A/N: This got way away from me but Leliana is one of my favorites. Also, there will be less game dialogue and stuff as we get farther into the storyline. Thanks for reading :) PS...this is long...
"Leliana?" Josie called out as she neared the top of the stairs to the rookery. Past experiences have taught her to call out her presence to her old friend, it would save her the trouble of walking into a situation she didn't want to be in. Leliana had been sure to keep her oldest friend's hands as clean as possible. When no answer came Leliana heard the steps slow and Josie called out again, "Leli?"
"Come up, Josie." Leliana called out as the door to the battlements shut. "Sorry," she continued once Josie was in sight, "I couldn't answer at first."
She took in Josie. The small smile and lack of clipboard. She wanted a distraction and begrudgingly Leliana would agree. Her eyes lingered at her hands as they smoothed her dress, tugged at the ruffles to get the imaginary wrinkles to lay still. Leliana quirked an eyebrow at the anxious gestures. Maybe this wasn't a simple distraction from work.
"What kept your answer?"
"Work, as always." Leliana smiled even though the mission she just assigned was a gruesome one. She pushed the guilt out of her mind. What was one more dirty deed if it saved Thedas?
"Ah, well, I was hoping I could tear you away from work but if you are too busy?"
"Not at all Josie, not for you." She arranged some papers into a more organized mess at her work table before rising and meeting her friend near the stairs. She looped her arm with Josie's. "Shall we?"
Their walk took them across the courtyard, around the battlements, back through Skyhold's main hall and into the gardens. The time filled with innocent rumors within the Inquisition, old stories, and laughs. It was calm, all soft voices and light topics. Each time she accepted the distraction of Josie's walks, Leliana never understood why she ever declined. Josie led them to a bench in the sun, leaning back to let her face soak in the warmth. She sighed. "I miss heat. Natural, warming, amazing, sun-generated heat."
"Hopefully we'll have you back to your beloved Antiva in no time. Until then, fire-generated heat will just have to suffice."
"How very sympathetic of you, Leli. Maybe you can make sure that my fire never dies down or that my wood supply stays stocked." Josie giggled.
"You act as though I can't make that happen." Leliana smirked, taking note of her dearest friend's needs. It was as simple as a few more coins in the hands of a worker to ensure her fire stayed at the temperature the coastal native needed to be comfortable.
The silence that fell around them was familiar, comforting in the ever-changing, vicious world they now lived in. Neither woman rushed to end it. Leliana let her eyes wonder over the various sizes of pots the Inquisitor had moved into the courtyard to make it a proper garden. Some small plants were starting to pop up. No real flowers but buds that seemed ready to bloom. It warmed her cooling heart that the Inquisitor wanted to bring life into Skyhold, to create a retreat for all within the walls and under their protection. The young elf had been adamant about the decision and ecstatic once it was granted permission. It had then become a habit within Skyhold for all to search for seeds while out traveling. The variety of plants that were beginning to bloom was inspiring.
Her eyes flitted to the small pot that held her Andraste's Grace. The stems, heavy with shy flowers, struggled to stand tall. Leliana mused they would bloom soon, a few days. Maybe less. Josie leaned forward and began messing with her dress again then smoothing her hair back; she tugged her sleeves into place. Nervous habits. Moments of this went on before Josie began to speak but Leliana didn't rush her, knowing her friend would get around to the topic eventually.
"You spent extended time with the Dalish during your travels with Tristian, correct?" Josie was using her ambassador tone, detached and formal.
The unexpected mention of the Hero of Ferelden caught Leliana off guard, her heart clenched tightly and her heart jumped to her throat. She subtly swallowed until the lump was manageable. She composed herself quickly so that Josie wouldn't feel guilty; her friend was not aware of the turmoil of her heart thanks to the masks of her work. Talk of the warden kept Leliana from pretending she didn't miss her, at least during the day when duty demanded she be the spymaster. Leliana nodded, interested, despite the flare of longing, in where this conversation was headed.
"How did they view…" Josie paused before fully facing Leliana. "I have growing feelings for Eleri." She laid out plainly. "I believe they may be mutual but I have no idea what the Dalish views on such a relationship would be. I refuse to broach the subject without knowing if I would offend her."
"I don't think you should broach the subject at all."
"What?" Josie's brow furrowed as she frowned. An assumed reaction. Josie knew almost every detail of Leliana's relationship and its origins. A situation much like the one currently plaguing Thedas.
"This is not the time to be chasing after romance."
