Brooke sat in the car back to her home and thinking. She had been thinking since she left New York, since she got on the plane and since she got off the plane. Her mind has been focused on only one thing and that was Lucas. She hasn't talked to him since she left; she has called Gracie everyday and slowly made her not upset with her anymore but hasn't talked to Lucas.
Grace told her she understood a little but was having fun with Lucas and she loved him. And if she wasn't angry with not knowing then her mom shouldn't be. Brooke agreed told her she would say sorry when she got home and they would talk.
That was her plan, she was going to go home unpack and Lucas was going to head over with Gracie soon. Rachel had once again talked to Brooke about everything with Lucas and that she will lose him for good, but Brooke just didn't want to talk about it anymore.
She didn't want to talk about Sam or Lucas or anyone unless it was with Sam or Lucas. Hell she didn't even want to talk to Sam but figured sooner or later, praying to everything it was later, but she would have to talk to him.
She didn't want to know why he was back. She didn't want to know what he wanted and didn't know why he was sneaking around so much at first. Talking to Grace and then Lucas and then just showing up on her doorstep, what was he trying to do?
"Well I am all unpacked." Rachel says walking in and falling down on her best friend's bed. "You ready to see Luke?" she questioned and Brooke rolled her eyes.
"Rachel I am not like afraid of Lucas or something." She groaned wondering why every time Rachel mentioned Lucas it was like all worry like, like Brooke seeing Lucas will be weird or uncomfortable. Brooke will admit with everything that has happened between the two, with the breaking up and the pregnancy. With him saying he wanted to be there and would wait for her, and with him taking care of her while pregnant it was never awkward. It was never uncomfortable and in all the years Brooke has known Lucas Scott she has never had an awkward silence.
"Then why have you been so tensed about him coming over then?" Rachel smirked raising and eyebrow at her.
"I am not tense just wondering how this weekend went that's all." Brooke lied, and shrugged finishing putting away her clothes.
"Sure you are." Rachel fake agreed as she heard the front door open, "Looks like we are about to find out just how un-tense you are."
"You're so dumb." Brooke laughed walking out of her room to find her daughter and Lucas in the living room.
"Momma!" Grace smiled running over and hugging her mom. So she was still a little upset with all the fighting with Lucas but her mom promised to talk to him and plus this was her mom she could never stay mad at her long.
"Hey baby girl I missed you." Brooke smiled hugging her daughter tight. In all the 16 years of having Grace the last three days have been the longest she has ever been not seeing her daughter.
"I missed you too." She smiled pulling out of the hug and see's her mom looking over her shoulder at Lucas.
"Hey Luke." Brooke smiles a little sadly and he nods.
"Hey…" he smiles back wanting to walk over and hug her but figuring he shouldn't she may not him want to, "How was your trip?" he decided to say.
"It was really great. They really liked my stuff and I am hoping to get a call soon." Brooke explained.
"That's really great Brooke. I'm happy for you." he smiled and she just nodded as the room becomes silent.
"But you know Gracie I was about head and get something to eat for dinner. Why don't you come with me and pick up something?" Rachel suggested thinking then Brooke could have some time to talk without Grace here. And Rachel really didn't want Grace here if Brooke and Lucas fought because that would upset Grace.
"Umm…" Grace pauses tossing a glance between her mom and uncle.
"I'm actually really hungry would you mind Gracie?" Brooke asked, "Luke you hungry?" she asked and kind enjoy the smile he gets.
"Yeah." He smiles liking she invited him to eat, invited him to stay and that she isn't too pissed.
"Ok well then I guess we can go." Grace hesitantly decides grabbing her purse, "We will be right back, then we can talk about your trip." She smiles and hugs her mom before walking out leaving just Lucas and Brooke.
"I'm umm…glad you came in." Brooke says and he just nods, "I was kinda wanting to talk."
"Yeah I was too." Lucas agreed.
"You want something to drink?"
"Umm…sure." he nodded following her into the kitchen as she got them both a drink.
"Here you go." Brooke said handing it to him and leaning against the counter as both sat sipping their drink. Neither speaking just keeping their eyes locked on each other.
"Brooke…Luke..." they both say together making both crack a smile.
"Sorry you go ahead." Lucas waved for her to continue.
"I want to tell you something ok." she says and he just nods an ok, "But I want you to listen to it all first. Don't say anything because I just want to say it all."
"Ok tell me." he agreed a little nervous by what she is about to say.
"Ok…" Brooke breathed out sitting her drink on the counter before looking back at him, "I hate you." she says and sees his whole face fall, his whole body seem to crumble in front of her.
"Umm…" he starts but doesn't know what to say, I mean what do you say when a person who has meant as much as Brooke has to him says they hate you. Those are the last words you want to hear them say.
"I said don't interrupt." She said waving her hand at him and he just nods leaning up against the counter looking down away from her, "But I just need to say all this." she says again wanting to explain everything "Since I have moved here Lucas you have been some so important to me. You just weren't my boyfriend Lucas but you were my best friend. I could talk to you about anything and everything and I knew no matter what you would be there for me."
