Chapter 11

"I want to go on a date," Liz said over dinner, while spooning food into Cameron's mouth.

Jason looked up, fork halfway to his mouth.

"I mean, I know we date, but Emily had an idea."

Jason shook his head.

"I'm not sure I'm going to like this."

Liz grinned, "You just don't like to go out. But every once in a while, I must be social. And I want you to be with me. It'd be awkward being out with Emily and Nikolas without you."

Jason let it sink in. Liz just kept feeding their boy.

"You're talking about a double date."

"And what if I am?"

"You want me to go on a double date with my sister?"

"No, I want you to go on a date with me, accompanied by Nikolas and Emily, to do couple-y things."

"Okay..." he paused, "so you want me to go on a double date with my sister?"

Liz gets an incredibly serious look on her face and says, "You know what, fine. I'll get someone else to go with me. What about that Lucky Spencer, that guy used to moon over me in high school?"

Jason took over feeding Cameron.

"Emily says he's single because he's functionally retarded, that they'll let him bag the groceries but not work the register."

"That is incredibly mean, Jason!"

"Mean is you telling me you're going out with another guy. I never said I wouldn't go on this 'double date', I'm just saying it could be awkward. When you drink, you get grabby."

"So what if I do?"

"My sister will be there."

Liz leans over and whispers to Jason, "I got a newsflash for you, I think your sister knows we're having sex. We do have a kid."

"Elizabeth, you spend far too much time with Emily. She's a bad influence."

Liz went playful, "Ooo, I'm gonna tell her you said that, you're gonna be in big trouble."

"Seriously, what would we do on this aforementioned double date? As far as I know, Nikolas and I only have Emily in common."

"It's not about you, Jason. Couples need other couples to do grown up things together. We could go to the park, the beach, on vacation, out to dinner…"

"Or we could get a dog. And go to the beach, park, vacation thing. Name it Lucky."

"Oh, that's just hateful," she said, laughing.

Elizabeth looked faux shocked.

"And did you just liken your sister to a dog?" She got up and grabbed the phone. "I'm calling her right now, you are in so much trouble."

He lunges towards her, wrapping her in an embrace and kissing her breathless. After a moment, Liz forgot why she was holding the phone.

"Was I gonna call somebody."

"I don't think so."

"Okay, so you take the little for his bath and I'll clear up here."

"Sure."

Once man and baby were safely out of the room, Elizabeth picked up the phone and dialed Emily.

"Okay, girl, he's gonna do it. But oh, girl, your brother shoved his foot so far down his throat he was kicking himself in the ass."

"He doesn't talk that much, how'd he manage that?"

"He mighty be quiet around others, but here he feels free to express himself verbally, and he does, frequently.

"So how'd he express himself today?"

"No, you don't want to know what he said."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"Well, he told me you thought Lucky Spencer was like Jessica Simpson, but without the pretty hair and boobs. And then he called you a dog."

"See, now, I was going to behave on our little double date. But now, I'm going to save all that sly, craziness just for him. I'm going to let it build up and then there's going to be tequila shots and he's going to meet 'Emilia' and 'Lizzy'."

"Oh what, now I have to get all drunk and crazy, too?"

"You know you want to."

"I've been drunk in front of your brother. Hello, have you met Cameron?"

They both laughed and Emily said, "Just wait. It'll be fun. Make sure to dress in layers so the tequila can make your clothes fall off."

"You are all kinds of wrong, Em."

"I know."

It was date night. Cameron was safely tucked away at Grams and Liz was excited to go.

Jason was standing in the living room looking awkward in his suit and tie. He'd been standing there for a while, waiting for Liz to come out of the bathroom. Which finally she did. She put on her shoes and did a little twirl in front of him.

"Do I look fat in this?"

Of course she didn't but Liz was feeling especially wicked. She'd been on the phone with Emily while in the loo getting ready. Em had worked her into a state and then sent her out to Jason.

"What am I supposed to say?" he asked, confused.

"What do you think you should say?"

"Elizabeth, you look beautiful, wonderful and stunning."

"But do I look fat?"

He let out a breath.

"No, you don't."

"Okay, I guess."

Jason just stood there, brow furrowed in confusion.

Just then a horn beeped.

"That's them. Let's go."

Jason looked out the window.

"A limo? Is there a reason we can't just take your car?"

"You have something against limos?"

He just stood there.

"Come one, Jase."

Liz woke up, head pounding, mouth dry and cottony, cursing Jose Cuervo's name. Right before she stumbled to the bathroom.

Jason sat in the living room, and could hear her retching. When she opened the door he was holding a glass of water.

"Ugghh."

"You need the water. Liquor dehydrates."

"Uhhhh."

She took the glass and sipped, heading for the couch.

"You want anything to eat?"

She moaned a little, curling up into a ball.

"I didn't tell you to drink a whole bottle of tequila…"

"Shush," she whispered, "This is your fault."

He paused, looked up from the refrigerator and gaped.

"My fault."

"Yes," she continued to whisper, "If you and Nikolas had been more fun, Emily and I wouldn't have felt the need to…" She started snoring softly.

