting on the pier just talking for nearly an hour. Gray should have been joining us soon, but I was buzzed and had lost track of what time it was. Kai was telling me about a crazy role he had in a kitchen with some interesting characters.
"... and Yugo slipped on a piece of ice and dropped the entire platter twenty-five minutes before the wedding," Kai explained, "It was so comical. I didn't think people really slipped on ice cubes in real life. But the bride was actually really understanding, especially once she saw Yugo," Kai was smiling now, "So we got off the hook."
"You got lucky," I laughed, drinking more of my beer, "Have you ever seen Bridezillas?"
Kai's cheeks flushed at the idea, "Women planning weddings are deadly, got it."
"The key to not being a bridezilla is not having a wedding," I said, pointing my beer at him.
"Aw, you would never want to get married?"
"I'm not against it," I shook my head while shrugging, "Why, you wanna marry me?" I laughed again.
"I'd marry you, yeah," Kai said, nonchalantly. I felt my face heat up.
"Oh come on, you've known me for like a month," I gave him a deadpan look. Kai sprang forward, planting a deep kiss on my lips. He then leaned back, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I couldn't help but smile and drink more beer. There was a chemistry between us, yet there was something in my mind that would not let me give myself to him. But I enjoyed the sensation of Kai's lips and he was an extremely talented kisser.
"Trust me, when I say you're the greatest woman I've ever met, I mean it," Kai told me, "It's not every day you get to meet someone like you. Someone who means so much to you almost instantly. You're someone who piques my curosity... you make me feel better than I ever have."
"No one has ever said that to me," I said, fingering the lip of my beer, "I'm not very good with any of this," I looked into his eyes which were the color of tree trunks in the brilliant light of the sun, "I think you're the first person who has ever liked me."
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Kai asked.
"I need more time," I told him, looking back to the sunset.
"I understand," Kai nodded, "Couldn't hurt to ask," He shrugged with a content grin on his face.
We sat in a comfortable silence and watched as the sun was completely swallowed by the ocean. The crickets began crying their melodramtic symphony into the night sky as the stars began glittering.
"Man, where's Gray?" Kai looked over his shoulder towards the stairway. There was no one there and no sign of boot tracks through the sand, "I guess he got tired and went home," He shrugged, accidentally knocking one of our many bottles over.
"I think I'm gonna retire, too," I said, gathering the bottles up for the recycling bin at the end of the pier, "Thanks for dinner and all the beers. Put it on my tab," I stuck my tongue out at him. Together we carried the bottles down to the bin.
"Well, alright, it was fun," Kai grinned at me, "Be safe walking home."
"Good night," He enveloped me in a hug before he sent me home.
I hiccuped on my way home and paused to stare at the blacksmith forgery, turning away from the mouth of my farm. I stared up at the looming figure in the nighttime. I could see the smaller chimney putting smoke off. Saibara must have still been awake. I wondered where Gray had gotten off to for the evening. My heart nearly longed to see his blue eyes and silver hair again. He wasn't the same Gray anymore... he was a Gray I was learning to accept. I turned for my farm, but a hand gripped my elbow. I gasped looking over my shoulder. It was Gray.
He wasn't wearing his hat or his coveralls. He had on a black shirt and jeans. I hadn't seen him without his coveralls since I had moved here. His arms were toned, his body well carved. It looked like he had been working in physical labor for years.
"Hey," I said, blinking rapidly, "where have you been?"
"The time kind of just slipped me by," Gray said rather hesitently, "I wanted to see you, though."
"You... you did?" I asked.
"Claire, I'm an idiot," Gray grabbed my other arm now, looking deep into my eyes, "I need to get this off my chest: I've missed you. I can't let my grandfather brainwash me into being afraid of my feelings. Before I know it, I'll be dead and no one will ever know a single thought of mine," He shook his head, snapping from his rant, "Nine years isn't impossible to pick up from."
"You have no idea how much I've missed you... and how much I wanted to hear that," I whispered, feeling the floodgates of the past overflow within me. I looked up at him, his face warm. He looked different, more well defined, but the look in his eye was the same best friend I had known, "I...," I felt at a loss of words.
"I know, Claire-Bear," He smiled.
...
The next day I did my chores with joy. I cleaned my house, reorganized the field, watered my sprouting pineapples, and moved the wood into the barn. It was the second wave of the season which felt like it was just slipping away. I was very sweaty by noon and in need of a shower. The walk to the inn was much more pleasant. I listened to the birds chirp and swayed my toiletries bag merrily at my side, my greasy hair pulled into a ponytail.
