Facing the Past

The next day Elizabeth sat at a table against the wall in Abigail's cafe. The crowd was light at that time in the afternoon. She sat slowly sipping the tea Abigail brought her while absentmindedly picking at the blueberry scone in front of her.

As she sat waiting, her mind ran through the years she and Charles had known each other. All the memories and moments they'd shared. She never expected they'd end up like this.

The bell above the door jingled as another patron entered. Elizabeth looked up and there he was. Charles Kensington. He looked tall and strong in his dark suit, jacket draped over his arm.

Charles found her and was immediately taken aback by the sight. She was so beautiful to him. That never changed. The guilt he felt inside began to act like a noose. He loosened his tie and walked over to her.

"Hi," he said taking the seat across from her.

"Hi," her voice cracked.

Before another word could be spoken Abigail was at the table, making her presence known.

As a close family friend, she knew Charles well. Her presence made Charles a little more uncomfortable than he already was, but for Elizabeth, it gave her peace.

"Afternoon Charles," Abigail spoke dryly.

"Good to see you, Abigail."

"Something to drink?" she tried to come off respectful, even though what she really wanted was to drop a hot cup of tea on his head.

"Decaf coffee, please?" She nodded and was off. "Well, I can tell she still hates me."

"She doesn't hate anyone, but no, she doesn't like you very much." Charles nodded.

"So, kids are good?" he asked when they were alone.

"Yeah. How's work?"

"Good. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

'Oh?"

"Yes. I um, I'm going to be in the states more over the next couple years actually."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah. I recently took a contract here through my firm." Elizabeth nodded. "I thought we could talk about me maybe seeing the kids some and maybe even you?"

"Oh."

Abigail returned then with Charles's coffee, seeing the deer in the headlights look on her sweet friend's face. "Elizabeth, you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Her smile was weak, she nodded to encourage Abigail that her words were true.

"Alright. I'll just be over there," Abigail pointed to the counter.

Elizabeth's mind was spinning. She was so taken back by him wanting to see the kids that she missed the part about him potentially seeing her.

A part of her want to tell him no. She had full custody. He had wanted it that way. Not that she argued at the time. She looked up at him nervously play with his cup and sugar packets. It reminded her of the night he'd first asked her out so many years ago. Back then it was cute and endearing. Now she had no idea how she felt.

She looked at his face, seeing her children in his features. She owed him nothing, but she did owe her kids a chance at a relationship with their father, if he was ready.

"With the kids, can you take it seriously? Be there when you say you will as best as you can?" she asked finally breaking the silence.

"You know my job can be unpredictable." She gave him an annoyed look. "But yes, I'll do what I can."

"Okay." She looked back down at the little bit of steam still leaving her cup. "So how are you thinking about doing this?"

"I should be either in Boston or NYC once or twice a month over the course of the next year, maybe more. I know that's not very concrete, but I should have a better idea as things get moving. Maybe I could see them for a bit each time. Get to know them."

"Do you want me to go to the city or…"

"I can come to you," he cut her off. "Or whatever is easiest."

She nodded, trying to take it all in. "Will Kellie be with you?"

"No. She and I haven't been together for some time now."

"Oh." She glanced down again. "How long?" she asked slowly, not sure she even wanted to know anything about the woman he thought was worth leaving his family for.

"We ended things about a year after you and I split."

"Oh."

Charles could hear his father's voice in his head. "Make it right." He still wasn't sure how to do that, or why he was even trying. Was it for him? Them? Then of course there was Vanessa. He'd neglected to tell her as he was preparing to leave that he'd be making this little stop over in Hope Valley. She was off touring Europe again doing some work for her family's company, free to do and see whomever she wished. That was the so called rules of their semi casual relationship.

He looked back over at Elizabeth as she stared out a nearby window. He knew he should tell her he'd been wrong. That he never should have left her and the kids. He just couldn't yet. He knew he needed to prove himself again to her if that was to happen. But even if he managed that he knew it may already be too late.

"Are you… seeing anyone?" he asked her.

"I am. Not that it's any of your business," she snapped, unintentionally.