The phone rang and Liz didn't even hear it.

Jason answered it, "Hello."

"It's Nikolas."

"Yeah, hi."

"Is Liz up?"

"Kind of."

"Emily passed out in the bathroom and I had to carry her to bed."

"Pretty much the same here."

"She's says it's our fault."

"I got that, too."

"I asked her how and she threw up again."

"I asked and Elizabeth fell back to sleep."

"I don't know where it all went wrong," Nikolas said, oblivious.

"I have an idea."

Dinner had been a bust. Nikolas and Jason weren't conversating and the ladies couldn't get served anything harder than wine. They were all frustrated.

Liz and Emily decided dinner was over and it was time to hit the club.

Jason believed that was where the night took an awful turn.

The night started normally enough. Em and Liz grabbed foo-foo mixed drinks and danced. The men watched and glared at all those who attempted to cut in. Finally, the women gave up and went to the upper bar, which was just as noisy, but a little less crowded. They were sitting girls next to each other, the guys on either side of them.

Liz and Em ordered a couple of tequila shots and started downing them, the guys drank brews and watched.

After the first shot, Emily says, "So you think I'm a dog, huh?" She looked Jason square in the eye.

"What?"

Liz piped up, "Yup, called you a dog. I was there."

"I never said that. I just said all the things she thought we needed to do with a couple, we could get a dog."

"That's not any better."

The second round arrived and was immediately slammed.

"So, why can't you two start a conversation?" Liz said to Jason and Nikolas.

The men sat there silently.

"That's why," Emily said.

Round three.

Lick, slam, suck, drunk.

"Hey, Emily, let's go dance."

"I want to dance with Nikolas."

The man in question looked doubtful.

Liz just stood up and headed to the dance floor.

Jason called, "Aren't you going to ask me to come?"

Liz stopped and turned.

"Are you?"

"No."

She just snorted and got out on the floor. Emily finally got bored trying to get Nikolas out there and joined her. There was some suggestive movements, some dropping down low and sweeping the floor with it, what can they say, they like to get down.

"You think we should order them some water?" Nikolas asked.

"Do you think they would drink it?"

"We could tell them it's vodka."

"Won't work. Elizabeth doesn't mix liquors. She might start out with a fruity drink, but once she hits the tequila, that's it."

They decided to try the water thing anyway.

The ladies exited the floor, sweating and happy. They took a drink from the tall glasses in front of them and made faces.

"Fuck is this?" Liz said.

"This tastes like shit!" Emily exclaimed.

"It's water."

"Oh, that explains it," she waved to the bartender, "Hey, fella, come here. More tequila!"

Jason and Nikolas groaned in unison.

"Come on, don't be like that…" Liz said, just prior to shot 4.

The night carried on…

"You know," Emily slurred, "Nikolas is all reserved here… But at home it ain't much better."

"Emily!" Nikolas said warningly.

Liz joined in, "Em, there are things I need to talk about with my best friend. But I can't cause you're his sister."

"No, girl, you can tell me, cause I'm drunk, and I won't remember tomorrow anyway."

"Well, there's this thing, and it's a swivel thing, it's like," she stands and rotates her hips, "It's like… half… half… whole!"

They laughed drunkenly.

"I know what you're talking about, do they teach it in school?" Emily asked.

"No, girl, they get it from porno!" Liz cackled.

Emily called, "Hey, hey, buddy, need another round."

Nikolas leaned over to Jason.

"Should we stop them?"

"Only if they get to the extent of alcohol poison. Otherwise, the fight will be legendary."

Nikolas just sighed.

The girls downed shot 5.

The women just proceeded to get louder and then Nikolas can't seem to take any more.

"That's enough, Emily. You don't…"

"You shush! You don't get to- And why when we make love is it always romancey, fancy stuff? Huh? Why can't we just, you know, bam! Against the wall!"

Nikolas reddened.

Liz looked from Emily to Nikolas, then leered at Jason and then back to Emily.

"I ain't got that problem."

Jason just pinched the bridge of his nose, shook his head and sighed. He then leaned against the bar and sipped his beer.

"My problem is research, you know, figuring out what to do next."

"It's always, sweet and romantic… Sometimes I just want a long hard-"

"Emily!" Jason raised his voice. "Please!"

She turned on her brother.

"When you gonna marry my girl? Huh? She's all your girl and stuff, so marry her."

Liz piped up, "He asked, I said no."

"You're stupid."

They paused for shot 6.

Liz blew out her breath hard and yelled, "Hot damn! I love this song." She moved to the beat and grabbed Emily's arm. "Come on, girl!" She stood up on her stool and moved to the bar, Emily joining her.

Jason and Nikolas made an executive decision.

As soon as the girls fell off the bar, the men caught them.

"There's a bottle at home ladies, let's get blitzed in private," Jason said.

"Sounds good," Liz slurred. "Hey, hey, Em. The guys wanna take us home."

"Maybe I'll get the thing…" She leaned against Nikolas suggestively.

"Yeah, sure," he said, uncomfortably.

And the guys escorted them out.