Dastardos' Struggles
''The story I'm about to tell you doesn't start with the events of a month ago. No, this whole tangled situation goes wáááy back, right to the moment in time where our childhoods turned bitter and our lives became difficult.
You know all about my Souring process and how Pester talked me in it, but there is something I've never told you before. Something even Pester doesn't know.
Right after I had 'transformed' in to the frightening being I am now, none other than Suelos - the God of Soil - came to me. I remember that night, I had hovered my way to the dead tree in the desert arduously, I hadn't quite mastered the art of floating yet... I was exhausted and in intense pain. Every square piñocentimeter of my body HURTED, the Souring process had burned away the top layer of my skin. I touched my maskless face. It felt sore, bare, and I could only imagine how the thick, just-formed scars marred my relatively handsome face...
I recall falling asleep, laying on my back and with Magnar next to me. He usually laid on my belly, but of course he couldn't that one night. He acted very... detached, too. I wasn't the Stardos he knew and loved! I guess he felt the same way back then you still feel nowadays, Seedos, but the Macaraccoon got over it and learned to accept... Oh, well, Magnar of course has witnessed something you haven't...
'Dastardos.' The way he pronounced my new name and woke me up is still gives me shivers. You're not used to me being impressed by anything, right? That's because I've seen both great and horrible things bro, this being one of the former. 'Dastardos, it is me. Your forefather.'
Therefore, the God of Soil is your forefather too. And Leafos' and Storkos', but not dad's - I'm glad he isn't, dad doesn't deserve it, the man's a jerk - Suelos' blood runs on Mother's side of the family.
'Who are you?' I remember asking with my eyes shut.
'Please, Son. Open your eyes.''
I did, and found myself gasping when I saw the Soil God was bending over me. He seemed to radiate golden beams of sunlight, but it didn't hurt my poor weary, prickly, Sourified eyes at all.
'My... forefather? You?'
I tried to sit up straight to show him my respect, but Suelos told me: 'No Son. Please don't. You don't have to.'
I immediately layed down again, noticing the God's golden mask was remarkably friendly and familiar in a way, human almost.
'I descend from a God?'
'You are a God.'
'What?'
I couldn't believe my undead ears. I must be halluciating, I thought, this delusion must be a side effect of Pester's damned machine.
If I really descended from... If I really was a God, Suelos wouldn't tell me like that, telling someone they're actually a deity isn't something you announce in such a nonchalant way.
'Come on, my Dastardos. Haven't you studied the Old Books? You should've known I don't like symbolistic ceremonies and all that Moozipan excreta...''
'I'm a God?' I asked in awe. I'd always felt like I was FAR from the average dumb gardener's son - I was smart, intelligent, sublime almost! - but I'd always thought that was part of my somewhat arrogant persona...
Eventhough I think dad's a douche, I know that I share certain similarities with him!
Suelos grinned. 'No my Son, you can be cocky at times, but you're not quite as bad as your father...'
From that moment I knew he could read my mind and became skeptical about the whole 'God-thing'...
'Liar! Gods can't read the minds of their equals!' I whispered bitterly. 'I can't be a God!'
I was not in the mood for games. Pester had told me I'd become legendaric... And look at what happened to me!
'Who told you all Gods are equal?' Suelos had an amused smirk on his mask.
'Well...'
'Listen, Dastardos.' The fact that Suelos kept calling me by the name Pester had just given me made me nauseous. It confirmed the fact that I had lost my former identity. 'Haven't you noticed how all of us... ''New Gods'', ''Young Gods'', I prefer to not call us even Gods at all, but... Haven't you noticed how we've all replaced an Old God, how I took Terah's place and Platia Bulan's?'
I nodded.
'Nobody has ever replaced Cueraça.'
My nausea grew more and more intense. Even an idiot would know what the God was about to ask...
'Even before your death you've been collecting piñatas' life sweets, without anyone noticing...' Suelos gave me a sickening, encouraging look. 'You would make the ultimate reaper.'
'I do that for Magnar.' I scowled at the deity. I didn't like this at all - no way I was going to float around in the middle of the night, looking for souls I could take to Neragua.
'The Island needs a reaper.'
'I'm not going to reap for anyone but Magnar.'
'You can keep the life sweets for Magnar, but the job just has to be done. Officially. You have to come with me to one of the Sanctuaries in the jungle to be blessed and be initiated by the Gods.'
'Why?'
'You don't have to reap for human souls!' The deity ignored my question.
After having discussed my duties and privileges as a God of Death, I decided to accept his offer. How could I not take a chance like that, handed by the most important God in the history of Piñata Island?
'I am glad that I was able to convince you.'
'I am too' I admitted, while yawning. I had the hardest time keeping my eyes open - the God and I had debated and consulted for hours.