I kept thinking of Gray the night before with his silver hair, tight black tee, and jeans. And how he gripped my elbow. It made my heart pound in my chest. He actually missed me! My optimism for the future only swelled at the thought of this. Gray's teenage years had been different from mine. Though my parents weren't the most loving, they certainly were not drill seargents like I could only suspect Saibara of being. His teenage years were just as dark and turbulent as mine were.
When I got to the inn, I saw Kai, Cliff, and Gray sitting at a large table covered in foods. It looked almost like a mini-man's Thanksgiving, complete with Mineral Town beers brewed up by Doug and his brew-enthusiast friend, Harris, the local post master. There was ears of corn, rolls of bread, basket of mozarella sticks, meatballs on toothpicks, and crab legs. When I closed the door, Kai and Gray's eyes lit up.
"Hey, Claire, pull a seat up!" Kai called. I scraped a stool across to their nearly completely cluttered table and plopped my bag onto the ground, "What're you doing here?" He asked, drinking his Harvest Goddess Mineral brew.
"I'm here to take a shower," I said, taking a meatball on a toothpick for myself.
"Your house doesn't have a bathroom?" Gray arched his eyebrows as he munched on a roll, "I didn't even notice when I was there."
"No," I shook my head, "now I know how much for granted I took a connected kitchen and bathroom for." I laughed at this.
"Mr. Watson had a pretty big house," Gray said, returning to his plate. He had his coverall sleeves rolled up. I was slightly disappointed to see him in his work clothes since I only got to see him so briefly in the night time with his casual clothes on, "I saw Gotz tear it down a couple months ago and build the current one. Who knew he'd forget to make it livable?"
"Have you been to Gotz's house?" Cliff asked with large violet eyes. Even he was drinking, which suprised me, "It's just a room."
"Oh." Gray blinked rapidly while Kai bust out laughing, hammering his hands against the table.
"So, it's livable by Gotz's standards?" Kai cocked an eyebrow up with rosy cheeks as he finished his beer. He raised the bottle. Doug, who was behind the counter, dipped down and popped a cap, bringing a new one to him, "Thank you."
"Well, I can't wait to save up enough money to make him add what should have been there in the first place," I said, matter of factly.
"Should just do it yourself," Gray shrugged, popping the rest of his roll in his mouth.
"I'll just consult my carpentry training," I laughed, "Well, I'm going to take a shower, I'm sure I reek."
"You smell great," Kai beamed. I shot him a goofy look. I stood, grabbed my bag, and began on, but Gray called after me. I smiled, turning towards him with arched eyebrows.
"Whaddya doin' after this?" He asked with his buzzed jaw.
"Typically I'd just be getting drunk," Doug shot me a disapproving look from behind the bar.
"Well," Gray stood, his cheeks rosy, "I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk. Maybe up to Mother Hill? You can see the entire island from there. Even out to the other side of Forget-Me-Not Valley's coast. It's really amazing. Kind of reminds you how tiny a island we inhabit."
"Ah, yeah, she's seen it," Kai said from behind an ear of corn, "I took her up a few days ago."
Gray looked over his shoulder towards Kai, almost annoyed. I jumped in quickly, "Well, I was drunk," This almost bothered Gray more. He cast his eyes down while I continued, "and it was nighttime. I'd love to be a little more sober and see it in day time."
"So, you'll go?" Gray looked up at me with his breath taking eyes.
"Of course," I nodded, "Let me just take a shower real quick!" He smiled.
...
Gray was waiting in the hallway for me when I got out. He offered to store my toiletries in his side table. It was during this moment I got to take a good look at the room that he shared. I wasn't interested in staring everywhere my first time inside. It was the same as Ann's only mirrored. It wasn't as clean, however. Ann's sheets were purple, and the other two beds in her room were covered in olive green silk sheets. Kai's bed had yellow sheets, Gray's had blue, and Cliff's had purple. Only Cliff's bed was made, but his and Kai's clothes littered the floor. Gray's dirty hamper was nearly full and overflowing beside his bed. His night stand had a stack of books on them. They were the Lord of the Ring and Hobbit books. There was also a pack of cigarettes behind the stack of books and a purple velvet bag.
"Hey, what's this?" I asked as Gray unzipped his coveralls and stepped out of it. He was wearing a blue t-shirt today. I picked the velvet bag up and showed it to Gray. His face reddened.
"Nothing," He shook his head, rolling the coveralls up and stuffing them into his hamper.
"Doesn't look like nothing," I said, undoing the knot on the top.