"I know, I was just curious." He kept looking at his now half empty cup. Finding it harder to face her than expected. She was as beautiful as he remembered, more so if that were even possible, even with the sadness and stress in her eyes. A look he knew he was responsible for.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that. You asked a simple question."

"It's ok," he answered without making eye contact.

She could tell Charles wanted to ask more questions. She told him to go ahead.

"Is it serious?"

"We haven't discussed it directly but yeah, I believe it's serious."

He nodded. Feeling like a knife was being twisted in his gut. He wasn't surprised, he knew this would happen and until the other day he hadn't cared really. He'd let a great woman get away. Of course someone else would come around and see that. He looked across the table at her. Her stunning blue eyes glistening with tears. For a moment he considered reaching from her hand, but remember it wasn't his place. Not anymore.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Of course."

She looked around, the now crowded cafe was not the best location for what she needed to ask. "Up for a little walk?"

"Of course, yes," Charles said eagerly. He placed money to cover them both on the table before they left.

Elizabeth walked over to Abigail. "We're just taking a walk. I'll be back."

"You okay? Need me to come with you?"

"No it's fine. I have a question that I think it's time I got answered." Abigail nodded and hugged her friend, shooting Charles one more "watch yourself" look as they left.

They walked side by side in silence for what seemed like forever. Elizabeth lead Charles to the park across the street. Walking all the way to the covered bridge before she stopped. She turned and stared at him on the middle of the bridge.

"Did you want to ask me something?" Charles questioned, hands nervously stuffed into his pockets.

"Did you… did you ever really love me?" It was out now. The question she'd had in her head since the day he left. She studied his face has he stared back at her. Her breath catching in her chest as she saw a faint sign of a tear in his eye.

"I hate that you need to ask me that." He broke her gaze as he turned to look out from the bridge window down toward the water. "But I get why you are."

"Are you going to answer me? Please Charles, you owe me this. I've been waiting the past couple of years not knowing. I need to know. Did you ever love me?"

"I loved you Elizabeth. Hell, I still love you."

"You're kidding?" She was shocked and a little angry at his seemingly honest answer.

"Not kidding."

"Well then what happened?" She said sternly. "Because it seems to me that when you love someone, you don't ask for a divorce and move to another continent with someone else."

"I was an idiot," he yelled. "I got overwhelmed with our life, made a mistake and instead of owning up to it, I just made it worse."

"What do you mean?"

"I cheated. It was a mistake. I should have just told you that and begged you to forgive me. But my job was crazy, I didn't know if I could do that and be a father to Mya or a husband to you, not the way you wanted. I felt strangled. I took my anger out on you. Blamed you for putting too much pressure on me to be this perfect husband and father," his voice cracked with emotion.

"Charlie, I didn't want you to be perfect! I just wanted you to try."

It didn't go unnoticed to either of them that she referred to him as Charlie, something she hadn't done since the day he left.

"I know that now. When it came to Kellie, I guess I wanted to believe that I didn't throw my family away for nothing. So I tried to make it work, told myself it was love."

"Was it?"

"No. No it wasn't. To be honest, I don't think I know what that really is."

"Charles, that part's no mystery to me."

He laughed a little, nodding.

"So to answer your question, when we were together, when I asked you to marry me and start our life together, I did love you Elizabeth. I just don't think I knew enough to know that it wasn't enough."

Elizabeth nodded.

"I bet you regret ever meeting me, huh?"

"No," she said softly. "I won't ever do that."

"Yeah?" Charles asked, a little glimmer of hope forming.

"Being with you is what got me Mya and Asher. They are everything to me and I won't ever regret them."

He smiled a weak smile. Wishing he could turn back time and fix the unfixable. "Well I should go. My flight leaves later this evening."

They both headed back toward the cafe. "Call me or email me and we can figure out what to do when you're back," Elizabeth suggested, willing to give him a chance with the kids. "If you call, you could even talk to them. Asher might not understand but Mya will."

"Of course, I'd like that. Wait a moment please." He walked to his car pulling out a large brown bag from the back seat. "Could you give these to Mya and Asher for me?" He handed her the bag.

