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XI. INDIGO
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"BUT--"
"It's alright, Bella," he repeated for the nth time.
The embarassment that flowed through me was so evident you could tell just by looking. The evidence was on my cheeks. But Jasper just smiled, shrugged it off even though he knew perfectly well how I was feeling.
"I'm sorry," I said. Again. "It wasn't right, and I wasn't thinking straight,"
We were at the treehouse, since it's the sunny Thursday I've been looking forward to, and Jasper was on the roof again while I stayed inside, waiting for my cheeks to calm down. Plus, I couldn't look at him straight in the eye.
Catching a glimpse of Edward in his eyes and seeing Alice's face made me break down last night. I understood that now. It was childish and stupid of me to trap Jasper with his words. I shouldn't expect things from him, especially since he's the one Cullen I have to be extra careful with. And I just didn't have the right. Remembering it still brought stinging to my eyes... I couldn't help but wish that the promise he made was true.
"Bella," his voice woke me from my thoughts.
"Yes?"
Why am I being formal?
"Come up here," he said.
I took a deep breath and proceeded to climb up on the roof with his assistance. The breeze blew my hair and I immediately noticed him stop breathing. I hate this situation where these beautiful and unbelievably generous vampires would have to adjust to me. I sat down next to him, unable to say anything and I thought it somewhat felt a bit uncomfortable. The breeze stopped and he inhaled the fresh air around us.
He was glittering under the sun and his beauty has taken me again by surprise. His blonde locks were before his eyes, shielding them from view. He was wearing a tan-colored pair of pants, and a black sweater, a sharp contrast to his pale skin.
"Bella," he started, not quite looking at me. "It would be unfair if I adjust your mood just so you wouldn't feel that way. But I just want to say that it's perfectly normal, we're wounded people, you and I. And wounds heal but scars remain,"
He smiled at me gently.
"I don't mind at all," he said, his eyes piercing mine, "I want you to know Bella, that I would never want to hurt you so I'm saying this while it's still early. I am here to help you cope, to help you heal, the same way I need you to do the same to me. But when you're healed and happy, I have to go. You know it will come eventually, right? But I am promising you now, that I will be here for you. And even when I leave, I won't vanish completely from your life. I'll keep in touch for sure,"
His fingers traced my cheek and I was at a loss for words because of his speech.
"Thank you," was all I could say. But the emotion that was beneath my words was evident, and I really didn't have to say anything.
The sunset was in the horizon in front of us and with a swift move, he closed the distance between us and laid his head on my shoulder, very lightly, as though he was afraid I would break.
The sky was slowly turning orange, and into another beautiful color. It reminded me of something...
"Jasper?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you know the story behind the color of the sunset?" I asked him quietly.
"No," he said, I could tell he was smiling even though I couldn't see his face. "Tell me,"
I smiled, recalling the story that my mom once told me back in phoenix when I was seven.
"Long ago, God made seven angels to color the world: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet," I told him. He listened, seemingly comfortable with our position, "The angels were very excited to go down to earth and spread their color, but Indigo got held back. She saw a baby deer trapped in a thorny bush, and she knew it was so young that it could die if she didn't help. She spent all day saving the baby deer. The bush was tricky, since it could cut him severely with the wrong move. By the time she finally got him out, it was noon and everything was colored.
When she saw this, she cried. 'Now the people will never see my color,' she said. The other angels never noticed she was missing and didn't save anything for her. They stood before God and Indigo still wouldn't stop crying, the baby deer was in her arms, its legs bandaged and everything. God smiled at her kindly and placed and arm around her shoulders, steering her back to earth. The other angels followed. He said, 'For your good deed, I will let you color the most beautiful thing on earth,' 'But we already colored everything!' said the other angels. God just smiled and told her to color the sky, which was now in deep orange. She blew on her palm towards the sky and produced the most beautiful, rarest color in the world. You could only see indigo during sunsets,"
We were quiet again, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Wow," he said, "It was a beautiful story."
This is the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen.
"And this is one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen in my life," he said, echoing my thoughts.
I smiled and I felt assured, happy, even.
"Jasper I'm proud of you," I told him quietly after a while.
"For what?" he asked me, surprised.
"You've been doing so well, resisting the...wine," I said, using Edward's metaphor. He understood me quickly.
"Well," Jasper said, smiling, "I mastered a technique, if you could call it that,"
"What?" I asked, curious again.
"I just have to avert my attention somewhere else, it's easier when I'm not thinking about it," he said. "There are even a few seconds when I forget that you're human,"
"Wow," I said, "You're doing well with your self control,"
"Still can't risk you, though," he said in a warning voice, sitting up straight again. "Sometimes I go on for hours without breathing,"
I kept quiet, listening, as he looked into the horizon.
"It's becoming easier everyday," he said, barely audible. "And I keep thinking if they could do it, so can I,"
I smiled to myself. I was unraveling Jasper more and more everyday. He is a gentleman, I pondered, remembering that first night. He's thoughtful, I never had better care when I was sick. He is talented, decades of practice honed his artistic skills to perfection. He is loving and he is kind. He makes me feel...free. Jasper was surely no Edward, though they have vague similarities. He gave me facts, made me see reality, no matter how harsh it is. He gives me the real picture, not a warped fairytale where everything is okay, which was what Edward did.
"Thank you, Bella," he said, waking me from my stupor. "For not pushing me away,"
"I should be the one thanking you," I told him.
Before us, the sun slowly disappeared and I watched as Jasper's glittering skin slowly fade back into it's pallor. The moon was high in the sky and we looked into each other's eyes, not speaking. The faint moonlight washed over us, and his eyes I saw my reflection. My skin was as white as his and for once I could make-believe we were equals.
Authoress's Note: So there. Tell me what's on your mind. I need my vitamins. :D
