xoxoxoxo

Chapter 12

xoxoxoxo

Rafe downed another glass of whiskey, wincing as the acidic liquid burned his already sensitive throat. The tears he'd cried on the way here had left his throat raw and exposed and the alcohol did nothing to soothe the pain.

It did nothing to drown the even bigger ache in his heart either; the one where River was. This new version of her he didn't know and it was becoming more and more apparent that she did not want to know him. The grief was worse for Rafe than if she'd died; at least then he could have mourned and moved on – now, he was stuck watching her drift farther and farther away from him, paralyzed with the knowledge there was nothing he could do.

The feel of a heavy, meaty hand on his shoulder jolted Rafe from his memories. Glancing up with a sluggish gaze, he frowned mightily, before turning back to the bar. "Get outta here, Jayne."

The hulking mercenary pulled up the stool beside him, signaling the barkeep to refill Rafe's glass and bring him one as well. "You ain't honestly thinkin' you can get me to leave a bar, are ya?" As Rafe only scowled in return, Jayne shook his head and added, "'Cause that's just plum crazy."

Rafe watched the bartender put down another full shot of whiskey before him and with a vengeance he snatched the glass, some of the amber liquid coating his fingers. Licking them hurriedly, he chugged the rest of it back and slammed the glass down with a hard clank. Swaying on his feet, he wagged his finger in Jayne's face and slurred, "If I'da wanted company, I woulda asked."

Shrugging, the merc took a long sip, enjoying the smoothness of the liquor. "Ain't no never mind to me, I'm jus' followin' orders."

"Yeah, well don't," Rafe spat back. Turning, he pushed his way past a few of the bar's denizens, his bony elbows jabbing sharply into a man's ribcage on the way.

"Easy there, friend." The man stood a good foot and a half taller than Rafe and was at least the size of Jayne, if not larger. Planting himself firmly in Rafe's path, the man's deep voice boomed, drawing attention from the other patrons. "Mayhaps you wanna be watchin' where yer goin' next time."

"Move it, you big oaf," Rafe challenged, his blue eyes lit with an alcohol-induced fire and a depression-laced insanity. Even as he raised his arms to physically push the man aside, Rafe knew it would not end well. He could tell, as a trio of other large men rose behind his current door stop that this would be a brawl. But he didn't care; he didn't care about much anymore.

Jayne glanced up into the mirror behind the bar, grimacing as he noticed the altercation. Watching Rafe raise his hands to push the big man, the mercenary muttered a curse and then rose.

"Damn fool kid," he murmured, shouldering his way through the crowd as he heard the all-too-familiar crack of fist connecting with a jaw bone. "I should jus' let 'im git killed."

But even as he thought it, Jayne entered the fray, cursing the whole time, but still having fun.

xoxoxoxo

Simon and Kaylee were still panting, their faces shining with a bit of sweat as they came down from their post-coital euphoria. Pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Simon's chest, Kaylee lifted her head up, meeting his sated blue-eyed gaze and smiled lazily. "That was nice," she murmured, inching her body up along his and smiling wickedly as he let out a low moan at the movement.

"More than nice," Simon whispered, cupping her face in his hands and pulling her close for a deep kiss. As his tongue slowly traced her lower lip, Kaylee fisted her hands in his hair and tugged softly, getting another moan to vibrate through his body and into hers. While their tongues successfully plundered each others' mouths, she let one of her hands wander, trailing down Simon's flat stomach. Her fingers ghosted over his softened erection and he sighed into her mouth as her touch enlivened the spent organ.

Dropping his head back to the pillow, he panted, "You are insatiable."

Nipping lightly at his chin, Kaylee kissed along his neck, and murmured, "Well, you're jus' too handsome."

As Kaylee closed her fist around him and pulled gently, Simon's hips arched off the bed and the arm he had around her shoulders tightened, pressing her chest against his. Refastening his mouth to hers, Simon rolled them over, pinning Kaylee beneath him, her legs spreading easily for him as he kissed her breathless.

Perfectly centered between her thighs, Simon's hand trailed down her left side, brushing past the curve of her breast. As he tweaked her nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger, it was Kaylee's turn to moan, her mouth breaking from his as she pushed herself into his touch. Replacing his fingers with his mouth, Simon rolled the hard bud with his tongue, before closing his teeth over it and nipping lightly.

