Yo! Thank you soo much for those who reviewed! Anyway, here's the next chapter. Even if it sucks, please read it! And… try to enjoy at the very least…Long live Hiro Mashima!
Disclaimer: I do now own Fairy Tail, even if I would ever wish to.
''Hi!'', she giggled.
He couldn't believe this was happening for real. Did she just say she was glad they met? She was happy? So he didn't reply.
''So what's up? Why are you up so late?''
He hesitated, but seeing her good intentions, he dared:
''Why are you also up this late?''
''Couldn't sleep.'', she smiled friendly.
He still stared dizzily upon her, but then he also smiled.
''Yeah, me too.''
''So what were you doing out here?''
''Just walking. It's really refreshing.''
Natsu still wasn't able to believe it was true. It seemed too beautiful to be true and he almost didn't dare to speak. What if he would say something wrong and she would get mad at him again. ''It's pretty boring indoors, right?''
She opened her mouth to say she didn't have time to get bored, but she stopped thinking loneliness made activities also seem boring.
''Y-Yeah…''
They were now walking side by side, slowly approaching nowhere.
''You know…'', she giggled. ''I am so glad I finally get to speak with somebody.''
He still wasn't sure she was happy to be with him or with anybody.
''E-Even if that somebody is me?''
''Huh? What do you mean? Of course. I got so bored that even a talking… bug… would've been all right.'', she laughed. No, she didn't get what he meant.
''Are you not having enough company at school?''
''Well, I have just too much to do. I… don't have time to just sit and talk. But now that you mention it, it truly is my fault for feeling so lonely. I guess friends will always be there, you just have to go to them.''
''Um… I… I still don't get it. Why do you feel so lonely? Aren't you surrounded by people?''
''It's… not the same… People are everywhere, but I am nowhere. I mean I am also everywhere, but I just don't… give them any of my time…''
She paused.
''Now that I say it out loud, it sounds really bad and it makes me feel guilty. It sounded better in my mind.''
''Sooo… what kind of activities do you do?''
''It's pretty funny. I joined so many clubs! Lately, I had so much energy that I couldn't stop moving, while I just slept while classes. It's terrible! I will have to repeat a year if I don't do anything about my grades. So while I spend like ten hours at school, when I get home I do my homework and study for the rest of the day and pretty much of the night. Everybody tells me I should sleep more because my excuse for taking naps in classes is that I don't get enough sleep home at night, but the truth is that I just can't sleep. It's not too much energy nor being nervous or anything, I just can't sleep. And that is the time when I feel like the loneliest person in the world. There were a few nights when I just walked outdoors and I felt so random as if I was walking in the middle of the day. Oh, right, you asked me what activities I do. Well, I have to meet up with the basketball team leader, like, half an hour a day, then every break, that by the way, don't you think they are too short? Anyway, every break I have to plan things up with the football team for the coming up game, then there are the teachers, who always ask me help them with different things since they say I'm really fast and I can deliver the principal some papers or who knows what. Oh, yeah, then there is also Mr. Yellow. You do remember Mr. Yellow, right? The one you beat up last time? I seriously think you should beat him up again, and this time I am never going to help him again. He is just sooo annoying! He keeps on holding me up to tell me the story of his poor life and to show his gratitude. He… looks like he is worshiping me! And also, I like playing the piano very much. A few weeks ago, my tea-''
Natsu couldn't hold his laughter anymore. He burst with his mouth wide opened. Lucy just stared at him, not being able to reply to his actions. The rest of her sentence was left hanging up in the air.
''What's wrong?'', she said lightly and a little hurt.
''N-Nothing, I'm sorry.'', he tried to stop his laughing. ''Nothing at all. Sorry for interrupting.''
She stopped walking, making him stop also. She still stared in his eyes with a wide look.
''What's so funny?''
''Nothing, Lucy, I told you.''
''Then why did you suddenly start laughing, interrupting me rudely?'', she frowned at him.
They started walking again. He wasn't laughing anymore, but a smile still occupied his while lips.
''Jeez…'', she said.
''It's… it's just that '', he still smiled. ''I think it's funny and cute that you… um…''
''That I what?''
''Um… nevermind…''
''Natsu! Come on! That I what?''
He squeezed his eyes.
''Talk much!''
Lucy gasped dramatically.
''No…! You didn't say it!''
''I told you, it think it's really cute and-''
''That's ruuuudeee! You're meeeeaaan!'', she thrust out her tongue and punched him easily.
He laughed. They both laughed.
''M-Maybe it's because I haven't talked to anybody in a ages. I'm sorry.'', she smiled sadly.
''So um… uh… that's why you are glad you met someone, right?''
''Yep.''
