Where Words Fail

Book Eight: Coming Full Circle

Chapter 5, Part 2: ...tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a fan fiction - nothing more, nothing less. It has been made purely for entertainment purposes, and is not meant for commercial gain. Avatar: The Last Airbender and all characters, places and concepts are copyright of Nickelodeon, Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. All original characters are copyright their respective owners and are used with their permission.

SCENE DIVIDE

One week after Sozin's Comet

"Hey, can you see her yet?" Pipsqueak asked, craning his head back as much as he could without throwing The Duke off his shoulders.

"Who? Ty Lee, or Toph?"

"Either. Both." Pipsqueak shifted his weight, uncomfortable standing in one place in such a thick mess of people. They milled about him, closing him in, and the air of the Fire Nation was already hot and dry and kinda gross. (He'd been here once before and that little facet of weather had not changed in the last month). So add that with the combined body heat of hundreds of war heroes, three cultures' worth of nobility pressing in on all sides...

It stunk. Not just figuratively, either! The air literally reeked, the stench of B.O. wafting up into his nostrils. Ugh. Gross. Come on, was it reallythat hard to rinse? Even Freedom Fighters had a sense of cleanliness about themselves, and that didn't exactly stop when they hit the open ocean. Running across that lake on the trek from Ba Sing Se to sthe small fishing town where they'd docked the Fire Nation ships was a glimmering, beautiful blessing, and supposedly the soon-to-be Fire Lord Zuko had a pretty elaborate bathroom or fifteen in that palace of his. Maybe Smellerbee would be able to convince him to lend them out, because Pipsqueak hadn't used, you know, an actual wash basin since the Fire Nation burned his home down.

It'd be a pretty nice luxury.

The palace - it rose up huge and monstrous at the head of the courtyard, an ornate, glorious piece of architecture that rose so high up that it could've brushed the sky if it wanted. Painted maroon and black with gold highlights, its roofs spread out like clam shells and golden dragons emblazoned on walls and statues of the same on edges and fringes and gates. It cast a goliath shadow across the courtyard which should have cooled things down somewhat...but it didn't seem to be working. At least the palace looked nice, you know? It was majestic. Grand. In a way, beautiful; Pipsqueak hadn't had much time to admire Fire Nation architecture, and he had to admit what he had seen was pretty beautiful. One day he'd like to help contribute to something that looked like this.

As for the mass of people - there was plenty of open space in the courtroom, but it was like everybody just felt the urge to cluster together in this one spot just outta annoyance. Maybe they thought there was a snack bar nearby, and near everybody here decided to hunt it down at the same time. They just kept shoving into Pipsqueak like he wasn't there - and it's kinda hard to think that of a guy his size. If he could just get out of this mess - find a way to the front of the courtyard where the crowd had mostly dispersed...he doubted Ty Lee - and Toph - would be in this thicket of walking stink bombs, so it'd just be a matter of finding a path out of here.

Worming, squeezing, The Duke clinging to his head, Pipsqueak pushed his way through the mire of men and women and children, resisting the urge to pinch his nose (he'd smelled ostrich horses with more pleasant stinkthan this). And - yes - push between two Swampbenders, and - ah! Free! He stumbled away, the throng behind them, brushing their way through a much thinner crowd. The B.O. wasn't as bad here - not nearly as concentrated. Bearable. Now it was just a matter of hunting down -

"Hey! The Duke, Pipsqueak!"

Pipsqueak felt his chest tighten; he turned, on instinct, perhaps a bit too hard; The Duke cried out, Pipsqueak felt his pal's grip slide down the sides of his wrestling helmet before clamping back down again. "Sorry, The Duke," Pipsqueak mumbled, looking around for - it had to be Ty Lee, didn't it? But - didn't sound like her - and something moved, came to a stop at the bottom of his vision. He glanced down, and Teo sat there, a grin on his face and goggles slid up onto his forehead. Beh. Teo was a good kid, but...well, he wasn't Ty Lee. Pipsqueak tried his best to mask the disappointment.

"Hey, Teo!" The Duke called, pushing himself up onto Pipsqueak's shoulder and hopping down to the ground. "What's going on?"