"Hey now!" Gray snatched it from my hand quickly. I snagged it back, however, with a huge grin on my face. Gray reached for it again, but I evaded his hand deftly. I laughed as I leapt onto his bed, having fun with keep away. I leapt to Kai's bed, windmilling my arms to balance as Gray got tangled in his own bedsheets trying to catch me, "Hey!" He cried.
"I just wanna see!" I laughed, pulling the small bag open. Gray sat on his bed, only watching. For a second, I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I shifted the contents around. I pulled something made of glass out, twirling it between my fingers, before I looked over at Gray, my smile unwavering, "Oh my god, you're a stoner!" I threw my head back and started laughing.
"I'm not a stoner," Gray almost sounded exasperated by the term, "I don't smoke that often."
"Yeah, 'cause where can you even get this stuff on the island?" I asked, dropping the pipe back into the bag and tossing it to Gray. He caught it and tucked it safely away into his drawer.
"I have my ways," Gray replied, grabbing his hat off the top of his black lamp shade, "I thought you'd be more angry about finding it."
"Angry?" I echoed, jumping off of Kai's bed, "Why would I be angry?"
"Well," Gray sighed, jamming his hat on his head, "it's pretty taboo around here... even in The City. Sure, everyone in high school was a drinker, but a weed smoker? It's much more criminal than minors in posession of alcohol."
"Probably," I said, as we descended the stairs. I saw Ann sweeping the hallway. She grinned and waved excitedly at me as we passed. Cliff and Kai were still eating, but conversation had fallen to the wayside. Kai watched as we went for the door. I smiled at him, which he returned, but it felt as if the smile did not reach his eyes. Gray held the door open for me as we stepped into the brilliant summer afternoon, "I've smoked it, too, so I can't judge."
"Really?" Gray asked.
"Oh, yeah," I nodded, almost laughing, "Do you remember Price Sanders?"
"Yeah, your neighbor?"
"Yeah, he became a pot dealer in high school."
"You're joking," Gray threw his head back and laughed now. The sound made my heart swell. It was like the good old days, "So, were you like friends with him?"
"God, no," I scrunched my nose at the thought, "Only when I needed to unwind."
We took the shortcut through my farm. Gray took the time to admire my pastures and compliment my budding pineapples. As we began up the path, Gray took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air, "I love it up here," Gray said as we crossed the rickety bridge, "I come up here every time I'm stressed or need to be alone. It's so peaceful. Since it's such a high climb, a lot of times it's completely desserted."
"It's definitely worth the climb, I remember that," I told him as I pulled myself over a large rock. My calves were screaming at me yet again for putting them through the horrors of what felt like vertical climbing.
"So, Kai brought you up here?" Gray asked, not looking at me.
"Yeah, it was kind of on a whim," I replied, "We were drinking and one thing lead to another-"
"Yeah, he's a very whim-of-the-moment kind of guy," Gray nodded, "I guess that's part of the reason I became friends with him. " A silence came over us as we reached the top. Gray turned his hat backwards before a gust could send it over the edge of the mountain, "I guess it's because his attitude reminded me of you." He turned to me now, my eyebrows arched, "He seemed so confident and full of life, I just clung to that, because that's how you always were."
"Me?" I nearly laughed as a gust of wind blew my hair free from my face, "Confident and full of life? I guess it's been so long since I've been me." We reached the top and Gray looked down at me. It was only then I became truly conscious of how much taller he was.
"You're really not the happy girl you used to be?" Gray asked, almost seeming hurt to hear this. I looked at him and then lowered my head. I had felt empty for a long time. For so long, I had been used to being incomplete. I was sure I had deserved the puishment of unfulfillment somehow. I hadn't said thank you enough, I hadn't finished my glass of milk again for the third night in a row, I had to have done something worthy of the resentment I felt for myself. I felt hollow, but had come to accept it as normal. As if being widdled out was probably for the best.
"I haven't been happy in a very long time." I finally said, realizing the silence had gone on increasingly long, "I feel... nothing, majority of the time. I used to wake up and clench my fists all day until I could finally relax when it ended. Living felt like a chore most of the time."
"Claire," Gray reached to me, but his hand stopped just short as I shook my head.
"Back then, if I had tripped and fallen in the path of a bus in the City... I probably would have made no effort to move," I looked at Gray, "I would have counted the seconds it took to hit me." The truth had never been spoken physically from my lips. And it felt weird to actually hear it. The moment it hung in the air, Gray embraced me tightly.
