Remember When...

~It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile
Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet~

"From everything I've gone over, the reason she won't wake up is because..."

This can't be happening. I could barely listen to what the doctor was saying. Everything was fine, then they just drastically changed.

"...she had been injected with a drug that knocked her out."

"Can't you just wake her up?" Sakura's mother asked hopefully.

"We could if her body wasn't having a negative response to the drug." The blond haired doctor, named Tsunade, explained. "I'm sorry, we'll do everything we can."

She turned and left leaving me with Sakura's parents. I can't breathe, I started to pace as my heart began to beat faster. Sakura's mom came over to me and stopped me from pacing when she placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Hey, it'll be okay."

"How do you know that? I should have been able to help her, its my fault she's in here."

"No its not. Sakura wouldn't want you thinking this way."

"I can't help it. What am I supposed to do?" Tears were stinging at my eyes as I tried to keep them from falling.

Sakura's father came over to me.

"Go ahead and go home Sasuke. Get some sleep, we'll call you if there is any change."

"I don't want to leave."

"There's not much you can do now."

They were right. But...

"Can I see her first?"

He nodded as I walked into Sakura's room. She was lying there with an oxygen mask on her face and if it wasn't for the sound of the machines around her and the beeping of the heart monitor, I would have thought she was...I shook that thought from my head and stepped over to her bedside.

I grabbed her hand gently and held it for a few seconds before I leaned down to her ear. "I'm sorry."

Clenching my teeth I pulled back slowly and leaned down to leave a kiss on her cheek. "...I love you."

Even if I don't deserve to have you

I gave her hand one last squeeze and left the room.

How could I let this happen?


I sat outside on the porch steps as I stared at the dark sky above me. It was snowing again but I just ignored it. Three days ago Sakura was placed in the hospital and she still hasn't woken up yet. It's Christmas eve and I'm here without her. I had spent the last few days at the hospital until Juugo forced me to leave saying I needed to do something.

Juugo, Naruto and the rest of them have been sending me texts the last few days and for the past few hours. But I didn't reply back, yesterday they tried to cheer me up by taking me to the arcade and then to a nightclub but it didn't work. I can't bring myself to smile, laugh or do anything.

Not hearing Sakura's laugh, not seeing her smile and hearing her voice just tears me apart.

A chill ran up my spine when I decided to head back inside. It was snowing more heavily now and the last thing I needed was to get sick. Fang and Raven ran up to me once I shut the door and removed my shoes and jacket. I knelt down to pet them and scratch behind their ears. I think they've noticed my depressed state. Fang licked my cheek before Raven repeated his action.

"If you're trying to tell me everything will be okay, I don't know if it will be." I gave a sad smile to them before standing and walking into the living room.

I stared at the tree Sakura and I had put up just days ago and sat down in front of it. I lifted my legs up so I could put my arms on my knees and rest my chin on them. Fang and Raven came and sat on each of my sides before laying down and resting their heads between their paws.

Sakura's face flashed in my mind as I recalled the first time I saw her and how I caught her staring.

I walked over to the group of girls and handed the one with the pink hair, the slip of paper. I walked away silently leaving the bar, but not before I heard her friends squeal at her, she was probably feeling really embarrassed now. For what I wrote on the paper was a question to what she was doing.

Why do you keep staring?

I smiled at the memory, that was the first real time I had teased her and caused her to turn red from embarrassment. My thoughts drifted to the time I took the portraits of her.

Sitting on the boulder, she leaned back on her hands and looked to the sky. The way the sun sat on the horizon and surrounded her with a soft red glow, made her look radiant. She was beautiful actually. I hadn't realized I had been staring at her until she spoke up, snapping me from my thoughts

"Are you done yet?"

"Uh, just a minute?"

I shook my head as I remembered that, I had gotten distracted by her beauty and forgot to take the picture until she said something to me. My lips twitched, I wanted to smile, but I couldn't bring myself to as I continued thinking about everything we had been through.

"What are you doing?"

I leaned against the closet door as her face came close to mine. I think I may have turned red at some point and she grinned even wider.

"What's the matter Sasuke? Are you embarrassed?"

