I'm back from my holiday! The whole time I was away, I was dying to update this, so hopefully you guys will like it :)

Here is chapter 12:


PASSAGE OF HESITANCE
The Dark Mark

Sirius woke up with the most terrible pounding headache in the morning. It felt like somebody was sitting inside his head with a drum. Bang bang bang. He sat up very slowly, but no matter how slow he moved, his headache got worse. When he opened his eyes, he shut them again immediately, for the light was too bright for his hungover eyes to function properly.

He stumbled across the bedroom to Remus' bed and flopped down on it. He lay there for about a minute before realising that the only reason he was there was to see Remus, and Remus wasn't even there. Confused, he sat up and peered around the messy room. James was still fast asleep, but Peter's bed was also empty.

Sirius groaned and stood up, making his way to James' trunk. He bent down and rummaged through his stuff, until his hand touched a piece of parchment. He grabbed it and pulled it out, heading towards the door.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered, so as to not wake James. The ink started appearing all over the parchment; lines formed into a very detailed map of Hogwarts.

Sirius scanned the map a couple of times, searching for the small dot labelled 'Remus Lupin'. Before he could find him, however, he spotted another dot rested near the section of the map labelled 'The Black Lake'. Sirius couldn't understand why Regulus was sitting there all alone, but he knew he couldn't really go and talk to him after their last conversation. Deciding quickly what he was going to do, he muttered "mischief managed," and stuffed the map into his bag.

He got dressed quickly and headed downstairs through the castle and out of the doors. It was a beautiful day outside. The weather was warm, but not too sticky. There was a nice cool breeze that ran over him as he walked down the path to the stretch of grass that separated the castle from the Black Lake.

Sirius turned around and made sure nobody was watching before transforming into his animagus form – a black dog – and padding down the hill towards his brother.

Regulus was sitting at the edge of the lake, with his legs in the water. He was scribbling something down on a piece of parchment with a look of intense concentration on his face. Sirius tried to see what he was writing, but his eyesight was blurrier as a dog.

He decided he wanted his presence known, so he sat down next to Regulus and tilted his head to the side. Regulus must have been concentrating very hard on what he was writing, since he still didn't see the huge black dog sitting next to him, so Sirius let out a small bark.

Regulus jumped and turned to see him, looking a bit confused. He peered around at the castle, and couldn't see anyone else. Sirius guessed he was looking for the owner of the dog.

"How did you get in here?" he asked Sirius, stroking him on the head. "You shouldn't be here."

Sirius simply wagged his tail and moved closer, letting his tongue fall out of his mouth and staring up at Regulus with huge eyes.

"Soppy mutt," Regulus said, rolling his eyes. "Go on... off you go."

Sirius didn't move. If this was the best sort of conversation he would get with Regulus, then he wasn't going to just walk away. Regulus sighed and folded up his parchment, tucking it away in his robes pocket.

"What do you want, then? Huh?" Regulus said, crossing his legs and staring at the dog expectantly. Sirius didn't do anything, so Regulus picked up a nearby stick and threw it towards a tree a couple of metres away.

"Fetch!"

Sirius jumped to his feet and ran after it, managing to catch it in his mouth before it even touched the ground. Obviously Regulus had thought that this would get rid of him, because he was already getting his quill out again, so Sirius raced back over to him and dropped the stick by his feet, staring up at him.

"Don't you have someone else to annoy?" Regulus sighed, picking up the stick and throwing it further away this time.

Sirius raced after it again, catching it and bringing it back. This continued for a couple of minutes before Regulus gave up and threw the stick into the Black Lake. Sirius, of course, didn't chase it this time. Instead, he lifted his paw and placed it on his brother's leg, resting his head on his lap.

"You're a lovely dog, I'll give you that," Regulus said quietly, while scratching behind Sirius' ears. "I wish I could be like you. So happy, so carefree."

Sirius stared up at him and licked his hand. Regulus rolled his eyes and wiped off the drool. "I take that back. You're gross."