"I was so frightened of being away from you when it all happened," He whispered to me, "But as time went on, I tried to convince myself it was for the best. And I pushed it all away. I pushed you away. I can't let you slip through my fingers, Claire. I just can't. I've reasoned and rationed, I've bargained and pleaded." He parted very abruptly from me and walked towards the view over the island. I joined him, "I'll be honest with you. I saw Kai kiss you last night on the pier. I realized, then, that I was an idiot for thinking you'd wait for me. I was a dumbass for even attempting to make myself come around at such a slow rate," Gray shuffled his feet, "I can't let Kai have this one... usually I'd stand by idle and watch, but not this time. Claire, if you form any relationship with him, just know it will be a short lived one."
"That's what everyone is saying," I said, sitting down and dangling my legs over the edge. Gray copied, turning the bill of his cap forward again. I watched a bird flitter by, "Only time can tell, but I like Kai. He's something quite different. But... I didn't come here for Kai. I came here for you."
"You really did all of this just for me?"
"Yes, for the most part. I didn't think of how it would impact me, negatively or positively." I replied.
"You picked up and left your old life just for me. And all this time I've been treating that as if it counts for nothing."
"It's not so easy to pick up where we left off," I said, not meeting his eyes, "I made some mistakes in this endeavor. It was wrong of me to expect things to go off without a hitch. We are completely different people now. I came here with this perfectly sculpted idea of you. In those nine years of silence, you could do no wrong. You remained perfect, just how I wanted you in my brain. But the real you isn't like the one I talked to in my head."
A silence fell between us. Gray twiddled a stick between his fingers.
"Was the person in your mind better than the real deal?"
"What?" I looked at him, shocked, "Don't ask loaded questions like that."
"So, the made up version of me is better," Gray smiled very slyly as my face heated up.
"No, Gray, I don't like the made up version of you better," I said, making him pause, "I like the real you because of simply that. You're real, and I can appreciate your existence."
"I have to ask, though," Gray looked straight at me now, "what's going on between you and Kai?"
I laughed at this, surprising him and even myself, "I don't even know. We were drunk the first time it happened, last night was him just being friendly. He's charming, but I don't... I'm not interested in pursuing a serious relationship with him."
"Have you... ever..." Gray's face flushed, "Has Kai gotten you... to go... to... bed with him...?"
"No," I shook my head, "I didn't sleep with Kai. I've... never slept with anyone." My face grew warm at that realization. I felt much too old to be unexperienced in bed, but it never happened in high school. I had always, maybe, been curious, but had never tried to make it happen. I tried to see how Gray was measuring what I said.
"Wow, I'm surprised," Gray said, "You... you never had a boyfriend in high school?"
"Never," I replied, dropping my hands into my lap, "I was pretty much a loser. What about you?"
"Yeah, just once," Gray said. I arched my eyebrows, "A girl named Keira, friends with this rich girl down in Forget-Me-Not Valley. Kai introduced us while he took the rich girl."
"So, you didn't really know her?" I asked, "Just met her, drank with her, and all in one evening, slept with her?"
"Sounds sleazy when you say it that way," Gray didn't look at me.
"No, it's not. I'm not judging," I said, "Kai seems more like a repeat offender."
"Trust me, I know all about it," Gray shook his head, "I walked in on him and Popuri."
"Oh no," My skin crawled at the idea but I still smiled anyway as Gray's face turned a slight red as he remembered the moment, "they were just doing it in your bedroom like that?"
"On my bed," Gray sighed.
"You poor thing," I bust out laughing. After a moment, Gray let out a small chuckle, too, and then we fell back into silence. The ocean glinted in the distance and I watched some bright dots in the skies come closer and reveal themselves to be squawking seagulls. I watched the trees sway and the squirrels jump between the bushes of leaves.
"Kai's had a lot of girlfriends and they've always brought friends around," Gray said, "but Keira was the only time I took the opportunity to get laid."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"Well, 'cause, like you said, it was all very rushed," Gray said, still watching the horizon. His eyes were trained on the large barges taking shipped goods from The City outwards to the Edge of the World, "Kai seems to have no problem any which way it's served, but I felt wrong touching her for majority of the night."
"Then your hormones kicked in?" I smiled, watching the barges in their tight line cross the ocean in the beating sun. They were so far away, unaware two young adults sat on the highest peak of the island watching them.
"Well, the alcohol did at least," Gray said, "Alcohol can be great sometimes."
"You only get to really drink it when Kai's in town?" I looked over at him.
