Hellooo!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome to 2010, everyone! Hoping you all had a great and merry Christmas!! ^_^ We're up to chapter 12 now! And I wanna thank you all for the reviews, faves and alerts! However, the best thing you could give is a review! ^_^ If you have the time to read and fave and alert this story, please write me a review too! It's good to know what people think about it, and what people like in the story, or what could be improved! So… Here's chapter 12! Please read and review!

Chapter 12- Koishikute (I Need You)

Tenth Company was exactly the same as he'd left it. The only difference was the extra height in the stack of paperwork piled on his desk.

He grumbled as he sat there, obediently going through the mundane task, like he'd always done. Obviously, leaving any work to Matsumoto was completely pointless.

And now, when he sat there, at his desk; it was almost as though nothing had ever changed. He'd never left. Soul Society was always exactly the same. Soul Society was still the same old, boring, mundane tasks as usual. Hitsugaya stared down at the words on the paper in front of him, but everything seemed pointless.

But nothing had even changed! It was all exactly the same! Before, he'd been so efficient and motivated, he'd just kept working! But he just couldn't work now for some reason. He picked up his pen but could not write a thing.

Exasperated, Hitsugaya leant back in his chair and let out a monster sigh. Tilting his head back, he inspected the ceiling with great interest before his gaze drifted off. He could hear the distant strains of Matsumoto's loud voice. She was outside in the Seireitei somewhere, having an energetic discussion with Tetsuzaemon Iba. He could feel the familiar presence of passing spiritual pressures, but the one he expected to sense was not there. Of course…

He'd left. He'd left Karakura. And it had already been a week. It was always strange in the Soul Society, time seemed to pass so much slowly, because days just blended into one, it was so hard to keep track of how long it had been.

Hitsugaya looked down at the blank paperwork in front of him. And he stood up from his desk, and slipped outside of his office, out of the Tenth Company building and into the whiteness of the Seireitei.

The dream I revealed to you at the end is going good now
The time I would've spent with you
Is dedicated to work or wasted with my friends
But why is it when I'm surrounded by many people
I feel like I'm the only one in the world
I end up searching for you

---

"Ah! Captain Hitsugaya!"

Hitsugaya stopped and turned to face the thirteenth captain. "Captain Ukitake," he said.

Ukitake smiled. "I haven't seen you for a while! Not since you went down to the living world! Welcome back,"

"Oh. Thanks," he replied politely.

Ukitake being the doting guy he was, quickly persuaded and ushered the Tenth Company Captain into his building and set out steaming cups of tea, and plates of sweets that he never seemed to run out of.

"So, how was it? You were just down for a while once they discovered Karakura didn't have a soul reaper on duty."

Hitsugaya was silent for a moment. "It was… good. The only reason it took us so long to find out there was no stationed shinigami there was because there were people down there trying to control the Hollows themselves."

And one of those people was Karin. He couldn't help feeling a stab of guilt for the abrupt way in which he'd left her. But, remember, he told himself, she doesn't need you anymore. She has her brother back, and she's having so much fun hunting Hollows with him. She… Hitsugaya smiled a tiny, almost invisible smile to himself. She never needed me.

Ukitake was watching the younger captain carefully. He smiled a little and raising an eyebrow, asked, "Meet anyone special?"

"Huhh?" Hitsugaya almost choked on his tea. He coughed and sputtered out, "What?"

"Oh, you know," Ukitake went on, airily and nonchalantly, "did you meet anyone while you were down there?

Hitsugaya regained his composure, and although the tips of his ears were heating up, kept his face straight and calm. He looked disapprovingly at Ukitake. "You've been spending too much time with Matsumoto again."

"Haha, maybe." Ukitake chuckled. "Maybe all we really want is a scandal. I know that's what Rangiku certainly wants. The perfectly composed shinigami prodigy having a secret romance in the Living World with a human, or maybe even a ghost!"

"Huh. You're ridiculous," Hitsugaya said without flinching.

"Well?" Ukitake looked eagerly at Hitsugaya, obviously fueled by whatever ridiculous stories Matsumoto had been telling him.

There was silence for a moment. Ukitake was waiting for Hitsugaya to get angry, snap at him to shut up and tell him that there was nothing whatsoever. He was surprised though, when instead, the cold Tenth Captain let out a tiny smile.