"You of all people are cautioning me on timing? Not even a week ago you were teasing me for my attraction to her!" The heat in Josie's voice was unsurprising even though it earned the gaze of passing workers. Many thought she spent all her time as a diplomat, both in and out of the office but Leliana knew that wasn't true. Far, far, from it. She had been on the receiving end of Antivan fire many times for many different reasons.
"Yes, me of all people because I know the consequences. Do you think I enjoy being apart from her; that I enjoy surviving on letters? Do you think I would wish for anyone else to live this half-life?" She ignored the comment about her teasing. She had thought it harmless at that point.
"When did you become so jaded, Leli?" Josie sighed. "You and Tristian survived a blight, being torn away by the Chantry, you are surviving the calling. Yes, you're apart but she will come back."
"Josie, I do not wish to talk about this. You do not know what you are talking about." Leliana looked away, her eyes itching and voice iced over. A familiar fight for them. Fire vs ice. Blue eyes narrowed as they looked toward the sun. "I will hear you out as a friend because you are my very best but you know my stance. Please don't ask me to give you advice that I do not believe."
A nod but neither spoke for several more minutes. Leliana was too busy getting her emotions back under control and Josie let her. Tristian continued to be the only thing that could set them loose. A smile and shake of her head as the thought crossed her mind. She flexed her fingers out wide, dropping her eyes to the ring that was the only adornment that was not Inquisition or Chantry based, the only thing that was hers.
"How do Dalish view the relationship between two women?" Josie asked before adding with her hands flying out in front of her, "Or men, for that matter."
"It depends on the clan but mostly they do not approve because two women, or men, cannot have children. The Dalish are deeply concerned with survival of their culture and race. Anything that does not help them achieve that goal is frowned on."
"So she will be uncomfortable if I speak to her of this?"
"Not necessarily." Leliana allowed. Josie was asking questions that kept her opinion out of the conversation and Leliana would always answer her friend truthfully, even if the subject was something she didn't agree with. She would give anything to save Josie the pain Leliana felt on a daily basis even if it was a sweet, self-inflicted pain but she wouldn't lie. "They don't view it as something sinful as some cultures do. It just doesn't assist them specifically. With that said, I do not believe it is uncommon within clans."
"You are incredibly unhelpful right now." Josie frowned with a small shake of her head that caused a small laugh to escape Leliana. "Can't you just tell me if I should? I don't even know if she feels the same way."
"No, Jo. I will not because if I do, I will only tell you that you shouldn't." Leliana sighed, knowing that Josie would read into what she was about to say. But, honesty was something to cling to with loved ones when her job demanded secrecy and lies. "But not because she will react poorly."
…
Despite what she said to Josie, Leliana became more observant when around Eleri. She lingered when the ambassador and inquisitor were together and thought themselves alone, inquired with a few of Eleri's more trusted companions, and paid attention to body language during war council meetings. How Josie could only guess at the reciprocation of feelings was beyond her but those closest to the situation were often blind to it all.
Only a week of lazy surveillance was enough to prove her suspicions of the two but she would do nothing about the new knowledge. Leliana was unyielding on the advice she gave to her friend. She watched their flailing flirtations for days after with only a slight pull of guilt on her conscience. Situations such as theirs only bred tragic love. There were not often happy endings when love was found amid bloodshed. Maybe she was jaded as Josie had said. She paused, standing in front of her desk in the rookery and let the parchment in her hands drop from her attention. Josie's opinion is one that many would agree to if asked, Leliana guessed. She could only imagine what her agents thought of her personally. Her mouth set in a firm line as she reminded herself that she didn't care.
Rushed footfalls coming up her stairs pulled Leliana out of her personal reflection. She set the parchment on the desk and leaned onto the surface, the tips of her fingers grazing the small dagger she kept within reach. A paranoid habit she could not shake and refused to try. A guard, in full armor, came charging into the room. He slowed, attempted to speak but his breaths were too jagged for words.
"Deep breaths, soldier. Calm yourself." Leliana straightened and walked around her desk, her nerves on fire. She could not think of a positive reason for a guard to sprint to her room in full armor. She watched as he nodded and started gulping down air instead of trying to talk.
"You are needed…in the courtyard, Sister Nightingale…Lady Montilyet sent…me. There is a…commotion on the trail." He stuttered out, still delayed by his breathing. Leliana's brow furrowed. She would have been alerted of a 'commotion' on the trail. She had her scouts. Her eyes drifted to the window, toward the trail that lead to Skyhold's main gate.
