Chapter Twelve:
Grissom stood there and watched as she sat there with Father Andrew.
She turned and saw him.
She quietly slipped her hand from Andrew's and stepped out of the room.
"How is he?" asked Grissom.
"Do you care?" asked Sara.
"You care. How is he?"
"He hasn't been feeling well. They're going to run some tests," she said.
"Sara…"
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"Because…I was worried about you," he whispered.
It seemed odd how her hand slipped into Father Andrew's as Grissom's hand held hers firmly.
They remained that way for over an hour.
She glanced at him and could see how truly tired he was.
"Griss, go home," she urged pulling at him to stand.
"You should leave soon," he urged himself.
"When he's awake. I'll leave," she lied.
He turned to leave but she quickly grabbed his hand.
"Thank…you for coming by," she said as she held him.
She kissed him causing him to hold her more possessively.
He reluctantly released her as he left.
She leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes.
Hours passed and he woke.
"Sara, go home," he said with a smile as he squeezed her hand.
"I don't want to leave you," she said.
"I'm feeling much better. It's my blood pressure, I'm sure of it," he said. "I'm just going to sleep some more. Go home and get some rest."
"I'd feel better if I stayed," she said.
"I'll be here when you get back," he teased. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Are you sure about that?" she croaked out.
He saw it then.
It was love and fear he saw in her eyes.
His eyes misted.
"I love you too," he said. "Go home for me."
She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.
"You promise you'll be here when I get back?" she whispered.
"I promise," he said with a twinkle in his eye.
She didn't want to leave him.
Emotions pooled in her eyes and he squeezed her hand.
"Is it so hard to believe?" he asked.
"I don't just love anyone," she gulped. "I learned to keep a distance…."
"You love Gil," he said.
"Believe me I tried not to love him but it was like denying myself air to breathe," she gulped.
"I felt that way about Emily…and Gil," he admitted. "I decided to accept it. I keep it hidden…locked away until times like this and I wish…things were different."
His lips quivered. "You mean so much to me Sara. You managed to slip inside my heart the first day we met."
He glanced over at her and saw the fear she was trying so poorly to conceal.
"You're afraid I'm going to die. I'm not going to die Sara," he assured.
"I don't think I could bear to lose you now that I've found you," she admitted. "I want more time."
"Then we'll have it," he replied.
He kissed the palm of her hand.
Grissom had done that before.
"Go home," he said sternly. "I'll see you later."
Father Andrew insisted she go despite her objections.
She glanced down at her watch and sighed.
She was startled when her phone rang.
"Sidle," she said through a yawn.
"Is it a good time to talk?" asked Grissom.
"Just heading home," she answered.
"Come by…the townhouse," he said.
She was surprised when he made the request.
"I'll uhm be there in twenty minutes," she replied. "Have coffee."
"It won't be Starbuck's," he said.
"Just black…and strong."
He opened the door before she had time to knock.
He held the door open and she stepped inside.
"I don't smell coffee," she frowned.
"I didn't think you should drink any if you were planning on sleeping before shift."
"I need coffee to stay awake," she replied.
"I'm sorry…we've been trying to talk with one another…I don't think this can wait," he said.
"No, it can't," she admitted.
She sat down on his couch and he opted for the chair.
They looked at one another.
"You called," she reminded him.
"Don't trust Andrew," he blurted out.
She bristled. "Why?"
He stared at her as if struggling with how much to tell her.
"He's been a good friend," she said.
"Do you value his friendship over ours?" he asked.
She felt her stomach knot.
"I always thought that you were more than just a friend," she whispered.
Their eyes locked.
He knew the ball was back in his court.
"I…am," he said finally.
The knots in her stomach were replaced with butterflies.
They were getting somewhere even if it was not what they needed to talk about.
"Griss..." she stopped and licked her lips. "Gil, whether you want to admit it or not, he loves you. I heard it in his voice every time he talked about you. He misses you…what happened?"
"He doesn't love anyone but that damn robe," he said.
She was startled by his tone.
She waited.
"Andrew was a friend of the family…for as long as I can remember, he was there. He was my mother's childhood friend," he explained.
Sara looked as if each word was fresh and new.
She did not want to admit she had heard this before.
Childhood sweetheart…
"My mother's religion was very important to her. There was never a time when we did not go to mass. I uhm became an altar boy at a young age…Latin was a second language to me. I idolized him," he said.
Sara looked at him.
"Your father or…Father Andrew?"
"Both I suppose," he said softly. "I loved my father and his work but I also loved…the church," he said.
"My father was a botanist. He used to take me on trips with him," said Grissom softly. "We were inseparable. We talked about anything and everything," he paused. "My father went to sleep one evening on the couch…and never woke up. I was nine."
She sat there quietly and waited for him to continue.