She looked at the top of her old blue shoes, playing with the windbreaker's zip happily.
''So… um… a-are you still… um…glad?''
''Huh?''
''Are you still… glad… that you uh… met me?''
''Why of course.'', she looked in his eyes. ''Didn't you already ask me this a while ago? What are you trying to reach?''
''N-Nothing. You just took me by surprise. I never imagined you would feel all right in my company.''
''…huh…'', was what she was able to say while her little smile got even smaller.
I guess I am risking a lot by saying this. What if she gets angry again?, Natsu thought nervously.
''I bet you're thinking you are risking a lot by saying these things to me.'', Lucy said still looking at the ground as she walked slowly beside him. Or not really, since he suddenly stopped.
''What?'', he said shocked.
''I'm just saying that you are probably afraid you would anger me.'' She giggled not so happy. ''Huh. Sorry. At least that's what I would've done. You are probably just enjoying these moments, without any fear.''
''N-No… It seems impossible, but this is exactly what I was thinking. How in the world did you know…?''
She showed her surprise only a moment, then she rose her shoulders.
''Dunno. Anyway, so I was right. That means you are afraid.''
''Y-Yeah, you can say so.''
''Putting the fact that I already knew how you must feel aside, I want you to tell me why.''
''Why what?''
''Don't play dumb. Why are you afraid you would anger me?''
''I think you already know. This is how you would've also feel, right? You should know.''
''Well, I guess. I would be afraid… because… you might not believe me, but I even scare myself when I am angry. It…'', she hugged herself, feeling a shiver at her back. ''It freaks me out.''
''Really?''
She said nothing, because this was one of those stupid questions when no one ever said 'no, I was just kidding'.
''Well… this is not the reason I am afraid to anger you.''
She looked him in the eyes, stopping her walk. She wasn't happy anymore, she was more like hurt.
''Then why? Do I not freak you out, too? Do I not make you hate me?''
''These are the same questions I ask myself. About you. Do I not make you hate me? No, wait, maybe they were like Why do I make you hate me?'', he slowly closed the distance between them. ''Just what can I do not to make you hate me? This is what's killing me every second of the day.''
Tears started appearing in her eyes. Their eyes were stuck in each others'.
''You still didn't say why do you not want to anger me.''
''Didn't you say you are scared of yourself when you are like that? I don't want you to be scared, so I try not to anger you.''
Since he was taller than her, she was now inches apart from him, looking up in his dark eyes that seemed even darker in the night.
Then she frowned.
''You liar. You just made that up, didn't you?''
He laughed easily. His arms started surrounding her, then she found herself caught up in a hug.
''I don't want to lose you, Lucy.''
She felt his breath in the back of her ear.
''When you are angry, it makes me feel cold and lonely. When you shout at me, you seem miles away, not beside me. And I am starting to feel alone. When you are angry, it makes my heart ache because you don't love me as I do.''
She flinched and he squeezed her even more, as like he felt the pain in his own words.
''When you are angry, you tell me you hate me.''
She saddened.
''And when you say you hate me, it feels like a mountain just fell on my very shoulders. I fought many, many powerful men in my life and I never lost. But the weight of your word is the one thing in the world I can't handle. You are something I would never be able to handle.''
She felt a tear rolling down her cheek while she squeezed her eyes. This hurt her. And then, the awkward silence came. It felt so warm in his arms.
He laughed easily again, but by the sound of his voice Lucy could tell he was also crying.
''Say something'', he literally whipped. ''Don't make me suffer anymore, please, don't just keep silent. ''
''Natsu…'', she said. ''Dog staring.''
Natsu released her and found himself looking at a little puppy who looked at the two with surprise. Then, realizing he had been discovered, he lost interest and went away. Natsu wiped away his tears a little ashamed, then started walking with his hands in his pockets and with his look on the ground. She followed him also ashamed for not being able to talk and for using dogs as an excuse for this fact. The awkward silence fell in again.
''Natsu…'', she breathed in bravely trying to speak. ''First of all… um…''
She waited a few moments and so did he.
''I… never said I still… hated you…'', she whispered, but he heard her loud and clear. And he flinched. ''I… I'm not even sure if I ever did… ''
She found herself wishing the ground would just swallow her.
''What do you mean?'' He first spoke with a whisper, than louder and even louder. ''What do you mean, I was able to see all that hate in your eyes! I… felt it! How can you tell me you didn't?''
''Natsu, don't shout at me!'', she also shouted. Tears were rolling down on the cheeks of them both. ''I don't know! When I see you, I just anger!''
They probably woke up a few people.
''Actually, this is the first time in ages I met you without feeling any anger. Did-''. The hic-cups came next. ''Did I ever hated you? I don't know anymore! I don't know anything anymore.''
