A/N: OK, THIS CHAPTER GETS A LITTLE ANGSTY, AND I'VE NEVER WRITTEN REAL ANGST BEFORE, SO I HOPE I DO THE CHARACTERS JUSTICE. THIS IS STILL PART OF TONY'S FLASHBACK. WE'RE GETTING TO THE GOOD STUFF SOON, I PROMISE! AND THIS FLASHBACK WILL BE OVER SOON,TOO,I PROMISE! HAPPY READING, AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. EITHER WAY, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW-I NEED VALIDATION! Lol
DISCLAIMER: THIS FIC IS RATED M/MA - FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. IF THIS IS NOT YOU (WELL,AGE-WISE,ANYWAY-YOU CAN BE JUVENILE LIKE DiNOZZO, THAT'S OK!) TURN BACK NOW.
YET ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: IN NO WAY DO I CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF ANYTHING HAVING TO DO WITH NCIS - I'M JUST BORROWING MY FAVE CHARACTERS FOR THE DURATION OF THIS FIC. I WILL RETURN THEM - SLIGHTLY USED - WHEN IM DONE.
MONSTERS IN THE SHADOWS
CHAPTER 12
FLASHBACK (CONTINUED)
By the time they arrived at his apartment building, Tony noticed that Abby had begun to shiver, even with the heat turned on high. Was that chattering her teeth, or the tiny silver bones on her earrings? When he'd parked and come around to help her out, her hand in his told him that her chill was more emotional than physical. Her fingers, while a bit chilly, weren't as cold as he'd expected them to be. He slung an arm across her shoulders, pulling her to his side as they walked toward the apartment complex. "C'mon, my Dark Princess. Let's go get you warmed up."
Laying her head against his chest, Abby sighed and sniffled. "Thanks, my Italian Prince."
Tony smiled and swept the door open in a grand gesture, ushering her in, then resumed their former position as they waited for the elevator. Listening to her sniffling, he was already kind of dreading the rest of the evening. He knew how it would go - it would start out about her friends, but end up an emotional rant over Gibbs. Tony sighed. He'd thought that she was past all this, that he'd gotten her over the hump, so to speak. Oh sure, she still had a blue moment here and there, but he could always joke her out of those. He didn't think his repertoire of impressions and movie quotes was going to cut it tonight.
As they got on the elevator, he looked down at the top of Abby's head, and she sniffled again, burying her nose in his t-shirt. "You'd better not be wiping your nose on my shirt, Sciuto. This one was actually clean when I put it on." He smiled at the little tilt of her lips and the tiny giggle she tried to hide.
"Ooops! Sorry!" She said, smiling just a little.
When they reached Tony's apartment, Tony went into Mother Hen Mode. Sitting her on the couch with an afghan over her shoulders, he went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of red wine. "Let's start with this. I've got brandy heating on the stove, if you start to smell anything."
"Ooooo! The famous DiNozzo Hot Toddy! I can't wait!" Abby joked, taking a small sip of the wine.
He rolled his eyes as he moved to the fireplace. She began to feel bad. "You don't have to go to all this trouble, Tony," she mumbled softly.
Tony stood, having finished arranging logs, and put a finger on her lips. "It's no trouble, Abbs." He took his finger from her lips and tapped her temple with it. "I know what you're thinking, baby girl," he said softly, "and yes, you ARE worth it. OK?" He raised an eyebrow at her.
Tears threatening again, all Abby could do was nod. She watched silently as Tony lit the wood, and she unconsciously leaned forward as the flames began to grow. She hadn't realized she was so cold.
Sitting on the coffee table in front of her, Tony reached out with both hands and gave Abby's arms a brisk rub. "You'll start to warm up soon. You hang here for a minute, I'm gonna' go get a hot bath going for you, OK?"
Abby nodded half-heartedly, feeling like a bother. "Don't go to…" She stopped at the look on Tony's face. "OK, OK, I'll just say 'thank you'."
Tony leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "Eeewwww, squishy!" he teased, earning a small smile as he stood. "Now you're getting the idea," he said with a wink. "Back in a minute."
