Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. It's very much appreciated. To those who haven't – it's criminal!

By the way – if what comes in a minute shocks you, you may want to read Time After Time which explains some of it.

I suppose I'd better stick in another disclaimer, since it's quite a way into the story now.

Disclaimer: Lily Potter, Hannah Weasley, Henry Crabbe and anyone else you don't recognise are mine. Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Lily Evans, James Potter, Flitwick, Sirius Black, McGonagall, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger (not all of these people necessarily feature in the story) aren't. Snape isn't mine, but the adaptation of his character in this story is. God I wish he was mine! Just picturing that lovely long robe … *snaps back to reality* … uh, anyway, back to the storyboard.

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Severus watched her go, and then slumped down against his desk. He knew exactly why she had left – she had let down her barrier as soon as she started crying. Sifting through her thoughts had helped.

Lily was wrong about one thing, though. Severus had already admitted that he loved her. She was young and beautiful, and her laugh made his muscles tremble. Yes, he was fully prepared to admit that he loved her.

There were a few problems, though. The most important in Severus' mind was one that others had probably not even considered.

She was Lily.

When he had first seen her, Severus had been startled by how much she looked like Lily Evans. Over the passage of three years, however, he had realised that he was wrong. She wasn't like Lily. She was Lily.

Of course, this was a metaphoric statement. But she seemed so like Lily, so similar in every way that it was almost possible to believe she was a reincarnation. Severus could not banish the thought that in loving Lily Potter, he might only be loving her grandmother's memory. He could not allow that to happen. He could not betray Lily that way.

Anyway, just thinking about Lily Evans made him shudder with guilt. He could never forget what he had done to her.

Oh, stop it, Severus. A voice echoed in his head. You did it. Now say it. You tried to rape her. And then you let her be killed.

Severus suddenly shouted out in anger, his whole body rapidly filling with a desire to kill someone, to hunt down the ones who'd murdered Lily. Malfoy, Avery, his own father …

Years of hard training with the Death Eaters had taught Severus not to be selective. He had been instructed never to spare someone just because they were family, or a friend. Severus would not have any qualms about killing his father on the spot if he could find him. He hated his father for helping to murder Lily and James. And for letting his beautiful mother be killed.

His mother. Yet another painful memory, brought to the surface by Lily's entrance into his life. His mother had been in Ravenclaw. She had hoped so fervently that her son would follow her. Naturally, his father had been in Slytherin and had assumed that Severus would be too. When Severus had indeed been placed in Slytherin, his parents had argued constantly about it.

At that time, Severus had wanted nothing more than to be in Ravenclaw, with those of wit and learning. He had wanted so much to follow the example of this tall, graceful woman with glossy black hair and pale, cool skin. Her eyes had been as dark as Severus' were now, but there was a kind of luminous stillness and serenity in them that Severus knew he would never have. Just gazing at her face, Severus' problems were immediately shrunk into insignificance, and everything was all right again.

Severus had loved everything about his mother. And he hated his father.

Tall, imposing and, Severus surmised, a lot like Lucius Malfoy was now, his father had taken away his mother's happy grace. He had never loved her, Severus knew. He had just married her because she was rich and pureblood. Those were the only criteria for a Death Eater's wife.

' … and thus came the mother, the patron, the friend, the love …'

A quote leapt out in Severus' mind, quite detached from his musings. He couldn't quite remember what it was from; he only knew that the people in it were supposed to be the most important people in his life.

'Mother' was presumably one of these things that was open to interpretation, but Severus decided that it really was his mother to whom this term applied. She had taught him how to do good, even when he was surrounded by evil. For that he could not put his thanks into words.

'Patron.' Dumbledore was the obvious choice for this. He had forgiven Severus for all he had done and given him a job that had inevitably saved his life, his soul. Without Dumbledore, Severus would probably still be running from the Death Eaters, breath coming in short, frantic gasps, hair matted, sobs issuing from his mouth in despair as he succumbed to the inevitable, that he could not run for ever … Or he would be dead.

'Friend.' Again, it was not demanding to fathom who this was. Harry Potter had been his only real friend. Ever since he had told Harry how he had attacked his mother, the two of them had become unimaginably close. They told each other everything they thought and felt, whomever they loved, whomever they hated. But somehow Severus didn't think it would be appropriate to tell Harry that he was in love with his daughter. They were two generations apart, after all. Even if Lily had fallen in love with someone Harry's age it would not be proper. There was no way Harry would be pleased for them.

