Okay, so I haven't updated this in a long time. Reasons being (a) Les Miserables really isn't my main fandom now-a-days and (b) I'm really not that funny.

However, two people, Ryan Dodge and In the Loft were nice enough to review this fic, even though it hasn't been updated in nearly six months. And well, I just had a conversation with one of my friends about how it's so annoying when you read a fic, and it's not finished. So, I felt guilty.

So, I updated. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed and favorited this. It really means a lot.

Enjoy!


LES AMIS: NOW WE PLEDGE OURSELVES

TO HOLD THIS BARRICADE!

ENJOLRAS: Alright, men, we're putting our lives on the line for France-

FEUILLY: *raises his hand* Can I fight for Poland?

ENJOLRAS: *face palm* Feuilly, for the last time, this is France. We are Les Amis, not Przyjaciół. We are fighting for France, not-

FEUILLY: But Poland's always being picked on an belittled by the other countries!

ENJOLRAS: *eye-twitch* Just pretend the poor of France are Poland, okay?

FEUILLY: Really? POLAND FOREVER! *pulls out Polish Flag*

ENJOLRAS: I need new people for this.

THE OBNOXIOUS AND CHUBBY NATIONAL GUARDSMAN: YOU AT THE BARRICADES,

LISTEN TO THIS!

YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE

BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.

ENJOLRAS: We're called the Friends of the ABC. We don't have a friendship shortage.

THE OBNOXIOUS AND CHUBBY NATIONAL GUARDSMAN: Oh...uhm...well, you'll still die.

ENJOLRAS: Because we weren't already expecting that. *eye roll*

JEHAN: Wait, what? I'm squeamish about death, you know!

JAVERT: *disguised by wearing a Phantom of the Opera Mask*

ENJOLRAS: *to Javert* ...do I know you?

JAVERT: Of course you do, you rebellious hooligan!...I mean, yes. I'm the Phantom of the Barricade. I'm here to...compose music! For your revolution! And fall in love with an ingenue!

ENJOLRAS: Too late. Fluffy tops over there already got the ingenue.

MARIUS: Did some one say my name?

COURFEYRAC: *to Enjolras* Psssssh. He's just dead-weight. I think if we just kill him now, no one will notice...or care.

ENJOLRAS: He's not worth the ammo.

JAVERT/THE PHANTOM OF THE BARRICADE: I HAVE OVER HEARD THEIR PLANS

THERE WILL BE NO ATTACK TONIGHT!

EVERYONE OVER THE AGE OF TWELVE: HE'S WEARING A MASK SO HE MUST BE TRUST-WROTHY!

GAVROCHE: *tugging on Enjolras' vest* He's Javert.

ENJOLRAS: Stop touching Le Vest, it's still on layaway! And what blasphemy is this?

GAVROCHE: Do you know anyone else in the world with sideburns that big?

ENJOLRAS:...okay kid, you've got a point.

JAVERT: Damn it, the mask doesn't cover Amborse and Caspar!

GRANTAIRE: Good job, little Gavroche! *high fives*

COMBEFERRE: Why is it that no one seems to have a problem with the fact that a 25-year-old alcholic with no direction in life is so chummy with a little boy?

COURFEYRAC: This is the same book/musical where a little girl let's an unknown man from a dark forest bring her home. Do you think stranger-danger is an important theme?

ENJOLRAS: Alright boys, tie him up and take his pants.

JAVERT: Wait, the pants part was not in the script!

ENJOLRAS: We're the slashiest characters in Les Mis history. What did you expect from us?

JAVERT: *being pulled away* I'm an officer of the law! I will not be defiled! UNHAND ME AND STOP LICKING YOUR LIPS, DRUNKARD! *is ignored*

EPONINE: *climbing the barricade* Oh, Marius! *is shot*

MARIUS: *comes back down to Earth* Did something happen? *sees Eponine cluching her chest* Oh, you with the hat, did you give Cosette my letter? How'd she react? How'd see look? Was she in tears? Was she wearing black or green? Was she-

EPONINE: I'VE LIED DES VOLKES GOT A BULLET HOLE IN MY STOMACH AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS SOME GIRL YOU'VE ONLY TALKED TO FOR TWO MINUTES?

Marius:...I'm guessing you're angry?

EPONINE: HOW IS IT THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSEDLY SMARTER THAN ME? *falls to the ground*

MARIUS: *hold her body* I really don't understand what the big deal is. So you're a little bloody,

There's nothing a band-aid can't fix.

EPONINE: *twitch-twitch* Can you just not be a dolt for my last few seconds?

MARIUS: Wait...are you dying or something?

EPONINE: GEE, WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IMPRESSION?

MARIUS: Well, you're not singing. Dying and singing go together like fanfiction and Andrew Llyod Webber Musicals!

EPONINE: Good point. Well then,

AND RAIN,

WILL MAKE THE FLOWERS-

FANG1RL 1: wait, epo9! *gets out pen* 'n so mariuss lookd epo9 emrald orbs n sayed 'epo9 ur so hawt n soo much bettah than cossette n lets go 2 england n get marryed n leave cossette cos shes a bitch. n mah magik powers of luv hav healed ur sword wounds' n he kissd teh hawt epo9 sexili on teh lips'

FANG1RL 2: oh mah ficis bettah u fall in luv with enjolrash cos he needed sum wuv in his life.

EPONINE: DON'T YOU GET IT THAT THE REASON I'M SO POPULAR IS BECAUSE I DON'T WIN? IF I GOT MARIUS, I'D BE THE MAN-STEALER FROM INNOCENT COSETTE, IF I GOT ENJOLRAS I'D RUIN THE INSURRECTION! CAN YOU KINDLY SHUT THE LIED DES VOLKES UP AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE?

JOLY: Even while dying, she still has the ability to be so loud.

EPONINE: *BELTING* AND RAIN,

WILL MAKE THE FLOWERS-

MARIUS: ...grow...*kisses her head*

ENJOLRAS: SHE IS THE FIRST TO FALL

COMBEFERRE: ...I thought good-ole-what's-his-face was the first to go.

JOLY: Who?

COURFEYRAC: Actually I think it was Jehan...

JEHAN: I'm here!

ENJOLRAS: Let us remember this girl, Epona and-

MARIUS: It was Eponine.

ENJOLRAS: Sure it was...and her sacrifice to the barricades.

WE WILL FIGHT HERE IN HER NAME!

COMBEFERRE: But she didn't do anything!

COURFEYRAC: She saved Marius!

ENJOLRAS: What? She wasted a bullet that could have killed off the useless fuzzy mop?

MARIUS: WHAT?

ENJOLRAS: Who cares, drop the bitch's body!

BOUSETT: *does so*


Aw, poor Eponine!

As a side note, when I made the Eponine fangirls, I wasn't trying to stereotype all MariusxEponine or EnjolrasxEponine shippers as stupid fangirls who can't capitalize to save their lives. I was just making fun of the ones who write poorly. I acknowledge that some can write very well and come up with plausible stories. I'm just sick of the "in the heat of the moment Marius forgets all about Cosette" or "Enjorlas gives up the barricades for Eponine" fics. I'm sorry if I offended anyone!