This chapter came out of wanting to include something about Becky's experience of being a teenager, and not just about her relationship with Matt and discovering boys. So, all the mood swings, uncertainties and the changes of growing up and with only her brothers to guide her through it.
Chapter 12
Party plans, teenage moods and growing up
Our lunch meetings carried on for the next couple of weeks. In my moments of insecurity, I wondered if Matt was eventually going to get bored with me and go for one of the many 10th grade girls, who would have happily taken my place. Not that he ever gave me any reason to think like that, in fact he seemed to like me as much as I liked him, but I just couldn't believe my luck. I lived for those lunch times with him. I'm sure Tara must have been sick of me talking about how wonderful Matt was, but she seemed to enjoy sharing my excitement over it all. Much to Tara's joy our kissing had now advanced to tongues and it was better than I thought. I was looking forward to Matt's birthday the following week, then we would no longer need a chauffeur to accompany us all the time. I felt rather self-conscious kissing in front of Mark, or whichever friend it was who was driving that day.
Much to my pleasure Pony and Matt had started hanging out together sometimes at school. Matt was planning to have a small party for his upcoming birthday and planned to invite Ponyboy along. He was also going to suggest to him that he bring his sister and her friend along, but I wasn't sure if Pony would take the bait on that. I was finally off restrictions and allowed back out in the land of the living, or at least the living room! Even so, I wasn't sure that Darry would trust me to go to a high school party, even with Pony to watch my every move. As it turned out support would come from an unexpected quarter for me.
It was Friday evening and I had just wandered out into the living room, having finished most of my homework. Soda was there on the couch with Sarah cuddled up next to him and Pony was sitting in the armchair. They were watching some Western on TV.
"Hi Becky." Sarah greeted me. She was always really friendly to me, but I was usually pretty cautious in returning it, as I was still pretty protective of Soda.
"Hi Sarah, how are you? Haven't seen you around here for a while."
"No, well Soda usually has to come to my place cos my folks get me to babysit my brother all the time. He's 10 so he could probably look after himself, but they insist on my staying with him."
"Yeah, well I'm 12 and Darry still seems to think I need a babysitter, so I feel your pain there."
Soda raised his eyebrows at me. "C'mon Bex, you know Darry only wants to do what's best for you and keep you safe. You'll always be our baby sister, even when you're old and grey like Darry."
I laughed "Don't let Darry hear you say that."
"Say what?" Darry asked as he wandered in, putting his tool belt down by the door.
"Nothing." Said Soda.
"Soda, was just saying you were old and grey." I said grinning, earning myself a glare from Soda.
"Just joking Darry." Soda quickly defended himself. "What I really meant to say was, you are wise beyond your years."
"Yeah, Little Buddy, wise enough to know that you are talking bull. You better watch it or you won't get to be old and grey yourself."
Soda just grinned, knowing Darry wasn't really mad at him. Darry went off into his room to change. Just then the phone rang. I picked up as I was the closest and my heart fluttered as I heard a familiar voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
"Hi Bex, it's me Matt."
"Oh, hi!" I tried to tone it down as I knew I had an audience.
"Yeah, I'm just calling to ask Ponyboy about my party, remember?"
"Yeah, I do, Pony's right here, I'll get him for you." I moved the phone away from my ear. "Pony, it's Matt Carter for you."
Pony looked surprised and came and took the phone from me. I sat down on the couch listening intently to the conversation, but pretending not to be interested. Pony's side of the conversation only gave so much away.
"Hi Matt…Oh that sounds good, thanks for asking me. I'll need to check with my brother Darry, but I think it will be ok…..Really?...I'm not sure she'll be allowed, but I'll ask…..ok I'll let you know on Monday at school. Thanks Matt, have a good evening."
"What was all that about?" asked Soda.
"Oh, just a friend from school, Matt Carter, he's having a party for his birthday next Saturday and was inviting me along. He also said to bring Bex and Tara along."
"Really? I asked, trying to sound surprised. "That's real nice of him. I'd love to go and I'm sure Tara would too."
"Hang on a minute, Bex. I don't know if Darry is really gonna be happy to let you go to some 10th grader's party. We've never even met this Matt Carter guy. Why's he want to invite you and Tara to his party?" Soda said.
"Maybe he's just being friendly." I suggested irritably.
Sarah piped up "I know Matt Carter, he's a really nice guy. His big brother and my big brother Simon are friends, they were at school together and our parents are friends too."
"You know him?" Soda asked Sarah.
"Yeah, he's a sweet guy, he's not gonna get Pony and Becky into trouble."