'There is one last thing we have to talk through, though.'
'Now?' I asked incredulously. Even Magnar - who's a little night owl - was snoring peacefully.
'I'm sorry, Dastaros' the deity apologized to me 'but I can't visit you as much as I would want to... Everything has to be discussed now and there is something we haven't talked over yet.'
I wondered what on Earth that could be. We had even decided what I would wear - a simple brown blouse and an exact replica of Cueraça's mask! - which was the smallest detail of my task I could possibly think of.
'Pester will expect certain things of you...'
My face clouded. 'Did you really HAVE to bring that up?'
'Yes. And don't give me attitude like that, Son. Pester thinks he's a really smart boy and he thinks he's totally enslaved you... He - naturally - hasn't. He can't hurt you and neither can he hurt Magnar, he can start rumours about you, but who would believe him? The reaper, being the oldest, gifted son of Jardineiro? Who would buy that? No, Pester can't ruin anything for you but...
He will try.'
I cocked a brow, that had turned grey in the souring process, to my disgust. 'So?'
'Eventhough Pester is a trifling, small man, he will do anything he can to bother you. That means; sending his army of Ruffians out to get you, pull about or even destroy your house while you're away, he might even try to kill you!'
'That's annoying, indeed.'
'Pester is as powerful as a mortal enemy can get...'
Then something began to dawn on me. 'Mortal enemy?' This meant I'd have immortal enemies too!
'I'm afraid you will, yes.' The God gave me an apologetic look. Again. 'I know Pester will treat you horrible, and I know you will hate it... But you really need someone who keeps checking for you to see if you're alright because, well... As the new God Reaper you can't foresee what will happen to you in the future... If you disappear, Pester will miss his assistant and come try to find you. He might even rescue you one day.'
'Great, great, great!' I could just resist the urge to pull my tangled, gray hair.
We both knew who were out there to get me if I would respond to my Godly function, therefore we didn't speak about it out loud.
Cueraça didn't like copycats. Neither did his legions of demons.
Nothing too noteworthy happened until Ameena arrived at the Island, though. Of course, when I was reaping in the rainforest at night I could feel how the demons up in the trees were lurking at me, Cueraça appeared in my nightmares and sometimes my mask would crack for no reason, but those were just warnings, I guess. Don't do anything too impulsive, don't missuse your phony title, don't forget who the lawful God of Death is.
I kept doing what Suelos and his fellow Gods expected me to, and except for Pester's pesterings and the unhealed scars of the past, my life wasn't even that bad.
But when that girl... I don't know what she's triggered, but suddenly I started to hear voices and have nightmares more often. I didn't trust her, I thought she either was a twisted mainland voodoo witch or the reincarnation of a Priestress working for the Dark Gods...
Later I learned my dismay was due to the contemptible little demon Tsi, but I haven't quite discovered why he did those things.
Of course I understand his plan stragetically - undead bodies are easier to infiltrate in than ones that are completely alive, and with the body of a half God like me he thought he'd be able to do much greater deeds, such as destroying the girl his boss saw as a threat, and if he was finished doing that he could destroy my soul - but I can't figure out his motives.
Was he aiming for the power or just taking orders from above? It doesn't matter thát much, but why in the world do the Old Gods see Ameena as a possible danger?
I've been observing here from a skylight in the temple ceiling lately and I'm pretty sure I've figured her out. She's not dangerous. She's more innocent than - what's the little Flutterscotch girl called?
So, don't you worry, bro. I take back what I said a month ago. You can hang with Ameena as much as you want, hahaha... She's naive. She's kinda dumb, but somehow a very talented gardener. Piñatas love her, even Magnar wanted to be acquainted with her.
She really disgusts me though, I mean, she likes PATCH!
However... That Tsi aimed to destroy her via my body, remains a fact. He's not the kind of demon that gives up after one failed attempt either...
There will be more more attacks in the future, and unfortunately those attacks are not only concerning me. Ameena and I are still in danger, but Tsi will want to take revenge on Patch too and he intended to kill you right from the beginning... Chamkele will explain your part in all this later. I know you're worried - and you should be! - but if you stay focused, not much will... I mean, Tsi's back to the boggy world of the Lizardi...
But I suppose I've given you enough background information. Right after Patch had expelled Tsi from my undead body, I was weak as hell. I was stunned too - had that moron of a doctor really managed to A. wound me and B. send a fucking demon back?
I knew I couldn't stay in the clinic, though. Or even the Village. I've no idea if it's just Tsi or if there's a whole legion of monsters after me, but I didn't want to bring the risk of a demon assault into an inhabited place...
I had to flee to either the jungle or the Dessert Desert, and luckily Patch got up to get himself coffee or whatever which gay stuff he likes to drink.
I took a chance and forced myself up.
