Chapter 12

3 days had passed since Bellamy captured the grounder. I was upset that Bellamy thought that I was going to forgive him for not even bothering to listen to me. After all this time, he still treats me like a child.

As I sorted through the nuts and seeds, I noticed Bellamy walking towards me. Great. Just great.

"Hey."

I was silent as I averted my gaze to the ground, continuing to sort through nuts, trying to ignore his presence.

Bellamy sighed. "Tasha."

I glanced up at him. "What?" It was clear I didn't want to be near him, so why didn't he back off?

"Clarke and I are going to check out a bunker that might have supplies for winter."

I rolled my eyes, turning back to my task. "Of course you are," I scoffed. "When aren't you doing something with her."

"Tasha, c'mon..."

I looked at him once more, a blank expression on my face. "Is that it?"

Bellamy let out a sort of scoff, taking a step back. "That's it."

It was taking everything in my body not to break down in tears. I was being harsh with Bellamy only because he never respected my decisions. I would be defiant until he treats me as an equal.

"Okay."

I turned away from Bellamy for the final time, sorting through nuts once again. Once Bellamy had walked away, I began tossing the nuts into different piles more harshly as anger swelled into my body.

"You doing okay?" Jasper asked from beside me.

"No." I admitted. "I'm gonna go lay down, okay?"

"Sure. I'll come get you for our next shift."

Bellamy's POV

I was silent the entire walk with Clarke to the bunker. Tasha was right, I probably shouldn't have tortured the grounder- but Finn was dying, and he wasn't cooperating. I shook my head, ignoring the guilt that was clinging onto my chest. Maybe I should've told Tasha I killed Jaha... If I would have, maybe I wouldn't have to leave.

"How much further?" I asked Clarke, wishing I could just leave rather than go to the bunker and act like I give a damn.

"Another mile." She replied, continuing to walk in front of me. Silence fell between us again. The further away from camp I got- the further away I got from Tasha, I felt more and more guilty. But this was what I had to do. This was the right decision.

Tasha's POV

"Tasha!"

I groaned. "Octavia- what are you-?"

She continued to shake me. "I need your help! Tasha, c'mon."

I opened my eyes, looking at Octavia with an eyebrow raised. "What do you need, O?"

"Everyone's drugged out on nuts."

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

"The nuts- they're making everyone hallucinate. I gave Nate the nuts- I need your help to set Lincoln free."

"Lincoln? The grounder?" I asked as I sat up, pulling on my jacket. "You trust him?"

"Yeah... He saved me, Tasha."

"I don't know, Octavia..." It was risky. If anyone saw, we both could be in huge trouble. Not to mention Bellamy would flip, though that didn't concern me too much.

"Please, Tasha... I need you to trust me."

I stared at her a moment. If Octavia trusted him, I would trust her judgment. I slowly gave her a nod. "Yeah. Let's go."

Bellamy's POV

Even though we had found guns, that didn't change anything. I still had to leave. Jaha would come down, and when he did he would kill me. "I need some fresh air." I told Clarke, leaving the bunker to gather my thoughts.

The fresh air didn't help the tight feeling in my chest. The guilt overwhelmed me. I killed all of those people on the ark. I shot Jaha.

"Bellamy Blake."

I twisted around slowly, staring at none other than Jaha. "How are you here? You're on the ark."

"You shot me on the ark." He replied, "I'be been waiting for you."

He then moved his hands from his stomach, revealing the gunshot wound.

"I did what I had to do." I re

"To protect Octavia, and Tasha."

"That's right."

Jaha began walking towards me. "Pathetic. Using your sister and the woman you love as an excuse for your cruelty; for your selfishness?!"

I didn't back down. I wouldn't back down. "If you're gonna kill me, just do it."

"Why should I kill you? Unlike the others, I survived your treachery." - Jaha

"What do you mean?"

"The three hundred and twenty souls that were culled from the ark so that others could live." Jaha "You knew they would be sacrificed."

Guilt began to find it's way into my chest as I realized what he was talking about. "The radio... I didn't know that would happen."

"It is not my forgiveness you should seek. It's theirs."

Dozens and dozens of people began emerging from the forest, all muttering one word.

"Murderer."

"Stop!" I shoved Jaha hard in the chest, running from him. But I couldn't out run them. They surrounded me, all I could hear was their voices calling out to me.

"Murderer."

Then I saw her. Her long, curly brown hair fell off her shoulders. Blood covering her entire body.

"Tasha?"

Tasha's POV

"I'll keep an eye out, O. Just go get him."

The plan was simple - everyone was high on nuts, so all we had to do was slip Lincoln through the crowd in a hoodie without anyone putting two and two together. It was the execution that could get messy.