"Very well. I will hurry down. Take your time, soldier. I appreciate your urgency in getting me this information. I will make sure Commander Cullen hears of this."
"Thank you, Sister Nightingale." The man replied, a relieved sigh following Leliana down the stairs. She would have allowed herself a small smile at the sound of his armor collapsing against the brick wall and his reaction but his news was too worrisome. Her steps hastened. Josie's office, the main hall, stairs down to the courtyard in front of the main gate, all a blur. She stopped beside Josie and Cullen, catching the back end of their conversation.
"My men have braced the door, it will hold. Only an individual traveler has been confirmed but I would rather not take any chances." Cullen was informing Josie.
"What is happening?" Leliana cut in as Cullen ended his thought. "Why am I just now being notified? Where are my scouts?"
"Your scouts have taken custody of a heavily armed traveler. She was aggressive and it took the four you had assigned to subdue her. My men informed me once they caught sight but I do not know what is happening. Intelligence has come in just recently that the traveler has calmed but demanded to see you. It reeks of ambush."
"Who is she?"
"She won't answer. Her only demand is that she sees you. Your scouts describe her as desperate. She only calmed once they informed her that she was being escorted to Skyhold. And from how they describe it, calm is used loosely."
A soldier jogged over and the advisors' conversation was halted in order to hear the update. "They are nearly at the door, Commander. If we are to grant them entrance, the gate needs to begin opening now."
Cullen looked to the two women with him. "Is there the option to deny them entrance?"
Josie looked to Leliana, leaving the question to her. This was out of her realm of expertise. Without the inquisitor in Skyhold, the decision fell to the three of them. "No, not with our people out there. If there were more, an ambush waiting, I believe we would know. More than a handful of fighters would be obvious, I think we have the manpower to handle anything that could go without our notice. Especially with the choke point of the main gate." After Cullen nodded in agreement, she turned toward the guard waiting for an answer. "Open the gate."
The doors slowly creeped open, loud pops sounding as the giant hinges were stressed. Leliana watched as puffs of smoke followed the sounds, dust and dirt dislodging itself. The wait was a test of patience. Just enough room was opened for a small company to make it through the massive doors. This ensured that their choke point was maintained. Through the gap, the party with their captive was in view. Leliana's breath caught but she brushed aside the thoughts. It couldn't be.
The silver and blue armor. The crossed laurel leaves that she thought she could make out on it. A familiar shield and sword carried by agents. Light brown hair in a thick braid that, as they got closer Leliana could see, remained unruly. And the closer they got the less Leliana could deny what was in front of her. Nor could the captive. She started pulling at her restraints, shouting. Desperate as they said.
"Leli…" Josie trailed off, knowing who was in front of her and how the situation just evolved.
Leliana took three steps then turned back to Cullen, uncharacteristic tears threatening to pour over. There was an edge to her voice, a shake that she would curse later. "Tell them to let her free. Now."
"Release her!" Cullen bellowed. The order was relayed through guards until it reached the agents. The party stopped but the traveler, Tristian, struggled still. Then her limits were cut and the warden-commander took off at a run. Leliana took two more steps then stopped. The surreal moment too much. Too many emotions flooding her after pushing them away for so long. Tristian barely slowed as her arms encircled her waist as her body crashed, almost painfully, into Leliana. A sob bubbling out in the time it took Tristian to connect their lips in a bruising kiss.
Barely, Leliana was aware of Cullen shouting out orders, of Josie shooing away those in the area. She could have cared less. All that mattered was the woman in her arms. The woman who should not be at Skyhold. A woman whose emotions did not make sense. The kiss was broken as another sob erupted from Tristian, her face finding the crook of Leliana's neck. The spymaster rubbed one hand up and down her love's back as the other wiped away the tears that escaped. Mumbling was felt against her neck more than heard, prompting Leliana to guide Tristian's eyes to hers. Tristian resisted, pulling tighter at Leliana.
"It is hard to hear you with your lips to my neck, love." Leliana spoke gently, attempting humor. It felt wrong in the moment, "You must pick between kissing me and talking to me. You cannot do both at once." She felt the embrace loosen.
"I thought you died."
"What?" Leliana pushed Tristian to arm's length, looking into watery hazel eyes. Tears refused to stop falling but the broken, pure anguish that met her caused a crack in her heart that mixed with shock at Tristian's words. "What made…why would you think that?"
