Chapter Twelve: What Do You Know, Shinji?
Who are you?
"I- I am Shinji Ikari." There was a long, deep silence. Shinji felt like he was suffocating in it.
...
No. You are just a boy.
The boy stared at the ground beneath his feet; he did not want to seem arrogant by looking up to search for the voice. "I-I'm sorry." He did not know what he did wrong, but somehow, he felt that apologizing was the right thing.
Do you want me to forgive you?
"Yes. Please. Please, forgive me!" the boy pleaded, clutching his head in his hands as he fell to the ground. He lay prone, vulnerable and submissive to the will around him. There was an audible silence as he waited for the answer, the absence of sound and being almost making a sound in itself. Why, here, did silence have substance?
...
You do not deserve it.
The boy found himself weeping. His feelings were swimming around him; or rather, he was being swept between emotions, as if he was trapped in a roulette wheel. He did not cry simply for sadness or fear, but for confusion and joy and even lack of any feeling at all.
Stand. Face me. This once, I will forgive you.
The boy did not move, too afraid of being overcome by terror to obey. Afraid of being afraid? Apparently possible, because the fear of fear had frozen him.
How... disappointing.
"I believe it is time for class. Do you feel like you can do it?" asked Kaworu, concern evident in his voice. Shinji's expression was worrying, as if he were remembering or experiencing something... abnormal. It was most likely just the aftermath of the Angel fight; it could do terrible things to a person's psyche. He did not react to Kaworu's voice. "... Shinji?"
The other boy blinked a few times and briskly shook his head. "Oh," he muttered, "Class. Yeah." A squelching, low sound came from Shinji's stomach. "Um. No lunch?"
Kaworu chuckled. "Sorry, but we really must get to class. You can have a nutrition bar as we walk to Weiss, if you want. Time moves a little differently in Angel Worlds."
"Um. It's fine. Hm... Weiss..." Shinji fumbled around in his pockets for his map. "Weiss Hall. Er... that's right next to..."
"We do have the same class, Shinji." Kaworu actually winked at him. "It is a convenient coincidence, ne? You can just follow me. ...Rei?"
The ballerina was reading through her Evangelion, the touch of her fingers so light the ancient pages did not even make the slightest crinkle as they turned. "Skipping today," she murmured, "Bye."
Kaworu shrugged. "I suppose that would be okay. Come on, Shinji." He grabbed the other boy's hand as they walked down the stairs to the stage, but Shinji quickly jerked his wrist away. The act made the silver-haired boy a little curious... did people not hold hands with friends?
Apparently not, for Shinji kept his hands clasped tightly behind his back until they reached Weiss Hall's doors.
Weiss was one of the older buildings on campus, and also one of the smallest. There were only two floors instead of the normal three, and the classrooms themselves were tiny, barely accommodating eighteen desks and a teacher's station. Shinji's history room was relatively barren in design except for a collection of maps and some prints of Renaissance artwork. A projector hung from the ceiling, facing a screen at the front of the room. Most students were already sitting, engaging in petty conversation or working on their laptops. People looked up curiosly as Shinji walked in, but no one approached him or made any comments. Shinji let out a small sigh of relief; he was not looking forward to class introductions, and the idea avoiding even one made his day a little better. Besides, his nerves had taken enough damage from the battle, and he was certainly not behaving normally in his post-fight state of calmed emotions.
A voice jerked Shinji from his contemplative state ."Oh. You're Shinji, right?" asked a seated, long-haired boy, closing his laptop. "The cello player. I'm in your orchestra class. Anwar." He offered a hand, which Shinji cautiously ignored. After a few seconds, the other boy gave up and reopened his computer. "The seat in front of me's empty, if you want," he offered, shrugging.
"I-"
"-We were going to sit in the back, by the windows," interjected Kaworu.
Anwar studied the newcomer for a few seconds. "So... you're in this this class now, too, Nagisa? Interesting."
