Chapter 12 – I'm Ready to Go
Rachel slowed her pace until she was at barely more than a brisk walk before stopping altogether just in front of her parents' house. She put her hand on her side and leaned forward a bit as she tried to catch her breath. She hadn't went for her morning run in a few days and she'd pushed herself more than usual, so she was feeling exhausted rather than rejuvenated like she usually did after her run.
Once her breathing had returned to normal, she began walking up the path to her fathers' house. Neither of her fathers had been awake when she left the house that morning, but the sun was up now, so she figured her fathers were probably up as well. Regardless, she made sure to be quite as she walked through the door in the off chance that they were still in bed. As soon as she closed the door behind her, though, she heard Leroy's loud laughter coming from the kitchen, so she gave up trying to be stealthy and walked normally again.
"Do you want pancakes or waffles?" she heard Hiram ask her other father as she neared the kitchen. "Or are you in more of a biscuits and gravy type of mood."
"Maybe we should wake Rachel up and see what she wants," Leroy said.
"I'm right here," Rachel called out, walking into the kitchen.
"I didn't think it was like you to sleep this late," Leroy remarked when he looked over his shoulder at her.
"I decided to go for a run this morning," Rachel said, though it was probably unnecessary given her clothing.
"What time did you finally get in last night?" Hiram asked.
"A little before one," Rachel answered. "We all went over to Mercedes' house, but Kurt and I left early, so we could catch up."
"Did you have fun?" Leroy asked.
Rachel shrugged as she sat down next to her father. "I suppose."
"That was very convincing," Leroy replied, raising his eyebrows at her.
"It was fine," Rachel said with a slight shake of her head. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was actually nice getting to know a few people a little better."
Thankfully, most of her fellow New Directions members had grown up since high school. Some people were still the same and would probably never fully mature, but others were quite different than they'd been five years ago. She and Mercedes still didn't get along very well, but Tina, who had always been rather indifferent to her, was actually very nice to her at the reunion and at the after party. They seemed to have more in common than she'd realized during high school, and it had been nice to find someone other than Kurt and Finn that she got along with.
"I doubt we'll all become friends, but it was still kind of nice seeing them again," Rachel added.
"I'm glad you had an okay time," Leroy said, giving her a smile. "I hated going to my reunions. I vowed to never go to one again after my tenth reunion."
"What happened at your tenth reunion?" Rachel asked.
"Your father almost punched someone," Hiram answered.
"Daddy!" Rachel said in surprise.
"Don't just tell her that," Leroy said, huffing at his husband.
"Well, you did almost punch someone," Hiram replied.
"Let's just say one of the more bigoted people I graduated with didn't like me bringing Hiram to the reunion," Leroy said, looking at Rachel. "He made sure everyone knew his displeasure. We ignored him at first, but then he crossed the line, and I would have hit him if Hiram hadn't stopped me."
"I probably should have let him," Hiram said. "Maybe it would have knocked some of the hate out of him."
"Well, it sounds like my reunion went a little better than yours," Rachel remarked. "I should probably be thankful."
Now that her father had mentioned it, she was actually a little surprised no fights had broken out. It wouldn't have been the first time a physical altercation happened. Santana had been in a fight with at least two other Glee Club members—three if you counted the shoving match she once had with Mercedes—and Puck was known to have a temper. He'd even gotten into a fight with Finn once over something Finn would never talk to her about.
Did Finn have fun?" Hiram asked.
"He loved it," Rachel said with a smile. "I think he misses high school, and this was the closest he'll ever be to going back."
She really didn't understand how someone could miss high school, but she knew her fiancé did. He always talked about it with such a fondness, whereas Rachel had nothing but bitter memories from her time at McKinley High. Of course, their high school experiences were polar opposites. Finn hadn't just been popular; he had been the most popular boy in school, his popularity only topped by Quinn's.
"So, are you still leaving this evening?" Leroy asked.
Rachel nodded. "Finn told Burt and Carole he'd have dinner with them, and then we're going to head back."
"I wish you could stay longer," Hiram said.
"I know, but I really can't miss a lot of work right now," Rachel replied. "Stephanie is thinking about leaving the production and I'm really hoping they'll give me the role. I'm afraid it would look bad if I take off too many days."
"Maybe we'll just have to come up there soon," Leroy said.
"That would be wonderful," Rachel replied. "You know you're always welcome." Rachel looked between her fathers and gave them a sad smile. "I really miss you both."
"We miss you too, Sweetie," Leroy said, reaching over, and squeezing her hand.
Hiram reached out for her other hand and said, "Maybe we can take a week off from work toward the end of summer. How does that sound?"
Rachel nodded, giving them both a genuine smile. "I would love that."
