YO ME HEARTIES! PZ450 IS BACK! WID MA STOREH!
Okay, okay. Blah blah blah
Zelda: Yeah HI
Link: Sup
Anjean: GET ON THE FEKKIN TRAIN
Anjean that was really rude
Zelda: She doesn't own The Legend Of Me.
Okay on wid da story den.
"Ciela what are you doing?" Zelda asked. Well. Actually, she said "YO FAIRY WHAT THE (&(& r u DOEN?"
"I AM HYPYERVENTALATING BECAUSE THAT BRIDGE IS BROKEN AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
"OH **&! Link hit the brakes! NOW!" Zelda shouted.
"Whaaaat? Oh yeah. The brakes. Now. K dude." Replied Linkeh. And he stopped at a station! "Wow! Who knew there was a tiny station sitting all the way out here? Why don't we see who lives in that house over there?" Then he paused. "Wait that's your line Me Heartie Zelduh!"
"Okay Elf Man. Let's go and visit the house." Said the floating dudette. SO they ran like loons to the house but before they could go anywhere the postbox started doing a jig! Then the postbox grew a face and said, "Welcome to the new postbox 5000! The talking posbox!" And then the weird trainy postman came along like CHOOOG!
"Hey hey howdy mister! I've got a letter for ye from ye olde mr Beedle! He said something about opening up a shop in a hot air balloon! Wacky! Here's your letter! Here you go! Bye! Have a pleasant day! Bye! Have a pleasant day! Bye! Have a pleasant day!"
"I think he broke." Said Ciela. "He is, after all a mere NPC!"
"So are- wait what's a npc?" Asked Link
"Non-Playable Character."
"I knew that."
Then they remembered what they were previously doing and ran like loons to the house! Inside there was… NO-ONE! That's RUDE! But then Link walked forward a millimetre so a random dude appeared from behind a wall and said "Okay Linebeck. This is your big moment. Make mama proud, remember your lines. Your ol' granddad did it jez fine. Okay Linebeck! GO!"
"Dude we're already shooting" Said the camera man.
"Oh sorry. K…Sooo.. GREETINGS SQUIRT! What can I do for you? What do you want, you rupeeless- OH MY GODDESS MY AWESOME THEME DA NAAAA DA NAAA DA NA NANANANANANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAAA ETC! – Okay – You rupeeless ragamuffin?"
"Actually I have 558889393939393 rupees that I stolborrowed from Zelda here."
"Where?"
"Oh yeah you can't see her. Oh well. Carry on."
"Okay. Well THIS IS NO PLACE FOR THE LIKES OF YOU! Go on now! Shoo! Get out of here! Hmm? What's that you say? Who am I?"
Link would have said 'No I said, why are you so freakishly weird?' but the only options were Yeah! And Tell Me! So he said "Yeah!"
"Heh, listen well and remember the name squirt! I'm Linebeck III, president of Linebeck Trading! I hunt down the rarest antiques from around the world…AND POO ON THEM!"
"Linebeck we are following the script please! NOT telling him about your habits of poo!" Said the angry cameraman. (The author speaks Latin! So you could also say CAMERAMAN EST IRATUS!)
"Oh Sorry!" Said Linebeck. "And I sell them to the highest bidder! How's that for an introduction?"
"It was *&*&." Said Ciela.
"Oh. Well did I just blow you away?"
"Not really." Said Link.
"FEH! Urchins like you prove that the youth of today are just clueless! I've got work to do and you're in my way! Go find somewhere else to loaf!"
"Okay Bye." Said Link and found somewhere else to loaf. But loafing was boring! So Link started talking to Alfonzo on the phone. Alfonzo told Link that Link's latest order from , the book "101 ways to successfully flirt with princesses" had arrived! So as Link entered the weird hut thing that Linebeck III lived in, he said "You rock!" Over the phone but Linebeck III thought that Link was addressing HIM!
"Well… It's true. I AM pretty spectacular! You know, I hadn't noticed this before, but you possess a certain charm, squirt! But what are you doing here? You don't look like you've got some treasure ripe for pooing on to sell!"
