I didn't realize how much I missed writing this. So here's your super speedy update, as promised!


Areth didn't want to think anymore. She'd long since sloughed off her blood and corpse-viscera stained armor in her temporary chambers within the castle. Clad in a tunic that she more or less swam in and a comfortable pair of lambskin breeches, she padded barefoot towards the great hall.


"Will it hurt?"

"I don't know."


Seething, she sent her left fist barreling towards the wall. What she thought was a wall, at least.

"Warden."

Areth jumped at least half her height straight into the air. Letting out a hysterical bark of laughter, she looked up at the impassive giant standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, Sten." She said, running her hand through her hair. "Don't sneak up on a girl like that, you're on my bad side."

"I was not sneaking. I was exiting my chambers. I was not expecting to be assaulted by a diminutive elf on my way out, however." Sten rumbled. Areth smiled weakly.

"I'm sure you didn't even really feel it."

"Barely."

Areth nodded.

"See, there you go." She said, glancing down at her feet. Clearing her throat, she gestured awkwardly down the hall. "Teagan said there'd be food in the big fireplace room, if you wanted any. That's where I'm going."

Sten's lavender gaze was inscrutable, but he gave a curt nod. The pair walked in silence for a few steps.

"Warden, if you are meant to lead me, it will not do well for you to try to wage attacks on the infrastructure of this building." Sten said, staring straight ahead. "Damaging the bones in your hand will certainly lead to defeat in combat."

Areth flared her nostrils and clenched her fist. It was sore, but not damaged. Thank the Maker, Sten had removed his armor. She wasn't sure her fingers would have survived a bare strike against the giant's plate.

"Let my emotions get the better of me."

The Qunari grunted.

"A capable leader always maintains their emotions appropriately."


"I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I promise."

"I know."


"But it was a difficult situation, Warden." Sten continued. "I cannot expect any bas to demonstrate the kind of discipline and control that Qunari warriors are taught."

Areth nodded, keeping her gaze ahead. She supposed that would be the most support she would get from the gargantuan man, but at least he wasn't griping at her in his damn monotone voice. It was her first victory that day.

Instead of thinking, Areth tried to concentrate on the tiniest sensation as they approached the hall. The low murmur from behind the heavy wooden door and the rhythmic whoosh of breath coming from Sten's massive chest made her ears twitch in just the slightest way. She tried to only think about the bumpy cobblestone that pressed against the pads of her bare feet with every step, and the warm scent of bread and stew wafting down the hall. Anything, anything to not think about the crumpled little body that fell limp into her arms just hours ago.

'Stop. Get it together.'

Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself to enter the hall. She had no idea how the knights and surviving residents of the castle would receive her. After all, she'd just killed their lord's son. As Sten stepped through the threshold, Areth braced herself for the worst.

As she'd expected, everyone went silent. She winced, getting ready for the onslaught of loathe-filled stares and accusatory whispers. But the silence just dragged on. Areth's throat closed up, her nails digging into her palms.

"Ye did a brave thing t'day, Warden." A somber voice suddenly called from the back of the room. "None of us 'ere woulda 'ad the stones ta' do it, but it 'ad to be done. A damn shame it is, though."

Several choruses of assent arose from the crowd, as well as a resounding thump of mugs being slammed against the long tables that stretched the hall. Areth swallowed thickly.

"Ay, Mackey, let the poor mite eat before she melts into the floor!" Another voice cried out. "She's got to be bloody exhausted!"

Areth cleared her throat.

"Ah, yeah. Uh… thanks." She said uncomfortably. A large hand firmly grasped the top of her head.

"Our travelling group is over there, Warden." Sten said, gently turning her head to the spot closest to the fire. Teagan, Leliana, Alistair, and Ram were all watching her intently. The tips of her ears turning red, she ducked out of Sten's grasp and walked toward their table as fast as she could.


"Will you do it quick?"

"Yeah."


