Merlin was scared. No, he was down right terrified. He had never meant for this to happen. Gwen was never supposed to find out. But he knew it was all his fault. That spell he had placed upon Gwen's womb backfired in the worst way imaginable. His emotions raged like a hurricane around his heart. He hated himself for allowing things to go this far, he resented Arthur for being so careless, and he despaired for the pain he must have caused Gwen. But at the same time, he was jealous of Gwen since she was able to marry Arthur and love him openly. He didn't care that Gwen was hurt because Arthur never belonged to her. But in truth, Merlin didn't really know anything anymore. For the first time in a long time, the Sorcerer had absolutely no idea. Usually, he could just fix problems with a whisper and a flash in his eyes. He did so for others on a regular basis. At most, they would have to ride off to some distant land to find a precious herb or flower. But even with all the dangers he had faced in his life, nothing had ever scared him more than not knowing what to do; not knowing the solution to the problem he faced. Which was why, right now, he was more fearful than he had ever been before. Simply because he didn't know what to do.
Arthur hated himself. He hated that he had let things get so out of hand, he hated he had let his heart rule is mind and most of all, he hated the fact that he felt happy. Before Gwen had discovered it all, he had felt so suffocated. He wanted to show the world his love for his Sorcerer and not have to pretend all the time. Arthur had to hide everything from everyone. But now his wife knew, he didn't have to hide. Someone in this world other than Merlin and himself knew. Even if it was the one person they were trying so desperately to hide from, she now knew. There was nothing that could be done now. Gwen knew and they had both hurt her but nothing anyone could do would make time reverse itself. Arthur knew that. Which was why he felt so happy. Because, even if it was just one person, that was one less person in the world that he had to hide from.
Gwen felt no emotion whatsoever. No hurt, sadness, fear, anger. Nothing. She was totally blank. She knew what had happened. Merlin's spell had backfired on them all. Nothing had come out of that action from her 'friend' other than the truth. Which Gwen realised she was now very grateful for. Now, she was void of all reactions. The only times she could even come close to any kind of feeling was when she saw Lancelot; the one person on this God-forsaken Earth she could actually trust. But even when she did see him she didn't feel anything such as sadness or pain. No, with Lancelot she felt something different entirely. Something good.
"Are you sure?" Lancelot asked, concern laced in his voice.
"Yes," Gwen smiled, leaning in slightly closer to her knight "I'm sure".
The two of them were talking with one another in the royal chambers. Their voices rowed back and forth in the rhythm of conversation but their tones remained hushed. It had been exactly one and a half months since Gwen had seen the King and Sorcerer in her chambers pressed against one another, wrapped in a blanket of passion and love. For the first week, she could hardly function as her emotions disabled her ability to even move. She probably would have remained that way, but then she was saved. Lancelot had started to visit her each night. Nothing much would happen, they would simply sit together enjoying each other's company before Gwen would fall asleep against the knight's arm, Lancelot would put her into the fluffy mattress, and drape the feathered quilts over her body before leaving. Slowly, Gwen was brought back from the edge of self-destruction. She no longer cared for her 'husband' nor his 'friend'. The Queen would have put her plan into action weeks ago if it had not been for the one thing holding her back. But now she knew she had to let it all go, even Lancelot.
"I know you have to but I will miss you" Lancelot told her. Gwen's smile was sad as she looked at him. His words were calm and soft and, although she could see the hurt in his eyes, the knight's words calmed her into certainty. She had to do this.
She had to leave Camelot.