Josie approached them before she could get an answer. An apology evident all over the ambassador's face before she spoke. "I apologize for interrupting but maybe this is a conversation best had inside?" She looked to Leliana, barely sparing Tristian a glace for the sake of her near hysterical state. Ever the diplomat. "I cannot give you the privacy I think you both deserve out here."
A nod was her only answer. Then Leliana threaded her fingers with Tristian's and pulled her through Skyhold. Her warden remained silent as they walked but she kept a tight hold on her hand that was unlike the loose, unrestricting touch Leliana was used to.
They took turn after turn into the belly of Skyhold, toward Leliana's room that was kept hidden from the traffic of the hold. Josie was right. Privacy was paramount. The rookery, where she spent more time than anywhere else, was the last place she wanted to be. Not for this conversation. Leliana glanced back several times as they neared her room. Each time Tristian's eyes were on hers as if trying to burn the image of Leliana into her mind. She didn't know whether to feel love or worry. An odd mix of both filled her.
Finally, they reached her room. There was barely enough time to fully shut the door before Leliana was engulfed in another crushing hug.
"Tristian, love. You're hurting me." She ground out. The pressure of the hug and the armor was an unpleasant combination. Like before, in the courtyard, the embrace loosened but Tristian didn't move. She kept herself as close to Leliana as she could. A rare display of desperate need. Leliana let out a confused giggle, again reaching for levity. "What has gotten into you?"
It was not reached. Tristian flung herself away, seething. An anger that seemed to come from nowhere. A jolting transition from just seconds before. "I thought you died!" She struggled to keep her voice level. "I thought that you had left me and I was alone! That's what has gotten into me. I mourned you, Leliana. I spent weeks thinking my heart had been ripped away from me."
"Why?" Leliana didn't move, didn't try to erase the distance between them or stop Tristian's erratic pacing. It pained her, this confused her but the distance was how she would get answers. She could comfort Tristian after.
"I went to Haven." The warden stopped, shoulders slumped and anguish clear. Her emotions ricocheting off each other. "I received a letter from Josephine, she said you had been keeping to the village. I was heading for the temple and I thought I would surprise you."
The smile she gave was broken and apologetic but Leliana couldn't figure out why. Her mind whirled with questions. Why would Josie send a letter without telling her? How did she not know anyways? What was its purpose? She settled for the easiest and farthest from the topic.
"Why were you going to the temple? It was destroyed."
"There were rumors about the ashes and the calling. I needed to see if they survived, I found out about the possibility after the conclave." She rushed out, clearly unhappy for having to explain herself. Her anger coming back.
"Why wouldn't you have asked me? I would have looked for you."
"You were busy. The searching alone took me weeks." Her voice exploded but then Tristian ran a hand down her face, an effort to calm down. This was not the composed woman Leliana was used to. "That is not the point. It doesn't matter anymore. I went to Haven, expecting to see you and finally surprise you for once. I was expecting…so much but nothing close to the destruction I found. I searched everything. I found your tent, your things. I thought I lost you."
Leliana closed the distance between them as Tristian's voice caught and tears fell, the anger disappearing completely. She cupped her warden's face, bringing their foreheads together with soft, soothing words and gentle thumbs brushing her tears away. Tristian's hands rested on her hips.
"I thought…I couldn't believe that anything survived. I mourned." Her broken voice forced tears to Leliana's eyes. The guilt obvious within the shaking, almost whispered cadence of Tristian's accent was shredding Leliana. "Leli, I spent weeks in Haven. I almost didn't search the temple but I did because I wanted to remember our time there." A watery laugh bubbled out. "So stupid but I did. I wanted to feel close to you somehow."
"You didn't lose me. I'm here, I'm right here."
"But I thought…" Tristian broke off as more tears fell, harder. Her hands clutched at Leliana again, fingers pressing hard. She needed reassurance, physical contact. Leliana trailed her hands down Tristian's neck and over her shoulders, a hand at her neck pulling her to Leliana. Their lips met, slow and comforting. Leliana let her lips linger but pulled away as a shaky sigh escaped Tristian, opting to pepper light kisses to any part of her warden's face that she could reach. Her lips traced the scar along her cheek, her jaw line, the tip of her nose and eyelids until she returned to Tristian's lips and found their corners slightly turned up.
Neither woman moved nor spoke after Leliana pressed their foreheads back together. Both were content to let their breath mingle and assure each other of their own realness. The feel of Tristian under her fingertips seemed like a dream and Leliana was loathe to break the sacredness of their silence but questions continued to burn in her mind.