"Well it's so emotional! I was trying to get to the ocean realm to try out my new flirting techniques with the pretty princess…"
Zelda turned around like WHAT?! But Link carried on.
"But the bridge was out! Isn't it depressing?"
"Hmm? You're trying to get to the ocean land, but the bridge is out?" Repeated Linebeck III.
"Well yes. That's what I just said."
"Well that's a sticky situation, isn't it?" Agreed Linebeck.
"YES."
"I agree that the bridge is a sad mess!"
In the distance, the bridge cried because it was a sad mess until a random walking female bridge came down the river and said "YOU'RE A FIT BRIDGE. WANNA GO OUT?"
Anyway. Back to Link and Linebeck III.
"The huge storms we had really did a number on it." Linebeck III continued, "I was going to call a bridge worker I know in the snow land to fix the mess. But with the Spirit Tracks vanishing, I've got bigger fish to fry! See, I deal with merchants all over the world, and I can't get anywhere now! Wait… You're an engineer aren't you? Well that's just perfect! Go fetch that bridge worker so we can both get on with our business. Sound good?"
In Link's mind, link was thinking "NO YOU &*"&&"^£&! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE SNOW REALM GO YOURSELF!" But then he remembered 101 ways to successfully flirt with princess and said "Ok."
YYYYYYAH HAH! Said Linebeck. YYYYAH HAH! That was very weird, thought the author!
"Woooooo hoo! I knew I liked you squirt! I'll wait here so go fetch the bridge worker. Chop-chop now!"
So Link got a chopping board and some mushrooms and started to chop-chop! Linebeck admired his chopping skills but then realised that he wasn't going so kicked him out. Link boarded the train.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FLIRT WITH PRINCESS? I THOUGHT I WAS AN AWESOME PRINCESS! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FIRT WITH OTHERS?" Zelda screamed.
"I was talkin' bout you." Said Linkeh Poo.
"Oh that's alright then." Said Zelda! Thank goodness! That meant that her new book, 101 ways to flirt with Heroes, wasn't going to waste! Zelda had been reading the book last night and decided to try out something. It said "Rule one: Tell them they are your saviour." "Link you are my saviour." Said Zelda.
"Right…" Said Link. Then he remembered! "Rule one: Tell them their hair looks nice." "Zelda your hair looks nice."
Zelda smiled a lot and Ciela said, "Romance is not one of the genres, Author, aka Miss Georgia Brown! So if you're trying to head that way, write it in your new story which is set 8 years after Spirit Tracks and the happy couple of Zelink have to kill Ganondorf and it gets a bit saucy! Oh No! I WASN'T MEANT TO TELL ANYONE!"
Then Ciela's hair set on fire.
They arrived at the tower so that Link could just go to the Snow realm that way and Anjean said "MY PUNKS CIELA AND ZELDA! Ciela, have you been practicing more in the language of capitals and gangstas?"
"YES MY BRUVV!" shouted Ciela, "I FINK I'M GETTIN' DA HANG OF DIS YEH MAN INNIT!"
"We'll be going." Said Link, "To the snow realm."
"Oh Link, we can build a snowman!" Said Zelda using "Rule 2: Ask to do things together."
"Yes we can." Said Link using "Rule 2: Agree with them."
"K BYE MY GANGSTAS AND WEIRD KID!" Said Anjean as they chugged away.
"I'm cold!" Muttered Zelda.
"Zelda you have no body temperature." Reminded Ciela.
"Oh yeah. I'm not cold!"
Link set a route for the bridge worker's pathetic little house.
When they got there, they YUPPED! Off the train and went to say hello my blad to the bridge dude. He was hitting a wood stick thing!
"OH MY GODDESSES! HE USED WAY TOO MUCH FAKE TAN!" Ciela screamed, and fainted.
"Hey, whaddaya doin' here?" Asked the BW/Chav.
