A/N: So, I'm not particularly happy with how this chapter turned out, depsite all of the revisions I did. It is a smaller chapter in view of the larger story but there is a very important part in it that meant a lot to me to get out there.

I also want to warn you all that this story is going to be much darker than True North was but I hope that you all stick with it (even when you want to kill me). Also remember that I am a CarJack lover through and through and would never give them more than I think they would be able to handle in real life (which doesn't really make sense but you all know what I mean! LOL)

Anyways...as always...enjoy!
~JP

Family Imperfect
by Jaclyn Parker

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.
~Author Unknown
************************************************************************

The constant beep of the monitors in front of her reminded Molly of a group of electronic metronomes. She was caught of guard by the comparison since she had never learned to play the piano and therefore never needed to use the little pace keeping device. Even still she would have sworn on a stack of bibles that there was a collective rhythm being played by all the machines keeping Mattie alive in the small ICU room. Molly wondered if the ever growing exhaustion that she had been pushing away for the past few days was starting to manifest itself through a musical delirium.

A sudden spike on Mattie's heart monitor was answered by another blip on the one keeping watch over her brain wave activity and Molly sat up straight to stare at them intently. After a moment, she forced herself to relax again into the barely comfortable arm chair that she had pulled up beside the hospital bed. Molly knew she should have ignored it just like all the others but she couldn't help the hope that crept into her heart every time it happened. All of the doctors, including her distraught husband, had warned her that because Mattie was not brain dead but in what amounted to a hyper sleep there would be various amounts of activity but none of them were viable at this point. They had managed to save her from coding in the emergency room but that had been nothing short of a miracle. However it appeared that the miracle wouldn't last long.

Lee been the one to tell her the news this morning; they were beginning to see signs that whatever drug Mattie had been injected with was slowly destroying her organs. In another week, she would need to be placed on dialysis for her kidneys and liver. A week after that, possibly sooner, her lungs would no longer be functional requiring a machine to help her breathe, which they had luckily been able to avoid so far. The scariest prospect was one that Molly refused to even think about or else she would go insane. Without an anti-dote or at least some clue as to what the hell was in her system, there was the possibility that Mattie's heart could start to fail at any moment without warning.

Bottom line was that they were running out of time.

With a sigh Molly took Mattie's warm hand in her own and smiled softly, as she reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind the girl's ear. Molly moved her thumb to the underside and slightly lower she found the pulse point on Mattie's wrist. She was comforted by the steady flow of blood that she could clearly feel underneath the delicate skin. It was enough to make Molly wish again that the girl would just open her green eyes and squeeze her hand back.

Following the surprise engagement in the courtroom last summer, the two females had started to get to know each other better. Molly knew that having been pretty much deprived of a constant female presence in her life that it wasn't going to be easy for Mattie to accept her around all the time no matter how much they had gotten along before. It was quickly obvious that Mattie was unaccustomed to the motherly affection that Molly readily bestowed upon her and there had been some tense moments followed by profuse apologies. Finally the girl had confided to Carly that while she loved Molly and wanted her around, she was afraid that Lee would feel replaced. After Carly had hinted to the girl's fears without truly betraying her confidence Lee had gone out of his way to make sure that she knew he encouraged her and Molly's growing relationship.

After that it did not take long for the teen to begin returning the loving gestures as frequently as they were given. Then after the marriage and the adoption, Molly had noticed that with that status of permanence came an attitude that was much more relaxed. While other seventeen year old girls were trying desperately to spend less time with their mothers, Mattie eagerly initiated shopping trips and girl's nights out, which also tended to include Carly and even Lily, Faith, and J.J.'s girlfriend Becca, on occasion. Molly knew that she would never be able to take the place of Mattie's biological mother but she was determined to make sure that the girl knew that she loved her like she was her own and that she wasn't going anywhere.

This is why she hadn't left the small private ICU room in the four days that Mattie had been there.

"Hey, Sweetie."

Molly turned to look over her shoulder at her cousin who had silently slipped into the room and was making her way over to her.

"Hey Cuz," Molly replied, accepting the tender kiss Carly placed on the top of her head.

"Any change?" Carly asked. She gently ran her fingers through Molly's ever growing brunette locks and Molly closed her eyes while leaning into the comforting touch.

"No," Molly said and forced the tears that threatened to form behind her closed eyelids to retreat. Opening them again she turned to look up at Carly with a hopeful face. "Any word on…"

Molly didn't finish her sentence before Carly was shaking her head, her hand stilling in Molly's hair.

"He'll find her, Carly." Molly said, not need to clarify who she meant by "he". "He'll find them all."

Carly just nodded, the pain inside of her too much to put into words but written clearly on her face.

After a moment to compose herself Carly gingerly sat on the end of Mattie's bed, placing her hand on the girl's leg while making sure her other hand stayed on Molly's shoulder.