"Me? A secret romance?" He chuckled softly, cynical. "I wish."

---

The rain never says when it will end and just keeps on pouring
As always, like clockwork, the last train of the night
Is full of lovers cuddling close
Suddenly my emotions return to that day, my thoughts haven't faded
Even as time goes by, the cloudy sky does not clear
And its tears won't stop

---

"CAPTAIN!" Her voice preceded her by what seemed to be miles.

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and scowled as Matsumoto came racing towards him and pounced on the poor boy, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and choking him with her generous bosom.

"Did you have a nice chat with Ukitake?" She asked cheerfully, ruffling the captain's white hair.

"Argh! Let go of me, Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya snapped. The white-haired captain quickly slipped out of her grip and glared at the pouting lieutenant.

"Hmph, you're always such a grouch!" Matsumoto rolled her eyes. Then almost immediately, her smile was back on her face. "Oh yeah, that's right! Momo dropped by to talk to you!

Have you seen her since you got back?"

"No…" Hitsugaya frowned.

"Then, hurry up! She should still be waiting at your office! You've got a lot to catch up on!"

what is there to 'catch up' on? He thought to himself. It's not like there's anything to say. He didn't really want to see Hinamori. Not really.

Hinamori was his childhood friend, someone he'd grown up with in Rukongai. And before, he'd… Hitsugaya bit his lip. He'd once had a crush on her. Not that he would ever let anyone know that. After all, it was all so stupid. She never even looked at him. She didn't see him at all, couldn't think of him as anything more than as a brother- as little 'Shiro'.

But for some reason… Hitsugaya felt unnaturally calm as he walked over to meet her. His chest didn't ache anymore, and he didn't feel angry about Hinamori's love for that bastard Aizen. Heck, he wasn't even nervous to see her anymore!

He was confused as he looked upwards at the sky, hoping for some kind of answer. And then he realized. He just… He just didn't care anymore.

---

The sky in Soul Society, in the Seireitei was so blank, so bland. The sun never seemed to shine its orange glow here. That's why he'd loved the sky in Karakura. It was his favourite place, to just sit there on the rail beside the road and stare out at the never-ending sky that stretched out in front of him.

Walking around, wasting his time, doing absolutely nothing… Hitsugaya wandered around alone between the white buildings. For some reason, he felt… really empty. For some reason, something seemed to be missing.

And even though all around him, he felt the constant rush of spiritual pressure, of the reiatsu passing by him, even though he could hear Yachiru Kusajishi rushing past, shouting out something about "Bya-kun's candy"; even though he could sense Renji and Ikkaku battling somewhere near Sixth Company; even though just then he had been talking to Hinamori, and even though he'd been in the company of Ukitake and Matsumoto; even though he had everyone- the whole of the Seireitei to talk to, to be with, even so…

There was only one person he could think of.

Hitsugaya sighed heavily and stared upwards at the sky. Somewhere in his mind, he found himself wondering what she might be doing right now. And ironically, he smirked to himself, as he wondered if she was still angry at him. Knowing her, she probably would've gotten angry that he'd left without saying anything rather than being hurt or disappointed.

Well… she didn't need me anymore, he told himself. She never needed me. I just… I just happened to be there.

And then the memories came flooding in. He recalled how she seemed to have changed from what he'd remembered when he came back to Karakura. She'd been affected by her brother's absence, and in order to appear tough, stopped smiling and pushed others away, blocked everything out, wouldn't listen anymore. But really… she was still… Karin.

And he'd stared at her, when she scowled furiously at him, angrily seeming to brush away tears as she burst out at him:

"…Stupid! Why'd you take so long to come back, Toushirou??"

Hitsugaya looked around him quickly, and seeing the area completely empty and not feeling any reiatsu too close by, let himself sink down to the floor. And he sat there, quiet, just sitting, thinking.

He could still remember her so clearly, but suddenly, there was this fear that rose up in him, in the pit of his stomach. He became scared that she was going to vanish. Because even though he'd only spent that small amount of time with her, she'd made such an impression on him, and he… he didn't want to forget.

Because when she started to smile again, he'd stared at her, completely wide-eyed. Because that was just the way she was, how her eyes brightened, how she grinned, and the cute way in which she scowled when she was embarrassed or annoyed.