I would have laughed when I recalled the day she was in my room and made me blush by coming to close to me. She always managed to embarrass me in some way, but I didn't care because it was her who was doing it to me.

"Nothing, I've already said too much."

I was surprised when she reached over and grabbed my hand, which caused me to look at her.

"Tell me Sasuke, I want to understand and help you."

She did learn to understand me and she did help me. She helped me love again even when I thought it was pointless. She learned to love me for who I am and what I was about. Just like she learned to love and understand me, I had learned it for her as well. I understood her when she needed me to.

She landed on top of me, our legs were tangled with each others, let's just say it was a very awkward position.

"Um, I..."

"Yeah uh.."

I tried moving but the leashes were preventing me from doing so. I looked to the dogs since they were just sitting there staring at us. I shook my head at Fang, I think he planned this...

I stared down at Fang before moving my hand to reach out to pet him. He nudged my hand with his nose and I scratched his ear. I pulled back before using my other hand to pet Raven in the same manner I did to Fang.

I leaned forward towards her, our faces getting closer with each second, I stopped and decided to wait for her to close the gap.

But just as it seemed as she was going to do it, someone busted open the door. Sakura and I froze and sat back away from each other...

That was the first time we nearly kissed and we would have had her friends not come through the door at that instant. That memory made me recall the first kiss I gave to her, the same kiss she returned without hesitation because I knew she held the same feelings for me that I did for her.

"When I see you, I see someone I want to be with."

Without a second thought I pressed my lips to hers, I didn't think she would return it but I was surprised when I felt her kiss me back and then wrap her arms around my neck.

That memory led to the night she held me after my fight with Karin. She comforted me when I needed it most, she was there when I was at my worst, and now she's in the hospital because I couldn't do the same for her.

"It's okay Sasuke, I'm here, I won't ever leave or abandon you. I'll never leave you on your own." She pressed her face into my hair and held me even tighter...

My thoughts continued to drift as I stared at the Christmas tree, the lights shined to me as if trying to send warmth through me to make me feel better. That was until the memory of when her and I first made love flashed in my mind and when I told her I loved her. My hands clenched into fists when I thought about it.

"I love you." I told her.

She smiled up at me and kissed me on the cheek before snuggling closer to my chest.

"I love you too Sasuke." I could have sworn I felt something wet on my chest.

I looked down and I saw the tears that were on her cheeks. "Sakura, why are you crying?"

"I'm just happy you're here with me." She glanced at me as I kissed her forehead.

I gave a deep sigh but a small smile lingered on my lips, remembering everything we had been through together sort of helped with what I was feeling inside. But it vanished when my phone rang, I grabbed it from my pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was my mom. I hesitated before I decided to answer it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Sasuke. Would you please open the door?"

"What?"

"I'm outside, I was knocking but you didn't answer."

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there in a sec."

We hung up and I stood to my feet to go and open it. I probably didn't hear her knock because I was too distracted thinking about Sakura.

Once I had opened the door my mom stepped inside and removed her coat and shoes leaving her in her black pants and long sleeved blue shirt. She smiled at me as I headed back into the living room to stand in front of the tree.

"I love the tree Sasuke."

"Thanks." I murmured quietly my eyes reflected how I was feeling and she seemed to notice, mothers seemed to be good at that.

"Sasuke. I want to talk to you about what happened." She told me as she came to stand next to me. "How are you doing?"

"Not good." I answered honestly as my voice cracked.

"Oh honey what's wrong?"

"Mom." I stopped as tears stung at my eyes. "I'm so scared right now. I don't know what's going to happen."

"Sweetheart everything will be okay."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?! How do you know she'll be okay?! There's no telling what will happen to her! Its my fuckin' fault she's in the hospital, I should have been able to help her! I should have protected her! I haven't slept these last few days because I keep thinking about her and what could happen! I..."

My shoulders began shaking as she pulled me into an embrace and held my head against her chest like she did when I was younger. My tears fell from my eyes when I clenched them shut as she rubbed my back in a comforting manner.

"It will be okay." She tried to assure me. "It will."