"Did you tell her the good news?" Carly asked, nodding her head in Mattie's direction with a small smile on her face.

"That she's going to be a big sister? Yeah." Molly said, her own left hand coming to rest gently on her stomach. "She was thrilled. I could tell."

Carly had been the second person to find out, after Lee of course, and she knew that they had been planning to tell Mattie that fateful day. It had been why she had told Parker she couldn't join them at dinner.

"Have you seen the doctor?" Carly asked, her worried eyes drifting from the girl in the bed to her beloved cousin.

Molly shook her head, "I can't leave her. What if she wakes up and I'm not here? Lee still has to work and I know you've been visiting but you have to be home in case they find something. I can't…I can't leave her here alone."

"Cuz, it's a twenty minute checkup. I'll stay here with here if you want." Carly frowned at her. "I'm sure Dr. Schiller can fit you in for an emergency appointment. You have to keep yourself…"

"I'm fine," Molly interrupted brusquely. She tossed her dark hair back and shot Carly a look clearly stating that she was through with this topic.

Carly didn't say anything more but she frowned even harder forcing Molly to look away. Molly decided to change the subject and turned back to Mattie, lifting the girl's hand to hold it against her cheek.

"If you're looking for your son I sent him and Lee to get something to eat before I force fed them hospital food."

Carly took the hint and shook her head, "I wasn't but you're right I should probably make sure he did eat."

Parker had been at the hospital every day since he had arrived with Dallas and Adam Tyler and he hadn't been away from Mattie for more than a couple hours at a time. He wouldn't go to school and since he wasn't immediate family he had to come home to sleep. But the moment morning came again he was gone with the first sign of sunlight and no amount of persuading (or half-hearted threatening from his parents) had made him change his mind.

"See you soon, Sweetie," Carly said to Mattie, leaning over to kiss her forehead. She turned to Molly and with tears in her eyes whispered, "I love you."

"Oh Cuz, I love you too." Molly said, standing to hug her. "So much."

The two of them held onto each other for a long moment before Carly pulled away and hurriedly slipped out of the room before she lost all composure. She wasn't looking where she was going and slammed into a large chest, bouncing off slightly. Looking up to apologize she found herself staring into the tired green eyes of Lee.

"Hey, Kiddo." Lee said, his voice raspy and weary. She didn't say anything but wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. He smiled and hugged her back, before pulling away to shake himself off. "How's my wife?"

"Tired. Worried. Brave." Carly said and Lee nodded proudly.

"Yeah, she is." He agreed and ran a hand through his mussed up brown hair. "I brought her something to eat because she refuses to even go to the cafeteria."

He held up a wrapped sandwich and a bottle of apple juice as if he needed proof.

"Good, she needs to take care of herself." Carly said and patted his arm.

"And you? Are you taking care of yourself?" Lee asked, looking at her with a critical eye.

It was obvious that she wasn't sleeping well, if at all, by the large dark circles under her eyes. She had tried to cover it with makeup but he knew her and knew that it was an effort to show her loved ones that she was coping more than it was about vanity. Her hair was up in a clip and in it's naturally curly state as if she had thrown it up last minute without thinking about it. While she never really had any extra weight to lose in the first place, the last week especially had taken its toll and he could tell that her usual well fitting clothes hung semi-loosely on her normally curvaceous body. But the worst was the haunted worried look in her baby blue eyes that appeared when she thought no one was looking.

"I'm fine," Carly told him while mentally ignoring the fact that it was the same bullshit line that Molly had handed her a few moments ago. "In fact, I was looking for my son. I was told he was with you."

Lee looked like he wanted to argue her state of well being but knew that it was a battle he wasn't alert enough to truly fight. Instead he nodded and jerked his head back towards where he had come from.

"He practically fell asleep in his cheesesteak and I made him go catch a short nap in the doctor's lounge. I told him I would come get him in an hour. It's not nearly long enough but at least it's something."

Carly gave him a grateful look, knowing that she and Jack weren't the only one wandering the house at night like worried zombies. Parker, who had always been an empathetic soul, was taking everything that was happening very hard.

"Well, you go in and feed your wife and I'm going to go check on him." Carly said, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss Lee's cheek goodbye before shooing him into Mattie's room.

A few minutes later Carly didn't know why but she found herself quite lost. It was hard for her to understand how since she pretty much knew the hospital layout by heart but sure enough she soon realized that she was at the opposite end of where the doctor's lounge was located. In fact, she was standing in front the one place she had always avoided in the hospital, no matter which time she was there.

Carly stared at the small stained glass window panel in the door and the sign above it that said "Chapel" in bold black letters. One part of her wanted to go in but a larger, angrier part wanted to find the heaviest thing she could lift and throw it at that glass window. She started to back away to turn and go find her sleeping son when a voice came out of nowhere.

"Aren't you going in, my dear?"

Carly jumped slightly and looked to her left to see Nancy Hughes standing by her side. She vaguely wondered where she came from since she hadn't heard her approach but brushed it off.