"Not exactly," Gray shrugged, as if exasperated with his grandfather, "I can drink, in my grandfather's terms of moderation, which are by no means real moderation. He thinks I should only have a beer a week, and should only drink on Sunday's. He spends majority of his evenings with a scotch on the rocks by his hearth in his den, but says I'll be a sloppy man forever if I consume too much. Doug will serve me anytime I ask, but I found out he's cracking under the pressure of my grandfather asking for a count when he's there on Friday evenings with old friends."
"Is your apprenticeship close to being done?"
"In August it will mark my fourth year as an apprentice... with an end in sight I'm hoping. I want equal bid in my grandfather's business, but he won't let me in on anything else as an apprentice. Somedays it's aggravating... almost mocking, even. He treats me like I don't matter sometimes, like he's not the only family I have left."
"He's not, though," I said, "Grandma Williams' still lives in that little old house on Pecan Street."
"I couldn't bring myself to face her," Gray replied, looking at me now, "I just... let it happen."
"Gray, you were barely twelve years old, what were you supposed to do?"
"Be stronger... something. There was something I could have done."
"Like what? There was nothing to be done." I shook my head.
"I could have found my voice. I could have planted my feet."
"He would have shouted over you. He would have picked you up."
"I could have stopped him from pushing you down."
"Are you kidding me? That man has arms as thick as oak branches."
Gray sighed, hiding his eyes under his bill, breaking a twig in his hands. I reached over and placed my hand on his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze, "There wasn't anything anybody could do."
News of his son and daughter-in-law's death came four days after it actually happened. Saibara was angered and wished he was told sooner. He was sure his ex-wife Fiona had already planned and held a memorial service for them. And he was certain he was painted in a bad light being absent from his only son's memorial. Saibara was served another stein of frothy Mineral Town brew. He was staring at the note, his iris' following the curves of her loopy handwriting. He thought briefly to their days of courting, recalling her love letters, which his calloused fingers ran over as he worked day and night in a blacksmith forgery to be good enough to marry her. Now, they despised each other, and their days of love, he has a hard time recalling as ever being love. Maybe he was only enamored by her hazel eyes.
Mineral Town had sent dozens of flowers to his already cramped blacksmith forgery. He was only watching them wilt, however. He had been spending many of his evenings at Doug's drinking to make sense of what life was throwing at him. His only child, his son, was dead. But he had had a son, too. He had only met George's wife, Susi, at their wedding. Saibara had been absent in George's life after he and Fiona broke up, which was when George graduated high school and pursued law school. That's when Saibara had come to Mineral Town to seek isolation.
But now he had to go back across the channel, back to the City. He wasn't going to be silent this time. Fiona had written several letters over the course of the years when big things happened in the family. Despite her feeling of hating his guts, she still felt it fair to keep him in the loop on his families activities. Something Saibara had never expressed appreciation for, but clung dearly to her letters of information.
He left by boat two days after receiving the letter. Before he left, he gave a note to Harris, the postmaster, with direct instructions to mail it immediately. Harris left without worrying to collect mail from half the town. Fiona was quite surprised to see a letter from Saibara. The note only said, 'I'm coming to the City, Fiona.' but she felt as if that was emotional for him. He arrived three days after she received his letter. He let himself in. She was in the kitchen preparing snacks for Gray and Claire, who were due there once school let out. Gray insisted going back to school immediately. He needed Claire. Fiona was humming to herself and gasped sharply when she saw Saibara standing in the archway of her kitchen. He seemed to have gained a bit more of a beer belly. He was wearing a black vest and long olive green tunic.
"Like what you've done with the place," He said, almost snarkily, "You've erased all traces of me here. I like it."
"Saibara," Fiona replied coldly, "What are you doing here?"
"Did you get my letter?" Saibara asked, still standing awkwardly in the doorway.
"Yes."
"Well, where'd you expect for me to go when I got here?"
Fiona turned her head away, her cheeks burning, "The funeral is tomorrow."
"Really?" Saibara arched his eyebrows, "I'm genuinely shocked you waited for me."
"Stop it!" Fiona shrieked. Silence fell over the kitchen, only the ticking clock echoing. Saibara stared, his fists clenched. Fiona was nearly shaking, "Quit with all the sassy remarks and petty jabs! Saibara, this isn't about you and me! This is about our son! Our only child is gone and you have nothing better to do than torment me!" She turned back to the counter, rubbing her forehead and sighing very deepily. Weakly she put some dishes into the sink, keeping her eyes lowered.
"What time tomorrow?" Saibara asked, trying to ease the tension. He made no move further into the room.