"Of course. What is it?"

"I got them each a snow globe of London. They're plastic so they won't break and get hurt, but they looked nice. Maybe it was a silly idea but I thought…"

"They'll love them. It will be good for them to have something like this from where you live."

He smiled softly. "Thank you, Elizabeth."

She nodded as he got into his car and drove off. She put the gifts in the car and went back in to talk with Abigail.

Abigail looked up as the bell jingled above the door. She ran to Elizabeth with open arms. "You're so brave sweetie, I'm proud of you."

"Thanks." Elizabeth wiped her eyes.

"Margaret?" Abigail called back to her waitress. "I'm taking a break, you're in charge." She reached behind the counter grabbing two pieces of chocolate cheesecake and taking them to an empty table.

Elizabeth rested her head on the table and groaned. "Well that's that for now."

"What do you mean for now?" Abigail reached across and rubbed her friend's arm.

"He wants to see the kids I guess."

"And see you?"

"No, well maybe, but he knows I'm with someone now so hopefully that takes care of that part." Abigail nodded. "It was so weird, Abigail. At one point he just looked so sad, I actually called him Charlie again."

"Really? How'd that feel?"

"Normal for a split second, then…" she shivered. "It was a total slip."

"I'm sure. Don't let that get you all ruffled. You two were together a while."

Elizabeth nodded, taking a bite of her cheesecake. "This is amazing. I might have to take some to go too."

"Already set pieces aside for you, Jack, and the kids. I made it this morning so it should keep just fine till he gets back from drill."

Elizabeth smiled slightly at the mention of Jack's name but sighed. "Jack… I don't know if he has any idea what he's walked into, I'm not sure even I do now."

"Something tells me whatever it is, he can handle it sweetie."

"I hope so…"

….

Later at the house, dinner was just about ready when Mya walked into the kitchen.

"Smells yummy Mommy. What is it?"

"Broccoli and beef stir fry."

"Huh," she said. "Do I like that?"

"Yes you do, now climb up to the sink and wash up. You too, Ash," she said looking over the counter towards the playroom where her son was.

"Okay, Mama," he smiled.

While Mya was helping to set the table she noticed the large brown bag sitting in one of the chairs.

"Mommy, what's this?" Elizabeth turned around to see. "There's presents in here!"

Elizabeth sighed. "Yes, those are for you and your brother for later."

"When later?"

"After dinner later, okay?"

That was enough for Mya. After dinner Elizabeth brought the kids into the living room and sat them on the couch. She took the bag and took a seat on the coffee table in front of them.

"Is it present time?!" Asher asked. He could hardly contain his joy.

"Yes it is, but first we need to talk about where the presents came from."

"Grandma and Papa?" Asher asked.

"No sweetie, these are from your dad."

"Dad?" Mya's shocked look broke Elizabeth's heart. "But it's not Christmas?"

"I know, sweetie, but your dad misses you and wanted you to have these, okay?"

"Okay." she said, a confused look on her face.

They opened the gifts and Elizabeth explained what they were and that London was where their dad lived. Asher laughed as he shook the snow globe yelling "snow storm!" He didn't have any questions for Elizabeth about Charles. Elizabeth wondered sometimes if the poor boy even understand what a father was. Mya slowly tipped the snow globe back and forth but remained quiet.

After many stories at bedtime Mya asked a question that had been on her little heart.

"Mommy, does Dad love us?"

"Of course he does!" Elizabeth answered, tucking her sweet little girl into her bed.

Mya nodded. "Do you think he will ever come live with us again?"

Elizabeth sighed. Mya sure knew how to ask the tough questions. She sat down on her daughter's bed, pulling her close.

"I don't think so Mya. I'm sorry things are different."

"It's okay." She rested her head on Elizabeth's chest, thinking an awful lot for a little girl her age.

"You miss your dad a lot?"

Mya thought carefully then shrugged. "I don't know."

Elizabeth wipe a small tear from her eye. This was not the life is wanted for them. They deserved so much more.

"Mommy, is Uncle Jack coming back?"