"Well..." He furrowed his brow, a thoughtful frown pulling on the corners of his mouth. Glancing away and scratching a cheek with a bandage-wrapped finger, he said, "I've been thinking. I...had a lot of fun. Being a Freedom Fighter. Helping you make plans, designing those worm-tanks we used at the invasion, trying to make peanut-sauce bombs...heck, just hanging out with you. It's never a dull moment." He glanced back up, catching Pipsqueak's attention for a moment before turning his gaze back to The Duke. "I spoke to my father about it, and we both think it's a good leading...a way of life I would like to follow up on. Just...right now's not a good time for me. I need to go back to the Northern Air Temple. To celebrate. To be with my family and friends, you know?"

The Duke beamed. "Yeah. I know exactly what you mean, believe me. Becoming a Freedom Fighter is a full-time commitment. You do what you have to do."

"I think I can rig up a lift that'll accommodate your wheelchair," Pipsqueak murmured, thumbing his jaw and glancing up to the sky. The disappointment onset by Teo not being Ty Lee evaporated, absorbed by the thought of building something like that. Sure, they had an industrial lift for hauling food up to the trees from Skillet's kitchen, but that thing was pretty heavy-duty. Designing one with more finesse, meant to handle lighter loads...it'd be fun. "That way you'd get to see the hideout something proper."

"Awesome," Teo replied, and from the corner of his eyes, Pipsqueak saw him flash a thumbs-up. "Anyway - I'd better get going, dad's waiting for me. He wants to hear more stories from when we were on the road."

"Sure thing, Teo." The Duke crossed his arms over his chest. "The door's open any time you want in."

"Thanks." With that, he wheeled about and pushed away, sliding between the assembled people with the grace and ease of an eel salmon.

"You know," The Duke said, voice swelling, "I feel a lot better about Ba Sing Se now. I mean - not really in regards to what I did...but the overall result."

"Yeah?" The pair started walking again, continuing their search; even over the sound of people mingling, shuffling, moving around, Pipsqueak could pick up the tiny scraping sounds of The Duke's footsteps. His boots scuffed on the rough inlaid stone arranged in an intricate, swirling pattern of gray-browns and brown-reds to curl into a majestic ball of flame, licking towards the head of the courtyard.

"Yeah. I made a difference." The Duke glanced up at his friend and grinned. "We all did. But I helped bring this together, you know? I got Teo, Hakoda, Chit-Sang and Mai on our side, and they all contributed something to the war."

"What about Haru?" Pipsqueak hiked an eyebrow. "He helped out too, you know."

"Erm, yeah. Him." The Duke turned his attention to the ground and placed a hand on the back of his helmet. "We had a bit of a disagreement before we got into Ba Sing Se. I won't deny that he contributed, but that doesn't stop him from being a jerkbelly."

"Kept treating you like a kid, didn't he?" The giant felt a frown pull down on his face, and as he exhaled through his nose, his chest and throat tingled. It happened on occasion, but only outside the boundaries of those who lived in the forest. He understood where the impression came from, it wasn't like The Duke looked old for his age despite how smart he was, but when people got to know him, they usually stopped acting that way towards him.

Haru was the exception, it looked.

"And he kept dropping my 'The.'" His lip curled and he shook his head, hand dropping to his side. "Outside Ba Sing Se, he kept saying demeaning things, like how I should stay behind, how I was safer staying with the noncombatants. He wasn't doing it out of spite, but I called him out on it anyway. It...didn't end well. I just tried not to let it get to me after that."

Ah...that was just like The Duke, wasn't it? His frown warmed, shifted into a grin, and a swell of pride rose up into his chest. Resting a ham-sized hand onto The Duke's head, Pipsqueak said, "You done good. You earned the right to feel proud of yourself. And...I'm proud of you, too."

The Duke grinned. "Thanks, Pipsqueak."

So occupied with their conversation, not really paying attention to where they were going, The Duke plowed right into the back of...of somebody, sending both reeling and crashing to the ground. The Duke grunted, but the one he bumped wasn't so reserved about it.

"Ow! That hurt, jerk! Watch where you're going - "

Toph Bei Fong pushed up to her feet, fists clenched - and stopped short. Pipsqueak really didn't understand how she got around her blindness with Earthbending, but The Duke had described it as "tremor sense;" she could use vibrations through the ground to perceive where people were, and she had a good sense of hearing. It was weird. Hard to wrap his mind around it.

He'd have to give it time, like people who didn't know The Duke needed time to understand him.

