Chapter Twelve
Once the two of them Apparated into the Forest, they rolled down a hill. They both coughed and caught their breath and got up wobbling.
Hermione ran up to Draco and started punching him.
"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" she screamed.
He tried to block her hits and just refrain himself from hitting her back, but he started shoving her too. "Cut it out!"
They rolled down another hill, tangled in each other. Leaves and dirt and branches were getting stuck everywhere.
"You lied to me!" Hermione screamed, landing on top of him. She punched him in the face. "Why did you lie to me?"
He pushed her off of him and stood up. "Because of this! You needed to be prepared for this mission or else you'd break and you did!"
"You selfish bastard!" She yelled and lunged for him again.
They rolled around the dirty floor some more, nothing but moonlight to see each other with.
"Get off of me, Granger!" Draco yelled at her.
"You killed Harry!"
Some more rolling around ensued.
"I did it because he asked me to! I had to!"
Hermione punched him again and got up, shoving him away in the process. "Why did you lie to me about Theo?"
"Because of this! I told you!" He yelled again, wiping the blood off his mouth.
"That's it? Because I wouldn't be able to handle the mission? I deserved to know!"
Draco looked at her incredulously. "I didn't even know what the hell you had to do with Nott. And I find out all of a sudden you guys were lovers or something! What did you want me to say? The truth nearly killed you. I had to come and save you."
"Save me?" she laughed mirthlessly. "I saved you!"
"Well I had a lot more people on my ass than you! You couldn't even take him down yourself."
"That wasn't the plan!" But she knew he had a point. She needed to avoid her weakness, so she changed the subject. "Tell me about Harry now!"
Draco saw no point in trying to conceal Harry's secret now. Their plan had failed and they had nothing else. He gave Hermione the chance to fight. That's all he promised Harry.
"Nott somehow found out that Harry slept with Cho on his 21st birthday party. I hadn't the slightest idea how Nott came about this information, but now that I think of it I suppose it was you," he paused as Hermione paled. "Nott captured him and blackmailed him. He told him everything he was planning and he said if Harry tried to interfere he'd tell everyone about his little mishap with Cho. And Harry couldn't have that. Who would've thought that the golden boy himself was worried about his reputation? He was worried about Ginny leaving him. He was worried enough to risk everyone's lives."
"Harry wouldn't do that…" Hermione whispered.
"There are just some things people can't risk, no matter how selfless they seem to be. He thought he was protecting everyone by making the Unbreakable Vow with Nott, but Nott promised not to kill anyone. He hasn't killed anyone. Everyone else has."
Hermione's throat felt extremely dry. With a sickening lurch she realized that it really was all her fault. It wasn't just the ball that was her fault. She was Theodore's source. She told him everything. She was the reason Harry was blackmailed. She was the reason her friends were dead.
She whimpered. She felt so weak she fell on her knees. She coughed and nearly vomited.
Draco looked at her and he didn't know what to say. He didn't have the right words to say to her. He just set up the tent and the usual wards and went inside.
Draco took an ice cold shower despite the freezing temperature. He felt like he deserved pain. He lay down in his bed after he was done getting ready and just stared at the tent's ceiling. He wasn't able to sleep. He didn't feel like he deserved to sleep.
He heard Hermione walk into the tent in what seemed like hours later. Wordlessly she went into the bathroom. He heard her turn on the shower. When she didn't come out of the bathroom after a long while he began to worry. He knocked. She didn't answer. So he barged in.
He found her sitting in the tub with her knees to her chest, still fully clothed. The water was running down on her. He felt it and it was warm. He turned off the water and sent a drying charm her way. He stepped into the tub and stared down at her.
He wasn't sure what he should say, so they were in the silence together in the tub for several moments.
"You have to go to bed, Granger," he said finally. "You can't sleep in this tub."
She wouldn't budge. She wasn't saying anything. This concerned him. He had expected her to slap him or something. He finally got the nerve to crouch in front of her and she looked up at him with swollen eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She sniffed. A broken Hermione Granger was one he never wanted to see.
She looked like she was desperately looking for the right answer. He was afraid the only other answer he could give her was something she did not want to hear.
"Because I care about you," he said and paused for it to sink in. "I didn't want to see you hurt before you could put up a real fight, like Potter said."
She just stared at him and he picked her up. She needed rest so he carried her to her bed. She didn't protest. He wrapped a blanket around her and she just stayed where she was and closed her eyes. He went back to his own bed as well.
He was in between falling asleep and staying awake when he felt the covers next to him move. He turned over and saw Hermione settling herself in them, right next to him. Was he dreaming?
"Granger?" he asked tentatively. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to stay warm. It's freezing over there," she answered simply.
He didn't say anything and just moved over away from her. This proved to be pointless as she just moved closer.
"Stay on one side and I'll stay on the other," Draco said.
"That defeats the purpose of staying warm," she replied. She was being so uncharacteristic and Draco was confused. The woman was just beating him up earlier. Just a few minutes ago she was crying. This further proved his theory that she was bipolar.
"Uhh…" Draco was just really caught off guard by the whole thing. Were they not just in mortal danger hours ago? He didn't exactly think cuddling was appropriate.