The Lima Bean was nearly empty when Rachel walked inside. It was past breakfast, though, and not quite lunchtime, plus it was Sunday, so a lot of people were still at church. Rachel was used to waiting in line forever anytime she wanted a morning coffee, so she was thankful for the nice change of pace. It was one of the few benefits of living in a smaller town, and something she did miss when she was in New York.
"I would like a medium hazelnut latte with soy milk," Rachel said when the one other person in line was done placing their order. "Actually, can you make that an iced latte?"
"Do you want whipped cream?" the barista asked.
"No thank you," Rachel said, shaking her head.
She handed over her debit card, and when she got it back, she stepped to the side to wait on her drink order. As she stood there, she glanced around the room, which hadn't changed at all in the past five years. Everything was exactly as she'd remembered it, except they may have gotten a few extra chairs from the last time she was there. She was pretty sure she could even still see the mark on the wall from the time Puck threw a fork at Finn but missed and hit the wall.
"Can I get small cappuccino?"
Rachel didn't need to turn to look to see who had ordered; she knew Quinn's voice, involuntarily tensing the moment she heard it. She immediately wished she could walk out without the other woman knowing she was there, but considering there were only a handful of people around, she knew that wasn't going to be possible. So, Rachel waited on her drink, refusing to look over at Quinn or acknowledging she was there in any way, and hoping Quinn would do the same.
"Hey."
Rachel let out a barely audible sigh before turning around to face Quinn with a, "Hello."
"I thought you were leaving today," Quinn remarked.
"Finn and I won't be leaving until this evening," Rachel said, turning back around so she didn't have to look at the other woman.
"Is he here?" Quinn asked.
"No, Finn is visiting with his parents before we have to go back to New York," Rachel replied, glancing back at Quinn for a moment, wondering why she was even speaking with her.
She didn't understand why Quinn kept trying to converse with her. After their breakup, Quinn had only said a handful of words to her the rest of the time they were in high school. Which is why she didn't get why Quinn was talking to her now. Quinn had made it very clear that she didn't care about her, so it made no sense for her to suddenly start acting as if they were simply two old acquaintances running into each other again.
"Iced soy milk latte with hazelnut and a cappuccino."
Rachel gave the barista a forced smile as she grabbed her iced latte. Without saying anything else to Quinn, Rachel grabbed a straw before turning toward the nearest exit. As she began making a hasty exit, she was stopped when Quinn said, "Wait."
She hated that even now, after all these years, she still did exactly as Quinn had demanded. Quinn had asked her to wait, and she immediately stopped and turned toward Quinn.
"What?" Rachel asked, annoyance and anger creeping into her voice.
"Do you think we could talk?" Quinn asked, motioning toward one of the many empty tables.
"Fine," Rachel said, obviously surprising Quinn if her face was any indication.
Rachel walked over to one of the tables—a different one than Quinn had indicated—and set her cup down on the table before sitting down in the chair. She tried to keep her face neutral as she watched Quinn walk over and join her at the table, still not wanting Quinn to think she had an effect on her despite Rachel's little slip up only a moment prior.
"What did you want to talk about?" Rachel asked,
Quinn shrugged. "We just haven't seen each other in a long time and I—"
"You what?" Rachel asked, unable to stop herself from interrupting Quinn. "You thought we would catch up?"
"Something like that," Quinn replied, her voice much softer than Rachel's.
"Okay," Rachel said, putting her hands around her ice-cold drink just to give herself something to focus on. "Finn and I are engaged, we live together in New York City, and we're happy. Is that what you wanted to know?"
"Rachel—"
"What, Quinn?" Rachel asked. "You haven't spoken to me in six years and you suddenly want to catch up? You—"
Rachel bit her lip and looked away. She knew her anger was showing, but she couldn't seem to stop it or bring herself to really care at the moment. She'd never been the best at controlling her emotions around Quinn, and that apparently hadn't changed in the five years since she last saw her.
"I what?" Quinn asked after a few moments.
"You have no right to talk to me now," Rachel said, looking at her again. "Not after everything that happened."
"You are the one who broke up with me," Quinn stated.
Rachel shook her head and gave Quinn an incredulous look. "What did you expect, Quinn? I may have been the one to do it, but you were the one who broke my heart." Rachel abruptly stood, nearly knocking the chair she'd been sitting in to the ground. "Goodbye, Quinn."
Part of Rachel expected Quinn to stop her, but the blonde made no effort to get her to stay. It wasn't exactly surprising to Rachel, though; if she hadn't fought her her—for them—in high school then why would she ever make an effort now? For once, the lack of fight didn't even disappoint Rachel; she was too angry at Quinn for trying to talk to her as if nothing had ever happened to feel disappointment.