"Hey, The Duke," Toph said, walking over to the young Freedom Fighter. She thrust a small, muscular hand out to him; The Duke glanced up and took it, grinning. Toph hoisted him up to his feet - made it look easy, and judging by the muscles bulging in her arms, it probably was. Even though she was so young. She drew The Duke into a hug, and Pipsqueak crossed his arms over his chest, beaming. "And Pipsqueak. It's good to see you guys again. How was the City of Rules and Yuppies? You'd better have kicked a lot of butt, or I'll be disappointed."

"Consider those butts sufficiently kicked," The Duke replied. It wasn't hard to tell that he was dancing around the subject of Ke; understandable, sure, but Pipsqueak could tell how much he wanted to let it out of him, how he wanted to tell Toph...

...Oh. Okay, yeah, that made sense. Letting a small grin tug on his lips, Pipsqueak crooked his head and said, "Look, you two have a lot to talk about; I'm gonna try hunting down Ty Lee. I'll catch up with you when the ceremony starts, okay?"

The Duke glanced back over his shoulder and nodded, relief, appreciation too easy to see on his face. Pipsqueak had been dead-on. Good. He turned from The Duke and Toph, continuing his search. With Toph found - harder to discover, being so short - all that left was Ty Lee, and she ought to be with the other Kyoshi Warriors. So just look for the robes and face paint, right? Shouldn't be too hard, there were enough of them to stand out in a crowd.

SCENE DIVIDE

"...and that's what happened," The Duke finished, craning his head back and sighing, the sky ripe and blue and beautiful overhead. The pair sat against a sun baked wall in the courtyard, off to the side - private, so nobody could nose their way into their conversation. He preferred it this way, because it meant he could get some solitude with Toph. "It's the first time I've ever killed anyone and I'm trying to put distance between it and me. Trying to get a good perspective on it. Trying to understand it."

Toph nodded, her expression neutral, her green-white eyes hidden beneath her bangs. "I think you're going about it the right way. You're not being an Angsthead McButtpants about it. I...don't know if I'd have your strength. I've never killed anyone before. Never been in a situation where I've had to. But you do know you did what was necessary, right? You saved Smellerbee's life."

"Yeah." The Duke nodded and sighed through his nose. It never got any easier telling anyone about this, and so far only Spatula had been of help. Which wasn't to say his other friends didn't try, it's just...it didn't wind up working. Toph, though...well, she might be different. She sounded like she was following in Spatula's footsteps, and having another person who could really get behind him would be...nice.

"I'm sure she appreciates it," Toph continued. "She worked too hard to get where she is, to move past Jet. You definitely did good in keeping her alive. The world needs all the Freedom Fighters it can get." The Duke glanced at her again, and saw that her mouth had perked up into a grin. She waved a hand to the crowd amassed in the courtyard, so close, but so distant with the isolation they had between them. "Speaking of...I'll need a place to go after this all has died out. You know, the ceremonious stuff."

The Duke nodded, murmuring a soft, "Yeah," before doing a double-take; he whipped his head around to the blind Earthbender with his eyebrows raised. "Wait, what - ?"

"The way I see things, I've got two options open for my future." Toph brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin between them. "One, I do what everyone else is doing. Aang is the Avatar. Zuko is the Fire Lord. Sokka's lined up to be the Southern Water Chieftain at some point. Katara's...well, Katara's Katara. All of them are interested in contributing to the war's fallout politically, which means stuffy delegation meetings, snobby politicians, enough red tape to choke a sky bison...that's not my scene. The other option is to continue living like I did with the rest, but exploring the world alone is only so much fun, you know? I...I think you guys have the right idea. I like your style. Why sit and chat to solve problems when you can go out there and manhandle the situation like it's a rabid gorilla bee that needs to be put in its place?" She pounded a fist into her palm and grinned. "Besides...I think a long-distance relationship would be kinda hard to follow up on."

A blush squirmed to life on her cheeks, a tiny smile pulling up on the corners of her mouth. The Duke shook his head, blinking, trying to - to wrap his head around what she'd said - and his heart thundered away against his ribs. He suddenly felt, felt light, like if he stood up too fast he'd rocket straight off the planet's surface, like he would fly, and he'd pull loopdeeloops through the sky, brushing the clouds with his fingertips...

"You - you mean...?"