As she heard the water start in the bathroom, Abby took a moment for a pity party, letting the tears fall again. She was tired. So tired of everyone leaving her.
Tony came quietly back from the bathroom to see silent tears on Abby's cheeks. He took her hands and pulled her up into a hug. "It's OK, Abbs." He then walked her to the master bath. Abby always thought a family of 4 could live in it comfortably. The room was already feeling warm from the heat rising from the tub. The scent of lavender hung lightly in the air, and Abby was astonished to see all the foamy bubbles in the Jacuzzi-slash-tub.
She was staring at the tub like she'd never seen one before so he gave her a little nudge. "You OK?" he asked, watched as she nodded, eyes still on the tub. "Do you….need…..help?" he asked, a little uncomfortably, relieved when she shook her head no. Then it must be…. "The bubbles too much?" Tony jumped, startled, when Abby threw herself into his arms again. "What? I can't hear you, kiddo."
Abby raised her head from Tony's chest just a little. "The bubbles are perfect," she said softly, "it's just been a long time since someone…." she trailed off, a little embarrassed.
Tony nudged her chin up with a knuckle. "Then you've been hanging around with the wrong people." He unwrapped her arms from around his middle. "Now hurry up before it cools off. Kind of defeats the purpose of warming you up." He turned her to face the vanity. "Here's towels. You know where they are if you need more. The flannel nightshirt you left here last time…. Need anything else?" Abby shook her head. "OK. You take your time, OK? I'm not going anywhere, so just relax and enjoy it, OK?" He headed for the door as Abby nodded. "And if you need anything, give a yell." He stopped at the door, a little worried about leaving her alone. Before he could turn to leave, however, Abby quickly leaned up and brushed a kiss on his cheek. He gave her a wink and a small smile. "You're welcome."
*NCIS**NCIS**NCIS**NCIS**NCIS**NCIS**NCIS**NCIS*
Abby looked at herself in the wall-sized vanity mirror, drying her hair with a towel. She leaned in, staring at herself - the REAL her - the one with no make-up, no funky jewelry or clothes. Putting the towel down, she picked up her knee-length flannel nightshirt and put it on, then stared at herself closely again. Yep, even in a red nightshirt with tiny white skeletons all over it, she could see it. She just wasn't good enough, no matter what she did. That's why everyone kept leaving her. "You're nothing, Abby Sciuto. Why would anyone want to hang around you, when you're just a big blob of nothing." She turned and picked all the clothes and towels off the floor and put them in the hamper. She gave herself one last look in the mirror as she headed out the door. "Nothing," she whispered to herself.
Abby shuffled out of the bathroom some 45 minutes later, looking bedraggled but relaxed. Tony looked up and saw her, and put down the book he was reading. "There's my little ragamuffin," he teased, standing up and walking over to her. Hands on her shoulders, he studied her make-up free face. "How you feelin', muffin?"
Abby rolled her eyes at the nickname and shrugged. "Warmer," she rasped.
"Good." Tony led her over to the couch and sat her closest to the fire. "I'm going to go get your DiNozzo's Famous Hot Toddy, OK?" He moved for the kitchen as Abby sank back into the cushions, pulling her legs up under her.
Listening to Tony putter around in the kitchen was comforting to her - she didn't feel so alone, knowing someone was just a room away. She picked up the book Tony had been reading… a text on blood spatter analysis? Whoa, wouldn't the team like to know…. Her smile faded a bit. No, after all he's done for her tonight, she can't rat on him to the team. Running a hand through her hair, she could feel it was still a little damp, so she stood and walked closer to the fireplace. She hung her head upside down and proceeded to flip and fluff her hair, drying it in front of the fire.
"Awwww, you look so Little House on the Prairie, in your flannel nightgown, drying your hair by the fire," Tony joked, setting down a tray with 2 large mugs full of steaming amber liquid, a sugar bowl, a bear of honey, and a bowl of cut up lemon wedges. "DiNozzo's Famous Hot Toddy, at your service, 'Laura', he teased.
Abby looked at him, head still upside down. "If I'm Laura, that makes YOU, Pa," she threatened.