"I know you were that for me too." He says with a small dry laugh, not really getting this conversation and not really wanting to be listening to it right now if it ends with her hating him.
"But I think we never really talked about everything." She says and see him looked at her confused, "Like we broke up and god I was so mad at you. I seriously thought I would hate you forever for hurting me like that but then we go months without talking and then when I come to you being pregnant you were there for me and a part of me hated you for that."
"I'm…I'm sorry?" he said slightly confused.
"I wanted to be over you. I wanted to so bad and I think. I think when I came by that night I wanted you to shut me out. I wanted you to be mean tell me no, call me a slut I wanted you to do something."
"I would never do any of that too you." he whispers stepping closer to her.
"I know and I think that's why I hate you."
"I don't want you hating me Brooke."
"You were so perfect to me Lucas. After everything I did, everything I said to you, you were there for me. You were there every day, and whenever I called or when I need somewhere to stay you were there."
"I promised I was going to be."
"But you shouldn't have."
"Why?" Lucas whispered brushing her hair behind her ear, "Why didn't you want me taking care of you?"
"Because it made me relay on you to much and I think that's why I was so mad at you the other night." She told him and feeling her heart race by how close he was being to her.
"I'm sorry I should have told you." he sighed and Brooke nodded.
"You should have and I think I was mad because you promised to take care of me. Be with me all the time and never lie or leave and I guess I always believed you would. That you would protect me from everything because that's what you have always done and it wasn't fair to you putting all that on you." Brooke sighed looking down, "I guess the other night I realized you couldn't protect me from everything and that scared me and because of it I got mad at you."
"I'm still here Brooke."
"I know you are but you shouldn't be here Lucas." she sighed looking at him, "Lucas you shouldn't be here protecting me."
"Why? What am I supposed to be doing?"
"You are supposed to be living your life Lucas not taking care of me! You should have gone to the college you wanted to not the one that was close to me and Grace. You should be out doing the job you love not be a basketball coach at some school because again it's close to me and Grace. You should…" she trails off as a tear slowly makes its way down her cheek and the breath getting caught in her throat by what she is about to say next, "You should be out finding love Lucas."
"Brooke…" he sighs reaching up to wipe her tears like he has done so many times before but she just steps back from him and shaking her head because she knows as soon as he touches her she is a goner.
"You should be married with kids of your own and a wife you love. You should be doing that and not taking care of me." she chokes out and feels her heart break by it but knows it true. Lucas isn't supposed to be taking care of her it's not fair. She knows he has dated some, and had a couple girlfriends he cared for but as soon as they realized he put her first, that Gracie and her came before them, the girls would leave and be gone and most times Lucas didn't really seem to care.
"I am here because I want to be Brooke. I have always been here because I wanted to be. Not because I feel like I have to or because I feel guilty for everything that has happened I am here because I love being here."
"But no woman will love you being here. No woman wants to know you will put some little girl who isn't yours ahead of them and ya'lls relationship. We both know its true Lucas. We both know that every one of your past girlfriends got fed up with you coming running when I needed or called you and that is my fault and I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that and I will stop doing that."
"I don't want you to stop doing that Brooke." He argues walking over and taking her hand in his, "Gracie is mine. And maybe not in the since I am her blood but she is mine. I have been the one at every birthday, every dance recital and everything that has happened to her. I was there when she broke her arm after falling out of that tree in my front mom's front yard. And I was there when she woke up in the night crying. I was there when she was born and I was the one she first called daddy." He smiles remembering that day.
Flashback
"Luke I swear I wish she would just stop growing because she is getting where I can't even hold her anymore." Brooke laughs grabbing her 3 year old and switching her on her hip as they walked into Karen's café.
"Well I don't think she can stop growing Brooke. I hate to break it to you but babies grow up." Lucas laughs as he pulled out a chair.
"Yes I know that smart ass." Brooke laughs sitting down.
"Brooke Penelope Davis did you just curse in front of my sweet little innocent baby?" they hear turning to see Karen walking over and taking the small brunette from her mother's arms.
"It was a slip up but in my defense your son is just being a smart…" she starts but looks up at her daughter, "A-S-S." she spells out and they all laugh.
"Well no more talking like that in front of my baby isn't that right Gracie?" Karen cooed at her little girl in her arms, who in her eyes was her grandbaby, since Brooke's parent kicked her out and Brooke lives with Karen and Lucas. She saw Gracie everyday she loves the little girl and blood or not this was her grandchild.
"Right." Gracie agreed clearly not sure what they were talking about. "Grandma Karen can I have a cookie?" Gracie asked giving her that famous Brooke Davis begging look. Where her lip is poked out and her little hands to her chest like she was praying.
"Only if one its ok with your mom and two you give me a hug?" Karen agreed.
"Mommy can I please have a cookie. Please, Please. Please!" she begged and Lucas just laughed since she was her mother in every way.
"Yes baby girl you can." Brooke agrees knowing she was terrible at telling her no.
