Stay Sane

By Rikku Minouke

Chapter inspired by: own experience, David Grey, Death Cab for Cutie

Dedicated to: my cousin Pammy (bless her soul) and her surviving family, and also to Rissa (I hope you're doing better)

Botan was wakened by the sound of the phone ringing next to her ear. She had gone home because it was the weekend and on such days Hiei's family stayed over night and all day. The persistent ringing got onto Botan's nerves so she reached over and snatched it up.

"Yeah?" was as pleasant as she could be this early in the morning. From the noise that came from the opposite end of the line, Botan pulled the telephone away from her ear for a moment. "Girls, girls please, quieter and slower, what's today?"

"Botan, every year we go out today, I can't believe you forgot!" Shizuru complained.

"Get outta bed miss lazy bones!" Keiko giggled.

"The guys are ready and getting annoyed that you haven't called in the troops. Come on it's eight thirty, move it," Shizuru said sounding like a drill sergeant.

"What?! Eight thirty?" Botan asked and fell back against her pillows. "Why did you wake me up so early? Especially on a Saturday?"

"Botan, it's the weekend before labor day," Keiko said like it was obvious and Botan groaned and rolled to stuff her face into her fluffy purple pillow. "Yes that's right, we're going to the State Fair, now get your butt up or Yusuke's going to go over there and pull you out."

"I didn't think we were going because…" Botan started to stand up only to stop with her feet resting on the wood floor. She stared at her toes waiting for Keiko to answer.

"We're still going," Keiko said quietly. "We figured that he would want us to keep going on with it as usual. Yukina won't be with us this year though…"

"Okay, you guys can then head on down, I should be ready by the time you guys all get here," Botan stood and said good bye before hanging up and grabbing some clothes. It was a humid day so Botan put on shorts and a blue tee shirt with white tennis shoes and a knap sack to hold everything from water bottles to prizes won. She was ready in ten minutes, having only to put her hair in a long braid still.

Searching her room for where a pony tail binder could be Botan opened a drawer to find Hiei's clothes the doctor had given her. Forgetting her previous mission Botan took the ring box out of the pants, which were on top. With her forefinger Botan opened the lid to gaze down at the engagement ring. It was pretty and small, something that showed love and not money.

She picked up the small thin gold band, holding it carefully between her thumbs and forefingers. A tear fell from her eyes and then more came after it. Slowly Botan slipped it on to her left hand. Staring at the small diamond in the center of the band Botan wished for Hiei to wake up.

"I don't want to say good bye…"

Time seemed to stand still as she gazed at the ring on her finger.

"I don't want to lie to myself…"

Thoughts of Hiei and her crashed down from above and broke in front of her.

"I know there was no us before or ever will be…"

Visions of Hiei and Ayame fluttered before her eyes.

"That all I have is that one night to remember forever…"

The two of them happy with this ring on her slender finger.

"I guess that's all I really need, but I wanted a little more…"

Her walking down the aisle, him eager to take her in his arms.

"I want to be her; I want to be with you, I just want…."

Hiei and Ayame holding hands, smiling at each other walking down the street toward their home.

"I don't want to be out of your life…"

A thought flickered of Hiei and Botan together, of what it might be like if the two were to turn out together.

"I want to know what it's like…"

Of Botan and Hiei growing old and happy together.

"To be in your barrier again…"

Of them enjoying every single day of the rest of their life together.

"But this time, for more then an evening…"

A small creak of Botan's bedroom door shutting snapped her back to reality where she hid her left hand behind her back and faces her visitor. It was Keiko who looked sad, but sympathetic. Her smile was quaint but enlivens which made Botan feel a bit at ease. She took small steps closer to the bluette, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and looking up into her friends face.

"I know you're wearing the ring," Keiko whispered never taking her eyes away from Botan's. "There's no need to hide it, I heard some of the things you said and I saw the way you looked at it. Plus I already know your feelings for him. It was only a matter of time before you tried it on. I would have done the same thing."

"How long have you been here?" Botan asked and without waiting for her to answer she kept on talking. "Oh no, the others are here to, they must have saw me or at least heard me!" Her left hand came out from behind her to look at the ring. Keiko placed her hand on top of it and her smile widened.

"It'll be alright Botan," She told her and removed her hand. "Everyone else is in your kitchen looking for snacks to bring. I'll go now to let you finish getting ready. Next time don't space out for half an hour." With one fleeting glance Keiko left Botan's room.

Sigh Botan put the ring back and whipped her tears away. The she quickly found a binder and braided her hair before leaving with the others. On the few minute car ride to St. Paul Botan sat in the back seat of Kuwabara's mini van staring out the window at the passing buildings.

Shizuru and Keiko talked about what they wanted to see as Kurama mentioned seeing the Grand Stand and Kazuma and Yusuke only talked about the Mid Way to win prizes. Botan thought about Hiei and how he would want to eat and stop at his favorite stations booth which would be a hard rock music booth.

"Yay! We're here! Who says we go to the Beer Gardens first?" Yusuke asked slamming the passenger door shut as everyone else piled out of the back. Kuwabara quickly agreed and the group bought tickets and headed inside the fair.

Hey everyone, yeah I took me longer then normal to update, been so busy and tired and oh crap school starts tomorrow…ewwie. Anyways I know that a lot of people read this and not so many review, if u like review me please, come on, seriously like not even one fourth the review, I get happy and update quicker when people review me.

Also some of you might recall that a couple years ago my cousin died at the somewhat young age of 34. Everyone called her Pammy and she was a sweetheart to everyone. My family was very close to her and every year I wear black on the week she died, Thanksgiving, in remembrance of her.

She was an alcoholic and fell and hit her head badly and had to be rushed to the exact hospital that Hiei is in his coma state of mind in this story, Hennepin County Medical Center. The doctors went in to check how much damage she suffered but having so much alcohol in her blood, after the surgery her blood wouldn't clot and she fell into a coma and never came out. The day before Thanksgiving she was pronounced dead. Her husband shortly after put himself into an alcoholic rehab, I have heard recently that he is sober.

This story is really close to my heart and I give my sympathy for anyone who has lost someone or is close to such. It's a horrible thing to go through and that was the saddest funeral I have ever been present at.

Yesterday I had the privilege to see Pammy's son and some of the things we did together I have indeed added into this one, although he doesn't know that. Because of him I wrote this chapter for you, seeing him and how good he is doing and how much he looks like his mother. So please everyone I hope you all the best and if there is anything I can do to help with a situation don't hesitate to ask. Be careful and don't get hurt, whatever you do!

Review me please! Will update quicker that way!

Rikku Minouke