Kaworu smiled and responded mechanically, shrugging off his classmate's suspicion. "My schedule got shuffled to I can have more time for my dancing. It really does not bother me, since nothing much was changed."
"...I see."
As Shinji and Kaworu took their seats, the gray-haired professor cleared his throat and stood. "Okay, section four today. And because I'm in a good mood, no essay tonight." There were a few muted exclamations of joy. "We also have a transfer student. Shinji Ikari in orchestra. From Japan, right?" Shinji nodded. "Okay. Get out some paper, everyone."
After an hour of discussion of trench warfare and the first chemical weapons, the bell signaled time for second period.
The next few classes passed the same as first period; a quiet entrance, finding empty seats, and listening to the unfamiliar teachers drone on over slightly more familiar topics. Despite Alois and a few other students Shinji considered friends sitting near him, there was no real opportunity to talk. Besides, Shinji's brain was still in a buzzing fog left over from the fear of combat.
Even though the immediate danger was out of the way, Shinji still could not keep a few troubling thoughts from his mind. After fourth period science, he finally mustered the courage to address one of his concerns. "Kaworu..." he began, "you're in all my classes."
The other boy didn't slow his walking or even turn back to look at Shinji as he replied. "Yes, I believe you are right."
"Kaworu..." He tried to think of a way to say it politely, but couldn't. "Why are you in all my classes?"
The silver-haired boy paused to think for a short while. "I suppose... that saying I just want to have a friend in my classes would not suffice?"
Shinji shook his head.
"It is a precaution, then." Kaworu resumed walking, but Shinji didn't move. "... Are you coming?" he called back.
"I-I'm going to the nurse."
"Do you want me to-"
"Alone." Shinji wasn't sure if this urge was because he genuinely did not feel well, or because he just wanted to get away. Both, actually. "Um, later." He remembered the nurse's office being in the corner of Braun Hall and ran off in that general direction. He didn't turn back to see Kaworu's reaction.
He cautiously turned the knob of the wooden door and edged it open, looking through the crack to see if he was in the right place. Everything was white and sterile-looking... probably right. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.
"E-excuse me?" No reply, but he thought he heard someone opening drawers in the office section. "Is there anyone here?"
"Shinji Ikari!" shouted the dark-haired woman as she bound out of the office.
Shinji stared. What she wore... was certainly not the standard school nurse attire, what with the impossibly short skirt and dainty little nurse hat. Or the swooping neckline, for that matter, which she actually pulled off rather well... His eyes traveled down her body and rested on the open can of beer in her hand. "Oh God," muttered Shinji, "It's you again..."
"Now what do you mean by that?" she yelled, indignantly flicking her violet-toned hair behind her shoulder. "But actually..." She brought her finger to her lips, and her eyes wandered as she formulated an idea, "this is a good opportunity. I was gonna go look for ya in a bit, anyway."
"Um..."
She leaned in toward him, bringing her eyes level with his. "NERV needs you." Shinji started to back away, but the woman put a firm hand on his shoulder. "Actually, that's a lie. We need your mother, but you'll have to do." Her eyes narrowed. "Especially... especially because I think you're already involved."
"I..." Shinji turned his head to avert the woman's piercing gaze. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but... but I don't know what you're talking about."
She closed her eyes and sighed. "I thought you'd say that. But Shinji?"
"Yes?"
She seemed to choose her words carefully, like she wanted to tell him something but had to skirt around the real point. "I... knew your mother, Shinji. I'd like to know you, and work with you. And call me Misato." She glanced back at the clock on the wall. "... and if you don't need anything, you should get back to class."
Shinji nodded. His headache was not so bad, and he really did not trust Misato Katsuragi with his healthcare, at any rate. As he was about to leave, however, a thought occurred to him. "Misato..."
"Yeah?"
"If... if I wanted to know more about NERV... could I maybe see you later?" Somehow, though he couldn't quite figure out how, his willingness to talk to Misato made him feel like a bit like a traitor. He would not tell Kaworu about this.