"Yay!" Gracie squealed hugging Karen tight. "I love you Grandma Karen." The three year old smiled as Karen gave her a cookie.
"Well I love you too baby girl." Karen smiles, as she handed Gracie back to Brooke.
"Well do you not love me?" Brooke pretends to pout as Gracie ate her cookie.
"I love you mommy." Grace smiles but not paying much attention as she finishes her cookie.
"Well that sounded real." Brooke fake frowned.
"Don't worry Brooke she is eating, and one thing you can't talk to any Davis when food is around." Lucas teases getting a laugh from his mom and a smack to the older brunette.
"I hate you Lucas Scott." Brooke pouted making him pretend to frown.
"Well that hurts bad Pretty Girl real bad." he sighs placing his hand on his heart and looking down and trying to not laugh.
"Good." Brooke says proudly and Lucas pretends to sniffle.
"Mommy!" Grace said upset squirming out of her lap and running over to Lucas. "Don't cry." Gracie says taking her little baby hand and wiping his invisible tears making everyone laugh, "I love you daddy." She smiles kissing his cheek and completely missing the looks on everyone's face around.
Missing the look on her mother's face who's heart completely broke by it because she wished that was true but it's not. And she missed the look on the boy in questions face that wanted to smile but knew he couldn't, because even if he wanted it to be true he wasn't her daddy. And she missed the look on the older woman behind her who just witnessed her son's heart shatter in front of her.
Gracie's innocents missed it all and when she pulled herself up into Lucas's lap snuggling herself close to him, Lucas couldn't help but wrap his arms tight around her little body, kiss her head softly and whisper, "I love you too baby girl."
Flashback Over
"Don't take that away from me Brooke." He sighs shaking the thoughts of one of the happiest moments in his life, right next to holding Grace the first time and right next to Brooke saying she loved him the first time, "Because I wouldn't be anywhere else."
"Lucas it's not fair that you put your life on hold for me." Brooke sighs as tears fall slowly down her cheeks.
"I didn't but it on hold Brooke." He groans throwing his hands up in the air and falling back against the counter, "I love Grace. She is mine don't take her away from me. Don't push me away from her because you are scared!"
"I'm not scared Lucas! I'm not scared of anything about this!" Brooke argues. "I just don't want you looking back in the next few years realizing that you lost so much of your life because you were taking care of me. Of us. I told you that night Lucas I didn't want you giving up your dreams for me and you did it anyway."
"That was my decision! That was my choice to go to college close to you and come back here. It was my decision to come when you called and it was my decision to end a relationship because they couldn't understand that Grace was important to me!" he argues because it's true he lost a girlfriend or so and maybe sometimes he really cared for them but it didn't matter because Grace would always come first. Always no matter what she was the one he put first and if someone couldn't understand that, if a girl couldn't still be with him while he loved Gracie they weren't the one. Yet he knew also they would never be the one because he knew the only woman to ever still love him for loving Grace was standing in this kitchen with him and for reasons he will never understand is constantly pushing him away.
"But it was my decision to sleep with him." she barely whispers. "I should have taken you back." she cries falling against the counter shaking her head.
"But if you did you wouldn't have had Gracie." Lucas tells her in a calmer tone once again taking her hand in his and rubbing it softly.
"I might have. I might have had her still but she just might have looked different. Looked like you and have your personality." Brooke cries regretting everything she has ever done as Lucas pulls her into a hug.
"But I wouldn't change this Gracie. I wouldn't change what she is or looks like. I wouldn't want to go back because if I did then Gracie may not be here and I don't think any of us could handle not having her here." Lucas smiles thinking about it as he holds Brooke tight and rubs his hand slowly up and down her back.
"She deserves better. She deserves having a father who loves her and didn't run when he found out. She deserves so much more then I give her."
"Hey..." Lucas says pulling out of their hug ""Look at me." Lucas orders but she just looks down, "Brooke." He says taking his hand and lifting her chin to look at him, "You are the best mother. Grace loves you so much and it would kill her if she thought for a second you thought you didn't do a great job with her."
"But look what I have given her Lucas. We live in a small apartment with not much space to move. She rides a damn bus to school unless she finds someone to take her and she has to wear clothes that are sometimes too small and I have to make bigger because I can't afford to get her new ones every time she needs them. I have given her nothing Lucas!"
"You love her Brooke." He smiles brushing a piece of hair out of her face, "You love her and take care of her. You listen to her when she needs someone and you don't hover but you are still a fantastic mom. She trusts you with everything and I bet you everything she is so much happier than those kids whose parents giving them everything they wish for. You are her best friend, her mom and I will kill for the day I get to have someone love me as much as that little girl loves you." he smiles and Brooke for the first time since this talk started smiles, a real smile, a real Brooke Davis grin.
"There I go relaying on you again." she says with a small laugh letting her body fall into him and he holds her tight, "I missed you." she whispers and closes her eyes when she feels him kiss the top of her head and holding her tighter then whispering "I missed you too Pretty Girl."
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in what seems like forever. However I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope someone is still out there reading this story haha please review and let me know what you think.