"Yeah." Toph unfurled herself, and - and before The Duke realized it, she'd leaned into him, her lips hot and rough and aaaaa against his cheek, there and gone in an instant, but it lasted forever, her breath stroking his face, the moment slowed and the world blurred, the people in the courtyard moving in freeze-frame snapshots, and, and, and, wow...

Heat rushed up into The Duke's cheeks, ears, and he clutched a hand to his chest, panting. "Um. Um, wow. Wow."

Toph chuckled, lowering her head. "It...won't be right away. Iroh's invited us to meet at the Jasmine Dragon - his tea shop - in Ba Sing Se. About a week from now. And then I gotta go home to Gaoling, and deal with my family...I haven't seen them since I ran away to train Aang. I don't know how well they'll take me coming back. My father has always been too overprotective, and I don't want that to get in the way of who I've become."

The Duke - despite the haze of joy that had overcome him, the buzzing thrill stippling along his arms, his legs, his stomach - nodded, an understanding bordering on clarity implanting itself in his mind. Just like Teo. There was stuff that needed to be attended to on a personal level before the next stage in their lives could begin. "I understand. It's important, you know? You might not get another chance to reconcile with them."

"If...if you'd like..." Toph planted her hands on the ground, palms down and fingers splayed. "You can come with me. To the Jasmine Dragon. To my home."

His stomach lurched, that would be, it would be incredible, he'd love to, he'd love to, to be with her, to enjoy her presence, the scent of earth she exhumed, strong and unyielding, just like her personality. To admire her, every aspect, from her beautiful, milk-colored eyes, to her rough bangs, the muscles bulging beneath her skin, to the dirt caked on her feet...

...but.

Like Teo and Toph, The Duke had to attend to personal matters first. He closed his eyes, shook his head and said, "It would be incredible. I'd be thrilled. But..."

"Yeah," Toph said, sage understanding in her voice. "You have things to see to as a Freedom Fighter. Dead to bury. Jet."

"He never got a proper funeral," The Duke admitted. "We've been so harried since leaving the forest in the first place that all we could ever do was pay respect in our mind. Smellerbee is going to use his swords to build a grave marker. Losing a Freedom Fighter is never easy, never gets simpler to deal with. But Jet..."

"He'd be proud of you, The Duke."

He opened his eyes and glanced over to Toph, who had her head craned back, her bangs casting shadows across the top half of her face. Framed by the impressive, fantastic backdrop of the Fire Nation's royal palace, she looked stunning...then again, she would in almost any situation, wouldn't she? "You think he would?"

"Of course." Toph grinned, punched him hard in the bicep; he rocked, grunted, a light laugh fluttering up from his throat. She rested her head against the wall behind them, closing her eyes. "He raised you well, and you did a lot to help win the war. I betcha, if he could see you now, see what you did at Ba Sing Se...there's no doubt in my mind."

"Heh." The Duke blushed again, his cheeks tingling. "Thanks, Toph."

Silence settled over them, and The Duke was content with that...he kinda understood, now, how Longshot and Smellerbee did it. Sometimes, you didn't need to verbalize things. Just being in each others' company was enough. Before he could really get comfortable with it though, really bask in the experience, Toph pushed herself into a more upright sitting position, a ghost-sigh escaping her lips. "People are starting to organize in the middle of the court...Zuko and Aang must be ready to do their thing." She hefted herself up to her feet, The Duke unfurling himself upward beside her, although hesitantly. "Come on. Let's go be heroes."

SCENE DIVIDE

It took a few minutes of searching - the heat pounding down from all around, sweat forming on his brow, wet and uncomfortable and contributing to the lingering yuck sensation cast off by the mosh pit of people back against the opposite side of the courtyard. Sure enough, though, he spotted Ty Lee with the other Kyoshi, her prison uniform exchanged for the green and brown robes and armor that served as a signature to the group, her face painted white with crimson spread on her lips and rising up in triangles above her eyes, sweeping back to her temples. She kept her hair up in that fantastic, luxurious braid of hers, hanging down to the small of her back, but a gold-colored headband obscured her hairline now, that hadn't been part of her look back before she...

...before she chose the Kyoshi.

She'd need somewhere to go following the war's end. She wasn't politically tied like Mai or Zuko, because she was just a member of the nobility; she could go wherever she wanted, her life was her own to live, much like a Freedom Fighter's. Much like the Kyoshi.

