Warning: Super big trigger warning due to sensitive content.

Chapter 12

Zelena had been living here for only a day and Emma was already sick of it. She had no space to herself. The redheaded witch seemed to take over every corner and shadow, much like-

No-she-refused-to-

Emma holed up in one of the spare bedrooms, glaring in silence as she heard Zelena's voice in Henry's room. Reformed or not, she was still not the biggest fan of her. Or maybe she was just jealous. This was her family. She didn't really want to share just yet. She was used to losing. Now, keeping, that was a habit she wanted to start. She should've known that it couldn't last. She was The Savior. She didn't have room for her own happiness. The sudden mood swing startled her. Emma shook off the dark thoughts as best she could and wandered over to the window. Here, she had Wa perfect view of the infamous apple tree.

Untouched for months, the magical plant had grown wildly in the yard. Somehow, it still looked flawless and almost beautiful in its own dark and evil way. A dark reminder of The Queen's past transgressions with the town. Emma spotted the area where she had angrily taken a chainsaw to the woman's precious plant. It was an odd moment between them. She had never had a rival turned enemy turned friend and now suddenly, something was growing that she didn't fully understand. The closest thing she could describe it as was magic, and she knew absolutely nothing about that.

Was it a spell? Maybe there was a way to break it. Emma was about to go searching for Regina's vault when she heard a faint thump. An ordinary person wouldn't be able to hear it, but she was used to being on high alert due to years of torment in foster care. She quickly forgot about her mission and followed the source of the noise to Regina's bedroom. Emma's eyes went wide as she spotted the mayor only half dressed and facing away from her.

Crap. She was afraid to move. Emma held her breath and simply watched. Regina slid on an outfit rather slowly then turned around to face her. She was dead, so fucking dead. Time to prepare for her funeral.

"How long have you been standing there?" Regina demanded. Emma felt her face get very hot. Someone must've messed with the thermostat. She struggled to maintain whatever composure remained as Regina continued to look at her. How did she stay so in shape? Her body is just-

"Well?"

She had to come up with something quick.

"I-uh-was just passing through," Emma said weakly. She backed up, wondering when the brunette had gotten so close and sucked away all her air. That was so unfair! She was doing this on purpose. She thought she saw the slightest hints of a smirk out of the corner of her eye as she walked off towards Henry's room. Zelena looked up in surprise when she came in.

"Look, I don't like you much, you don't like me," Emma said. "But we agreed to protect you, and there's only one way to do that."

"And what might that be?" Zelena said. Henry looked between them in confusion.

"We kill Rumplestiltskin," Emma said simply.

"What?! That's ridiculous. He'd kill us before we could even breathe."

"You got his dagger once before didn't you? Use it to destroy him."

"I am not going to become The Dark One just so I can feel safter." Emma sighed. She thought about the dagger again.

"He needs Hook for some reason," she said carefully. "Let's get a hold of the dagger and make him kill the guy." Zelena simply looked at her.

"Kill Hook? Well now there's something we can agree on," she said in amusement. "How do you suppose we should get a hold of that dagger?" Emma heard the coffee maker from the kitchen downstairs. Regina was preparing to leave for work. They'd have all day today to take care of business. Maybe once Hook was dead, her nightmares would fade at last.

"Henry," Emma said. "How do you feel about paying your grandfather a visit?"

"Um…are you sure we should do this?"

"Nobody likes Hook. We'd be doing everyone a favor."

"I guess you're right, but shouldn't we talk about it with Mom first?" Henry asked. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Come on, kid, why would we need her permission to kill a pirate? He's no good." Her hands were shaking. She struggled to hide it. Henry tilted his head in confusion.

"You've never…wanted anyone dead, Mom. What's going on? What did he do?"

"It's not important! If you're not going to help, I'll take care of this garbage myself!" Emma snapped. He winced at her raised tone of voice. She was off and down the stairs before Regina could notice she was leaving. An odd mixture of anger and terror drove her today. She was going to kill him, whether anyone wanted her to or not. Magic crackled violently in her veins and moved much like blood.