"Two o'clock service," Fiona said, not even looking over her shoulder. Frozen, she stared out the small window, through the sheer gingham curtains, "Three-thirty burial."
"How many people will be there?"
"About a hundred," Fiona turned the water on and dampened a wash cloth.
"A hundred?" Saibara came fully into the kitchen now.
"Mhm," Fiona nodded, keeping her head down and wiping suddy circles on her plates.
"Is that all... family?" Saibara burrowed his bushy brows together.
"No, Saibara, a lot of it isn't," Fiona looked into his eyes. He had never seen such a stony look, devoid of all feelings. She stopped washing, now just letting her hands soak in the warm water, "Unlike you, your son meant a great deal to a lot of people. He eminated confidence, trust, and love. He was dependable and didn't give up so easily. He would never abandon his goals and dreams! He was a wonderful man!" Fiona's voice was slowly climbing in volume and octave, her face was turning red, "He worked hard and was modest! He didn't bust his ass just to get a pat on the shoulder. He worked because that's what men do, Saibara! They work! And your son, he worked his fingers bloody for what he had. He was rich in many ways than one and all that negativity and bad luck that follows you around infected him, and crossed him!"
"You stupid witch!" Saibara cried, "Don't be blabbering that to people at the funeral! You know that's all crap! Luck had nothing to do with it. It was a mechanical failure, nothing the pilot could have done."
"Gray's lost his entire world now!" Fiona wailed, tears bubbling in her eyes, "He was a wonderful man. Such a wonderful man."
"I'm sure he was," Saibara nodded. He reached out and pressed his hand to Fiona's wiry shoulder. She pulled from the touch at first, but resigned to let his fingers rest there, but only from an arms length away, "He was always a good boy. I remember."
"I always figured you'd fight to forget," Fiona replied, laughing spitefully. She pulled a handkerchief out and dabbed her eyes. Saibara lowered his arms now and found himself a seat at the table. Automatically Fiona went for the coffee pot and began prepping two cups, "When was the last time you spoke with George?"
"I called him for his twenty-fifth birthday," Saibara recalled, accepting a coffee from Fiona. She didn't sit with him, she opted to lean against the counter.
"So, your son died without speaking or hearing from his father in..." Fiona began doing the math, "Seventeen years."
"You're making shit up," Saibara grumbled, drinking his coffee.
"Really, Saibara?" Fiona's face grew red again, "Your son was forty-two when he died. Did you know that?"
"I don't like the way you're talking to me," Saibara snapped, "You say I'm being difficult and making your life hell, well, lady, you're not the only one who lost a son here. You don't think I loved George, but I did. I may not have been involved, but I loved him."
"Don't just fling the word love around like you actually comprehend the immensity of it" Fiona said, drinking some coffee, "You don't get love, Saibara. You've never actually felt it. You think you have, but it's all a farce since you're so scared of getting burned."
"Well, I got burnt by you didn't I?" Saibara cocked an eyebrow up, "Livin' in my house-"
"It's the least you could do for me, making me feel so worthless," Fiona hissed, lowering her steaming mug, "I loved you, Saibara. I thought you were a strong man, capable of anything. But you never loved me. Do you know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't love you back? To sleep beside someone you know doesn't desire you?"
"Oh, but my ten hour long shifts that provided the thatched roof over your head, the ingredients for you to make your meals, the furniture to relax on, and kept you in name brand dresses didn't count? You have to be a romanticist? A man of poetic words? Passion counts for nothing, huh?" Fiona was silent. Saibara shook his head, "You're delusional, Fiona, if you think love language can be spoken only one way."
"It wasn't just that," Fiona replied, "It was George, too. Sure, you worked to make sure George could go to a prep school, but Saibara, you worked so hard you were left out on so many memories. You never got to see George play as a concert violinist, or see him run five miles to promote awareness for school. You never got to see him set the record length in the javelin throw, you never saw him actually win one of the dozen gold medals hanging in his room. You missed the spelling bee and the driver's test and him opening his acceptance letter for law school. You missed him walking the stage, you missed half of his vows at his wedding. There's so much about George you didn't know. I couldn't imagine the shadows of doubt you have of his character, of who he was. Love language is spoken in many ways, and should not, Saibara, only ever be expressed in just one."