'Love.' Two people immediately leapt to mind, both red-haired, green-eyed, fair-skinned. Both named Lily.

Severus struggled to decide which one he loved more for a few minutes. Then slowly it dawned on him that since the two of them were so hopelessly similar, they could almost be counted as the same person. They could both be his loves.

Severus, that's not on. You're dismissing two different people, both with different personalities, different likes and dislikes, different talents, as the same person to accommodate some twisted fantasy you have. You're imagining Lily Potter to be Lily Evans so you can love her freely without age restrictions. If you look closely at her, she doesn't really look that much like her grandmother. Yes, there is a resemblance, but are you sure you haven't just modified your memory of Lily Evans to look like her granddaughter? You do love both, that's true, but they are different.  You have to choose between them.

Severus muttered a few curses. Why did the rational part of his mind always curb his will to see things his way and force the truth upon him?

Suddenly the door to his dungeon opened, and Dumbledore cautiously entered. He did not look at all surprised to see Severus sitting on the floor; in fact, he looked as if he had been expecting it.

'I passed Miss Potter as I was on my way to see you, Severus. Is everything all right?'

A sudden flash of anxiety sprung into Severus' head. Had he really hurt Lily so much? 'Is she all right, Professor?' he asked desperately.

Dumbledore smiled reassuringly. 'A little disgruntled, perhaps, but I think she'll get over it. Had she been crying? Her face looked a little blotched.'

Severus nodded reluctantly.

'Do you know why?'

'I think she's basically coming to terms with the fact that her father is dead.'

'I see. Severus, I was actually coming to talk to you about Lily.'

'Oh?'

'You know she doesn't need to make potions any more?'

Severus blinked. 'I beg your pardon?'

'Her task was to make potions to help the Heir of Gryffindor kill the Heir of Slytherin. Harry's done that now. Her task is finished. She has completed it. And you've completed yours.'

'So you're saying there's no need for her to spend any more time here, is that right?'

'Severus, during the holidays I don't mind. It's her time and since her family wish to keep her here I must allow her to do more or less as she chooses. But when lessons start again … you do realise that she did no homework except Potions last year?'

'What?'

'She's dreadfully behind in all her subjects. Although the need for well-trained witches and wizards is not so great any more, she does need to pass her OWLS and NEWTS. If she continues like this … I'm afraid I can't guarantee that she'll qualify.'

'I had no idea she was so lax, Headmaster. But you surely can't be suggesting that she stop working here?'

'I have no alternative, Severus.'

'Albus, you don't understand …' Severus was growing desperate now. They couldn't take Lily away from him, never … 'She needs to be here, she has to be here!'

'Why?'

'I – I need her here.' He didn't want to admit it, but it seemed the only way to prevent the headmaster making her leave.

Dumbledore looked at him for a long moment, assessing, calculating. Severus suddenly realised how his assertion must seem. Even to Dumbledore, love between a student and a teacher was surprising and shocking. Severus quickly realised that he had to counter Dumbledore's suspicions. 'I mean, she's a brilliant assistant to me. Besides, she's an Aurora. You surely can't be trying to keep her from her vocation?'

'Severus, we no longer have any need for Aurora. Their task is complete. The battle between Slytherin and Gryffindor has taken place. Rowena Ravenclaw's original task has been carried out. Lily can still work her magic into the potions but she no longer needs to. I think – and Lily's other teachers agree – that she should now concentrate on her other subjects until she is at the same standard as her classmates.'

'Albus, you can't do that!' Severus burst out. 'I need her here, and she needs to be here!' Before, he had been willing to make up any explanation for him wanting her to stay, but now he had realised that there was another reason, a reason why she could not leave. 'Making potions is the only way she can come to term with her father's death. It's all she has left now.'

'I see.' There was an amused note in Dumbledore's voice. 'But there is one factor you have failed to take into account, Severus.'

'And what's that?' Severus was now no longer in the mood for politeness.

'Her father is not dead, Severus. Harry Potter is alive.'

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A/N: Ooooh, exciting, huh? I think so anyway, and it is my story. Please review!