Kaylee moaned low and long, her fingers gripping at Simon's hair. "Mmm, Simon," she murmured, unable to form a more coherent sentence. "That feels so good."

Grinning against her, Simon kept his mouth on her breast while his hand traced lower on her body, outlining the curve of her hip, before working inward towards her already wet entrance. As his thumb rubbed against her aching bundle of nerves, Kaylee cried out again, biting her lip to keep the sound from turning into a high-pitched wail of delight.

She was so wet and warm, Simon found it difficult to think of anything else besides sinking into her. They had spent the last few hours, since they'd ushered everyone out, doing their damnedest to forget about the past day. Everything with River and his parents seemed to be so spectacularly out of control, Simon could barely wrap his mind around it. All Kaylee had needed to do was touch him here and kiss him there and he was again putty in her talented hands. He didn't mind one bit.

Gazing up into her face, Simon's smile deepened as he recognized the glazed look in her eyes that signaled her coming orgasm. Placing his hands on the bed on either side of her head, he took most of his weight off of her before sliding into her heat, sighing softly as she enveloped him.

They sighed in unison, Kaylee's legs wrapping around his waist, her ankles locking behind him to keep him there. Holding still for a moment, Simon moved one hand to her face, trailing a long finger down her forehead to her chin, before he outlined her swollen lips. She nabbed the digit as it went by, sucking it lightly, before Simon leaned forward and kissed her while he started to move.

It was a slower pace than earlier in the evening, less urgent, but no less passionate. She continued to mewl in his ear, words of encouragement and endearment and Simon pushed in as far as he could, smiling softly when she arched her hips into him as he hit a particularly sweet spot. With sweat pooling between their bodies, Simon heard Kaylee's breathing grow more erratic and with one final push, he held her close as she broke apart in his arms, her cry of delight muffled as he kissed her again.

Once her shuddering had stopped, Simon kissed her again before thrusting a few more times to bring about his own end for the second time that evening. They lay in another tangle of limbs, Simon resting some of his weight on Kaylee before gathering his senses and rolling off of her. He kept his arms around her, reversing their positions, so she was now sprawled on top of his chest and he was still buried deep inside her. Sighing with content, Kaylee rested her head over his heart and let the steady beat lull her to sleep.

When she next awoke, it was still dark outside, but she was alone. Rubbing at her eyes, she blinked slowly, trying to bring the room into focus and smiled softly as she saw Simon emerge from the bathroom with a washcloth in his hand.

"What're ya doin'?" she asked huskily, reaching for him as he slid onto the bed beside her.

Kissing her, he ran the cloth over her shoulders and neck and down her chest. Sinking back into the mattress, she sighed and pulled the sheet away, giving him full access. "We are messy," he told her by way of explanation, his breath warm against her cheek. He was propped up beside her on one elbow and she could feel the heat radiating from him. It wasn't cold necessarily, but winter was coming on Sihnon and so the nights were getting chillier.

As he sponged the cloth down between her legs, Kaylee moaned and tried to push her body into his hand, but with a chuckle and a light kiss, Simon whispered, "Behave."

"Never," Kaylee murmured, reaching for him and pulling him into a longer kiss. Simon threw the rag behind him, kissing her slowly and reveling in the touch. He was truly spent from the evening's activities, but every time she touched him, Simon felt refreshed again, his need for her not diminishing. He hoped it never did.

Sighing contentedly, Kaylee finally broke away from him, needing air and Simon took the reprieve to arrange the covers around them, keeping out the chill of the night. As they snuggled together under the blankets, Kaylee's head again resting on his shoulder and Simon's arm around her, he couldn't help but think of his sister, sleeping peacefully in the other room and all that had happened in the last twelve hours.

"You're thinkin' again," Kaylee said quietly, not at all surprised, when she heard Simon sigh heavily before dusting his lips to her forehead.

"I can't help it," he murmured, resting his cheek on top of her hair.

Grinning, she tilted her chin up so she could see his eyes and teased, "I thought for sure all o' that woulda tired you out, but good." Dancing her fingers across his chest and down lower, she sing-songed, "Don't tell me I gotta try again."