As she slid onto the bench between Teagan and Leliana, Ram nudged his great big head into the crook of her arm. She leaned down to peck a kiss on the top of his head, earning a really enthusiastic and slobbery one in return. Areth laughed quietly, stroking behind his ear fondly.

"I promise I'll get you a bowl of the stew for later, okay big guy?" She said. Ram's eyes lit up and his entire behind wagged with his stumpy tail.

"He's already eaten more of it than Alistair and Teagan combined, he doesn't need more." Leliana chided gently, pushing a full bowl toward the elf. "You, on the other hand…"

Areth grunted, picking up her spoon.

"Thanks." She said. The moment she swallowed her first spoonful, the floodgates opened and she realized exactly how hungry she was. Which was just as well, if she was shoveling food into her mouth she wouldn't have to talk to anyone. But before the silence could stretch on too long, her spoon scraped the bottom of the empty bowl. Clearing her throat, she glanced up to see Leliana and Alistair staring at her.

"More?" Leliana asked, already reaching for the bowl.

"Please." Areth replied, looking back down at the table. She picked at a splintered piece of wood.

"How do you feel?"

Areth flinched at Alistair's question.

"Fine." She responded, not looking up.

"Fine?"

"Yes, Alistair. Just fine."

The other Warden mumbled irritably, causing Areth to actually look at him for the first time. His blonde hair was matted, and his eyes were ringed with dark circles. Distressed would have been a bit of an understatement, the guy looked fucking haggard. Areth sucked in a deep breath through her nostrils.

"Is there a problem?"

Alistair's jaw tensed, but he said nothing. Areth felt her blood heat up.

"I said." She began, attempting to keep her voice low. "Is there a problem? I'm all fucking ears." She hissed, gesturing at her own ears, which had pinned closer to her head on instinct. Alistair's clear blue eyes met hers, and she saw anger boiling just beneath the man's irises.

"You killed the Arl's son, and all you have to say is 'you're fine'?"

Areth's throat locked up, her ears pinning straight back.

"Alistair, this is hardly the time." Bann Teagan interjected. Leliana pushed the now-refilled bowl of stew at Areth.

"Keep eating." She said, obviously trying to distract the elf.

"What exactly the fuck am I supposed the say, Alistair?"

"You could be a little less indifferent to it." The Templar replied hotly. Areth barked out a laugh.

"Indifferent?" She repeated incredulously.


Shemlen had always seemed so large to her. She'd never bothered to really take a look at the little ones. Holding Connor's tiny, lifeless body in her arms, Areth began to sob. She cradled the boy's head into her chest, her trembling hands stroking his brilliantly red hair.

"I'm so sorry… I'm so fucking sorry."


Areth stood up, slamming her palms against the table. The entire hall fell silent. The elf leaned forward until she was practically nose-to-nose with Alistair.

"I know you don't like how Teagan chose to handle it, but it was his call, not mine." She snarled. "You think I'm indifferent to it? That I don't care about what I had to do?"

Alistair wouldn't look at her, but she continued anyway.

"Let me get one thing through that magnificently thick skull of yours, Alistair." She said, her blood practically boiling at this point. "I do not give a shit what you think of me, because you can't make a god damned useful decision to save your life. Or anyone else's life, for that matter."

"Areth…" Leliana began hesitantly. Areth pointedly ignored her, as Alistair continued to do the same to her. The elf was at the end of her rope and swinging, so she pounded one fist against the table. His eyes snapped to hers, equally sheepish and furious.

"Until you start stepping the fuck up, I don't want to hear you criticizing a damn thing about me, shem."

The blonde man's lips pressed into a thin line as Areth straightened up, stepping over the bench.

"Another thing, Alistair." She said coldly, her voice carrying across the expansive hall. "I am not indifferent. If you'd had the balls to be in that room, you would know better."

Without another word, she crossed the hall to the courtyard door. The slap of her bare feet on the stone echoed like thunder in the soundless room.