"Knock, knock," Kurt said before opening the door just enough to pop his head into the room. "I hope you're decent. I saw enough of you while we were living together to last a lifetime."
Rachel rolled her eyes at her best friend as she turned her chair to face him but she also had a small smile on her face. "Yes, I'm sure you were very traumatized."
It was something they had often joked about ever since Kurt had accidentally walked in on a completely naked Rachel. In her defense, she had been in her room with the door closed. It wasn't as if she was parading around the living room in her birthday suit, and It certainly wasn't her fault that Kurt had come home early and decided to see if she wanted to go out to dinner. The only part she would take responsibility for was that her music had been a tad loud, so she hadn't exactly heard him when he'd knocked on her door.
"I thought I would come over before you and Finn had to leave," Kurt said, opening the door the rest of the way, and walking into the room.
"Shouldn't you be eating dinner with your family?" Rachel asked.
Kurt waved her off. "They've decided to grill out, so it'll be a while. Finn will mess it up and my dad will be backseat grilling." He sat down on the corner of the bed and looked over at her. "I have at least an hour and a half before the first burger is done."
Rachel scrunched up her nose slightly at the thought of grilled meat. "Well, I can't say I'm unhappy you're here."
Kurt smiled at her for a moment before his smile turned into a look of suspicion as he narrowed his eyes at her. "What happened?"
"What makes you think anything happened?" Rachel asked.
"Rachel, we've been best friends for quite a few years; I can tell when something is bothering you," Kurt replied with a slight huff.
Rachel sighed to herself and avoided Kurt's eyes as she admitted, "I ran into Quinn at the Lima Bean."
"And?" Kurt asked.
"And she tried to talk to me, but I got angry and snapped at her," Rachel said, embarrassed at herself for losing her temper the way she had.
"What did she do?" Kurt asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Nothing," Rachel replied with a slight shrug. "She just said she wanted to talk."
"So—you two talked?" Kurt said.
"Not exactly," Rachel replied, reaching out, and fidgeting with a thread at the hem of her skirt.
Kurt leaned back on the bed and titled his head. "What did you do?"
"I simply reminded her that it's been six years since we last spoke and that she had no right to do this now," Rachel said, looking down at a spot on the carpet that she didn't remember being there before.
When she glanced up at Kurt, waiting for him to say something, but he remained silent. After a moment, his eyebrow rose and Rachel looked away, sighing to herself. "What, Kurt?"
"Nothing," Kurt relied, his voice not betraying whatever he was actually thinking.
"Just say whatever you're thinking," Rachel demanded.
"Who says I'm thinking anything?" Kurt asked with a shrug.
"Because I know you and you always have an opinion on everything," Rachel stated.
"Look, Rachel, I understand that she hurt you, but—"
"But what?" Rachel asked. "But I should get over it?"
"As you've said, it's been six years," Kurt said, sitting up straight rather than his previously relaxed position.
"Are you over what Blaine did to you?" Rachel asked, instantly regretting it when she saw the look of hurt on Kurt's face "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."
"Yes, it was," Kurt agreed. "You're the one who wanted my opinion and my opinion is that you need to try to get over this thing that happened with Quinn. You're happy with Finn, right?"
"Of course," Rachel immediately replied.
"And you love him?" Kurt asked.
Rachel frowned. "How can you even ask that? Of course I loved Finn; we're engaged!"
"Then maybe you should forgive Quinn for what she did," Kurt replied. "In the words of Elsa, 'let it go'."
"Did you just quote Frozen?" Rachel asked.
"It'll never happen again," Kurt vowed. "My cousins visited us last month with their two daughters and that movie was all they would watch. That song still haunts me in my dreams."
Rachel couldn't help but smile, but it was short-lived. She thought about what Kurt had said and she knew he was probably right, but how do you forgive someone who completely broke your heart? Even though the realistic part of her could see that they were doomed from the beginning, a part of her had foolishly thought she and Quinn could be one of those couples who could overcome the trails and tribulations of high school.
"Look, I just think it would be easier if you stopped holding on to the past so much," Kurt softly said. "You're happy now with Finn. Shouldn't that be all that matters?"
"You're right," Rachel replied.
She completely agreed with what Kurt was saying, but that didn't make it any easier to forgive Quinn. And Rachel was usually a very forgiving person, but what Quinn did was something she didn't know if she could ever forgive. She had been so in love with Quinn and she thought Quinn had felt the same way, so for her to just move on like nothing had ever happened hurt more than she could ever fully describe. For the first time in her life, Rachel had thought someone loved her for her, and realizing she meant nothing to Quinn was the most painful thing she'd ever experienced.
"Of course I'm right," Kurt replied with a cocky grin.