Snatching her hand quickly, Simon raised it to his mouth and kissed each finger. "If you do, there's a very good chance I'll die of exhaustion."

Giggling, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his cheek before resettling beside him. "Well, I don't want that."

"Me either," Simon agreed. As he stared at the ceiling above, the few bands of light filtering through the blinds, he sighed again and asked, "Do you think she really wants to go home?"

Kaylee continued to draw circles on Simon's chest while she formed an answer. Forcing her voice to stay light, she answered, "No, I don't." When Simon's only reply was to sigh again, Kaylee propped herself up on one elbow so she could look into his troubled face. "Sweetie, River loves you, more than she loves your folks, anybody can see that. She told us she wanted to be here an' here's where she's gonna stay 'till she changes her mind."

Resting his hand to her cheek, Simon stared into her shining eyes for a moment, before admitting, "I don't want to make it worse. I want her to have a chance for a normal life, if that's even possible." Pausing again, he waited a beat and then added, "I think it might be possible now."

"An' what's more normal for River than bein' with her big brother?" Kaylee counseled, resting her hand to his face and getting him to look at her. "She feels safe with you, Simon. She feels at home, she said as much herself." Kaylee thought back to the night's events, her heart warming as she remembered the way the captain had held River so assuredly, like she really was his own little girl and how willing River had been to stay in his embrace. "'Sides, now that she's rememberin' stuff 'bout Serenity, there's a chance that-"

"I don't want her to remember." Simon's voice was hardly more than a whisper, but as Kaylee's eyes snapped back to his, she saw the conflict there and her heart beat sharply against her rib cage. "I wish she could remember you, Kaylee, I do, but if remembering the crew means the surgery was for nothing-" Simon stopped, unable to finish the thought, unable to bring his wayward emotions under control. He was so tired; not just physically drained from making love to his wife, but emotionally and mentally spent from all they had been through.

Kaylee could see the toll this was taking on Simon; every time River hurt, Simon hurt just as deeply. It was a fact she had been introduced to all those years ago when the siblings had boarded Serenity and it was still true today. "She can't have gone through all of this for nothing," Simon finished in a whisper, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the burn of tears to go away.

"Maybe she didn't," Kaylee soothed, smoothing her hand through his hair and down his cheek. As his blue eyes fluttered open to look at her, she smiled softly and told him, "No matter what happens she's gonna be fine, Simon, you know that. Everybody only wants what's best for her. Maybe meetin' all the crew will help to put some more of the pieces together like you said. Make things clearer for her so she can find some peace." As Simon released a long-suffering sigh, his eyes again closing, she added in a whisper, "So you can find some peace."

Eyes snapping open in alarm, Simon reached for her hands, sitting up to face her. Squeezing them gently between his own, he told her, "I'm fine, Kaylee. Don't worry about me."

Frowning at him, Kaylee leaned closer, nestling her body against his. Sighing as his arms encircled her, she explained, "Well, that's kinda part of this whole marriage deal – the worryin'." Glancing up to him, she added, "You're suffering, just as much as River is whether you wanna admit it or not. I want you to be okay."

Sighing, Simon held her tighter. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Don't be sorry," Kaylee corrected, pulling back a bit to see his face. "I don't want ya to be sorry. I jus' want ya to trust that things is gonna be okay. No matter what happens we'll get through it." Taking his left hand in hers, Kaylee held up his ring finger, getting it to catch the light glowing through the window. "See this? It means that no matter what, you got me. So's as long as we're together, everything's gonna be fine. Dong ma?"

Smiling softly, Simon pulled her to him, kissing her. "I love you," he murmured as they settled back beneath the covers.

"I love you," she added, kissing his neck before molding herself to his side, only drifting to sleep once she was sure Simon was already out.

xoxoxoxo

"Wo de ma! What happened?"

Zoe rushed down the open ramp, slinging Rafe's other arm over her shoulders as Jayne continued to support the bulk of the man's weight. Getting them both into the open ship, she hit the ramp release as Jayne eased the mechanic's battered body onto the floor, propping him up against a crate.

Pursing her lips in annoyance, she moved back to the younger man's side, crouching down before him. Gingerly lifting his chin in her hands, she studied his swollen, bruised and bloodied face and then turned to glare at Jayne. "So, when I tol' ya to keep him outta trouble, you thought that meant lettin' him get beat to a bloody pulp?"