The night had grown so cold that the sweat on her skin was beginning to chill her to the bone. With a final, feral scream she beat her wooden sword against the training dummy so hard that the canvas ripped. Out spilled the straw and musty-smelling wool that was packed inside. Areth threw the blunt training weapon on the ground, collapsing flat on her behind in the dust.

"The fuck does he know, anyway." She grumbled, tearing a fistful of grass out of the ground. She began to pick it apart idly. "Didn't even have the balls to make any useful decisions, then chickens out and 'guards the hall'."

She threw the remaining wad of earth against the ground.

"Of all the Wardens I could have been stuck with, it had to be that useless bastard with a dumb beard."

"I'm sure being stuck with a crippled, mewling elf is no better." Purred a voice behind her. Areth started, practically cracking her spine as she swiveled to see the person behind her.

"Though, I shall not disagree with you about Alistair." Morrigan acquiesced, melting out of the darkness. "You're both fools."

Areth rolled her eyes, turning back to look at the mangled practice dummy.

"Where did you come from?" She asked, deciding to ignore the swamp witch's barbs. Morrigan perched lightly on a bale of hay beside the elf.

"'Tis of no real importance, I simply decided to fly." The woman sighed. Areth snorted.

"Catch any rabbits?"

Morrigan clicked her tongue.

"When I assume an animal's form, I do not also assume their appetites for raw flesh." She responded airily. Areth shrugged.

"Honest enough question, I thought."

"You think a lot of things, little elf."

Areth drew her knees to her chest.

"I rather wouldn't."

Morrigan hummed.

"But that is what makes you a superior leader to Alistair." She said. "Though you apparently do not think enough to have seen that you would be far less bothered if you had listened to my suggestions earlier."

"I don't understand a damn thing about magic, but if the kind you were going to use needs all of a shemlen's blood, it can't be any good." Areth said wearily. "And even if your idea had sounded remotely appealing to me, Teagan would have said no. Eamon needs an heir. Isolde is still young enough to give him another one."

"And what if your Arl Eamon does not awaken from his slumber to put said heir in his wife's womb?"

Areth sighed.

"Suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." She said. "We still have the treaties to go after, anyway."

The pair lapsed into silence. After a few minutes, Areth began to shiver.

"Perhaps it may be advisable for you to seek out your bed and your bard." Morrigan commented, her voice light. The elf shook her head, easily lifting onto her feet.

"Give it a rest." She muttered. "And go find some food."

Morrigan also rose to her feet. Areth wondered how she wasn't shivering herself, given what the witch wore could only very loosely be considered clothing. She could pull it off though, so it certainly wasn't an eyesore.

"Before you retire, how is your eye feeling?" Morrigan asked very abruptly. On instinct, Areth's hand rose to rub at it, but she stopped short, instead rubbing her fingers along the rough skin of her scarred cheek.

"Better." She said, then laughed bitterly. "Less itchy, I mean. If you ever whip up a potion that fixes blindness, let me know."

The corner of Morrigan's mouth twitched upward quickly.

"You will be the first to hear of it. I fear one day you may take a wrong turn and lead us straight off a cliff." The witch said. Areth could hardly believe it, but the woman almost sounded… amused? She probably hit her head at some point during the day.

"It might be better to have you look ahead if we ever have to turn left." She said with an awkward smile. Morrigan nodded.

"Now you are speaking wisely." She said. "Now go and do try to not take a wrong turn into that redheaded woman's chambers."

Areth opened her mouth to snap at Morrigan, but the witch was gone. An eagle wheeled off into the darkness above, headed Maker knows where. The elf sighed as she flew away, feeling more than a slight twinge of envy. Morrigan was probably right, though. And she was kind of eager to sleep in an actual bed for the first time in her life. There would undoubtedly be brand new fresh hells waiting for her tomorrow, but for the moment she was going to gleefully skip into the light at the end of the tunnel.


"This is it, Ram. This is the life." Areth sighed, burying her face deeper into one of the many feather pillows littering the top of the bed. A deep whine of agreement sounded from where Ram curled at the foot of the bed. It was big enough that both Areth and Ram had room to stretch across their respective halves of the bed.