They stayed sitting there for a while, and Sirius was about to get up when Regulus spoke up again. "I'm so lost," he whispered. It was as though he thought that telling the dog all of his problems would somehow relieve him a little from them. "My life feels pretty messed up right now. You know what happened?"

Sirius barked in reply and closed his eyes. He felt excited about the idea that he might be able to hear what was actually going on in Regulus' head – no lies, just the absolute truth.

"I'm going to die," Regulus said quietly, and Sirius saw a tear fall from his eyes. "I'm such a coward, you know? My brother always told me that. He always liked to remind me. It's not like I can even help it! I was born like this!"

He grabbed a handful of grass and pulled it out of the soil, throwing it into the lake and wiping his eyes. "Why the hell do pureblood families have to arrange marriages for their kids, huh? What if I didn't want to marry Lisa? Do I even get the choice? Oh no, of course not! I HAVE NO CHOICE IN THIS STUPID, WORTHLESS FAMILY!"

He sighed and lay down on the grass. Sirius sat next to him and rubbed his head against Regulus' side, urging for him to carry on. "I'm sorry, Snuffles. Can I call you that? You look like a 'Snuffles' to me," Regulus said, smiling at him. "I love Sirius. It's terrible, isn't it? I love him so damned much and now I've lost my chance completely, and do you know why? Because of this family. Because if it wasn't for their stupid rules about me having to marry Lisa, then we'd still be together, and he wouldn't have ch-cheated on me."

"So what do I do?" Regulus carried on. "I finally do what he wants. I finally stand up to them and tell them I don't want to marry her, and now I'm STUCK! I'm stuck. What the hell have I done? I'll die if I d-don't... if I fail to... oh Merlin."

Regulus was now crying and Sirius knew he had to change back. He had to speak to him properly. He had no idea what was going on, but it seemed pretty serious. With a quick glance to make sure nobody was watching, Sirius transformed back into a human, right in front of Regulus' eyes.

Regulus sat up in shock and wiped the tears from his eyes. "What the... that was you? But... what... I don't get it."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm an animagus," he said. "And if you tell anybody, I'll obliviate you, so don't bother."

"But... how? Isn't it supposed to be really difficult?"

"It took a long time, but I managed," Sirius said.

"Why?" Regulus asked, looking a bit shocked still.

"Because of... nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you just told me, Reg."

Regulus swallowed and looked away. "Sirius, you had no right turning up like that and... and-"

"- And what? Listening to you? You talked aloud, and I heard," Sirius said.

"Well I shouldn't have said anything," Regulus said, standing up and turning to walk off. Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back down so that they were sitting next to each other.

"Tell me. You're obviously upset about something, and I want to know."

"You would hate me," Regulus said, looking down at his hands. "Like seriously, hate."

"I wouldn't," Sirius said softly. "Please just tell me, Reg. Maybe I could help."

"Why do you think I would want help from you?" Regulus said. "You don't even like me."

"Yes I do!" Sirius yelled. "Of course I do!"

"Then why are you still with him?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"I love him," Sirius whispered. "And you're right. You blew your chance with me, but it doesn't mean we still can't be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend," Regulus said. Sirius sighed.

"Then what do you want?" he asked.

"I want you to love me again."

"Well that's just... I don't... look, Reg. We had our chance and it didn't work out," Sirius said, feeling awful.

"How can you just forget everything that happened last year?" Regulus asked, slightly accusatory. "The Room of Requirement. The pool! You saw it and so did I. We are going to be together."

"Maybe I was wrong," Sirius said. "Maybe it doesn't show the future. Remember, that was only a guess."

"Whatever, Sirius. I just can't believe that you can forget about everything so easily. You loved me, and nobody gets over people as quickly as that. I know you still love me somewhere inside. I just know it."

"You're wrong," Sirius said. "And you changed the subject. Why are you so anxious all the time?"

"It doesn't matter," Regulus muttered.

"Well it obviously matters to you!" Sirius said, starting to feel a bit frustrated. "You know my secret – I'm an animagus. Now tell me yours."