Waving away her concern, Jayne rotated his right shoulder, wincing as the motion brought pain. "Ain't nothin' broke." As Zoe continued to glare, he took a step back and said, "I'll go get the medkit. I ain't carryin' his hide any further."

Watching the bigger man sulk away, Zoe turned her withering gaze back to Rafe. His head hung against the top of his chest and she watched as he started keening to one side. Rushing to him, she propped him up, keeping him up right. "Zhen de shi tian cai," she murmured, lifting one of his bloodied and torn hands up and into her lap. "What'd you do to yerself, boy?"

"Ain't a boy," Rafe croaked, turning his head from her and spitting a wad of bloody phlegm onto the floor. "Ain't none o' your damn business what happens to me."

He pulled his hand away violently and attempted to stand, but found it almost impossible and fell back against the crate with a groan of discomfort. Jayne returned at that moment, handing over the med kit to Zoe. She placed the metal box on the floor and lifted the lid, glancing to Rafe out of the corner of her eye. "Done bein' a baby now?"

He had no answer for her, so he simply glared, but stayed silent as she began to treat his wounds. Swabbing at the cuts on his knuckles from where his hands had come into contact with quite a few faces, she looked to Jayne and asked, "What happened?"

The mercenary was tending to his own hurts, a large gash running along one forearm as he answered. "Jus' 'bout what you said. Junior here was gettin' good an' drunk. Got a mite tetchy when I showed up and tried to elbow his way out of the bar. Apparently, he elbowed the wrong fella on the way."

"The man was an idiot," Rafe defended himself, wincing as the antiseptic ointment stung his open wounds. "Easy with that," he snapped at Zoe, wilting a bit under the hard stare she gave in return.

"I could just let it get infected," she threatened, still continuing to work. "I'd love to see how good you'd be at your job with only one hand."

Jayne barked out a laugh, for which Rafe scowled, but remained silent as Zoe continued to fix him up. After a few moments, Jayne announced he was heading to bed. "Thanks for the tussle, kid," he called over his shoulder. "Felt good to crack some skulls."

"Overgrown ape," Rafe muttered under his breath, getting a slight chuckle from Zoe. Glancing to her out of his one good eye as the other had swollen shut, he asked, "Why are you helpin' me?"

Looking about the empty room, she retorted, "You see anybody else linin' up for the job?" As Rafe blushed in embarrassment, she told him, "Yeah, I din't think so. Now hold still, this is gonna hurt."

"Now you tell me," he snorted quietly, but did his best to stay still, as she started to tend to the welts on his face.

Zoe worked in silence and Rafe let her, his entire body on fire from the pummeling it had received and his head starting to throb from the alcohol he'd imbibed. Oh, he was going to hate tomorrow morning.

"You wanna tell me why you was lookin' to get a free facelift from some hun dan in a bar?" Zoe's voice was soft, but the question still irked him and Rafe reacted.

"Why do you think?" he all but screamed, shocking the stoic woman enough to get her to pull away for a moment. "River is gone. She ain't comin' back. I've lost her."

"You don't know that, son," Zoe told him firmly, moving back to continue to nurse him. "But you keep actin' like a damn fool an' you will lose her for good."

"I already have," he murmured bitterly.

Grasping his chin firmly in her hand, Zoe forced his eyes to hers and ground out, "Is she dead?" As Rafe shook his head slowly, Zoe released her grip and her voice again softened. "Then you ain't lost nothin' yet."

Rafe let her work in silence, his mind still spinning from the fight and his image of River from earlier in the night. He'd seen her frightened plenty of times before. In the past months they'd been together it had been him she'd turned to in the middle of the night when her dreams got bad, not Mal. But as Rafe had watched her cling to the Captain for dear life he had felt jealousy bubble in his heart; had felt an even greater sadness then only weeks before when she had awoken and not remembered him. She was slipping away before his eyes and Rafe had never felt so lost.

"I've never loved someone before her." His voice was low and broken, but Zoe could hear him. Keeping her silence, she let him continue. "Never have, I swear. Been sweet on a few other girls, but loved 'em? Nah, not until River." Sighing heavily, he met Zoe's deep, chocolate eyes and murmured, "I don't know what to do."