"Damn Blight can wait while I just spend the next month in this spot, eh?"

"Woof!"

Areth looked over her shoulder at the hound.

"Inside voices, remember?"

"Woof."

"Better."

Areth rested her chin on the pillow once again, her thin finger reaching out to trace the patterns etched delicately into the headboard. Her body screamed for sleep, but her mind wouldn't give her a moment's rest. Now that she was finally off the road and out of the fighting, everything came crashing into her mind all at once. She wondered how her family, how the rest of the Alienage was doing. Winter would be coming, which meant leaner months all around. She wasn't particularly worried about her father and cousins, they'd always known the tricks to getting by. She just hoped Shianni was doing okay, given what had… happened. She winced as she remembered the way her cousin desperately begged her to stay with her just a little bit longer as Soris reminded her that Duncan was waiting. And her father, well, she hoped he was doing well, but there was a shadow of doubt. Sure, Cyrion Tabris was a shrewd fellow who'd lasted plenty of winters, but he was also getting older. And he probably thought she was dead. News of Ostagar had to have reached the Alienage by now, and she doubted Loghain would be actively hunting for her within his own city. Maybe it was better that her dad thought she was dead. The odds were slim that she'd survive to actually end the Blight, and even if she did, she didn't want him worrying himself sick about her in the meantime. It was probably better for all of them to just believe she had died with all the other Wardens, actually. She barely felt like herself anymore, and half her face was dramatically different than it was when she'd left. Areth groaned, touching the left side of her face.

"I'm never gonna get used to this, Rammo." She whined. Ram rested his head on her calf with a low whimper. She sighed, shaking her head.

"I guess you're right, I have to keep trying." She said. "You have to be the best guard dog ever until then, okay?"

The dog chuffed indignantly. Areth whirled toward him, propping herself up on one elbow.

"What was that?"

"Rrrrf."

"You think you're the best guard dog ever already, don't you?"

"Rrf!"

Areth scoffed, raising her eyebrows at her canine companion.

"I have some news for you then, buddy." She said, sitting up and crossing her arms. She could swear she saw Ram's eyes narrow. "You let Leliana sneak up on me all the damn time."

"Rrrrrrm."

"I don't like when she does it. Yeah, I like seeing her, but I don't like being snuck up on! You oughta know this!"

Ram crossed his paws and pointedly avoided eye contact with Areth. She threw her arms up in the air and fell back on the bed.

"And I made a total ass of myself tonight, in front of her. In front of everyone, really. Not that I was wrong. Alistair was well out of line."

She squished back into the pillows.

"I swear, if he's gonna jump on me for the tiniest thing like this, I'm gonna let him try to drag this merry fucking band we've gathered around. For longer than one single battle. See how he likes it."

Ram scooted up to rest his head on her thigh. Areth reached down and stroked one velvety ear tenderly.

"It wasn't easy, buddy." She sighed. "I mean it's just a fucking shemlen child, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. He was more dangerous than most of them, too. But still… Look, I know it had to be done but it just feels so wrong."

She craned her head up to look at Ram.

"Y'know?"

The mabari whined, low and almost mournfully.

"I'm sure he was a fine kid, it was just too much to risk. Leaving him alive and all." She said, reaching back and smushing the downy pillow around her ears. "I just… Wish there'd been another way, that's all."

She felt a rough, slobbery tongue lap at her knee.

"That's all I have to say about that."

She decided that's all she would say about the matter, to anyone. Even if Alistair brought up the issue again, she couldn't let it bother her. Not outwardly. Inside, she was boiling at the memory of what she'd done. What she had to do. This wasn't anything she'd had to deal with in the Alienage. Sure, she did plenty of morally questionable things while she lived there, but it was always something fairly innocent. She stole, she drank excessively and had gotten into a few brawls. She murdered the Arl of Denerim's son, and hadn't felt a twinge of regret. But this was different. Very, very different.