"Why are Pony and Becky gonna get into trouble?" Darry asked walking in on the conversation, having finished getting washed.
"We're not getting into trouble." Pony said with some irritation at Darry's paranoia. "Matt, a friend of mine from school just asked me to his birthday party next Saturday and invited Bex and Tara along too. Sarah was just saying she knows Matt and that he's a good guy and won't get us into any trouble."
"A high school party?" Darry asked sceptically.
"Well, it's not really like that, it ain't gonna be wild. It's just Matt's friends, I think even his parents will be there."
"Can I go please Darry? It sounds like it'll be fun and Pony will be there." I pleaded.
"I haven't said he can go yet and I still don't see why this guy is inviting you and Tara."
"He's just being nice Dar. He's met Bex and Tara before." Pony explained.
"Really?"
"Yeah, just around, you know." I said quickly, not wanting to mention where we first met and remind Darry about the dance!
"Well, ok, you can both go, but Pony, you need to look after Becky and you both need to be back by 10.00."
"Oh Darry, it's a Saturday night. It ain't fair if Pony has to leave early just cos of me. Can't we stay till midnight?"
"No way. 11.00 and that's my final word."
"Ok Darry, thanks." I conceded before he changed his mind. I couldn't help but smile and my heart jumped. Finally I could spend some time with Matt away from school and feel a bit more like a normal couple, though with Pony around we'd have to be careful of course. I was grateful to Pony that he had put my case forward for once. I had thought he may be against me and Tara going too.
I was suddenly full of nervous energy and needed to walk it off "Can I walk over to Tara's quickly and ask her about it?" I asked Darry.
"You'll see her at school on Monday you can ask her then." Darry answered. "Or give her a call."
"Oh please Darry, I really feel like a walk. I'll be real quick. I'll be back in time for dinner."
"Becky, I'm not going to argue with you about this. It's starting to get dark already and you know how I feel about you walking around this neighbourhood alone, especially at night. It just ain't safe."
I felt completely frustrated. I was desperate to get out, even for 10 minutes. I felt like I might scream otherwise. I was so excited about the prospect of going to Matt's party and I just felt a burning desire to talk to Tara about it. She was the only one I could talk to. It seemed like all Darry did was say no and stop me from doing things. Deep down I knew he was only doing his job to protect me, but I didn't feel like being reasonable right then. All I felt was frustrated and mad about it.
"Darry I'm not a baby anymore you know? I am capable of walking 2 blocks without getting lost or jumped or getting killed crossing the road. I do know to look both ways and not take candy from strangers." My anger was coming out as sarcasm. I knew Darry wouldn't like it, but I just couldn't shut myself up.
"Rebecca Grace, that's enough of your lip! I don't want to discuss this anymore. I said you are not going now and that is final." He raised his voice.
"Arghhh!" I screamed and slammed my fist down on the back of the couch in frustration. Soda and Pony both looked at me wide-eyed. I rarely got this mad and rarely dared to answer Darry back. I felt out of control though and I just couldn't stop now that I had started. "Why do you always get to have the last word? It ain't fair! I have as much right to an opinion as you do."
"I ain't stopping you from giving your opinion Rebecca, I'm just saying I don't agree with it and as your guardian I'm afraid I do have the final say, like Mom and Dad did with me and Soda. And right now I would like you to go to your room and cool off if you know what's good for you, before I change my mind about letting you go to that party. I don't know what's got into you this evening, but you need to calm down and stop taking your anger out on the furniture."
I had no useful come back, so all I could say was "Fine!" and I stormed off to my room. I had to agree with Darry, I didn't know what had got into me that evening either! It's not even that I cared so much about going round to Tara's to tell her about Matt's party. I knew I could see her the next day or even try to call her later on. I just got carried away on a wave of frustration and let it take over me. Maybe it was hormones. I hadn't started my period yet, but in health class we had talked about how that time of the month could make you cranky and emotional. Maybe I was finally becoming a woman. I wanted to go to the bathroom to check, but didn't dare to go out through the living room when Darry had sent me to my room. I would just have to wait and check later.
I heard Darry and Soda discussing me from my room.
"What has got into her tonight? It ain't like her to overreact like that." Darry said.
"I don't know Dar, she's just becoming a teenager is probably all. We've got more of this to come I'm sure." Soda replied.
"Do you want me to talk to her?" asked Sarah. "Maybe it's girl stuff."