Pipsqueak wasn't blind. He just hadn't gotten to her soon enough; Suki had already approached her about joining the Kyoshi, and she'd accepted, before Pipsqueak could even extend an invitation to the Freedom Fighters. In a way, it was his own fault that their paths would have to split.

Didn't make it easier to deal with.

Clenching his teeth together to keep them from clattering, and, and all of a sudden, his arms felt jittery, and the oppressing heat got swallowed up in a tidal wave of cold, frothing and sloshing and oh Spirits his stomach just, tumbled, flopping around like a salmon trout left on the ground after being caught. It shouldn't be this hard, he'd spoken to Ty Lee before, she wasn't anything special (even though she was just the opposite), it should be easy. It should - just, grit those teeth, swallow the lump rising up in your throat...yeah, there you go. Get it under control. Okay, good. Okay. Let's, let's just get this over with...

He started slow - put one foot out in front of the other, good, that works. He drew a slow, steadying breath, cool against his tongue and throat, and even though every footfall felt heavy and clumsy, like his boots had been filled with hardened concrete, he made progress - and before he knew it, he stood at the edge of the assembled warriors, skilled, agile, nimble; definitely in line with Ty Lee's type. Suki was the first to spot him, and she waved; they'd only met fleetingly, maybe a couple minutes at most when she and Sokka were making the rounds with the other members of the Invasion, but - well, Pipsqueak guessed he had a memorable face.

"Heya," he said, holding up a hand. Okay, man - just try to keep a cool head. Don't bungle this. You can do it. The girls who didn't have their attention on him already turned his way; none of them started, none of them jumped back instinctively...they knew him, at least, so he wasn't the Scary Big Guy to them. They could have taken care of themselves if Pipsqueak tried taking them on, no doubt about it, but that didn't stop other people who were just as battle-ready from looking at him with mistrust. It was too common a problem, so avoiding it here made this situation at least kinda easier to handle. "Um - can I borrow Ty Lee for a sec?" Yeah, yeah - that's good, that's nice and casual, isn't it? Wait, what if she felt like she was being objectified when he said 'borrow?' Oh man, this could turn out very bad and he'd only just started and what if he'd put his foot in his mouth.

Ty Lee stole a quick glance to Suki before turning to Pipsqueak; she broke away from the other Kyoshi, eyebrows hiked and a curious frown on her round face. Pipsqueak led her a few yards away, where they could talk without anyone overhearing, and oh man, oh man, his heart slammed against his chest, he could feel his pulse raging behind his ears, in his neck, his wrists, and (please don't screw this up, you only got one chance...)

"What's up, Pipsqueak?" The question fell from her as soon as they came to a stop, and Pipsqueak turned to face the acrobat, bringing his hands up in front of his stomach without realizing it; he began wringing them, pulling at his fingers and pressing his palms together. She blinked and let an easy smile cross her face, her eyes wide and sparkling and brown and warm, and. Before he could answer, Ty Lee crooked her head to the side, that puzzled frown on her face all over again. "Are you okay? You look like you have a cold."

"Ah - um - yeah. A cold." Pipsqueak's gaze flitted away for a moment, before returning to her, and then dropping down to the ground, to their feet..."Um. I just - I wanted to say - " Say that you like her, doofus, that you - you wanna...that you respect her, that she was the first person to meet him and take such an instant liking to him, that... "I wanted to let you know that I'm happy you've found a place with the Kyoshi."

Nerts.

Ty Lee's gaze softened, and she wrapped her gloved hands around Pipsqueak's, stilling them; Pipsqueak let his eyes drift up again, heat squirming up to his face, his heart beat so hard that he was surprised she didn't hear it...

"I know you wanted me to join the Freedom Fighters," she said, her voice hushed. "Longshot did, too, but...I get the feeling you wanted it for different reasons."

"I...yeah," He mumbled, letting his gaze drift away again. "You're the first girl I've ever met that wasn't intimidated of me as soon as she saw me. A guy like me...I'm pretty scary-looking until you get to know me."