"When my father died, I was…angry," he said. "I was angry that I had lost him…with him gone, the house suddenly became very quiet. My uhm mother was deaf…she used to read our lips and talk…she stopped talking when my father died…so did I. I stopped going to school. Father…Andrew came one day, he made me leave my room…he made my mother speak…he made us function again."
She swallowed.
She wanted nothing more than to hold him at that moment. She was afraid to move for fear he would stop talking. He had just told her more about himself than he had in six years.
She chose to sit there in silence.
"He uhm replaced my father. He greeted me every evening when I came home from school while my mother remained at the gallery. He uhm taught me to cook…we made most of the meals since she was late most days. We sat in the same spot at mass everyday and when it ended, he walked us home. "
He hesitated for a moment before he continued.
"I became more interested in my father's work. I uhm examined everything I could get my hands on…I collected dead animals from the beach and did autopsies. Our neighbor's cat died one day. I found it curled up in the bushes as if it were sleeping. I decided to…my mother did not understand…she went to Andrew. He assured her it was normal behavior…I was going to be a doctor someday."
"Did you want to?" she asked.
"No, I just wanted to know how things lived…died," he admitted. "I then focused on the aftermath of death….which led me to being a criminalist."
She nodded slowly.
He glanced up at her briefly before continuing.
"I didn't decide this until later…I told my mother I was going to join the priesthood," he said.
Sara felt her pulse racing.
"I thought he would be proud of me," Grissom said. "Instead, he told me I should pursue medicine…or my father's work…but I did not belong in the church."
"I thought he was just testing me but then he stopped coming to the house…so I went to the church instead. He uhm told me I shouldn't be there. I decided he was angry because I had not asked for permission from my mother. When I did, she said it was best that I not spend so much time with Andrew. I didn't understand. I got angry and ran off. I stayed gone for two days…at the beach. Andrew found me. He was angry that I did such a thing to my mother and told me to go home. I just wanted him to love me…like I thought he did. I begged him to let me stay with him and he refused. He told me I needed to stay with my mother."
He got up and she watched as he made coffee.
She took a cup when he offered it.
"I went home. I stayed at home by myself…I fixed dinner by myself…I did homework and experiments by myself. We went to mass as usual but I no longer cared to be an altar boy. I refused to participate. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me but instead he didn't care. He continued as if I didn't exist."
Her hand slipped into his while they sat together on the couch.
"My grades slipped. I began dodging school. It no longer interested me. My uhm mother went to Andrew for help. He was there one evening when I showed up. I had skipped school and spent it at the beach. He reprimanded me. I told him I didn't care. I cursed at him until I thought for sure the heavens would open up and I would be struck by lightning but nothing happened. I didn't understand what I had done...why my father had died…why Andrew had made me feel safe and then he just…I uhm don't remember why I began to hit him with my fist. He stood there and waited until I was too exhausted to fight anymore…and then he just held me. I think it was the last time I ever cried. When my mother came home, he sent me to my room. I could barely make out their voices. I slipped down and I saw him holding my mother. He kissed her. He kissed her like I had seen my father do so many times before. I stepped back into my room and I thought that things would be better. I thought he…"
"You thought he would really replace your father this time," she said softly.
"Yes…but he didn't. He left that night…he uhm never came back. I listened to my mother cry herself to sleep for days…and then I realized what I should have known…priest do not marry. He let us love him but then he took that love away…all because he loved that robe more than he did us."
"Gil…"
"My mother was never the same. We moved away. I didn't see Andrew again until the murders in California," he said. "We suspected it was someone connected to the church…after Andrew was ruled out we thought perhaps it was someone who Andrew counseled. He refused to tell us who was with him the night of the murders."
He tried to remove his emotions as he talked about the cases.
"One of the boys killed in California was found with a crucifix…it belonged to Andrew. Andrew's crucifix was found on one of these boys…Jimmy."
"He didn't have anything to do with those murders," she insisted.
"Maybe not but he could have been protecting a killer all these years…one that has decided to come out of retirement," said Grissom.
"Gil, you know that a priest cannot divulge the names of…"
He stood as he took the coffee cups back into the kitchen.
"Isn't a life more important than hiding a killer in the name of God?" he asked.
She didn't want to argue religion with him as she followed him to the kitchen.
"I don't know why Father Andrew did what he did back then…I'm sorry. I know he hurt you very deeply," she said softly as she stood directly in front of him.
Her hand reached up and caressed his cheek. She leaned forward and kissed him. It was soft and light but then he grabbed her and deepened the kiss.
She held him until he gently stepped back.
She glanced at the clock.
"You should sleep," she urged.
"I haven't been sleeping well," he admitted.
"You should try…you've pulled more than your share of doubles this week," she said.
He nodded.
"Sleep with me?" he asked.
Note from author:
So what do you think Sara is going to say?
Leave a review.
Take care,
Penny