Tony winced. "OK, OK, no Little House here." He watched Abby, thinking how uncomfortable that position had to be. He grabbed a wing chair and dragged it closer to the fire. He directed Abby to sit on the floor in front of the chair and handed her her warm drink. "Prepared just the way you like it, lots of sugar. Want any honey, lemon?" He squeezed the dollop of honey she asked for in, then did the same with a lemon wedge. "There we go. Drink up." He tossed her a couple of throw pillows to get comfortable on the floor. Abby sat on one and hugged the other tightly to her chest as Tony sat down in the chair behind her. She jumped a bit when she felt a brush gently glide through her hair. "Relax, Abbs," Tony murmured, and continued brushing her hair.
Between the fire warming her outsides, the drink warming her insides, and the hairbrushing massaging her head, Abby could feel her body begin to relax. She opened her eyes when she heard Tony set the hairbrush down. She took a scrunchie off her wrist and handed it back to him.
Tony looked at the hair thingy Abby had handed to him. Black with red and white skulls. "We're definitely not on the prairie anymore." He twisted her hair up into a loose ponytail. Abby leaned back, put her head on his knee, and wrapped and arm around his leg.
"Thanks, Tony," she mumbled.
"Anytime, Abbs," he answered, a hand on the top of her head. They sat silently for a few minutes, until…. "What, Abby? I didn't hear you."
She picked her head up off his knee and looked at him, tears in her eyes. "I said, 'what's wrong with me'."
"Wha-a-at? Whaddya mean, 'wrong with you'? There's nothing wrong with you," Tony said, concerned.
Abby shook her head. "There's got to be something wrong with me…. Everybody keeps leaving me," she sobbed, tears falling down her cheeks.
'Here we go,' Tony thought to himself. He reached down and found one of Abby's hands and pulled her up onto his lap, tucking her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. "What happened tonight, Abbs?
She began telling the story of the evening, her friends Trish, Dante, and Angie picking her up, checking out the traffic at their favorite clubs, and someone suggesting they try Club Topico for a change. "Everything was going great," she sniffled. "Trish was kinda drinking a lot, so I decided to be designated driver. Stuck to plain ol' Red Bulls the rest of the night. We were dancing, having a good time (sniffle). I didn't know there was anything wrong. They had all just ordered another round, so I decided to go to the little girls' room."
Tony gave her a squeeze. "What happened, kid?"
Abby began to cry harder. "I…I came back to the tab….table (sniffle, gasp for breath) and..and…and everyone was g-gone," she said, sobbing. "I thought… thought maybe they were dan-dancing, so I wait-waited for a few min-minutes at the table. (sniff)" She wrapped her arms around Tony's middle, snuggling deeper into his shoulder. "Wh-wh-when no-no one came back, I went-went looking (sniffle) for them," she said with a watery hiccup. "They weren't on the dance fl-floor, or at the bar, or the ba-bath-bathrooms (sob). I…I…I asked around, and-and-and the bouncer told me, told me that they'd lef-left!"
Tony wanted to find those so-called friends and string them up. He cuddled Abby close. "Ssshhhhhh, s'OK, Abby," he whispered into her hair as he kissed the top of her head.
"So ya' see?" She cried. "They just up and left me, did-didn't say g'bye or any-anything!" She buried her face back into his shoulder. "So there's some-something wr-wrong with me, Tony." She didn't listen to his protests. "Yes there is, or-or everyone would-wouldn't leave m-m-m-me."
Tony kissed the top of her head again and spoke softly in her ear. "You listen to me, Abigail Sciuto. There is nothing - I repeat, nothing - wrong with you. Hear me?" he ordered gently. She nodded against his neck. "You're smart, funny, caring." He hugged her tight. "You're a sweet, genuine person, beautiful inside and out," he stated. He nudged her up so she could see the truth in his eyes. "And if someone can't see that, then the problem is with them, not you." His eyes softened. "Never you, Abbs."
"Then-then why?" she hiccupped. "They left without saying goodbye. Just … left me…. And Gibbs, he just left me, too! No reason, no goodbye…." She started hyperventilating. "He loves me, and he left… just a kiss on the cheek… he really knows me, and he left… what if… did he ever love me? How could he, it's all my fault, the way I dress, my music…. It has to be something, Tony… otherwise Gibbs wouldn't have just….left. Not without saying he loved me…. Or at least, goodbye….."