"It's not as fun with just one person!!" she shouted out to him, kicking the soccer ball straight at his head.

He could still remember it clearly, the expression on her face, and then the genuine smile that stretched across her face when he grudgingly agreed to play with her. But… suddenly, he felt the surge of pain again in his chest and he was shocked.

She's not here, remember? You're the one that left. Hitsugaya bit his lip. And he still didn't understand, there was so much he just didn't get, and he bowed his head and glared downwards at the ground below him.

He didn't know why. Suddenly, he said her name. Just whispered, perhaps needing to call her name out, just to remind himself that she existed, that she was still out there somewhere, but not with him.

"…Karin."

I need you, I called out your name, I called it out
I should have loved you with all my heart
I think about why I said "goodbye"
Even though I said it was over, I can't erase you from my memory

---

He wondered why he'd even cared about her in the first place. She was just the little sister of the substitute soul reaper. That's all she was, really. A human girl. Ichigo Kurosaki's kid sister. But what was it exactly that made him want to stay a little longer every time? What was it that made him want to help her, to listen to her, that made him worry over her, that made him show her the stars in the night, that made him want, so much, to protect her?

Like how her shoulders shook when she clenched her fists and gritted her teeth to stop her tears from coming out, the way the pain was so evident in her eyes and her voice when she shouted out at Ichigo, and how, suddenly, everything came pouring out, her words all a mess, her voice hard to decipher as all her hurt and burdens of the past year came flooding out, and how he just sat there. Just sat there, and listened.

And her tear-stained face, and how all this time, she'd been lonely, all by herself.

And Hitsugaya's chest thumped again and this horrible, empty, twisting pain arose. Because… because actually… he missed her. He wanted to protect her so much, it hadn't been obvious before, he never seemed to say that much around her, but every single time, all he'd ever wanted to do was protect her, to look after her, to make it so that she'd never cry like that again.

I need you, I called out your name, I called it out
I should have loved you with all my heart, I've become sick
Let's say you were that flower blooming there

If I poured too much water you would wither away
If I tried to protect you too much I would block the sunlight
Without you I don't know what to do
I miss you

And it was an accident, he'd never meant for it to happen! He didn't mean to visit the Living World and become… attached to someone. It had only been for a short while! But even now, his heart was hurting, his thoughts were confused, he was scared- he didn't want to forget- he wanted to keep all those moments with her in his memories. Even though… it had only been a short time, he hadn't wanted to say goodbye!

It wasn't meant to happen, he never meant to reach out and hug her! He didn't mean to pull her close and hold her while she was crying! It wasn't supposed to happen, he wasn't meant to care this much about her!

Meetings eventually turn into goodbyes
Tell me that now
But today I'm still walking forward

The only reason he never said goodbye to her directly, the only reason he left without telling her, was because he didn't want to take her smile away ever again.

Maybe… yeah, Hitsugaya smiled bitterly to himself, he was being selfish then.

And Hitsugaya felt his eyes narrow and darken, and his chest tightened and he took in a deep breath, tried to pull himself together.

Damn. He was moron. She never needed him, did she? Because he couldn't replace Ichigo, because the cause of all her burdens was being abandoned by her brother, who she looked up to and depended on.

No. She didn't need me. Not really. I might've been there, to listen and hear her out. To try to protect her! But, in the end…

He was the one that needed her.

I need you, I called out your name, I called it out
My heart doesn't understand why
I think about why I said "goodbye"
Even though I said it was over

I know now that I'll never see you again
But I'm still searching for the reason
I think about why I said "goodbye"
I can't lie…to my heart

And Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and lowered his head, burying his face in his hands. But the icy Tenth Captain didn't cry. He didn't have to, because the pain in his heart was doing it for him.

That was chapter 12! We're very close to the end now, guys! The beautiful song used in this chapter was Koishikute by UVERworld! Hmm… looking at what I've written for Hitsu's point of view compared to Karin's last chapter, it looks like Hitsugaya's feelings are much stronger, don't you think? I don't think Karin has quite worked out how she feels yet. I'm not sure about how many more chapters there'll be. My guess is 2 or 3! Thanks for all the reading, everyone! Please review! (Yes, that lovely green button right there, click it, NOW!) emichii