"How did you know to come to Skyhold?"
"More rumors. Whispered plans of pilgrimage to pledge oneself to the Inquisition. After the temple, I returned to Redcliffe and then Denerim. It was talked about in dark corners of taverns, on the roads, anywhere out of hearing of the Chantry."
The warmth was coming back into Tristian's voice, the shake dying down. She brushed her nose along Leliana's then gave a quick peck. When she continued her voice was soft but stronger.
"Skyhold didn't have a name nor did it have a set location. Just somewhere in the Frostbacks. I needed to believe you were still alive, the acceptance of anything else was crushing me. I would have written but I didn't know how to get it here."
"How long did you wander the mountains?"
"It doesn't matter. I would've searched the deep roads for decades to find you, you know that."
"But I want to know." Leliana pulled away again, holding Tristian at arm's length once more to look her over. In the chaos of their reunion she didn't notice how thin she looked, the scratches, scuffs, and dents in her armor and worse of all, she didn't notice the cuts that littered any exposed skin and the dark bags under her eyes.
"A few weeks. Skyhold is well hidden." She smiled and Leliana tried to focus on it instead of the worry that didn't matter now.
"Did you bring anything other than armor?" Lithe, skillful hands already moved to the straps of Tristian's armor before her answer. A sheepish smile lit up the warden's face.
"Would it surprise you if I said no."
"Not at all." Leliana kept working, ignoring the eyes that stayed trained on her own. "I don't have anything that will fit you. You'll have to wait as Josie finds you something befitting your station. She'd have a fit if you walked Skyhold in anything less than what is expected."
Strong hands folded over hers as they moved. "Leli, look at me please."
Nothing happened at first. She didn't want to and Leliana couldn't place why. Gentle fingers trailed along her jaw and into her hair, waiting. There was no rush, no impatience. A complete turnaround from not even an hour before.
"Leli." Blue met hazel, finally. "I'm fine and so are you and I just want to be here with you. Clean clothes can wait."
Tears threatened once more so Leliana did what she did best with Tristian, she attempted humor. "They won't if you want to sleep in my bed."
Tristian's chest shook with a quiet laugh. She let go of Leliana's hands to let them continue their mission. Leliana pressed against the two pieces as she waited for Tristian to take hold of the front plate, moving around to remove the back. A wince and gasp escaped the warden as she removed the plate, nearly dropping it. Leliana quickly set down the back and stepped back in front. Dried blood stained Tristian's collar and trailed down her chest.
The shirt peeled away stiff. The wound was short, no more than a few inches but it was deep. The skin around it whiter than the rest, looking infected and painful. Leliana probed the skin around it as Tristian sucked in air and clenched her jaw. It was hot. Not a good sign.
"When did you get this?"
"I'm not sure. A few days ago, maybe more." Tristian tried to look down at it but it was too close to her neck, her jaw blocking the view. She winced as she craned her neck back trying to catch a glance.
"Stop that." Leliana scolded. "We need to get you to a healer. Josie be damned."
Tristian chuckled but accepted the help getting back in to her shirt then followed Leliana. Many gave them odd looks as they walked through Skyhold but none stopped them. Once Tristian was in the hands of the healers, Leliana tried to excuse herself to go speak with Josie, secure clean clothing, but Tristian would not relinquish her hand. Her eyes begging Leliana to stay even though she would never beg in front of others. Leliana shook her head, wishing the silly warden knew she never needed to beg.
The mages probed the wound and found it healable through natural means, sending them to a physician. It irritated Leliana but it was her own guidance that steered Eleri to pass the edict to only magically heal those who were severe enough to not make the recovery on their own. The couple left the tents with a jar of salve to apply three times a day and Tristian in a sling.
"Ah, Tristian. Hello." Josie greeted as the couple entered her office. She faltered once her eyes traveled down to Tristian's wardrobe. "Please tell me you are on your way to change?"
Leliana laughed at the hopefulness of her friend's question. She almost hated to be the bearer of bad news. "Unfortunately, no. I was hoping you could find her something suitable, Josie."
"Of course. I need only measurements but I am afraid that I must banish you. I have Orlesian nobles in route for a tour of the hold. I'd rather them not see you as such, Tristian. We have a hard enough time keeping our reputation above disreputable at the moment. It looks as though you could use the rest anyways."