"Maybe I'm just not the man you thought I was!" Saibara stood, his chair screeching across the floor, "Maybe you're so delusional you romanticized your stupid books and mistook me for a man who wanted to hear how about every thought and feeling you possessed! I don't want to and never have wanted to talk about my feelings, you knew that when we met. But don't stand here and say to my face that I couldn't possess the capability to love that boy! Straight A, athletic, bright young man who did nothing but make me proud! I had all of his achievements from the paper taped to the wall of my workstation! I boasted and read the column to the guys in the workshop," Saibara's face had grown red now as she thrashed his arms about as he ranted, "And the only way that boy got to go to law school is because of the savings account I placed in his name the day effective of our divorce. I gave him all of the money I worked so hard for. I gave it to him because I knew he could be trusted with it to acheive what he needed to do."
Silence fell over the kitchen. Saibara's shoulders were rising and falling, his anger coursing through his bloods and enflaming his blood vessels. Fiona set her mug on the counter and sighed very deepily, "You think you're justified because it's 'just the way you are'? That's total crap, Saibara! You had a family to think about. You didn't think about us, personally, you only pushed money into our hands. It was always appreciated but money can't give love to your son in the way he needed," Fiona hesistated for a moment before saying, "I wonder how much stronger of a man he would have been with his father's guidance."
Feeling so uncontrollably angry, Saibara grabbed Fiona's cup of coffee and pettily dumped it down the drain, then carelessly dropped the mug into the sink and listened to the crack. Fiona didn't react. She pointed towards the archway with a stony glare, "Get out of my house."
"You mean, get out of the house you worked so hard to buy for your wife who pleaded for it daily for weeks?"
"Get out, Saibara, I mean it!" Fiona's voice waved unsteadily. Saibara stepped back from her but planted his feet on the gleaming tile floor, "Gray and Claire will be home soon and-"
"There's a second one?" Saibara's eyes suddenly widened, "George had a girl, too?"
"No," Fiona replied icily, "She might as well be George's but she's not his. It's Gray's best friend."
"The boy is best friends with a girl?" Saibara arched his eyebrows, "You give me flak yet our own son has been turning a blind eye from his boy!"
"Enough," Fiona hissed, "George spent a lot of time with Gray and supported him in everything he did. He and Claire are good for each other. Now get out of here, I don't want you here!"
"You can't stop me from seeing my own grandson," Saibara roared, rooting to the spot.
"You'll see him tomorrow, I promise," Fiona said, trying to budge him, "I'll let you come to the family dinner afterwards. I'll place his meal next to yours so you can speak with him. Mind you, he's not very talkative as of late, but you can look at his beautiful blue eyes."
"I want to see him now," Saibara replied, unaffected by Fiona's shoving.
"Get out!" Fiona wailed, "This is my house now, the deeds in my name, I'll call the cops!"
"I want to see him before the tension of his parent's funeral!"
"I said no!" Fiona pushed him again, but this time, he caught her hands and flung her away from him. She staggered and a flame roared in her eyes. She rammed Saibara, now, with her shoulder, making him stumble. He caught himself on the back of the chair he had abandoned. He quickly came back to level footing and dodge a slap coming from Fiona, "Get out, I'll aim for your head for real!"
"What's the worse you can do, you skinny-Irish-broad!" He said with a gleam in his eyes.
Just then, the front door opened. First came a small blond girl with radiant blue eyes. She was smiling, her face a little flushed and shiny with sweat. It looked as if she had been running. She was blue jeans with ratty sneakers and a black and white striped tee on. Then, the boy came in after her. Also with a flushed face, a small smile, and enormous blue eyes. Then Saibara saw the mop of red curls on his head, like a fire errupting from him. He was wearing khaki pants and a blue polo shirt.
"Gray, Claire," Fiona said, forcing a smile and fixing her hair, "Just in time for the cookies, my dear."
"Whose this, Grandma Williams?" Claire asked, shrugging out of her backpack and kicking her sneakers off as if she lived here. She seemed so comfortable.
So, she still uses my name, eh? Saibara thought in his mind snarkily.
"This is Mr. Williams," Fiona said, not even throwing a glance his way, "Gray's grandfather."
"Wow, Grandpa Williams," Gray said. His voice was velvety. Besides the red hair, he seemed to be the spitting image of his father. The way his nose was straight and long, his dark brown eyebrows set boldly above his eyes, and strong jawline.
"Hello," Saibara said cooly.
"You're here... because of the accident," Gray stated with no emotion.
"That's right," Saibara nodded.
"Where are you from?" Claire asked. Fiona rushed around them to the counter where she quickly grabbed cookies and fumbled to pour tall glasses of milk in efforts to coax the children from Saibara.
"Somewhere very far away," Saibara replied.