"Thank you, Kurt," Rachel sincerely said. "I don't know if I would have made it through to reunion without having someone to talk to."
Kurt shrugged. "You were there for me during the many ups and downs of my relationships, so it was only right for me to return the favor." Kurt smirked. "Besides, this is the most scandalous thing to ever happen at McKinley High and I'm the only one who knows!"
Rachel shook her head. "And this is exactly why I never told you when it happened."
"Completely understandable," Kurt replied with a light laugh.
Rachel slowly looked around her old room, double checking that she hadn't left anything. Her suitcase was sitting open on her bed, stuffed full of the many clothes she'd brought despite the fact that they were only going to be there a few days. Rachel liked to be prepared for everything, though, so she always packed way too many things anytime she went someone for more than a night.
When Rachel was finally satisfied that she hadn't left anything out, she walked over and zipped up her suitcase before setting it on the floor. As she pulled up the handle, she looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was nearly eight, two hours later than she and Finn were originally supposed to leave, and she wondered if he was going to be there soon. He'd sent her a text saying dinner had gone a little late and he would be there around seven-thirty, but that was twenty minutes ago and she'd yet to hear from him again.
With a sigh, Rachel smoothed down the back of her skirt as she sat down where her suitcase had previously been. She looked around the room again, but this time she wasn't looking for anything; she was simply thinking about all the time she'd spent in that room while growing up.
She'd always loved her room; it had been a safe haven from the rest of the world for many years. When she was there, she didn't have to worry about anyone calling her names or throwing frozen beverages in her face. Unfortunately, that all changed the night Quinn showed up at her front door. Now, it was hard not to remember all the things that happened in that room. Their first 'date', their first real fight, the first time they made love. It was in that room that she'd gotten to know the true Quinn Fabray—that she'd fallen in love with her.
As she looked around the room, she spotted a nail in the wall, where one of the pictures of the Glee Club once hung. It was taken right after Regionals their sophomore year and she'd immediately hung it in her room. Since she couldn't exactly have any pictures of Quinn without rousing her fathers' suspicions, it was the best she could do. It had hung there for a year, until after her breakup, when she had nearly thrown it away. In the end, she had put it in a box with everything else that reminded her of Quinn, which she shoved under the bed she was currently sitting on.
At the thought of the picture, she glanced down at the floor and bit her lip. After a few moments, she hopped down from her bed and slowly knelt down, looking under her bed. The box was still in the middle of the bed, where she'd shoved it, so she reached out, her fingers barely skimming the edges. For a moment, she wondered if she should take it as a sign to leave the box alone, but she got down on her hands and knees, nevertheless, and pulled the box from under the bed.
She stood and carefully placed the box on her bed before taking a step back and staring at it. Even though she knew opening the box was the last thing she should do, she reached out and pulled the flaps back, looking into the box for the first time in at least four years.
On top was the picture that had once hung on her wall, and she picked it up, setting it on her bed. There were other pictures underneath, some having the whole Glee Club, but others were just of her and Quinn. Most of them had been taken in the room, but some had been taken on the few occasions they had ventured out of Rachel's house, always several towns away where no one would know them. Rachel hadn't even been able to get the pictures developed in Lima because Quinn had been too afraid someone would see the pictures and recognize them.
Despite the negatives of dating Quinn, though, Rachel looked happy in all the pictures. And she didn't have on her 'show smile' as she often referred to it; it was her genuine, contented smile that meant she was truly happy. Because even though being with Quinn wasn't always easy, she had been in love and, while the circumstances were not ideal, their relationship had still been everything to her. It may not have been perfect, but at the time, she wouldn't have given it up for anything.
It was almost funny how drastically things could change
"Honey, Finn is here," Hiram called out.
"Tell him I'll be right down," Rachel called back after a few moments.
Rachel looked through a couple more of the pictures and then stacked them all together, setting them back inside. She began to close but stopped when she saw a brown ear sticking up. She couldn't help smiling as she reached in and pulled the stuffed animal out. It was a bear Quinn had won for her when they had gone to a local carnival about forty miles away from Lima. It had been during the summer between their sophomore and junior years and was their first real date. She had been a little surprised that Quinn had asked her to go since she'd been so secretive of their relationship, but it had made the day all that much more special.
"Rachel, you need any help with your stuff?" Finn asked, knocking on her door.
"No," Rachel answered as she ran her thumb across the bear's nose, and then quickly putting it back where it had come from. "I'll be there in a minute."
Rachel closed the top of the box and then picked it up, putting it back under her bed. When she straightened up, she ran her hand through her hair, turning toward the door just as she heard it begin to open.
"You ready to go home?" Finn asked.
"More than ready," Rachel said, putting a smile on her face.