She crooked her head again, sympathy pulling a grin onto her face. "I figured. But...I'm like that with everyone. Don't get me wrong - you're a great person and your aura is a beautiful shade of blue, and if I hadn't chosen to travel with the Kyoshi Warriors, I would have loved to join the Freedom Fighters. But...you're just not my type. And I know that sounds - sounds pretty bad...but..." Pipsqueak swore, through the face paint, that Ty Lee blushed. "It's not something you can help. And it's really not something I can help. That's all.:

Pipsqueak nodded, ears so warm they started to go numb, and, and all he could do was nod, muted, as hushed as Longshot. Yeah. Okay, that was...well, what else could he expect, really? They hadn't known each other all that long; a month, if that, and while they'd gotten to share some of that time together, a lot of it had been spent on the boat ride to Ba Sing Se...and Ty Lee had taken advantage of that to catch up with Mai. There hadn't been a whole lot of opportunity, and...and, he wasn't grasping at straws, was he...? Was it really just a crush?

...Wait.

Ohhh.

His eyes widened as understanding dawned on him - and Ty Lee nodded, fixing him with a helpless grin.

"Look - I won't be able to leave the Kyoshi, I just joined and I want to learn from them and they've really become my friends." Ty Lee smiled, eyebrows lowered into narrow arches. "But that doesn't mean I can't stop by to say hello now and then."

He nodded again, and felt his mouth work - but words didn't come out, paralyzed somewhere between his brain and lips, and he had to clear his throat to get them moving again. "Okay. Okay, I can do that."

Ty Lee nodded, beamed, released his hands - and like that, gone, absorbed by the warriors and nobles that had begun to assemble for Zuko's coronation.

Ah, well. At least he'd made one helluva friend.

SCENE DIVIDE

"Look, you know I won't force you...but I'd still like it if you could join us."

Pestle had tried not to pull a face - tried to mask her, her disgust at the thought of actually going into the Fire Nation capital, setting foot on Fire Nation soil. (She couldn't help but imagine that, as soon as she did, her soles would catch fire, just as a matter of course, a physical allergy.) It had taken all her willpower, but...well, judging by the sad twinge in Smellerbee's eyes that had flitted in and out for just a moment, she probably hadn't done a very good job.

Whatever.

Smellerbee was nuts if she thought Pestle'd be able to 'get over this' so quickly - that maybe she'd felt some sort of lingering remorse for ditching Spatula in Ba Sing Se, or gratified by how he'd saved her, or, or...ugh, it was hard to think of anything else! That last bit - someone from the enemy saving her, after what they'd done to Mortar - it, it, it made her face get hot and her back sticky and her throat swell shut. He'd gotten hurt - gotten burned - trying to keep Pestle outta harm's way, and it wasn't enough. An eye for an eye? What a fucking joke. No injury would make up for her loss; no single life in exchange would bring Mortar back.

So, as much as Pestle hated being on this awful, metal boat, a pervasive monstrosity splitting the water with its unnatural presence, it was a smorgzillion times better than disembarking.

It was so hot here, too! She shifted her weight, staring out at the open sea over the guard rail (because looking the other way meant deigning the foul continent with her full attention), and shook out one leg. Unbearable, insufferable - stifling, making her eyes swim and her head throb, her clothes cling to her skin.

"How does anyone stand to visit, let alone live here?" She growled, bowing her head and glaring at the waves below. "This place sucks!"

"It's not that bad, if you give it a chance."

Pestle's throat clenched, heart slamming against her ribcage; she grit her teeth and whirled around, took an Earthbending stance, ready to, to - nobody else was supposed to be here!

"Hey, take it easy!" Spatula backstepped, eyes wide, hands raised up. "I'm just - I'm here to grab some grub before I head up to the ceremony."

Scowling, the Earthbender (reluctantly) relaxed her stance, letting her arms fall to her sides. "Don't - jeez - don't sneak up on me like that! You're lucky there isn't any earth around for me to - "

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. I know." Spatula lowered his arms and shrugged. His yellow gaze flickered away for a moment before meeting hers again, his jaw working - trying to find words, something that'd fit, something that might not set her off - good freaking luck with that. At last, he sighed, turned away and said, "I kinda hoped..."

She saw his hand drift up to the opposite elbow - wrapped in gauze, salve glistening above and below the bandages. He'd finally shucked the Pan Xing uniform for some proper clothes - scarlet and adobe, colors of the enemy, a short-sleeved tunic and black pants. He shook his head as he murmured, "Nevermind. I just wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you for abandoning me in Ba Sing Se."

She crossed her arms over her chest and snorted. "So it was more than just coming to eat, huh? Fuck you, I don't want your permission to feel sorry. I don't need it."