Dark magic.

She was far from at home with it, but it felt so freaking good to feel the shadows yanking her further into the darkness that she didn't know she had in her. Emma kicked open the door to Rumplestiltskin's pawn shop. Hook and Rumplestiltskin looked up in surprise. Spells that she didn't know she knew sent Hook straight to the floor groaning in pain.

"What the hell…are you…doing?!" Hook cried out.

"You deserve a lot worse than what I am about to give you!" Emma growled. Rumplestiltskin finally leapt into action and pinned her wrists to the wall.

"You can't just take my job for me and think you'll do it better," he said softly. Emma stared at him in fear. She fought against his impossible strength, but sadly got next to nowhere, despite his age. Her heart pounded and pounded like a drum. She eventually gave up. "Now, Miss Swan, I think we should…discuss…what to do with you."

"I'm on your side here! I want him dead!"

"I know what you were here for," Rumplestiltskin breathed in her face. His sour breath nearly choked her. Emma coughed. "My dagger, is that right, dearie? Nobody is supposed to touch that besides me. No one kills The Dark One."

"Let g-g-go," Emma whimpered. God she sounded pathetic. Where was her brave side when she needed it? She frantically searched for an escape as Hook came closer to investigate what was going on. Her wrists were aching, and Rumplestiltskin still wouldn't let go. Her legs were free, so she had to use them. She aimed a kick below the belt. He groaned in pain and instantly released her. Emma dodged Hook's weak attempt to grab her and looked around for some sort of weapon. Her magic still felt strong inside her, but she had no clue how to control it. However, unlike Rumple, she could do just fine without magic. She grabbed a gun and pointed it expertly at the man's heart.

"You realize I'm immortal, right?"

"No, it's just very, very hard to kill you…" She spotted Hook in her peripheral vision. She checked the gun. It was fully loaded, but her hands were shaking again and she wasn't sure she could even hit a target that was a few feet away. What would it really solve, killing one or both of them? Not her fear, not her anger, nothing. If she quit now, though, she was subject to torture from both of them. This had been a horrible and thoughtless idea. How was she supposed to fix this?

"Give it up, Swan," Hook said from behind her. Emma screamed and dropped the gun. "Why do you keep running from me? You're mine!" Rumplestiltskin watched the exchange in disgust.

"N-No," Emma stuttered. "I'm no one's." She shoved the end of the barrel into Hook's chest. "Should we do this quickly, or nice and slow?" Where had those words come from? All traces of fear had melted from her voice. Now was her chance. Shoot then escape. She made sure the safety was off. Then she pulled the trigger. Hook fell to the ground, dead before the sound of his body meeting the floor met her ears.

"That's what you came here to do?" Rumplestiltskin asked in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?" Emma gazed at Hook's body. The gun shook in her hand. "Just don't come near my dagger again. Are we clear?" She nodded numbly. Was it really that simple? Could she go free? She tossed the weapon aside and edged towards the door.

He wasn't moving, and Hook most definitely wouldn't move ever again. She had actually killed him. What did that mean for her and her heart? It was revenge, after all, but murder still left a stain on the soul regardless.

Stains on the soul and shadows in the brain. Emma's hand was slippery with sweat as she turned the doorknob and finally escaped the dreaded pawn shop at last. Memory here, flashback there. Look out, a shiny hook in the corner, blood in the darkness, and a scream perched on the edge of a breath lost.

Didn't she kill him?

Perhaps some things never died.

Emma started to run for it. She couldn't handle-

She shivered as that dreaded hook drifted down her jawline and neck. He slammed into her again. She had stopped fighting, but that didn't tone down the endless aggression.

"S-stop," she whispered. Emma skidded on ice but then-

"Not even a little bit of a struggle?" he chuckled breathlessly. "You're pathetic."

"Emma? Are you okay?"

