Rule 2039. The repair baths are not to be filled with unapproved fluids.

Akashi groaned at the milky white substance currently filling the repair baths instead of the blessed water that was normally used.

"For fuck's sake, not again..." she muttered, her mind inadvertently taking her on a trip down the memory lane of every other time this had happened. Like when the Canadians were in town teaching ASW to the destroyers.

~o~

"What is this stuff?" Akashi wondered, sticking a finger into the substance in question. It was thick and viscous, it stretched out when she pulled her finger back, and it was currently filling the repair baths instead of the blessed water.

"That," Naka reported, licking some of it off her finger. "Is maple syrup. Or, well, regular syrup billed as maple syrup. Maple syrup actually tastes pretty odd if you're used to the store-bought stuff."

"Okay, so it's maple syrup, we've established that," Akashi replied, her voice quivering with repressed anger. "Next question: why the fuck is one of my docks filled with this shit?!"

Naka opened her mouth to reply, only for Isonami, Shirakumo, and Usugumo, who had been hauled in by the fleet idol, to interrupt. "W-Well," Isonami stammered. "W-We wanted to show our appreciation to the Canadians, a-and we thought maple syrup might let them shorten their repair times?"

A loud smacking sound echoed through the room as Akashi's face met her palm.

~o~

Or way back when the Iku had stolen the Americans' coffee.

~o~

Akashi stared at the black water flowing into the repair baths. Actually, scratch that; that was actually coffee. Clearly, the lewdmarine had stashed some of her stolen coffee in the docks' water storage. Said lewdmarine let out a pained groan behind her, and Akashi back-kicked her thighs; she could use the wait as an object lesson in not pissing off repair ships.

"Oh, this is going to take forever to clean out," Akashi groaned, kneading the bridge of her nose. And it didn't escape her that she felt both light-headed and very energetic. "And what the hell kind of coffee are those Yankees drinking that I can feel it from the fumes?"

~o~

And, of course, who could forget the vampire scare?

~o~

"Akashi?" Admiral Goto groaned as Fubuki tromped out of his office, trailed by Murakumo, Shirayuki, and Hatsuyuki, all of them dressed in cloaks, long skirts, heavy boots, and garlic necklaces, wooden stakes in hand. "Why are all my shipgirls except you dressed up as vampire hunters?"

"Because someone rigged the repair baths to fill with blood instead of the blessed water," Akashi stated, sounding 200% done with this shit. "I'm going to have to replace the wood lining, by the way."

"Blood?" Goto echoed. "Who would have done that? And why?"

"I have no idea, sir."

~o~

Kneeling down, Akashi poked her finger in and then gave the finger a lick. The taste was familiar... the memory hit, and Akashi promptly began hacking and spitting.

"Ugh, why that of all fluids?!" she demanded. "Where'd they even get that much of the stuff?!"

Standing again, she went to go drain the tubs. And also to break out the very high-strength cleaners she kept on hand for just such this occasion. Seriously, why that?! What was the point?! And who did it? Iku was the obvious culprit, but...

"I'll need to talk to Kisaragi..." the repair ship muttered. "Maybe leave her as a head for a few days..."