"Mhmm. We'll see him sometime next week, okay?"

"Good. I bet he misses us."

"Do you miss Uncle Jack?" Elizabeth asked as she ran her fingers through her daughter's curly hair.

"Yeah I love him. I think he loves us too."

"Oh?" Elizabeth asked, trying to hold back her nerves and shock at her daughter's statement. Especially in comparison to the one she had just made of Charles.

"Yup. Just like Uncle Lee loves Corrine and Myles. And how Uncle Lionel loves Martin, Crissy and Sophia."

"Oh…"

Mya sat up and kissed Elizabeth's cheek. "Night night Mommy."

"Goodnight sweet pea."

Elizabeth walked down to her room and curled up against one of her large pillows. It had been quite a day. Seeing Charles had thrown her for such a loop, bringing her back to times in her life long gone. Then there was Mya. Her sweet innocent little girl whose brain was always running.

"I think Uncle Jack loves us," she had said. "I hope so Mya, because I love him too."

….

*Beep beep*

Elizabeth woke up to the noise from her cell. She couldn't believe she had fallen asleep so early. It was now 9 o'clock, she had been asleep for an hour. She picked up her phone to read the message.

Jack: You awake?

Elizabeth: Yes! Can you talk?

She heard a knock on her front door no more than a minute later and raced down the stairs. She opened the door and gasped at the sight of Jack before her and leapt into his arms. He smiled, holding her tight.

"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't getting back till tomorrow evening."

"I worked it out with my superiors. I wanted to be here and see you after the day you had." He pushed a curl back behind her ear, gazing lovingly into her eyes.

With her arms on his shoulders she pulled him in, closing the door behind him. There in the entryway she kissed him, slowly and deliberately, effectively taking his breath away.

"Thank you," she said when they finally pulled apart to breathe.

She led him to the couch and explained how the meeting went. The whole time Jack held her hand, letting his thumb gently run over her smooth skin. He didn't know it, but with that sweet and thoughtful gesture he was giving her the strength she needed.

"So that's that I guess," she said when she was done.

"You ok?"

"I guess so." Jack was quiet for a while after that and it was making her nervous. "What about you?"

"I'm good, just thinking." His smile was weak, a hint of uncertainty and sadness creeping through.

She turned to face him straight on. "Talk to me Jack," she pleaded.

"You guys were a family before. Do you think he may try to fully make amends?" He spoke quietly, fearing the answer.

Elizabeth sighed, taking Jack's arm, she wrapped it around herself as she curled up next to him on the couch. "I don't know what he will want as this goes forward but I know what I want."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "I'm not going backwards. I can't do that. I will always care about him and he's welcome to be in the kid's life's, but our chance has past. I was a whole different person back then."

Jack leaned down kissing the top of her head. His arms pulled her in even closer. She could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. It was rapid, he must have been so nervous. She wanted to say something to reassure him, but she wasn't sure what. His question was valid, and she couldn't say exactly what the future held. She thought about just doing it, telling him she loved him, but not like this. Not when they'd just talked about Charles.

"Jack?" she said softly. "Thank you for being here."

Jack smiled. "I'll always be here for you."

"I'm glad," she smiled.

He adjusted himself on the couch, desperately wanting to taste her soft sensual lips again. He'd thought about them for most of the last couple days.

Elizabeth saw the desire in his eye and reached for him, helping close the gap between them. The kiss they shared made the one before look simple, cute and sweet.

Jack was in love, and though he still hadn't said the words to her, he wanted her to know. To feel it. His tongue waltzed with hers as he discovered the spots that sent her reeling.

"I want to take you out again. Just you and me. Alone." His chest heaved up and down as he struggled to catch his breath.

"When?" she gasped, trying to take in what air she could.

He thought for a moment, work had been driving him hard over the last week. "Before the thing for Jesse and Clara next week? I'll pick you up and we can go somewhere. Maybe a picnic?"

"Sounds wonderful. I'll see if Abigail's okay with me dropping the kids off earlier."

"Perfect." He ran his hands up and down her arms before finding her lips again.