She shook her head rapidly. Ruby's voice sounded far away. She was still underneath him. She was too weak to fight it.

"Emma?"

"R…" She felt herself being pulled up off the still icy ground, though the ice felt almost like slush. Winter was slowly fading into spring. Soon summer would return, and it would be almost like nothing had happened.

"Come on, let's head to my place," Ruby said quietly. "I'll make you some tea." Emma tried to find the words to politely refuse her and tell her everything was fine, but nothing came out of her mouth. Barely a week had passed since the event. She had to get it all out of her head before it was too late.

Ruby was warm and comforting, but she could hardly stand all the sympathy and pity in those eyes. Emma didn't know how to tell her that she didn't want to be relying on people like this. She didn't know how to speak, period. Silence was easier anyway. It was less exhausting and far less demanding. If she never had to talk again, it would definitely be too soon.

"Here." She didn't know when their location had changed or why Belle was there. Nothing made sense. Emma stared at the cup of tea in her hands and forced herself to focus on it. The warmth wrapped itself around her mind and soothed the rollercoaster she had been stuck on. She hated tea, but the odd tasting drink distracted her enough to feel a bit calmer. Ruby surely knew what she was doing.

"How are you feeling?" Ruby asked. Emma tried to remember what words sounded like in her own voice. The feeling passed a moment later.

"I-"

"Ruby, have you seen my…hello, Emma!" Belle smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Shouldn't you be with your husband?" Belle hesitated, suddenly uncomfortable. "Sorry," Emma said quickly. "Not my business."

"No harm done," Belle said easily. "What's going on?"

"I found her in the street," Ruby spoke up. "I could tell something was wrong, so I brought her here."

"I'm…okay, really," Emma sighed. "I'm sorry you found me like that. It's just a really long day." Ruby and Belle exchanged a glance. "I really should get going. Henry needs me. Thank you for the tea, Ruby. It was nice to see you, Belle, I hope stuff works out." She got to her feet and set aside the half empty tea cup.

"Well if you're sure," Ruby said uncertainly. "Take care of yourself, alright?" Emma nodded and quickly left the place before either of them could suffocate her with their unbearable kindness. Regina managed to keep things real. She didn't treat her any differently, despite everything, and that was something she greatly appreciated.

Her mind wandered and drifted repeatedly as she walked fast enough to keep warm, but not so quickly so as to draw attention to herself. Bits of the town seemed to be coming back to life. Unthinkingly, she found herself heading to Regina's office. Instinct always drew her to this woman, and she didn't know why.

"Well, come in," Regina said without looking up. "You could knock, you know. I don't bite."

"Yeah, now The Mayor is making jokes. Should I send out a memo to Grumpy?" Regina set down her pen and looked up, half in annoyance, half in amusement.

"We could do this all day…or…you could get to the point and tell me why you're here. I doubt you're interested in the latest laws I'm about to pass." Emma rolled her eyes and pulled up a chair.

"You might as well arrest me, I just committed murder." Regina was quiet for a minute.

"Yes…Rumplestiltskin reported to me what happened," she said slowly. "To be fair, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner. You shot Hook. Under normal circumstances, you would face consequences immediately and I would be disappointed in you at best."

"So…you're…not going to do anything?" Regina sighed heavily, at the level of frustration of tutoring a student that refused to cooperate.

"No. What happened to you was horrible. My only regret is I didn't pull the trigger myself." Emma nodded slightly in confusion. She didn't know how else to react to that. There was an awkward pause between them. Why was there this desk? It created so much distance and shifted the atmosphere in a strange way. Emma wished it would just disappear. She waved her hand and it was suddenly gone. Regina blinked, surprised. Files and papers and pens fell abruptly to the floor beneath her.

"Wow, I'm impressed. You must've learned something from our lessons after all."

"I guess so." Emma concentrated and made the desk materialize in the room again. Regina set about to cleaning up the mess. "Did he tell you…everything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind." Emma leaned over the desk and looked into Regina's face carefully.