'No thanks' I thought to myself. How humiliating that would be, no! If I was going to discuss 'girl stuff' with anyone it would be Tara and not Soda's girlfriend. Thankfully Soda knew me well enough to say,
"That's sweet of you Sarah, but I don't think she would take it well." Too right I wouldn't!
I got tired of trying to hear the conversation in the living room and went back to my homework. I couldn't avoid the English assignment any longer. We had to write an essay about our earliest memory. I think mine was when I was 3 years old and it must have been summer because the whole family had gone to the lake for the day. Soda, who would have been 8 and Darry, who would have been 11, were swinging on a rope from a tree next to the lake and landing in the water. I really wanted to have a turn, but Daddy said Pony and I were too little and we should go play hide and seek instead.
I was so angry about not being allowed to go on the rope swing that I hid myself away inside a hollow log and pulled some branches in after me. I hid so well that nobody could find me and I was cross so I decided not to answer. My parents and Darry, Soda and Pony were looking everywhere and calling my name frantically. It was just a clever game to me, I didn't understand how much I scared my parents. Daddy even jumped in the lake and started poking around with a stick in case I had fallen in and drowned. I only came out of the log when my Mom started crying and only then cos I was hungry. Daddy was furious when he realised I had been hiding the whole time and not answered. That's the first time I remember him spanking me. Just 3 swats on my butt, but I was so shocked that I just couldn't stop crying and Mom had to lie with me that night to get me to sleep. Daddy felt bad to have made me so upset, but by the next morning I was over it.
There was no way I was gonna share that memory with Miss Haswell. I would just have to make something up. I had written a couple of paragraphs on some lame story about going to feed the ducks with my Mom, when Soda knocked on the door.
"Come in." I said.
"Are you feeling a bit better?" he asked cautiously.
I sighed feeling melancholy "I guess so. Sorry about before. I just get angry sometimes about being babied by everyone."
It suddenly struck me that I hadn't changed that much since I was 3 years old. I was angry then about being treated like a baby and I was still angry about the same thing now I was 12! I didn't know if that was a bad reflection on me having a chip on my shoulder about being the youngest or if it was a bad reflection on my family always seeing me as the baby.
"It's ok Bex, I understand. Maybe you should apologise to Darry though. I think you scared him a bit."
"I scared myself a bit actually." I commented and Soda laughed.
"Come on Baby….I mean Becky." He hesitated to call me baby after my complaint about being babied. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. "Let's go eat dinner."
I actually wasn't feeling too great. My stomach was aching and I just felt generally off.
"Ok, but I really don't feel good. I might not be able to eat much."
"You getting sick honey?" Soda sounded concerned.
"I dunno. Just feel rough and my stomach aches."
"Becky's not feeling too good, Darry." Soda reported as we went into the kitchen. Darry looked worried and came over putting his hand on my forehead.
"I don't think you have a fever."
"No, I'm not that bad, but my stomach's hurting and I feel pretty rotten."
"Are you gonna eat something or do you wanna go lie down?" Darry asked me.
"Is it ok if I just go lie down? I don't think I can face dinner."
"Ok Sweetie." Darry agreed "I'll come and check on you in a bit." I wondered if he told me that so I wouldn't be tempted to climb out of my window like the last time I went to bed sick! I was suddenly ashamed remembering that and thinking about my behaviour towards Darry earlier.
"Sorry about before Darry. I didn't mean to sass you like that."
Darry smiled at me "I appreciate that Bex, it sure wasn't like you. Now, go lie down, I hope you feel better."
I went to the bathroom first, to see if this really was 'it' and my period had finally arrived, but was disappointed to find that there was nothing there. So, maybe I couldn't blame my mood on the hormones after all.
I got changed for bed and despite my achy stomach fell asleep almost straight away, not even waking when Darry came in to check on me. In the middle of the night I woke up with worse stomach cramps and made my way to the bathroom. When I sat down I noticed there was a dark stain in my underwear. So I had been right. This was it, my period had finally come. Tara had had hers for two years now, so I could finally tell her I had mine too.
I was less excited at the prospect of having to tell Darry. In fact, quite the opposite. I would have to though as I had no pads and I would need to ask him to take me to the drugstore to get some. Oh, how I wished Mom were here. It was so hard to go through this without her and embarrassing to have to talk to my brother about it. A couple of tears ran down my cheeks and I brushed them angrily away, there was no point in crying about it. I folded up a wad of toilet paper and put it in my underwear for now, until I could talk to Darry in the morning. I hoped that would be enough. I slept fitfully after that, feeling anxious and still getting stomach cramps. Sometimes I hated growing up.