"Luckily," Fiona mumbled under her breath, earning a piercing stare from Saibara. She ignored it, "Gray, Claire, come have your cookies and milk, fresh from the oven." The children rushed to the table, nearing falling over each other. Each little hand claimed their own cookie.
"Fiona, can I talk to you in the hallway please so the children can unwind from their day?" Saibara said with an even voice. Fiona was thankful for his politeness infront of them and the desire to keep the tension out. She followed him halfway down the hall towards the backdoor and basement tucked in a corner, "I've decided I'm taking that boy with me."
"What?" Fiona hissed in a high whisper so as not to let her voice carry, "You're absolutely out of your mind if you think I'm going to let you take that boy! He's mine to raise now, his life is here, Saibara, and rooted."
"A tree can be uprooted and moved and still thrive," Saibara countered, "I've thought more about what you said. I didn't truly take the time to sculpt George into the man I needed to raise. And now, I'm going to do that with Gray. I'm going to mold him into my apprentice, into a renowned blacksmith sought after for his tricks in the hearth. I have no one to pass my trade to, just him, the last of the blood line."
"No, I absolutely refuse," Fiona said in a warning tone, "I won't bar your contact from him, you can get him hot on the idea of it, I'll allow him to study it. And maybe when he graduates, he can choose whether he wants to take the trade on or not. You're not molding anybody, Saibara."
"Dammit, woman, let me repent for the sins I've committed against you!" Saibara roared, uncaring of his voice now. Fiona's eyes opened like saucers and she motioned for him to lower his voice, but he continued, "You complain I did this and that, yet you won't let me fix my wrongs! Let me prove to you I can raise a boy just as well as you! Let me have him!"
Gray and Claire appeared in the hallway now. Gray seemed shocked yet dazed at the same time, as if he was drained emotionally and unsure of what to think. He seemed confused about the situation. He didn't understand what was happening. Claire watched in horror. Being a child of a neglectful household that did nothing but crumble and yell, she was frightened of what was happening, but understood the true capacity of it.
"Come on, Gray, we are leaving for my home. You can't stay here any longer, it's time things changed," Saibara turned around, marching for Gray.
"No!" Fiona snapped, "Don't take him, don't do this! We can work things out. Summer vacation, winter study break, something!"
"It's too late," Saibara yelled, flinging Fiona away who was batting him with her fists, "From what I've gathered from our conversation, this for the best." Fiona tripped now, falling over onto her elbow. She let out a wail and immediately began finding her feet again.
Saibara grabbed Gray's wrist, "Come on, Gray, we have a boat to catch."
"What's happening," Gray had paled now and seemed panic, "What about my parents funeral?!"
"Look, Gray, this is a new thing we have to cover now that it's you and me," Saibara said, "The past has to be let go. You need to let the water wash over it and ingrain it into the rocks as memories to fade to dust. Your past is of no help, but together, we're going to utilize your future."
"Stop feeding him that malarky!" Fiona shouted, shoving him away and stepping between the two, "What awful things to tell him! Is this how you're going to mold him, Saibara? You're going to make him an emotionless robot only born to work and then die!?"
"You overexaggerate all the time!" Saibara growled, "Get out of my way, Fiona, this has been decided."
"He goes to school here, his friends are here. He's part of several extracurricular activities and he's on the football team! He has obligations here, you can't just rip him up and start fresh!"
"That's exactly what we're going to do," Saibara smiled hideously.
"You wretched old man!" Fiona shouted, throwing fists at him. He deflected them easily and shoved her aside again. However, Saibara was surprised when the quiet blond sprang towards him, giving him a forceful kick in the shin.
"Stupid old man!" Claire shouted fiestely, "You leave Grandma Williams and Gray alone!"
He bent over, rubbing his shin sorely, "You brat!" He growled, pushing her over, too. She fell against a table which wobbled and knocked a white porcelain pot with sunflowers in it to the floor. Claire gasped upon seeing the everywhere. She felt Grandma Williams fimiliar cool soft touch.
"My dear, are you okay?" She asked very slowly and without emotion, yet still soft.
"Your pot, Grandma Williams," Claire's eyes filled with tears as she came to her knees.
"It doesn't compare to losing Gray," Fiona stood up straight and looked out the open door. Saibara had Gray by the wrist, but the boy willingly followed his grandfather down the steps and down to the bus station for a ticket to the bays. Claire stood in the entry way with Fiona.
"He has to go with him?" Claire asked, looking up at Grandma Williams who had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Apparently so." Was all she managed to whisper.