"It's not the same."

"Tell me!" Sirius shouted.

"Fine!" Regulus replied. Sirius could see that he was sweating slightly, and he looked ill with nerves. "When I asked Mum and Dad if I could get a divorce, they gave me a condition."

"What condition?"

Regulus sighed. "They said I could only do it if I... if... I j-joined him."

"Joined him? Joined who? What are you talking abou-"

But before Sirius could even finish his sentence, Regulus had pulled up his sleeve to reveal a long, black tattoo on his arm. The Dark Mark.

Sirius wasn't sure how long he stared, but he knew it must have been a while. He was broken out of his thoughts by Regulus' distressed whispers. "Please don't tell, Sirius. Please."

"Don't tell?"

"Yes, please don't. I didn't want to join... I swear."

"How many people," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "Have you killed?"

Regulus' eyes widened. "None! I promise! I would never!"

"So that's why you're going to die then, is it? You join Voldemort without the intention of killing anyone. Of course he'll kill you. You're such a fucking idiot, you know that?!"

"Sirius, please try to understand," Regulus said desperately. "Try to put yourself in my shoes and think about it."

"Right," Sirius said. "Firstly, I wouldn't have kissed my brother to begin with, because it screws things up badly. Secondly, I wouldn't have been such a coward, thirdly, I would have stood up to Mum and Dad and run away before they could force me into anything! See, that's the differences between us! And now you're stuck. Well, good luck getting out of this one. I know one thing though. I've been telling you for years to stand up for yourself and you never listened, so here's what you get! You've had it coming for you, and if you die, I really really wouldn't care less."

"I'm sorry-"

"- No, Regulus. Don't bother. I never thought you'd stoop this low, but once again, you've proved to me what an idiot you are."

Sirius stormed off up the hill towards the castle without even a glance back.

##

"Where have you been?" Remus asked as Sirius slammed the door shut.

"Out."

"Where?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Remus didn't answer, and Sirius glanced over to see him looking down at the floor with that look on his face – the look that Sirius knew meant that he was upset.

"I'm sorry," he said feebly, putting an arm around him that Remus shrugged off.

"Whatever."

"Really, Rem. I'm sorry. I was just annoyed. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I said 'whatever', Sirius," Remus said, stalking out of the room.

Sirius closed his eyes and let out a grunt of frustration, closing his eyes and leaning back against the headboard of his bed.

##

When Sirius finally emerged downstairs for dinner, he made his way straight to Remus and took his hand.

"I'm sorry, babe."

"It's fine," Remus said, pulling him down next to him. "Really, I'm sorry too. I over-reacted a bit. It's just that the full moon's tonight and you know how I am."

"Well," Sirius said quietly. "We're getting married, so smile."

Remus couldn't help smiling and rested his head on Sirius' shoulder.

James and Peter dropped down opposite them at the table. "Hey," James said. He had his arm around Peter, who looked terrible.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked him worriedly.

"Mary dumped him," James whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius said, feeling horrible for him. "You'll be ok though. We can get you some firewhiskey and have an anti-girl party or something."

"Ahem," Lily said from beside them. "Anti-girl party?"

"I wouldn't go to it," James said quickly. "Just these two poufs and Pete."

"Hey!" Remus said, kicking James under the table.

"What?" James asked. "You are."

"Shut up, James," Sirius said. "C'mon Pete! It'll be great. It'll take your mind off that bitch who dumped you."

Peter smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'll sneak out tomorrow night if you want."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Nobody's getting drunk though," Remus warned, and Sirius could tell it was directed at him.

"You know what?" Sirius said menacingly. "I think you'll be getting drunk for once in your life, Rem."

"No way. I won't let that happen," Remus said. Sirius smirked.

"Well, I will," he said. "Easy. I bet you ten galleons I can get you drunk tomorrow night. Deal?"

"Deal," Remus said, shaking his hand and then kissing him quickly on the lips.

Now it's time to plan, Sirius thought to himself excitedly as he finished his dinner.

###