She pulled away and placed her hands on my cheeks. I was taller than her so she had to reach her arms up slightly. She wiped my cheeks of the tears that stained them.

"You need some sleep."

"I told you I can't sleep."

"Yes you can. Come here." She pulled me to the couch.

She sat down before pulling me down to lay on the large piece of furniture. My head rested in her lap as she stared down at me. She ran her fingers through my hair as she began to hum softly. I remembered her doing this when I was young. It always helped me sleep knowing she was there and wouldn't leave me alone.

"Close your eyes Sasuke." She murmured quietly. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Mom...Thank you for being here."

I shifted onto my side as she continued to hum and run her fingers through my hair, my hand reached to grab her other hand and I clutched it tightly knowing this was as good as the comfort could get. I shut my eyes as one last tear escaped down my cheek. I felt something be placed over me and I figured my mom covered me with the blanket that was on the couch, but I'm not sure.

I fell asleep with Sakura being the last person I thought about.


My phone rang and I reached to answer it, I stared at the ID number and realized it was Sakura's mother calling me. I had saved the number when she last called me when Sakura left her home. I hesitated for a moment before I decided to answer it and not let it go to voice mail.

"Hello?" I said with my voice a little weak. I was afraid. Afraid of what she would say.

"Sasuke."

No

She was crying, her voice, I can tell. Something had happened. But what?

"What's going on?" I walked into the living room.

"The drug Sakura had been injected with was...well part of it was poison." She continued. "But the doctors didn't catch it in time...she's..."

"No." I murmured. "She can't be..."

"Sasuke I'm sorry, she passed away this morning around five."

My heart felt like it stopped, my breath hitched in my throat as I fell back onto the couch and let the phone drop from my hands. My eyes were wide as tears began to form.

"No."

"No."

"NO!" I yelled and shot up from my resting place on the couch. I looked around breathing heavily, the sun was barely coming up outside. What time is it?

Just a dream. It was just a dream.

I glanced down to my hands and I realized they were shaking. Was this from the fear of the dream? Or am I cold? My hands formed into fists as I threw the blanket that was on me off and sat up. My mom was gone, where did she go? Suddenly she came running into the room her face full of worry and concern.

"Sasuke what happened?"

I sat there trying to calm myself down when she came over to sit next to me. She reached her hand out and brushed my hair out of my face.

"Sweetheart what happened?"

"A bad dream." I glanced down at my hands and pulled my long sleeves down to cover them.

"Was it about Sakura?" She asked me.

"Yeah."

She reached out and pulled me into an embrace before letting me go and staring into my eyes. She placed her hand on my cheek and gave a sad smile.

"It was just a dream honey." She told me. "It wasn't real."

"It felt real mom, it did."

She stood and leaned down to kiss my forehead, she was babying me, but I don't mind it. I like her being here.

"I'll make you some warm tea alright?"

I nodded as she left the room leaving me sitting there. Fang and Raven came into the room and jumped up onto the couch and laid down. Even they know when someone needs to be comforted. I gave a small smile at them before petting each of their heads.

My mom returned with two cups of tea. She handed me one before sitting down next to Raven who had left a space for her to sit. "Merry Christmas Sasuke."

"Merry Christmas to you too mom." I said sadly.

She noticed my discomfort and stared to me as I looked at the cup in my hands. I hadn't realized I was crying until she reached over and wiped them away with her thumb.

"I must look pathetic." I said once I reached up to wipe my eyes.

"No you don't." She told me with sincerity.

"At least you think so."

"Sasuke, there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you are." She set her cup on one of the small tables next to the couch and turned towards me.

"Maybe..." I said.

"No maybes, I know. Everyone feels like this at some point in their life no matter how hard they try to be strong." She explained. "Don't make yourself worse by having negative thoughts about being the way you are."

"What could possibly make me think about it positively?"

"Well, you feeling this way proves how strong your love for Sakura really is...there's no second guessing."

She was right I guess. I love Sakura more than anything. But I'll die if she doesn't pull through this, I don't know how I could stand to live if she died. I can't stand knowing I can't do anything to help her.

My mom shook me from my thoughts when she spoke up.

"Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure." I stated quietly with an edge of sadness to my voice. Can you blame me? Sakura and I watched movies here so many times before.

She stood and browsed through the movies before selecting one and pulling it out. She turned to me with a grin and held up the movie. It was The Crow. I actually smiled when she grinned like that.

"Why didn't you tell me you bought this movie? You know its my favorite."

"I know." It was her favorite, we shared the same taste in movies, and The Crow was a movie her and I watched whenever my dad and brother were off doing business work. It just became our favorite.

She put the movie in and hit play before returning to her spot on the couch. I shook my head and took a sip from the cup of tea and then turned my attention to the TV screen.


I sat on the couch as I watched Naruto and Lee have an arm wrestling match while laying on the floor. There really wasn't a table big enough here in the living room so they had to settle for laying on their stomachs.

My mom invited them over for a Christmas dinner party along with everyone else, she thought it might help me, and in a way it sort of did, but it kind of made me miss Sakura. Her parents were here and they told me her condition still hadn't changed, well at least she hasn't taken a turn for the worse. I had my knees brought up to my chin with my arms wrapped around them.

Everyone had eaten a little while ago, but I didn't. I just wasn't hungry. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Juugo staring at me with a sad expression, he worries just like my mom. All of them had tried coming over here to talk to me, but I ended up shutting them out. I was getting slightly ticked off from hearing all of them ask the same question.

Are you okay?

What the hell did they think? My girlfriend is in the hospital, I don't know when or if she will wake up and I couldn't prevent her from being put into that state. I'm doing fucking great.

Sai walked over to me with Ino right behind him. Oh great. Sai stood before me and I knew he was going to ask it, Ino most likely put him up to it since I didn't answer when she asked me earlier.

"Hey Sasuke."

"Hey." I muttered.

"How are you doing? Are you okay?"

I've had it.

"I wish you guys would fucking stop asking me that."

Everyone in the room turned to me. Ino glanced around at them before turning back to me. "We are only concerned about you Sasuke."

I stood to my feet. "Well stop it! Every single one of you have asked me that damn question, are you okay, you know what I'm not okay, there I said it, now leave me the hell alone!" I stormed off ignoring their calls as I went up the stairs to go to the room Sakura and I shared. I slammed the door shut not caring if they heard it or not. I don't give a fuck.

I ran a hand through my hair as I leaned against the door and slid down to a sitting position on the floor. Damn it. Why is all of this happening to me? I got up and threw myself onto the bed, I landed on the side Sakura normally slept on and I could still smell her scent on the pillow. That alone was enough to almost bring tears to my eyes.

Sakura. Please. Just wake up.

After nearly an hour I heard the cars that were parked outside start to leave. I was starting to feel bad about what I yelled earlier, but I couldn't stop myself. Maybe I just need to be alone for now. There was a knock on the door before my mother entered, she had a sad smile on her face as she walked over to me.

I was laying on the bed curled up just staring at nothing. She leaned down to run her hand through my hair and kissed me on the cheek. "Do you want me to stay again?"

"No, I need some time alone to think. But thanks anyway."

"Alright sweetie, you know where to call if you need me. And Juugo told me to tell you he would text you later, and that you better answer him."

"No guarantees on that." I muttered.

"I know." She touched my shoulder softly. "I'll see you later."

"Okay."

She left without another word leaving me there to think about Sakura and what I would do if something were to happen. I couldn't bring myself to make any decisions, because a part of me believed she would wake up and I wouldn't need to think about anything, but the other part of me told me she wouldn't make it.

Why do I have to have two sides that counter each other?


Hours passed since the party ended and I was left alone. Well, not really alone, Fang and Raven are laying on the bed with me since they had been whining at the closed door earlier. I let them in, at least they couldn't ask me if I was okay, but I knew they would if they could talk. It was nine pm and I will admit I was tired but I wouldn't be able to sleep.

This Christmas wasn't very memorable, not when Sakura was in that hospital room alone. The doctors wouldn't allow me to visit today, some stupid rule they had about family being the only ones allowed in to visit since there weren't very many nurses and doctors working because of the holiday.