Zoe finished tending to him, dropping the dirty bits of gauze and used weave packs into the open case. Once she'd finished tidying up, she crossed her legs in front of her and turned to face him. "I tell you what you don't do," she said sternly, making sure he was paying attention. "You don't give up." As Rafe's eyes dropped to his lap, his face coloring with shame, she added, "River loved you too, an' maybe she's forgotten some o' that when the doc tweaked her brain, that don't mean you can't make her love you again.

"But you certainly won't have a chance of convincin' that girl that you're the man for her if you show up cursing and throwing things and sulkin' about. She deserves more than that, Rafe."

"I know," he interjected, his voice a harsh whisper. "She's always deserved better than me."

"Be that as it may, she still fell in love with you." Zoe rose, picking up the kit. "And somethin' tells me that memory wipe or no, she could love you again." Staring down into his battered face she asked, "Are you willin' to try?"

Nodding, Rafe struggled to stand, finally taking the hand that Zoe offered. "I'll do anything."

Clapping him on the shoulder, Zoe held his gaze for a minute more and then nodded. "Good. First thing you gotta do is sober up." Pushing him gently in the direction of his bunk, she added, "An' then you gotta shower. You stink."

Smiling softly, Rafe paused, turning back to face the first mate. "Thank you," he told her.

Returning his smile, she simply nodded and then watched as he moved with a weary step back towards the crew bunks. Moving to the infirmary to store the kit, Zoe had to wonder what it was about the Tams and their ability to confound Serenity's mechanics.

xoxoxoxo

"Mei mei, are you sure you want to do this?"

River held Simon's gaze steadily, and nodded once. "Simon, these flashes of memory I'm having, they all involve these people. You tell me that I knew them, trusted them, considered them family even." Gazing just over his shoulder, River's mind returned to the previous night and the feeling of absolute peace she'd felt when the Captain, Mal, had held her. Looking back to her brother, she told him, "It can't hurt anything to at least meet them. Talk with them, right?"

Shaking his head once, Simon kissed her on the forehead and rose. "No, it can't. I'm going to stay right outside though, just in case."

She nodded once, smoothing the covers over her lap. Brushing her hair back, she put on a brave smile and told him, "Okay, I'm ready."

Returning her grin, Simon brushed sweaty palms on his pant legs before heading into the hall where he was greeted by Serenity's entire crew, anxiously waiting, Eli standing behind them all, his expression unreadable. "I'm going to let you all go in groups of two," Simon informed them. Glancing first to Mal and Inara, he said, "I'd like you both to wait, until she's met Jayne and Zoe." Looking about, he realized they were missing one. "Where's Rafe?"

"Boy got into-"

Jayne dropped off in mid-sentence as Zoe's sharp elbow connected with his side. Glaring at him, she turned to Simon and said, "He weren't feelin' so great. Thought maybe he could come by tomorrow."

Nodding, Simon murmured, "I guess that's all right." Glancing back to Zoe, he asked, "Are you ready?"

xoxoxoxo

River tried to clear her mind of any thought, any emotion as she waited for the first members of Serenity's crew to come in. She knew very little about them, other than what Simon and Kaylee had told her. There were five of them, all together, a mercenary, first mate, Captain, mechanic and ex-Companion. River strained to remember them, but all she could ever manage were glimpses of memories, flashes of feeling that made no sense out of context. She desperately wanted things to make sense.

The sound of knuckles rapping on her door pulled her from her thoughts. Turning her large brown eyes towards the sound, she smiled hesitantly as she took in the sight of an overly large man and a tall, dark-skinned female standing on the threshold. "Can we come in?" the female asked.

River nodded, watching them both as they walked towards her. Simon had set up two chairs on her right side and the woman sat in the closest one, sliding into the seat like a cat, while the larger, gruffer man plopped down into his with a grunt, legs spreading before him. River knew it was impolite to stare, but she was fascinated by the man's large presence. He obviously spent a majority of his time on the ship scowling, if the wrinkles on his face were any indication. Of course, the large gun strapped to his hip and the hilt of a knife sticking out of his right boot also told her he was the mercenary.