Misato laughed triumphantly. "Of course! Eight o'clock tonight. Dean Ryoji's office."
"T-thanks." As he made his way to class, Shinji couldn't shake the ominous feeling that he had just made things much more difficult for himself.
"...Wait, dude, so you're telling me you've never seen an anime?" gasped Drake, after Alois had made his views on the subject clear.
"Well, I mean, I watched reruns of Les Chevaliers du Zodiaque when I was a kid, like everyone else," Alois retorted, as he shoved another fork full of of cornbread into his mouth. "And Mum made me watch the Lady Oscar movie with her." His voice was muffled through the sound of chewing.
Shinji sighed. The subject of dinner conversation started out with discussing Shinji's hometown in Japan and quickly descended into cartoons. On the bright side, he didn't really have to explain awkward things about his past anymore.
"Oh, Saint Seiya, you mean." Drake waved his fork in front of him as he talked, as if he was conducting his words. "I've heard of it, but it never really came over to America. We had Yu-Gi-Oh when we were little. What about you, Mari?"
The pigtailed girl tried to form her opinion in a manner that would not offend their table's resident otaku. "Well, most of it seems rather silly to me, actually." She turned to the group member who had stayed unusually quiet for the past minutes. "You watch anything, Shinji? You're really the only one of us with an appropriate excuse."
"Well, I-" Visions of giant robots and storming kaiju filled his mind, along with his own personal fantasies regarding them. "Not recently, not really." He didn't need those sorts of things to help him imagine excitement and danger anymore, at any rate.
Shinji stiffened when he heard a loud voice from behind him. "Well, what are you geeks talking about now?" jeered Asuka.
"Mes affaires font mal au cul, Langley," commanded Alois, "Yeah, Shinji said we needed to talk earlier, but don't just come up and ridicule yourself, okay?"
"Like you have a right to call me ridiculous!" she huffed, "Look in the mirror!"
Alois gestured to himself in an exasperated manner. "Oh, tu preferais pas baiser un cadavre? I'm sure your bitching's only disguised flirting anyway."
Asuka turned beet red. "I'd like to inform you that I prefer more mature men, thank you very much!"
"Oh, is that the case?
"Du hast einen kleinen schwanz anyway, I'm sure! On the other hand-"
As the two of them continued to quarrel, Drake and Mari simply sighed and rolled their eyes as they continued eating, but Shinji tried to step in. He really did need to talk to them both, and people were staring at their table, besides. There was a brief enough moment of quiet amidst the shouting for him to butt into the argument. "Um, guys? Talk?" he ventured, a little nervous.
"...Scheisskopf."
"Pétasse."
They both conceded and turned to Shinji, who sighed with relief. "Okay, um... can we go to the fountain?"
"Er... Asuka...?" Now Shinji almost wished the two were still shouting. It would have been less awkward than this silence accompanied by the spraying water, anyway. "Your dad's the headmaster... and I've heard you know about everything that goes on at this school, right?"
The redheaded girl sat on the edge of the fountain with crossed legs. "Yeah. So?"
"Well..." Shinji took a deep gulp of air. There was a chance this could end badly. "Are you familiar with... the Angels?"
She looked at him like he was mad. "What, the creepy statues on the main building roof?" Shinji shook his head. The way Kaworu regarded her with such disdain, the way she seemed to hint about NERV... he though she would have been able to tell him something. Help him piece together just what the hell was happening, but apparently not.
Then, Asuka's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh..." she murmured. "Those Angels..."
"So you do know!" Shinji gasped.
Asuka nodded slowly. "I heard Daddy talking about them with Kaiji..."
"Wait, Kaiji?" Alois wondered aloud, "As in, Dean Kaiji Ryogi? Since when are you on a first name basis with him?" Despite the twilight light around them, Alois and Shinji could see a noticeable blush appear on her cheeks.