She almost fell down because of her weak knees, but he caught her just in time. He held her tight among his chest. His cry wouldn't stop.
''Are you telling me all this time, you were just angry? Are you telling me you actually don't hate me?''
''I don- hic – don't know! I just don't know anything anymore.''
''But now. Do you hate me now?''
She hugged him back, burying her face in her black coat, being hurt by the big buttons, trying to stop her tears. This is when Natsu felt he loved her more than ever. He didn't just like her, this wasn't just a crush, he loved her. This beautiful little body under his look, this poison in his body he couldn't live without…this huge hole in his heart he felt the need to fill it with her. He combed his fingers through her hair squeezing her so much that neither of them was able to breathe anymore.
''No I don't. I am so- hic – sorry that I made you suffer so much. I am really really sorry.'', she wanted to be released from his awkward grip, but it felt so comfortable, and he wouldn't let her go anyway.
''It's all right, this is all that matters for me now. I want you to know, that even if you hate me, even if you ever hated or will hate me, every day I am falling in love with you even more.''
She pushed him to let her breathe. He finally untied her, but he needed a lot of control for not using his powerful side to have her all for himself. He wanted so much to kiss her, but he was even more scared of making her angry or, who knows, angering himself and not being able to get a control at all.
''This is where you're wrong.'', she faced the ground. Her hands still rested on his chest and her unstoppable crying somehow… stopped. ''You… don't love me.''
His eyes widened in surprise. He did love her. And he did so much, she had no idea.
''What are you talking about? I love you, Lucy.''
Her eyes faced his. This time, they weren't filled with happiness like they were a few minutes ago. Everyone knew her emotions changed extremely fast. This time, she was a little angry. And this is when Natsu flinched and felt his fear more than ever. He truly had thought and believed that there was hope, at least for this night, when she wouldn't look at his with this look. He had hoped she would e happy all the time.
''No. You're wrong, Natsu.''
He was too surprised to say anything.
''What do you mean? How would you know? You have no idea ho-''
''YOU DON'T!'', she screamed, but then calmed a little down. ''You don't! And I would lie if I said it didn't matter for me at all. Because it did matter! It made me sad every time I thought about it! I tried to pretend I didn't notice it, but I did, and you know that very well.''
''What? What are you talking about?'', he asked freaked out because his fear turned out to be true. His heart was beating faster.''
''The one you love is not me. It's Hikari. And I am only a mirror where you see her instead of me. The one you love only looks like this.'', she said pointing her body. Her hands were no longer on his chest. ''But you wouldn't love me for what's in here.''
She pointed the place where her heart was.
''And that only makes it hurt even more, because I think –of course, why would he love me, what I did was only hurt him while he was so good to me-!''
She widened her eyes, realizing she just revealed something meant to be unknown. And so did he. A little smile appeared on his lips. This was a huge relief. Then a bigger one covered the first smile. He giggled.
''So that's what it is. I see.''
Lucy looked at him shocked.
''I see…?'' Her knees weakened once more this night. ''I see? Is this all you are able to say? Is this all you have to say after I just…''
Her look fogged up and new tears appeared. Her cheeks were already so hot from crying. Natsu rose her chin up forcing her to look into his eyes, even though it was so dark that they could barely see. He still smiled.
''Lucy… I have never loved anyone as I love you.''
Her eyes searched his, like trying to read in them if he was telling the truth or not.
''But Hikari?''
''No, not even Hikari. Hikari was a girl I loved, but she is gone, and even if I wished she was here, and I must admit I do many times, I know that would be impossible. The first time I saw you in the second grade, painful memories stroke me. I tried to stay away from you, but I just kept thinking about you more and more until you even haunted my dreams. I started thinking of you as Hikari, but a Hikari I would never reach, many years. But something was different about you and Hikari. Not much, you were acting the same as her, but something soon made me forget about Hikari and made me start falling in love with you. Some people don't believe in the second love, but I do. Because my proof is right here, before my very eyes. And I love it more than you could ever imagine. Hikari is just my excuse. The one I love is you, Lucy.''
Lucy was biting her lower lip, trying not to burst into cries. This was, after all, the most beautiful thing she had ever heard from someone. She looked with wide eyes into his. His words ringed in her mind, but she heard nothing. For now, all that she was aware of was his fingers pulling the back of her head slowly toward him, which gave her a great shiver. His other hand wrapped around her waist and he was getting closer. She wasn't able to breathe anymore. Her heart stopped.
Then, his lips slowly pressed over hers showing the hunger he has been enduring all this time. Against her own will. After all, even if she wanted…
…She felt nothing for him.
Sooooo? How was it? . .REVIEW.!