Spatula tensed up; he whirled around, and, yeah, despite his words, he was angry, his eyes narrowed and face red, his topknot bobbing as he seethed. "No. Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you. I sincerely came back for food, and even though I didn't figure I'd run into you, I thought I should at least man up and forgive you. It's not my style to hold a grudge. I'm sorry to hear about Mortar, I really am, but just because a Fire Nation renegade murdered her doesn't mean you should treat me with the same contempt. If you want to take my sincerity and throw it back in my face, then all power to you - I can't stop that." He jabbed a finger at his chest, baring his teeth. "But don't blame me for the actions of a lunatic who enslaved and subjugated children! People like that make me ashamed to be Fire Nation, and they're the reason why I defected in the first place! I put myself at risk to protect you, to prove that we're not all bad, and..." he drew a deep breath, physically relaxing, before turning towards the galley again. "Well, I guess it was a wasted lesson. That still doesn't change the fact that I forgive you. You don't have to accept it right away...but it's there, and hopefully one day you'll acknowledge it."

Pestle furrowed her brow, her chest tight, ears hot - what, when did he grow a pair? How dare he chew her out like that? It was like dealing with Smellerbee all over again - he didn't understand, didn't know her loss, and, and, he was denying her the right to feel remorse, to miss Mortar, to, to, to - "ARGH! You're such a dingbat! Who the hell are you to tell me what I can and can't feel?" The words had, had exploded outward, outside, in the air before she could rein them in, hanging heavy and loud like a tree falling over and crashing into the ground. For a moment, she felt - relieved, that the pressure was out, no longer swelling against her ribs...but as soon as that subsided, her mind thrummed, realizing - he hadn't really said anything like that at all, had he...?

He didn't face her this time; instead, he just glanced over his shoulder and met her with a sad gaze. "I'm fortunate compared to the rest of you. My family is still alive; I didn't lose any of them to the war, and I've still got siblings stationed at sea or in the Earth Kingdom territories. My parents are mid-upper class citizens that have never engaged in a fist-fight, let alone set foot on a battlefield. They're...nice people. Opinionated, though. When Lowly Corporal Sheng deserted the army, when I took the name Spatula...I didn't realize that, in leaving my old life behind me, my parents would do the exact same. I'm not at the ceremony now because I'd gone up to visit them; I haven't seen them in over three years, and imagine my surprise when they refused to let me on the property, telling me from afar that I wasn't welcome, that I wasn't their son, that I didn't deserve to wear this topknot. It sucks knowing that...that even though you did the right thing, tried to make up for the screw-ups of your entire nation with all of your being, that it's not good enough for the people that mean the most to you. Then again, I suppose..." he brought his attention back to the command tower, craning his head back, following it up to the top. "...my family that isn't bloodbound is pretty important too."

Pestle drew a hot, deep breath, the salted air mingling with the rancid, acrid stench of metal, of burning coal, of oil, crushing her nose, making her upper lip curl. The blazing heat squeezed her tight, making her breath come out shorter and her brow start to sweat, choking her. What - what do you say to something like that...? It wasn't the same - that was just the inverse of what every Freedom Fighter had! At least Spatula could keep appealing to his family, he had that opportunity, he still had the chance to sort things out with them, still had...

"I'm sorry," he murmured, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I'm just - you caught me in a bad mood, is all. I'm heading up to the capital now; hopefully I haven't missed the booze, because I need whiskey like a bandit. I'll catch you later."

He shuffled towards the gang plank - going right past the galley (if it was because he'd forgotten after the haze of their argument, or he'd lied about the whole thing as an excuse to talk to her, she didn't know, didn't care), and just before he disappeared, she saw his spatula tucked into his sash...his portable spine. Well, that explained why he'd been able to...to see his folks, to forgive her, to argue with her...

She shook her head and slumped back against the railing, sliding down to the deck. Why did he have to go and keep Doing the Right Thing? Didn't he know that it'd just - it'd made things worse, and - and, she brought her knees up to her chest, burying her face in them. His kind killed Mortar, they were barbarians and animals and monsters...and she hated him for it, she did, but so much of the stuff he'd done in the past few minutes was so...so normal, so human, and why did he have to confuse her like that?

"Mortar...what would you have done...?" She sighed, closed her eyes, and focused on the sound of the ocean sloshing up against the shore and the ship's hull.