Tony's legs were beginning to fall asleep. He struggled to stand and pulled Abby behind him to the couch. He flopped down and stretched his legs out onto the coffee table. "C'mere, baby girl," he said, holding out his arms. Abby snuggled right up. "Gibbs' leaving was not your fault Abby, you know that. And he didn't leave just you-he left Ziva, Ducky, McGee… me."
"But at least he said something to you guys. He didn't say a word to me. He just…walked away. Why, Tony? Why didn't he love me?"
It was close to 4 AM when Abby began to wind down. She'd been through all the stages - the crying why's, followed by the pacing, angry how-could-he's, and then had finally made it to the exhausted resignation stage.
"…..he's gone, and I just have to accept it."
Tony had one arm around Abby, holding her to his chest. The other hand subconsciously held her hand over his heart. "Gibbs may have left you, Abbs, but you're not alone, you know that, right?" He felt her nod against his chest. "Let me hear you say it."
"To-o-onnnnnnnyyyyy," she whined.
"No, c'mon. You won't believe it 'til you say it out loud. Say it. 'I'm not alone.' C'mon," he cajoled.
"I'mmmfn nnuummen…." She muttered into his chest.
"Couldn't hear you, Abigail. 'I'm not alone.' C'mon, give it to me, sister. Nice n' loud."
"I'm not alone," she grumbled, pouting. Tony put a hand to his ear. "I'm not alone!" she said loudly.
Tony smiled and kissed her forehead. "That's my girl."
Abby smiled shyly, playing with the neck of his t-shirt. "Tony?" she began meekly.
He rubbed his cheek on the top of her head. "Yeah, Abby?"
She looked up at him shyly, then away. "You… you won't leave me, will you?"
Tony sighed and pulled back slightly so he could look her in the eye. "I have no plans - nor desire - at the moment to leave you, Abbs. And if -or when - I ever do, I'll tell you first, OK?" He waited for her slow nod "OK. You're my best friend, Abby Sciuto. I won't go anywhere without making sure you're OK."
Abby curled the hand above his heart into his shirt. "Thanks, Tony." She sighed, tears finally done. "Not just for tonight… for everything. You're a good friend, Anthony DiNozzo, and I'm lucky to have you as my friend."
Tony smiled that smart-alecky smile. Emotions were getting a little too much for him. "Yes, you are!" It had the desired effect as Abby giggled. They both laughed when her stomach gurgled with hunger.
Abby got up reluctantly. "I'm going to go raid your fridge. Want anything?"
Tony waved her off. "Nah, I'm good. Help yourself." He stood up, back cracking as he stretched. 'Getting too old for this' he thought to himself. "I'm going to pop in a movie. Any requests?" he called across the apartment.
"Nothing too gory," Abby yelled back. "I am eating, after all." Tony set about picking a movie - Monty Python and the Holy Grail - and lay on the couch as he heard Abby returning.
She stopped by the dining table, seeing the table setting for the first time. Slightly burned candles, silver utensils, fancy plates, roses in the center of the table…. "Oh my god… you were on a date… Tony! Why didn't you tell me? You should have said something when I called! Ohmygod! You cooked her dinner and everything, and I screwed it all up.. I'm so sorry, Tony!"
Tony came to her as she started crying again. "Abby…."
"I can't believe… I ruin everything, I shouldn't have called you…"
He couldn't get a word in edgewise. "Yes, you should have, Abby, I'm glad you called me…. Abby… Abbs! Stop… no, I'm not mad about the date, it's OK… Abby…. Ab…. " She was getting hysterical all over again, and this time it was his fault. He tried talking to her, but she wasn't hearing a word he said.
So he shut her up the only way he could think of…
A/N: Ohhhhh how AWFUL of me to leave it to end there! You'll have to tune in to Lucky Chapter 13 to find out just how Dinozzo gets Abby to shut up….. And it ain't with a Caf-Pow, people!
Remember - Read and Review, please! I'll give each of you that reviews a tiny piece of MY tiny piece of NCIS…..
