AN: So this is just a little something I whipped up for The Green Eyed Cat who wanted to see Joker and Alfred bonding. I hope you like it girl.

Oh! Before I forget: Does anyone have any requests? My plan for the next few chapters is to do a series of short stories but I only have a few ideas and would love to know what everyone would like to see.

It's funny, I hadn't planned to do as many chapters as I have and yet I still want to add more. I'm not complaining, I'm enjoying writing these characters, I just hope you all are enjoying what I'm coming up with too.

Disclaimer: You know and I know that I don't own anything recognizable here, but who's going to tell the Joker that?

It had been a week since the Dream machine/Harley Quinn/Batmobile incident and Joker had yet to catch even a glimpse of Batman, he'd seen plenty of Bruce, but no Batman.

"He gets this way sometimes, just give him some space and he'll be back to normal before you know it." Bruce had said reassuringly after the fourth day of the silent treatment.

But it had been a week now and he'd had enough!

It was making him feel unwanted, especially after what they had shared.

Going to the secret entrance Bruce had shown him, Joker was about to barge on through when he was brought up short by a polite cough behind him.

"Would sir care for a cup of tea? It might be more palatable than what sir is about to do." Turning on his heel Alfred left the Joker to trail behind.

Curiosity getting the better of him the clown had followed.

"I realize I have yet to thank you for the notes you made about Strange's machine, I do not know what I would have done without them." Alfred said as he poured them each a cup of tea and then took a seat across from the ex-villain.

"And I also want to give you, as they say, a 'heads up' now that you have earned their trust." Joker looked up in surprise at that, not having expected that out of the old man.

"Yes, surprising, I know; but you must understand that I don't want you to make the same mistakes I have made over the years." And almost lost that trust with them, Alfred almost added but didn't; though he felt that the clown had heard him anyway.

"So you're saying that I shouldn't just go barging on down to the cave, yelling my head off. I'm assuming that's why you stopped me from doing so." The butler gave a small grin at that as he took a sip of his tea and set his cup down.

"Precisely so, though there is more to it than that." Joker sipped his own tea- the best he'd ever had he would happily admit- and waited for the old man to gather his thoughts together.

"Batman doesn't trust easily, as I'm sure you are aware, and I'm afraid I didn't help matters when he first presented himself as a full and separate personality. I... panicked. He was just so different from Bruce, and Bruce had already been having such a difficult time after his parents..." Alfred took a breath and pushed those memories back, now was not the time to relive those moments but to relay them.

"Batman- then called only B or Batty by Bruce but never giving himself a name until he took Batman as his moniker- and I butted heads more than once when it came to what was best for Bruce. I tried my best to help the young Master, but he refused to speak with any of the therapists I took him to and only drew further into himself the more I pushed him to talk, and so it was months before I finally realized that B was there solely to help and protect Bruce; but by then the damage was done, B had learned not to rely on anyone else but himself for anything. Especially when it came to protecting Bruce." Joker laid a hand on Alfred's in a comforting gesture, realizing that he was probably the first to ever hear the butler's side of these events and see the emotional strain the old man had been under for so long.

Taking the unexpected comfort offered by the Joker to heart, Alfred continued.

"Over the years I have strived to regain the trust I destroyed in those first crucial months, and to some extent I have, but you can still see the effects of the damage I caused today." Alfred looked up at Joker with a watery smile and laid out the guidelines he'd come up with over the years.

"First off: Batman's cave is his sanctuary- do not enter it unless invited, called for, escorted down by either Batman or Bruce or have a valid reason to be down there. B first created it as safe place where he and Bruce could just be themselves, and he gets upset, very upset, if anyone goes down there unannounced or unexpected. It was nearly a year after he began working on it that I was finally allowed down there, and that was even with Bruce's constant endorsement." Joker squeezed Alfred's hand that was still being held by his own, grateful for the earlier save, but the butler wasn't done yet.

"Secondly: don't argue with either of them about their own health, neither man will even listen- if you have a concern over a heath or eating issue address Batman with it in regards to worrying about Bruce and vise versa, that is the only way to make either of them listen and not shut you out." Joker smirked at that, realizing that that was advice he could definitely use to his advantage.

"Thirdly: whatever you do, do not take sides when they argue- you will never win and both will become angry with you no matter whose side you were on because it will have hurt the other that you didn't side with them and they can not stand to see each other suffer in any way. Just give noncommittal answers and try to leave the room as soon as you can, without an audience watching they usually settle down quickly." Joker wondered just how much Bruce and Batman actually fought if Alfred had a rule concerning what to do when they did.

"And finally: Batman likes Rocky Road ice cream and Bruce hates it, the same goes for Bruce loving Rainbow Sherbet and Batman hating it- keep both on hand at all times but never let them know because they have both ordered for neither item to ever be brought into this household again. Though, between you and me, they each love sneaking a bowl of their favorite right under the others' nose at least once a week." Breaking out into snickers that quickly turned into peals of laughter, Joker decided then and there that he really liked Alfred.

An hour later when Bruce finally wrested Batman out of the cave, and the online orders he'd been finalizing- Bruce had agreed to keep quiet about the Playroom Batman was setting up for him and Joker, but only because he was hesitantly thinking some of those devises looked like fun- the two made their way to the kitchen in search of dinner and the Joker, but not necessarily in that order.

"So then B came to the fore before Bruce could say anything and popped the bully in the nose, nearly breaking it and making the older boy wet himself." Joker's laugh at the story Alfred was telling him from Bruce and Batman's childhood was quickly cut off as Bruce walked into the kitchen and caught them doing the dishes together.

"We saved you some dinner, it's should still be hot, it's on the plate sitting on the stove." Joker directed with a smile as he began drying the dish Alfred handed to him.

Bruce and Batman just stared at the duo before walking over and taking the covered plate, each feeling mortified by the stories Alfred might have already told or have been about to tell.

No more leaving them alone together, B, I don't think I could take it.

Agreed.