Forcing her attention back to the woman, River noted the way she exuded casualness, but that her body stayed alert for any kind of attack. She was also sporting a fairly lethal looking weapon on her hip and River deduced she must be the first mate. While she was pretty enough to be the ex-Companion, River guessed that even retired Companions weren't prone to carrying sidearms.

"How are you feeling today, lil' one?" the woman asked and River felt her smile deepen at the nickname. "Lil' one" – that was what the Captain had called her too. She liked it.

"Fine," she answered, holding the woman's gaze in her own. River knew that in just about any situation the first mate could easily intimidate men twice her size, but at the moment, as River studied those liquid eyes she felt no fear, only warmth. Her cheeks blushing, she asked, "Were you here last night?"

"You gave us all quite a fright," the woman said by way of answer. Leaning forward, she reached for one of River's hands and then drew back, realizing she was crossing some unseen line. Settling back in her chair, she added, "It's good to see you doing better."

"Yeah, what was all that carryin' on about anyways?" Jayne asked, his eyes narrowing as River turned to regard him. "You sure can raise a ruckus."

Giggling in spite of herself, River ducked her eyes as she heard the woman scold him. "Jayne, behave."

"Jayne?" River gazed at the man open-mouthed. "You have a girl's name?"

"Aw, not again," Jayne groaned, tipping his head back with an exasperated sigh. "Do I need to threaten to show ya my man parts? 'Cause I will."

River's eyes flicked up and down his frame appreciatively as Zoe's hand darted out and slapped him soundly on the back of the head. Everything about Jayne was big – his muscles, his attitude, his presence, his weapons. River found her cheeks coloring again and this time she realized it had nothing to do with her outburst the night before. "I'm sure your man parts are quite formidable," she teased, batting her eyes at him and getting an amused smirk from the first mate.

As Jayne's face paled, his mind struggling to comprehend whether or not moonbrain had just flirted with him, Zoe introduced herself. "I'm Zoe, by the way, in case your brother ain't told ya all our names."

Nodding, River looked to the woman and asked, "You're the first mate, right?" Zoe returned the nod and then River asked, "Can you tell me something?"

Glancing quickly to Jayne, Zoe looked back to River and sat forward, her elbows resting on her knees. "I can sure try, lil' one."

Licking her lips, River sat forward a bit more and met Zoe's gaze head on. "Tell me about Serenity."

xoxoxoxo

Another peal of River's laughter could be heard floating down the hall towards the living room and the rest of the crew. Releasing a sigh of relief, the five adults shared smiles as Zoe and Jayne finally emerged, huge grins on their faces.

"That girl," Zoe said, shaking her head once. Glancing to Simon she told him, "She ain't changed all that much doc."

"Did she remember you?" Mal asked, trying to keep the hopeful tone from his voice and failing.

Shaking her head again, Zoe answered, "No, but she was fine an' polite. Listened to the two o' us carry on 'bout quite a few of our thrillin' heroics." Holding Mal's gaze in her own, she added softly, "Asked a passel o' questions about Serenity."

Mal's eyes darted to Inara as she reached over and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Please let her remember him, the woman thought, closing her eyes for a moment and sending a prayer up to Buddha.

Rising, Simon kissed Kaylee on the forehead, before he and Eli moved for River's room. "We'll just check on her, make sure she's up for more visitors," he explained, before both doctors disappeared.

Standing, Mal paced across the room to his best friend. "She really din't remember you?"

Shaking her head, Zoe told him, "I'm sorry, sir. She wanted to, that was plain. Even wanted to remember Jayne, but in the end, she couldn't. Said that while we seemed familiar, she had no recollection of us."

Mal sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. He'd had no idea how much River meant to him until she was gone. Why did he always have to lose the good things in his life? Glancing back to Inara who gave him a bright smile, he said a silent prayer to the Shepherd that he never lost her or their son.

The feel of Zoe's comforting hand on his shoulder pulled him from those thoughts and he turned back to face her. Lowering her voice, she told him, "It ain't no secret River's closer to you an' Inara an' Kaylee than she ever was to me an' Jayne. Jus' cause she didn't recognize us, don't mean she won't remember you."

Nodding, Mal smiled slightly. "That's a kindness, Zoe, but at this point, I ain't so sure it's the truth." He was about to ask something else, when Simon's return drew his eyes to the young man.