"Draco, look at me," she said softly.
He looked at her and found a completely different expression on her face. It was soft and questioning.
"You remember it too, don't you?" she asked.
"What are you talking about?" He was lost.
"For so long I've felt guilty about it because I was in love with Theo. I still am. I guess the one good thing that came out of tonight is the truth. And I don't feel guilty about it anymore."
"I think you need to sleep, Granger. You're delirious and you aren't thinking right," Draco said slowly. Even if she was talking about that night and whatever she was going on about would lead to talking about that night, he wasn't sure how coherent she was.
"No one's perfect," she said.
"That's right, Granger. Nothing is black and white. I've been trying to tell you that."
She looked at him thoughtfully. "You really care about me, don't you?"
He gulped. Why was she bringing this up? "I don't see how that is relevant at this point…"
"I've hated you for so long because you made me feel guilty, but the truth is I care about you too," she said.
Draco couldn't help but say, "You sure have an odd way of showing it."
She laughed and it was a real laugh and it was because of something he said. It felt nice and he couldn't help but laugh along with her. It was a relief for both of them. Neither of them could remember the last time they truly laughed. It'd felt like years. Maybe it was years.
"What is it you remember, Granger?" Draco didn't want to egg it on, but he wanted to know if she was talking about the same thing he was thinking of.
"Well, it had to do with a tent, not as luxurious as this, and firewhiskey, and Venezuela…" she said slowly, looking into his eyes.
And guilt washed over Draco. He shook his head, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I wanted you to forget."
"I tried so hard to forget, but only because of Theo. Now I realize that it's okay to care about you. That night was okay. You ran away too, didn't you?"
"Yes," he whispered. He had never dreamed of admitting this to anyone, least of all her. He ran away because he was a coward. He felt like he'd taken advantage of her and he tried to forget. He couldn't handle the way he felt about her or the fact that he thought he couldn't do anything about it, so he ran away. Maybe if he'd addressed the matter head on things could be different now…
She suddenly moved closer and put a hand on his face. She leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't soft but it wasn't rough either. Instinctively, he kissed her back and soon they were kissing deeply, passionately, desperately, clinging to it because in a twisted way all they had was each other. It was everything Draco had dreamed. She was soft and warm and beautiful. But it wasn't right.
Draco pulled away again and looked at her, "I still don't think this is normal. You must be disoriented. You were just beating me up earlier."
"Draco, always the voice of reason," she grinned. "I think we both need this. We don't know where we'll be tomorrow."
She was right. He didn't know where they'd be. This may be the only time for them to pretend that everything was okay. That maybe, in some other universe or some other time, they could've got over their guilt and known what it was like to be together. It wasn't possible in this reality. But tonight they'd pretend.
Hermione stared at Draco. He was naked, pale, and fast asleep. He looked so peaceful. It made her smile sadly. Before she did what she had to do, she scooted closer to him and pulled one of his arms over her. This moment would never happen again. She was holding it as long as she could, but soon it would be time to let go.
She did not love Draco. She thought maybe in some other lifetime she could've. But she cared about him and she didn't hate him. She never did.
She hated herself for not addressing that night. She knew when she woke up that something had happened. She should've known when he told her she was pretty. She should've known when he took care of her. She should've known he was in love with her and the guilt he shouldn't have felt drove him to run away, to be a coward. Part of Draco's decision to join the Dark side again was because of her.
It was her fault he turned bad. It was her fault everyone she loved was dead. It was her fault Harry had been blackmailed into cowardice. It was her fault because she fell in love with the wrong person.
She should've confronted Draco that morning and maybe given him a chance. But she chose to forget because the guilt would kill her. She loved Theodore too much. She was the biggest coward of all.
She was seriously fucked up in the head. Maybe more fucked up than Theodore.
She knew what she had to do now and she was set on doing it alone. She was going to set Draco free from this stupid responsibility. She was going to take care of what she started.
But tonight, she'd just look at Draco and pretend that everything was okay, that the way he'd so tenderly made love to her could be repeated again and again for the rest of their lives, that they could be companions living in peace.
She ran a hand through his blonde locks and stroked his face. Even if she didn't love him, he deserved to feel loved by her, at least for one night.
His eyes fluttered open. "Hermione," her name sounded so sweet coming out of his mouth.
She kissed him softly. "Shh… go to sleep."
He just looked at her. "What are you planning?"
"Nothing," she said lightly.
"I'm not going to let you leave, you know," he said. "I'm going to protect you, like Potter said."
"This isn't about Harry anymore, Draco," she said softly.
"It doesn't mean I'm going to let you leave."
"Okay," was all she could say.
"I'm serious," he said.
She knew he was, but nothing he could say would change the reality of things.
Almost nothing.
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm afraid that this will be the last chapter for a while... I'm thinking of where I want this story headed! I promise I won't give up on it though! I have a lot written and I know how I want it to end but it's just the journey getting there! Thanks to my beta, Sierra, for being patient with me! Please leave reviews to let me know what you all think! I know this chapter revealed some things that may not have been coming! I hope you all enjoy it!