"I tell you what though, Ram. I keep killing the sons of lords like this, I'm going to get a reputation."

"Arooo…"

"I know, it isn't funny." She said, rolling her eyes. "I think I should try to sleep, huh?"

Ram growled in a way that told her he was completely on board, if not already halfway there himself. Laughing, she wiggled herself under the heavy blankets. With the way they pressed warmly around her, the crackle of the fire, and Ram's steady breathing near the foot of her bed, she almost felt like she wasn't locked square in the middle of hell. As she closed her eyes and felt sleep reach out to grab her, she hoped for an easy and dreamless night. It would be the first one in a while.


"You've come to kill her, haven't you?"

Areth fought the urge to vomit as she closed the door behind her. Connor sat on the floor, playing idly with toy soldiers. She bit her tongue, and took another step forward. Then another.

"Yeah… your uncle sent me."

Connor turned around suddenly, his fiery hair flashing in the dim light.

"Uncle? He's alright?"

Areth nodded somberly.

"Yeah, he's just fine. As soon as you ran up here, everyone was back to their old selves."

Connor looked down.

"That's good… Is mother with him?"

Areth swallowed, her palms getting sweaty.

"No, she's in the village. Attending to some… stuff."

'She's handing your former teacher over to the Templars, after which he will almost definitely be executed for poisoning your dad, but yeah… stuff.'

"Will it hurt?"

The abrupt question stopped Areth in her tracks, and the wave of nausea crashed back into her again. After a long pause, she answered.

"I don't know."

Connor looked frightened, but nodded all the same.

"Okay."

There was another long, heavy pause. The young noble turned a toy horse over in his hands. Then, he looked up at Areth, his eyes terrified but more resolute than anyone else she'd ever seen.

"Do you think this will wake father up?"

Areth bit her lip. She really had no idea, but she couldn't tell him that now. He deserved to feel something resembling happiness right now.

"Yeah, we think so." She replied. Her good eye felt very hot all of a sudden. It stung, and she realized that she was on the verge of tears. Connor smiled a dimpled and very genuine smile.

"That's good." He said, then looked down again. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I promise."

Areth felt one tear roll down her left cheek as she gripped one dirk tightly.

"I know."

Connor met her gaze, and frowned.

"You mustn't cry, miss elf." He said matter-of-factly. "The bad lady needs to leave. She's hurting me, too."

Areth wiped a grimy hand across her face, trying to compose herself. The fucking kid was keeping it together better than she was.

"Okay, I'll stop." She said. Clearing her throat, she glanced down at her blade and noticed that Connor did the same.

"Will you do it quick?"

The blade shuddered.

"Yeah."

Connor turned a griffon figurine over in his little hands.

"I think she's going to come back soon."

His words sent shivers up Areth's spine, and she knelt down next to him.

"How soon?"

He shrugged. Areth worried her bottom lip, looking at the toys scattered in front of the little noble. She thought back to her life in the Alienage. So many of the little kids there had lost so much. Maybe it was a brother, a sister, mother, father, or all of them. The older kids in the Alienage would always come to that house and play with them until their scrawny little faces were smiling again. When Areth herself had lost her mother, it was an older girl named Shivah that played with her, chasing her around the Alienage pretending they were in a duel for the ages, until they were both doubled over laughing in an alley. It was one of her happiest memories. Clearing her throat, Areth picked up a dragon toy.

"I bet that demon can hold on until we save that castle." She said, pointing at a dollhouse-sized replica of Redcliffe castle. "From this nasty old dragon." She finished, holding up the intricate reptilian.

Connor wrinkled his nose.

"That's not just any dragon, that's Flemeth."

Areth tutted, getting up and setting the toy on top of the castle. Clapping her hands, she tried her best to smile at the boy she'd come upstairs to kill.

"Then we're gonna need some reinforcements, huh?"

The lordling smiled knowingly and scrambled toward a chest on the other side of the room. Areth sighed and closed her eyes, letting herself slip into Connor's land of make-believe for just a little while.