"Well, I need ye to fix le bridge! Because basically this is what happened… Well I was an average hot kid that Sally had a crush on when I went to meet the Princess but then She died and stalked me and I thought "Oh what a preeeeeeeeetty girl" And we killed loads of stuff including a giant farting beetle and a firey icey dude and we need to restore the tracks and I want you to fix the bridge!" Link explained.
"So you're tryin' to restore all the spirit tracks? Sounds like a lotta work! Hmmm… That's a big heart ya got there, guy! I guess bein' an engineer isn't all red carpets and caviar, is it? Sometimes, ya just gotta roll up ya sleeves and put in some hard work!" The fake-tan-chav exclaimed, "See, I'm a bridge worker, carpenter, beauty-salon worker who specialises in fake tans and a craftsman, so I know all about work! If ya need a bridge or a fake tan I'm ya guy! I'll travel to any place dat needs a bridge! Come one den me heartie!"
When they stopped off at the Tower Of Spirits to get to the Forest Land, Anjean said, "Ah my blads! I see you got yersen a passenger!"
The bridge dude hopped out. "Hey. My name is Steven. I specialize in Fake-tanning and bridges!"
"FAKE TANS?" Anjean shouted with glee, "GIMMIE ONE!"
So they had to wait for 3 hours whilst Anjean got a fake tan.
"Bye my dears!" She shouted as they chugged away, getting out her iPod to take 4797264783254682354682354865482634211111111.09 photos of her new tan (The 0.09 of a photo is really important!) To upload onto FaceBook, Twitter, Tumblr, instagram and loads more.
When they reached Linebeck III again, Steven said, "Well, look at that! We're here! Ya sure know how to ride those rails kid! I ride like dat puts me in a workin' mood! I'm headin' straight to the job site!" And Steven headed straight to the job site.
Link ran to tell Linebeck III that the awesome fake-tanner bridge dude Steven was there!
"I see you managed to fetch the bridge-worker! Nice going, squirt! You go ahead and show him the bridge! I'll head out later. "
"K bye!" Waved Link and skipped out.
When he told Steven about the bridge, Steven replied, "Hmm, yep, dis bridge got a number done on i'! It's no' beyond fixin' do! It'll take a while so go kill some time and come back later."
Then Linebeck III randomly appeared! "Ah, the bridge worker! How have you been my good man?" He enquired.
"Linebeck? Well, I'll be! How've ya been, ya old treasure hound?" Steven smiled.
"Much better now that you're here!"
"Oh goddess, this sounds like a corny love film…" Ciela said to herself.
"Course! Just leave dis bridge to meh! Not a prob! Assumin' of course, dat ya have da repair fee on 'and! Ya do, right? Ya also still owe me for da work I did on ya house! So all togeva dats about 5000 rupees!" Steven said.
"Five… THOUSAND?" Linebeck III shouted, slightly taken aback. "You must be joking! Lucky for both of us, this young fellow has kindly agreed to foot the bill!"
So Link screamed at the unfairness!
"WHAT KIND OF ^(&^& NONSENSE IS THIS?" 5000 RUPEES? THAT'S ^(&^ CRIMINAL! HOW THE &(^ CAN WE BE EXPECTED TO HAVE THAT MONEY LET'S GO GIVE LINEBECK A &*^ PIECE OF OUR ^(&^& MINDS!" Zelda shouted really loudly.
Link gave Linebeck a &(&^& piece of his &^! Mind. But then Linebeck told him about the ring and Link got a letter. Then he went into the cave! Link learnt the song of light! HAPPY DAYS! It was only 20 minutes later that the author realised she was playing Spirit Tracks not Phantom Hourglass and had spent 20 minutes throwing bombs at a wall when she could have boomeranged a switch in 5 seconds. A random bridge grew! Link did some more adventure stuff and found…
…THE 8000 RUPEE RING!
End of le chappie for now. I'm SO TIRED. Soooo I will maybe update tomozzy Bye!
Steven: Review for a free tan.
Anjean: YEAH PUNKS!
Zelda: Review anyway.
Link: YAAAAY
Ciela: *Eating cake*
K BYE MATAYS!