"She's ready when you are," the young doctor informed him.

Swallowing thickly, Mal reached for Inara's hand and gently pulled her to her feet. Wrapping her arm in his, Mal gave a curt nod to Simon and then headed for River's room.

xoxoxoxo

River's face lit up as the Captain and ex-Companion entered. Somehow she had missed that the older woman was pregnant, and the sight of her round belly and glowing skin instantly filled River with warmth. She hadn't been around babies much in her life, but she still liked the idea of a squirming little bundle with ten tiny baby fingers and ten tiny baby toes. She knew she'd be a good babysitter.

She watched with rapt attention as the Captain guided the woman into a seat, the ex-Companion taking the chair on the far side of River. Once she was settled, the Captain sat himself, and then, with a clear of his throat, turned to face River.

Her breath caught in her throat as those soulful blue eyes alit to her face. Staring, she found herself lost in them, like pools of crystal clear water, she was swimming along their currents and her mind was tripping over memories like stones skipping along waves: a man clad in a brown duster, striding up an open ramp and killing a federal agent as he held a gun to Simon's head; the Captain saving her and her brother from a fiery death in the middle of a prairie; those blue eyes filled with sorrow as he'd ordered them off his drifting ship; the stars, bright and beautiful through the helmet of her space suit as the Captain had kicked Early into space.

"Mal," she breathed, barely aware the words were coming. "Bad in the Latin."

Startled, Mal glanced quickly to Inara, before sitting up and reaching for her hand. Unlike Zoe, he completed the motion, squeezing her small hand in his own. "What was that, sweetheart?" the ex-Companion questioned, knowing that Mal didn't have words right now.

Looking to the woman and then back to the Captain, River felt her lips curl into a smile as she felt a wave of familiarity wash over her. "Mal," she said again, looking the Captain in the eyes. "Malcolm Reynolds. You're the Captain of Serenity."

Smiling at her, Mal felt such relief he feared he might float away from the giddiness of it all. "Yeah, darlin', that's me."

Her grin deepening, she looked to the Companion and added, "And you're Inara. You're in love with Captain Daddy."

Fighting back the tears she felt forming, Inara nodded once, before reaching to squeeze Mal's hand. "Yes, River, that's right."

"And that is the rugrat," she added, nodding in the direction of Inara's swollen belly.

Mal let out a deep belly laugh at that, squeezing her hand even tighter. "Only I get to call him a rugrat, lil' Albatross," he scolded easily. "'Member that."

"Albatross," she whispered, the endearment sounding strange and familiar all at once. Cocking her head to the side, her mind wandered as another memory formed: a well-appointed bedroom with a prayer altar and lit incense. A dark-skinned man with a sword and Captain Daddy and Inara, fighting for their lives.

Her face falling as the memory caused her to panic, she looked back to Mal and murmured, "A pony and a plastic rocket."

"What, lil' one?" Mal asked quietly, tensing as he noted how pale her features had grown in just the last minute.

"You saved me from the bad man," she muttered, not bothering to answer his question, despite the confusion River could feel emanating from every pore.

"Sweetie, do you want us to get Simon?" Inara asked, her own concern on the rise as River continued to spout nonsense.

Shaking her head once, River closed her eyes, forcing the confusing images from her mind. It wasn't real, it couldn't be real. If it was, than that meant she had killed, she had raised blades and delivered blows designed to kill. And no matter how deserving the opponent of such a fate, it was still wrong.

Opening her eyes, the brown orbs were again clear and bright as she looked to first Mal and then Inara. Gently extricating her hand from Mal's tight hold, River folded her hands in her lap and leaned back against her pillows. "Tell me about life in the black," she asked quietly.

Sitting back, Mal studied her in silence for a moment, before looking to Inara. With the barest of shrugs, she signaled her own confusion and Mal decided to just go ahead and answer the girl's question. Looking back to River, the enigmatic smile she fixed him with melted any and all of his residual concerns. She was obviously doing better; for the first time in months Mal allowed himself to believe that things would be all right.

As he began to regale her with stories, he worked hard to ignore the tiny voice in the back of his mind that reminded him that things never went smooth.

xoxoxoxo