She was suddenly woken by a sharp, worried voice. Large hands grasped her shoulders firmly. Areth's eyes snapped open to find Alistair staring intently at her, lips turned into a frown.

"What the fuck?!" She yelped, jerking violently out of his grasp. The blonde man let her go quickly, dropping his hands to his side.

"Sorry." He mumbled, blushing dangerously. Her mouth opened and closed a few times in bewilderment.

"What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" She finally managed, her entire body tensed and coiled. Alistair scratched at the dark stubble on his chin, staring at the ground.

"Ram... kinda almost broke my door down a few minutes ago, so naturally I assumed something happened to you." He practically stuttered. "I followed him in here, you seemed like you were having a fit in your sleep."

Areth's ears pinned back as she readied a suitably harsh response, when she noticed her face felt wet. Actually, her entire body felt wet. She slapped a hand to the back of her neck and was surprised to find it drenched and clammy. Her head hurt. And every muscle in her body was practically screaming in pain. Her eyes stung. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and slid to the ground. She stretched, feeling a satisfying 'pop' up the length of her spine. Yawning, she looked up at Alistair.

"I don't know about that, but thanks for checking on me, I guess." She said, pushing past him. She noticed Ram sitting beside the door, watching the two Wardens. Areth poked the dog sharply on the nose.

"Next time, just wake me up yourself." She said sternly. Ram licked her finger apologetically, and the elf rolled her eyes. As she made to walk through the open door, Alistair cleared his throat.

"What?" She asked pointedly. The burly blonde man raised his eyebrows.

"Where are you going?" He asked. Areth snorted, turning back around.

"To go get something to eat." She replied, continuing into the hallway. Ram followed closely behind her. Alistair followed behind the canine himself, closing the heavy door behind him.

"Mind if I join?" He asked, patting his stomach. "I could eat something, too. Grey Warden appetite, you know."

Areth grunted noncommittally, still walking barefoot down the long hallway. The three of them walked together in relative silence, save for the clacking of Ram's nails and the quiet tread of Alistair's booted feet. As they turned to take the large flight of stairs leading to the castle's main floor, Alistair broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, about earlier." He said, almost sheepishly. Areth shrugged, practically gliding down the staircase.

"It's fine." She said casually. She didn't really want to give Alistair much opportunity to dive into his gigantic pool of feelings that he was constantly trying to drag her into.

"I misspoke, honestly." He continued, despite her indifference. "Y'know, it's just been a lot to take in these past few weeks, everything seems to be going wrong."

"Sure is." She mumbled. Not taking hints was something Alistair particularly excelled at, she had noticed.

"And I shouldn't snap at you like I did, I really didn't know what I was talking about. I let my emotions get the better of me and all that, and I think you made the right decision. I guess… I just wasn't sure how to reconcile that." He went on. Areth shook her head, exasperated.

"Alistair, really. It's fine."

"No, it's not."

Areth stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and she heard Alistair fumbling to stop behind her. She turned slowly, practically glaring at the man.

"Stop. Apologizing." She growled. Alistair looked very taken aback, but she continued.

"We're done here. We did what we needed to do, we need to move on." She said, her voice low. "We're going to disagree with each other a lot, and we got a long road ahead of us still. You apologized, I accepted, now let's move on and eat. Because if we dwell on crap like this, we're going to get better at apologizing than fighting and that would make us pretty shitty Grey Wardens, wouldn't it?"

Alistair swallowed, but nodded.

"You're probably right." He said.

"Yeah, no shit I'm right." She grumbled. "Let it officially be known that I accept your dumbshit apology, Alistair. Now let's go eat and figure out what the fuck we're gonna do next."

The blonde man smiled at her nervously, and bobbed his head.

"Let's just hope they've got their larders stocked well enough."

Areth snorted.

"If we're gonna be stuck on the road with your cooking soon, they don't have enough in the world for me."

"Hey…"

And suddenly, Areth and Alistair were back to their version of normal.


Hope you enjoyed, and as always, I live for your feedback!