"May I help you?"

"We never got to finish our conversation from the other day, before Rumplestiltskin interrupted everything."

"We still need to figure out what to do with Zelena, and you, before doing anything else," Regina said simply. "You can wait another couple weeks, right?" Emma fell silent. There really was no debating with her.

"This isn't just because you want to put things off, is it?"

"You're real determined, aren't you?"

"You have no idea."

Regina was about to say something when her cell phone rang. It was real typical of her to have it on a default ringtone, Emma noted silently as she watched her check the caller ID before answering.

"Okay, what? Slow down."

Emma tuned everything out and drifted around the room aimlessly. Things kept dividing them from that next step. Would she ever get to really tell her what had been on her mind for who knows how long now? It felt like it had always been there, though she knew that wasn't true. It had taken years to get here. She was glad for that, because if it had happened overnight, there's no way this could have worked.

"Well, it's got to come down somehow! I don't want everyone trapped here indefinitely. Unless…"

She located a picture of Henry from when he was about five years old and cringed. Why had she given him up? Her logical reasons had fallen apart one by one the more she had stayed in Storybrooke. How did he forgive her? She was still working on forgiving her own parents in hesitant stages.

Thinking just made her head ache and spin, so she looked up at Regina and waited for her to hang up the phone. She had patiently let time go by for this long. A few more minutes wouldn't matter. Before she knew it, the room was filled with silence rather than her voice, and suddenly she didn't know what to do.

"I'm tired of waiting," Emma said firmly. "Phone calls, interruptions, they can all go to hell." Regina raised an eyebrow. "We can still take it slow, but I want you to say the words. Go ahead. I know what you're thinking." When Regina said nothing, Emma continued, starting to get frustrated. "I didn't imagine any of this! It's real. So real that it scares both of us, right? I-" The door opened.

"Ugh!" Emma shrieked. "What now?! Someone better be dying."

"Whoa sister," Grumpy said. "I only came to deliver a message for the mayor." She glared at him and slammed the door in his face. Regina chuckled.

"Well played…you were saying?" Emma sighed and turned to face her again.

"Regina Mills," she said slowly. "I'm…not the greatest with words, neither are you, don't deny it. Not unless we're pissed off at one another to no end, fighting head to head over Henry like divorced parents that have been estranged for a decade or two. Regina…" She brushed back her hair. "I know your past and I don't care. You're so much more than that evil queen everyone used to fear. You've been hurt so many times and you're just lost in what the hurt has given you. The past doesn't matter, it shouldn't." Regina moved closer and closer. She was stunned by the words coming from her. "Regina Mills, I'm in love with you," Emma blurted out, the remainder of her planned speech falling away when she realized that the woman was terrifyingly close.

"Well," Regina whispered. "I see you really want this."

"Y-Yes. I do."

Regina quirked an eyebrow and stepped back from her…friend? What? Huh? Whatever. Heart pounding, pounding. Something was in the corner. A memory.

Emma was five years old, all alone in the foster home. She was bored and in the mood for causing trouble. She climbed into a toy box and the lid closed on her. She screamed and cried for help, but no one came for her for a couple hours. That was life. When you really needed someone, you only had yourself.

"Emma? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" Regina rolled her eyes.

"You space out too much. I said…" She took her hands. "If you really want this, I'll make it work. The laws I laid in place will protect us."

"Really?" Emma said breathlessly.

"Yes, Miss Swan," Regina replied irritably, but there was humor laced in her voice. "Don't act so shocked. I think we both knew the moment you woke me up where this would be going." Emma nodded eagerly. Regina leaned in and kissed her. The entire world felt like it had stopped on its axis. The room warmed up more. It felt closer to spring than winter now. Or maybe she was blushing again. It didn't matter. She felt pieces of her heart begin to fall into place as she kissed her back, then again, losing count almost instantly. They had a lot of lost time to make up for.