I would have to visit her tomorrow then. I can't really do anything else right now. I wonder, was Sakura feeling the same way I am now when I was in the hospital. Not knowing if they would live or die. It is hard, I just wish she were here, just hearing her voice would give me all the comfort I need.

I sighed and sat up from the bed. I moved to get off as Fang and Raven followed me. They didn't want to leave me alone, their actions made that obvious.

I left the room and headed down the stairs, I need some water. My throat is so dry. Once I got to the kitchen a wave of dizziness hit me so I leaned on the counter for support until it passed. I haven't eaten anything in two days I guess I should have expected that. Maybe I'll eat some crackers or something.

Grabbing a water bottle from the fridge I shut it before I snatched up a pack of crackers from the counter. I went in the living room and sat on the couch and removed the lid of the bottle and took a sip. I set that on the table next to the couch. Opening the package of crackers, I took one out and set the rest next to my water. I ate it slowly until it was gone, then I just sat there for a few seconds.

Moving to the floor I sat by the tree again and grabbed two things from under it. Fang and Raven came over to me when I whistled for them. I handed them the two dog bones I had bought a couple days ago. Hey they deserve presents as much as anyone else. Their tails wagged happily as they took them from my hands and went to sit near the couch to chew on them.

There was another present under the tree, and it was one I had gotten for Sakura the day after she was taken to the hospital. I had go it then, because I was stupid to think she would have woken up before Christmas day.

Turning to the table nearest to me, I grabbed the remote for the stereo. I was in the mood to listen to music to help clear my head of what I was thinking about. But as soon as I hit play, I regretted it. The song that was playing was Things Left Unsaid by Disciple.

If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me

I wanted to turn it off, but I was frozen listening to the lyrics. I couldn't stand listening to it, but then I didn't want to turn it off. Why can't I stop it from playing.

When it's my time to go
to the other side
I'll hold you again
And melt at your smile

At those words I shut it off and tossed the remote onto the couch as I buried my face into my hands before running them through my hair. Damn it. Why can't things go normally in my life? Why does everything get screwed up when it involves me? It's all my fault, everything that happened to those around me happened because I'm nothing but bad luck for them.

Shaking my head, I brought my legs to my chest like I had yesterday. I don't deserve Sakura. I don't deserve to see her smiles, to hear her laugh or even hold her in my arms.

I don't deserve her love.

...

Especially since I couldn't protect her.

I sat near that tree for awhile, when I turned to look at the clock hanging on the wall I saw that it was eleven pm. Two hours had passed since I came in here. Only an hour until midnight and Christmas would officially be over.

I feel lost.

I've lost who I am. Why is my heart so torn and broken? Why did everything go this way? Why am I here if I can't live happily? Why do I deserve this?

What did I do wrong?

I could have sworn I heard the front door open but I dismissed it, when I turned to look, there wasn't anyone near it. My mind must be playing tricks on me. I'm getting too hopeful that she'll come walking in like she was never in the hospital. I watched as Fang and Raven stood up, and that confused me, before I could turn someone wrapped their arms around me from behind.

That touch.

"...Sasuke."

That voice.

"...I'm sorry."

It can't be.

"...I'm here."

She can't be.

The person let go of me allowing me to turn around and sit on my knees as they were in the same position, and I saw those eyes. The ones that made me weak. The ones that captured me with just one look.

"...S-Sakura..."

She handed me something, it was a small box wrapped neatly with a bow on it. "Merry Christmas Sasuke."

I felt a tear escape my eye and slide down my cheek as I dropped the box from my hands and embraced her tightly, afraid that if I let go she would disappear from my arms forever.

I didn't hold back the tears that fell from my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me to return the embrace. It took a few minutes before I allowed her to pull away to look into my eyes. She saw the salty tears falling from my eyes and reached her hands up to touch my cheeks.

"Sasuke, please don't cry." Her eyes became glossy.

She wiped my eyes before she dropped her hands to hug me again, which I returned without hesitation. I didn't need the present she brought here with her, she was my Christmas present this year.

A/N I want to thank everyone for all of the reviews on the last chapter. I didn't expect to receive as many as I did and I'm grateful for each and every one. Thanks again, you guys are great.