"I- I was curious. Thought they were talking about me, so I listened in." An idea occurred to her, judging by the sudden spark in her eye. "... And I'll tell you what I heard, if you tell me about the Evangelions."
"Okay, just what the heck are you two talking about?" demanded Alois, "I'm starting to feel seriously out of the loop, here!"
Shinji sighed. Well, he wanted to talk about this with Alois, right? That's why he brought him here. He liked Kaworu, but something was... off... about him, and Rei was too cold and distant. He needed a friend to talk to. To help and encourage him. "You see... the Evangelions are these books."
"Books?" muttered Asuka, seemingly very surprised. "They were talking about them like weapons or something, though."
"Well... I guess they kinda are weapons, too." Shinji locked gazes with Alois. "And I know you're going to think I'm completely crazy but... but I need you to trust me."
The blond boy was a little taken aback. "Serious stuff. Not my thing... but I think of you like a friend. I like you. Bring it on."
Shinji closed his eyes tightly. He'd just get all the information out and explain fully later. "The Evangelions are these big old books that predict the future. We make contracts with them and fight Angels. Angels are freaky monsters that live in these tiny pocket universes they create. When we kill them, we collect the seeds they drop. That's what I do with Kaworu and Rei. Except... I fought my first Angel with them today. And I've tried to hide it ever since lunch, but I'm... I'm... I'm scared. Really scared. And I think my mom's research may have had something to do with it. And Kaworu's... so odd. I... I really want to trust him, but I can't. Please help me."
Shinji could breathe again, but he kept his eyes closed, waiting for one of the two other teens to accuse him of craziness or paranoia. Instead, there was silence.
"That's..." started Alois, a little unsure of himself, "Normally, I wouldn't believe you. But those two guys went missing before you came here. And Kaworu... is not right. Maybe it's just because he's albino or whatever and that freaks me out, but... I don't find it hard, believing he's involved in something weird." He tried to give Shinji a reassuring smile, but faltered a little, still not quite sure whether his friend was completely sane.
"...Daddy said we needed to save the Angels."
Shinji's thoughts froze. "To-?"
"Save them. He said. To... experiment on. Something about succeeding where 'she' couldn't." Shinji opened his mouth to ask something, but Asuka cut him off. "And no, I don't know who he was talking about. One of Daddy's rivals, I guess, but she was weak. Committed suicide when her work on the Angel's didn't go right, apparently. My father is strong and would never-"
"-Was it a train?" asked Shinji. He felt himself sweating a little.
"...What?"
"The woman... did she-?"
Asuka shook her head in frustration. "I told you, I don't know anything about her, you idiot! Dorftrottel! Don't make me repeat myself- I only came here because I felt like it, anyway, and besides, I- Eh?"
Shinji had slumped down to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He was shivering, just a little.
Alois was shocked and more than a little worried. "Shinji? God, Shinji, what's wrong?" He put an arm over his friend's shoulders. "...Shinji? Do you... need to see someone?" Shinji shook his head slowly.
"I know it's her," he murmured, "It has to be her."
"Who, Shinji?"
The fear from the Angel battle flowed back freshly into his mind, along with the images from that day at the station... Shinji's shoulder's shook as he began sobbing. "I- I don't know what's h-happening." Hot tears began streaming down his cheeks. It grew difficult to breathe. "I don't- I don't- Help me..."
"Hmph." Asuka stood and turned away from the scene at the fountain. "A boy crying." There was an edge of iron to her voice. "How... disappointing."
End Notes: I love summer. I have time to write decent-length chapters. Anyway... so the plot thickens. I hope you enjoyed this week's installment of Eva: RoS! I'm going on a vacation, so I'll most likely not be able to write a chapter for next weekend, but I may make up for that with mega-chapter the next week. Reviews are appreciated- if you've read this far into the story, I'd love to hear why you've kept reading and what you like or dislike ;)