I tried not to be intimidated As Lincoln came down the ladder. I slowly walked over to him, handing him a hoodie. "Put this on. No one should recognize you if you keep to the shadows."

"Thank you." Lincoln replied as he put it on, his eyes conveying relief.

I nodded, a small smile on my face as he left the drop ship. It was up to him now. Lincoln was a grounder, I was positive he'd make it to the forest without being seen. There was a kindness about him that made me feel safe - even when he captured us, there was a sense of safety I hadn't felt since we landed on Earth.

Bellamy's POV

"Tasha?" My voice shaky as she emerged from the crowd. "Tasha? What are you-"

"You did this, Bellamy." Her voice was soft and quiet, but her body shook as blood began to drip down her body. "This is your fault."

I walked towards her, grabbing her arms. Her body was severely cut, her arms, legs and even her stomach was covered in cuts that were bleeding. As I held her she collapsed into my arms, her breathing erratic. "Tasha!" I yelled as her body began to shake, her blood covering my hands. "No! Tasha! Please!"

She gasped for breath, her eyes losing the light that always shone in them. "This is on you, Bellamy Blake... This is all on you..." Her head fell back, eyes staring without seeing. She was gone. Tasha's gone. "Tasha!" I shook her body feverishly. "Tasha! Come back! Tasha!" Tears began to fall down my face as I sobbed violently. "I need you! Tasha, I can't do this without you! Please!"

"You see what happens when you make mistakes."

My head snapped up as Jaha came into the opening of the crowd of people. I ignored him, turning to look back at Tasha- but she was gone. All that was left was her blood covering my body. "Tasha? Where is she?! What did you do to her?!"

Jaha stared at me. "I did nothing to her. You did that to her. You got her killed, because you made a mistake. Do you understand now, Blake?"

I shook my head, tears falling down my face. "Kill me, please!" Without Tasha, I had nothing to live for. She was my entire universe- and I killed her.

"Kill you?!" Jaha punched me in the gut, causing my to fall to the ground hard. "You think you deserve that peace?!"

"I can't fight anymore!" I yelled out, giving in to the guilt I had felt for so long.

"Life is a fight!" Jaha said as he kicked my stomach hard, sending me flying in the other direction.

"What am I supposed to do?!"

"Live. Breath. Suffer! You owe them that!" Jaha knelt down beside me. "You want the peace of death? You're gonna have to earn it."

Tasha's POV

"The grounder's gone!" Nate yelled from the dropship. Everyone began to panic as I stepped out of my tent, looking over at Octavia.

Everyone instantly began to walk closer to the drop ship, murmuring all the while.

"What is he brings other grounders back?" Jasper said from behind Finn.

"He'll kill us all." Another person said from the crowd. "Or worse!" a girl yelled.

"Let the grounders come." Bellamy said parting the crowd as he and Clarke announced their return. I noticed his eyes searching the crowd, landing on me and never leaving. I looked away, staring intently at Clarke.

"We've been afraid of them for far too long, and why?" He asked us all. I glanced at him for a moment, noticing the bruising on his face. What the hell happened?

"Because of their knives and spears?" He continued. "I don't know about you. I'm tired of being afraid." My heart sank as Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other. They then both smiled, pulling out large batches of guns from behind their shoulders.

Everyone began to babble with excitement. Finn and I seemed to be the only ones with concern laced on our face.

"These are weapon, ok, not toys." Clarke explained. "And we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the drop ships come." She continued. "But until then, they're gonna help keep us safe."

"And there are plenty more where these came from." Bellamy said, and for a moment I looked over at him again only to find he was staring at me once more. "Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come, we're gonna be ready to fight."

Once the speech was over, I gave a small roll of my eyes before I walked back into the drop ship. What, did Bellamy think that bringing back guns made everything okay?

My brows furrowed as Clarke walked towards me. I rolled my eyes. "Guns?" I asked her. "Never thought you'd be one to go for that."

"We need them." She replied simply, glancing up at me. "We have to be able to defend ourselves."

"I completely agree."

"Look... Bellamy was gonna leave ."

"What do you mean leave?" I asked her, a perplexed expression on her face.

"He brought enough rations to survive on his own... For the record, I don't have feelings for Bellamy. I don't like him. But We all need him. And Bellamy needs you, Tasha."

I sighed, looking at her with a small smile. "Damn, I was having so much fun blaming you for everything though." I joked, hugging her.

"I know, I'm such a bitch aren't I?" Clarke pulled away with a smile. "Go talk to him. After today he needs that."

I waited in the distance for Bellamy to leave the tent where he was conferencing with Jaha.