"I'm afraid that I might get struck my lightning or something if I go in there feeling the way I feel right now." Carly said, only semi-joking.

"Carly, do you think you are the only one who has ever gone through those doors angry at God?" Nancy asked with an arched eyebrow. When Carly looked at her in mild surprise, the older woman smiled up at her knowingly. "How about some company?"

Nancy held out her hand and Carly hesitated only a moment before taking it. She wasn't particularly close to the older woman but there was something about her presence that had her finding a sense of comfort she rarely felt. They entered the chapel and settled into the first pew. Carly watched Nancy walk up to light a few of the candles on the small alter and let out the breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. She might have been joking about the lightening but the underlying degree of feeling uncomfortable inside this place of worship.

Nancy sat down next to her and gently placed her hand on Carly's arm. "How are you, my dear? The truth."

"I'm fi…," Carly started to say but the moment she glanced at Nancy she found she couldn't lie anymore.

For the past week she had been strong; for Jack, for Parker, Sage, and J.J., for Molly and Lee, for Mattie, for those who asked constantly how she was holding up. Sitting there in that small quiet chapel with a woman who looked like she was the embodiment of comfort herself was too much to take.

"I'm tired, Mrs. Hughes. I'm so tired." Carly said, tears welling up in her eyes and her throat tightening. "I spend all day trying to find some way to help my kids get through this and at night, I can't sleep because I worry that if I close my eyes someone else I love will disappear."

"Nancy," the older woman quietly instructed Carly to call her by her first name and when Carly nodded she smiled. Reaching over she tenderly took Carly's hand and stroked it with her thumb, silently urging her to continue to let it all out.

"I hear her, Nancy. I hear my baby crying for me at night and I go into her room to get her but she's not there. She's…she's not there and I don't know where she is. My arms ache to hold her and I'm left with nothing but empty air to take her place." Carly caught herself before she broke down and after a couple deep breaths, she nodded to Nancy that she was okay.

Nancy was silent for a moment before softly inquiring, "What about Jack?"

"Jack…" Carly sighed, a small loving smile slipping out despite her heartache. "He's trying so hard. He is working every minute of every day and the rare times he comes home to sleep, he crashes on the couch so he can be out the door before anyone else is awake. He won't talk to me and I know it's because he is blaming himself but I don't know why. If anything he should be blaming me."

"Why would he do that, Carly?" Nancy asked, genuinely shocked at the amount of guilt she could see riding on this younger woman's shoulders.

"I brought this madman into our lives. My family was the one he seemed to be targeting, when he took Rosanna, and now children…my baby and other innocent children like Johnny…are being brought into this unholy mess."

Mentally apologizing for her last couple of words, despite her lack of faith at the moment, Carly looked up at the ceiling trying to push the rising self-loathing down. She subconsciously noted the lines of the tiles and the thick white caulk that filled the cracks like ghostly white veins.

"Bullshit," Nancy replied.

Carly looked down at her sharply, her eyes wide in surprise at the older woman's harsh curse inside the chapel.

"James Stenbeck has been causing heartache in this town long before you or Jack Snyder ever arrived." Nancy said, her voice calm and rational. "Take it from someone who has lived many years more than you on this earth. There are some people whose hearts are just so torn down by life that they let the darkness take over. That evil they allow into their souls is not the fault of the victims they take later. No matter the guilt you feel right now, you are as much of a victim as your baby girl."

Carly shifted in the pew, obviously not enjoying being called a victim but was silent, letting Nancy continue.

"You need to talk to Jack, my dear. The two of you need to come together during this time or you will not survive it. I promise you that." Nancy said, firmly. "There is no greater defense to the horror that you are facing than the kind of love that you and that man share. You give each other strength, you always have. Why are you letting this make you forget that?"

After a moment Carly bit her lip and shut her eyes in resignation, knowing she was right. Nancy saw that she got her point across and gently brushed a lock of hair behind Carly's ear.

"Don't ever forget, Carly, that you have someone greater than James Stenbeck on your side."

"You?" Carly said, again only half joking.

Nancy gave her a warm indulgent smile and shook her head. She gestured towards the alter that was literally alight with dancing candle flames and giving the small space a warm and comforting ambience.

Carly found herself unable to joke a reply at that and only nodded again. She internally acknowledged that it had been a long while since she found herself really believing in something greater than herself. Yet, in this moment, with this kind woman who was offering such wisdom and solace, she couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over her.

She watched Nancy close her eyes and after a moment she did the same. Feeling Nancy's reassuring hand take hers, Carly sent up a prayer to whoever might be listening that the same feeling of peace was being shared by those they searched for.

((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))
((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))((ATWT))

Additional A/N: As a longtime fan of ATWT, Nancy Hughes was the character that I think was the heart of the show and I only hope that I did her justice. RIP Helen Wagner; you are still greatly missed.