Characters in this chapter: Shawn Michaels, Hunter
Notes:
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Finally Thinking
Shawn was sitting on the edge of the WWE building in Stamford, CT looking down at the city, at what he would land on if he decided to just jump. "I lost everything...my wife, my kids. I just can't believe this! I can't believe any of this! I should have thought before I took action..." Shawn was still crying, his face was almost totally bright red. "I can't do anything to get them back either...I've already apologized to them...and if I try to get my kids, I'll get thrown in jail for abuse, and even if I wouldn't get thrown in jail, I still wouldn't get them because I'm a terrible father and husband...I wonder how it would be like to just jump off of the building. Just put my hands down on the edge and push off, taking the long fall down and bam, there I'd be. I'd be laying down, on the concrete in a pool of my own blood, taking that long, deep, wonderful sleep. Too bad I wouldn't be up there in Heaven, the place I would dream to be when I die. I'd be in Hell...burning. I wish there was a way of taking my own place and going to Heaven.."
"The place where God is. God, the man I go to church for every Sunday. The man I read the bible for everyday. The man I pray to. I lost everything anyway, I might as well lose my chances of going to Heaven." Shawn gulped and looked back down. If Shawn decided to jump, he'd either land in the street, a bunch of stairs, the sidewalk, or a banister. Shawn put his hands on the edge of the building and went to push off, but stopped himself. "I can't do it..I can't jump.." Shawn covered his face with his hands, still crying. Shawn spoke to himself. "I can't jump...why can't I jump?! God help me...help me get my life back together...help me get my family back...I can't handle losing my family. Why did I have to go and hurt Rebecca? Why did I have to go and hurt Cameron and Cheyenne? Why did I have to hurt my life? That isn't like me...now I have to suffer the cruel consequences of losing them all."
Shawn looked around then leaned forward, seeing more of the city. Shawn straightened his back out, then just fell back onto the roof, staring at the sky. "Why...just why...". Everything was normal, still for the exception of Shawn. "My whole life was childhood, a rushed marriage, a harsh divorce, my career, another marriage...and now a divorce that is going to kill me...or atleast haunt me for the rest of my life." Shawn was a mess. Shawn stood up and stood on the edge of the roof, half of his feet on the roof, the other half over the edge. "Shawn, all you have to do is take a step off the roof, and its all over." Shawn took a deep breath and lifted his foot, about to step off the roof, stepping right out of life, until Hunter came upto the roof. Hunter saw Shawn, grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the roof before he was off. "The hell do you think your doing, Shawn?!"
"Hunter, I lost everything.." Shawn dropped to his knees, his hands covering his face. "That doesn't mean you should try to commit suicide!" Hunter kneeled down next to him. "Hunter, you don't understand...I lost Rebecca, I lost Cameron, and I lost Cheyenne...how am I supposed to deal with that? I lost my family. They don't need me. Especially Becky. She needs Christian now, and I'm pretty sure Christian needs her after I...broke his face...But he had it coming, right? He took my family. He took the love of my life, he took my baby girl and he took my baby boy. I hope he burns in Hell, damnit!" Shawn sprung to his feet and kicked the edge of the roof. Shawn just yelled at the top of his lungs, people all the way down looking all the way up on top of the building. "Shawn, calm down, okay?" Hunter rubbed the back of his neck. Shawn glared at him. "Calm down?! Hunter, what in the world would you do if you lost Aurora and Stephanie?! Huh?!"
Hunter looked away, then back at Shawn. "Well, I'd never hurt my family, so I wouldn't see that happening anytime soon, Shawn.". "Thats not the point!" Shawn shook his head. "Forget it, I'm throwing away everything that I had with Rebecca. Somehow, I'll try to find out how I can erase her from my life...her and those kids...out of my mind, once and for all. Anything I ever did for them, anything I ever did with them, I'm erasing it from my head. I'm back to where I left off now, Hunter. Back to the drinking, the painkillers, back to all the stuff before Rebecca, startiiiiing----" Hunter covered his mouth with his hand for a second, then let it go. "You can't be serious, Shawn. You are going to just throw 8, almost 9 years of your life away?" Shawn nodded. "And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all...right?" Hunter scratched the back of his head.
"I guess there isn't anything wrong with that...but the drinking? The drugs? Come on, Shawn. Your 42 not 24. Your not young and stupid anymore." Shawn shook his head. "Hunter, you still don't get it. I need to move on, and that's how I'm going to do it. I need them, but if I need to act like I don't to keep me from killing myself, thats exactly what I'm going to do." Shawn walked back into the building, still crying, but not as much.