Even though I was extremely upset with Bellamy, I hoped he could make some sort of deal with Jaha. If the others were going to come down eventually, Bellamy had to be pardoned. He's half of the reason we survived this long.

My thoughts were interrupted as Bellamy emerged from the tent. I walked towards him, small bits anger, sadness, and joy swelling in my chest. "Hey." My voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Bellamy turned towards me, a look of fear on his face. "Tasha, I'm so sorry. You were right. I should've listened to you."

I stood there, shocked that he was apologizing. What happened out there? I took a deep breath, smiling slightly. "Bellamy, you don't have to apologize, I-"

"Yes I do. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have tortured the grounder. I messed up. I made a mistake-"

"Bellamy-"

"Everything I do is to protect you. If anything happened to you, I-" Bellamy's voice faltered, looking down at me with a sad expression in his face. "I need you, Tasha. Everything I do is to keep you safe..."

I stared up at him, a frown on my face. I couldn't beat around the bush anymore, I had to talk to him about any conflicts we had. "How does leaving keep me safe, Bellamy?"

He looked slightly taken aback. "How-"

"Clarke told me... How could you think leaving would fix anything?" My body shivered slightly. The thought of him leaving me set me off.

"I thought that if I left it would keep you safe, but now I know it wouldn't." He muttered, a frightened expression on his face.

"I love you, Bellamy Blake. I don't care that you shot Jaha. I'm not mad that you did that. I'm mad because you didn't tell me... If this is ever going to work you need to be honest with me. Please Bellamy. I can't lose you either."

Bellamy wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "I'm so sorry, Tasha. I promise- I promise from now on I will never keep anything from you."

That night Bellamy and I laid in our tent, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, while my head rested comfortably against his chest. "Did you hallucinate?" He asked, burrowing his face in my hair.

I shook my head as I thought back to the other hallucinating. I had to admit it was kind of funny. "No, I didn't eat any. Did you?"

"Yea..." His voice trailed off as he held me tighter. I knew then that it must'nt have been good.

"What did you see?" I asked softly.

"Jaha, everyone on the ark... You."

I blinked a few times, rubbing his arm gently. "What happened?" I asked, although I had a feeling I already knew the answer.

"You were bleeding... Everywhere. I tried to help but you kept saying it was my fault... And then you were gone..." His voice trailed off, and I could hear the fear in his voice.

I sat up, turning so I could look at him. "Nothing is going to happen to me," I reassured him, kissing his jawline gently. "I'm not going to die."

Bellamy reached his hand up, caressing my cheek. "You don't know that."

I sighed. "You're right, I don't. But I know that I love you. And I know that I will do my best not to die."

"I've done terrible things..." He said quietly, running his fingers through my hair.

"We all have..." I replied gently, kissing his jawline. "We all do what we have to do to survive, Bell... If we don't, we'll die. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions that everyone may not understand. But whatever decisions you make, Bell, I promise I'll try to my best to understand them."

When I woke, I yawned quietly as I stared down at Bellamy's face. He was still asleep, his breathing slow and rhythmic. For once he looked at peace, he didn't have a glare on his face, or any attitude- just innocence, like when we were kids.

Bellamy protected me my entire life. Wherever I went Bellamy was there to catch me when I fell. Back then I just thought he was doing what friends do, but being on the ground made me realize he was more than a friend to me long before Octavia would joke about us getting married. That definitely seemed like a fairytale now. I leaned back into his arms, relishing in his warmth. The only thing I would wish for is more time. Time like this to just lay and hold each other. More time in our eternal bliss.

"What are you thinking about?" Bellamy asked from beside me, twisting his fingers through my hair.

"Time... I just wish we had more of it. Together, I mean."

"What are you talking about? We have lots of time."

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Bell, the grounders could attack at any moment. We aren't warriors- even if we have guns, they'll outwit us by using their own strategies they've deranged from living on this land for 97 years. What I'd give anything for is more time to appreciate this- having you hold me, be near me... I'm just afraid that one day I won't have that."

Bellamy sat up, taking me with him. He looked down into my eyes, a soft look on his face. "I'm not going anywhere. I know your afraid, I am too, but we can't let fear control us, alright?" He stroked my cheek soothingly, a smile appearing on his face. "Besides, I won't let anything happen to you."

I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Let's live in the moment, because right now it's all we have."

Bellamy's smiled widened as he pulled my body closer to his. "I love you."

I looked up into his eyes as Bellamy's hands began to roam my body. "I love you too."

*** I KNOW I HAVENT UPDATED IN FOREVER BUT I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THIS EXTRA LONG CHAPTER!***