Trying to stand straight hurted so DAMN MUCH! My spine was broken you see - never imagined getting my spine stabbed by an idiot like Patch - but fortunately, I was able to float.
Floating was a perishing task though - and right when I had left the Village I realized I wouldn't make it all the way to the wilderness. Luckily, I knew an even better hiding place - you guessed it, the temple we find ourselves in now!
This place was once built and abandoned by Suelos. It's a sacred place; IF Cueraça and his men are after me, they'd never DARE to enter a sanctuary that once belonged to the people who beat their asses and took over their positions!
Plus, the temple being close to both my former houses is a great asset too... Having the ability to keep an eye on certain things that happen around here is great; these times are more bemusing than you might think, brother.
But I'll come back to that later.
My journey to the temple didn't go smoothly at all... I had to make my way through the shadows and bushes, I didn't want anyone to see me, and you know how crowded country trails can be in the early morning!
When I finally arrived inside the temple I felt like I was about to die again. I swear I suffered from palpatations at that point - and normally I hardly even have a heartbeat! I'll admit that I was afraid too - I had tired myself too much and was in a bad condition again, if Tsi was lurking around the corner of my consciousness he could easily infiltrate into me again...
Eww... I just realized how gay thát sounds!
Suddenly though, something colorful drew my attention. It was pink I believe, and it was fluttering a few metres above me.
I looked up, and saw something I had never imagined to see, not even in the eternal life I had still ahead of me.
I saw a species that shoud've extincted centuries ago - the lost colony of the Kelele bats!
My amazement didn't last long, though. I was in pain, I was tired, and the possible idea of Tsi coming back scared the fuck out of me.
I didn't even want to, but before I knew it, I shrieked: 'Help! Somebody... Ah-any of you-hou... Help... Help me!' I really sounded like a sissy; sorta like you when I first found you in that swamp tree of yours, bro!
However, right after that ridiculous cry of distress of mine, dozens of Sherbats plunged down, clinched my clothes, skin and even hair in their little claws, and lifted me up. Their grip hurted, but I felt so relieved that I didn't even bother. It's a common fact that the Kelele are great healers - I'm pretty sure they're more medically talented than Patching-no!
I don't remember much of the flight up, but it must've been awesome. Even I - as a God - don't think getting lifted up by a colorful tornado of superiour piñatas is a usual thing!
Before I knew it I was here, in this room. The injury on my back was even worse than I thought, and the Kelele had laid me down on the Priest's sarcophagus. Any normal human being would've seen this as a threat or a sign that they were running out of time, but I was just grateful to have a place to rest on.
Then, Chamkele entered the room...
My first impression of him was: Wow. Just wow. I really shouldn't say this because I don't want Cham to feel like he's the most awesome thing in the world, but not even Suelos or any of the other Gods have made such an impression on me as Cham did.
'Dastardos' I recall him saying. I of course was flabbergasted that the bat could speak. 'It's a great honor to meet you.'
'Same to you' I groaned. 'But if you please could... Ahh...'
'You're injured!' Chamkele exclaimed.
Everything that happened after Chamkele's oh-so-sharp diagnosis is all a blur, but I dó remember a purple lightening bolt and an intense, terribly intense pain. It was a tingly sensation, I, I can't quite describe it...
But it was only a matter of minutes until the pain had faded away completely.
'I'm feeling better' I admitted.
'Great.' A small smile appeared on Chamkele's dark purple face. 'You must be tired... I am afraid I can not let you rest yet, though...'
'I know.' I gulped. 'Cueraça's men...'
'They're preparing for another war' Chamkele confirmed my fears 'but that assault on you was just an independant attack by this terrorist called Tsi, nothing that involved Cueraça's actual army, really.'
The big bat heaved a sigh, and I couldn´t help but do the same.
If one trifling lizard terrorist could almost take MY life, the life of a half God, then what could a whole army of trained lizard SOLDIERS do to mankind? Not to mention Cueraça himself. He had abilities to take life like no other, he was the True Reaper...
'That is worrying, eh?' Chamkele was fluttering right in front of my face now, giving me concerned looks. 'The world as we know it will...' He couldn't bring himself to speaking the words that were on his mind. 'Unless we do something...'
'What cán we do?' I had no idea.
Chamkele shrugged. Him shrugging his huge, imposant wings looked kinda whimsical to me.
'We will have to stay together, my ally. Make plans. Go through them. Warn the other Gods. A piñata reaper and a Sherbat won't make a big difference in this battle, I'm afraid...'
'So, I'll stay here...' I groaned. 'In the temple.'
'Yes. You can sleep here if you want, but if you don't, there's a small, empty room just down that passage.' The bat pointed at the room´s eastern wall, but I didn't bother with following his gesture with my eyes. The pain might've gone away, but I was more exhausted than ever.''