"Of course, Lady Montilyet." Tristian smiled, keeping to formalities that would please Josie even though Leliana knew what was coming next.
"Please, call me Josie. Your measurements?" Tristian rattled off the numbers as Josie jotted them down on her clipboard. "Right. I will have these to you within a few hours. Now, off with both of you. Yes, you as well, Leliana. I will not stand for you to be working. Do not make me send for Cassandra. I will if I catch you!"
Leliana let Tristian pull her away as Josie's voice drifted back to them wishing Tristian a swift recovery, only taking the lead when she realized the warden didn't know where she was going. This walk much different than earlier. Tristian's loose hold on her hand was back but her eyes retained a hint of desperation. Their day was spent in leisure. Leliana's plan to banish that look from Tristian's eyes. A long bath that Leliana melted in with Tristian's arms around her. They shared a late lunch in the kitchens with the sound of Tristian's boisterous laugh bouncing off the walls causing Leliana to find her giggle again; she spent the beginning of the meal with her hand hiding it before Tristian pulled it away with a kiss to her knuckles and placing it on the table. The rest of the day was spent in bed. A foreign feeling to the spymaster. She couldn't remember the last time she spent more than just a couple hours in one for sleep. Let alone several for relaxation.
Their conversation had died down to a comfortable silence with archer's fingers running through brown hair. The light feeling she had been missing slowly being replaced in her soul. It set her on a train of thought she never believed she would be reconsidering. "Tristian?" A hum sounded in answer. "Do you think I'm jaded?"
The woman shifted, lifting her head to meet Leliana's eyes. Then she propped herself up on her good arm. "I think you have seen the worst of the world, you have suffered, and when you finally found happiness it was taken to only be given back in small doses." Tristian leaned in for a short kiss before continuing, taking away the sting of truth in her words. "I believe you still look for the good around you but it isn't like before. Your job demands you be weary."
Leliana nodded, reaching for Tristian to pull her back down. "I told Josie not to go after love because I did not want her to go through this."
"What is 'this?'"
"The unbearable emptiness of missing you." The hand resting on her stomach gripped her shirt. The only comfort Tristian was able with the sling. "The uncertainty of knowing if you'll survive. The crushing realization that I am not in control of my own life."
"Leli…"
She could hear what the next words would be. The guilt and sorrow lowering her love's voice. "Don't apologize, please. It isn't your fault. It is my life that continues to separate us. I was the one pulled away to be the left hand, now I'm the one supporting an inquisition. But we digress as always."
"Do you not think that it's worth it?"
"Of course I think it's worth it!" Leliana looked down at the top of Tristian's head, eyes wide that she would even question it. "I would not change a thing."
"Then why did you tell Josie no?"
"I don't know."
"I don't know either but I know I don't like when you are this introspective. I thought it was my job to second guess every decision I have ever made?"
"When did you learn the art of humor?" Leliana asked, admiring the playful gleam in Tristian's eye as she looked up at her.
"I knew I needed to bring something new to the table when next we saw each other. Do you like it?" She teased.
"Not really, no." Tristian laughed at her lack of sugar coating. "I like it better when you're the one laughing."
…
"Inquisitor, may I have a word?" Leliana pushed herself off the wall she was leaning against as she waited for Eleri to pass by. The Inquisitor had been back in Skyhold for several days, long enough for debriefing and rest. Long enough for Leliana to veer from business. The elf slowed with a nod, her eyes nervous. Leliana allowed herself a smirk at the reaction.
"I've noticed you've paid Lady Montilyet a number of compliments." She began as she matched Eleri's pace and not wanting to play at small talk.
"Uh, yes. I enjoy her company." Eleri replied, even more nervous. She rolled her shoulders back resulting in a small pop.
"An entanglement with our ambassador seems most unwise." As she continued, Leliana let ice seep into her voice. She knew what this conversation would lead to, that Eleri would discuss it with Josie and most likely it would force their feelings into the open but she would not waste an opportunity to be sure Eleri knew the wrath that waited on the other side of a hurt Josie. "I asked Josephine to join the Inquisition because we needed a diplomat. Not so she could be toyed with."
Eleri slowed to a stop and faced Leliana. Her deep green eyes flicked to and from Leliana's own, nerves obviously trying to steel themselves. "Whatever's between me and Josephine hardly seems like your concern."
"I disagree, Inquisitor. I brought her here." A weathered smile. "Josephine's no stranger to courtly intrigue." Eleri scrunched her brows, prompting Leliana to explain further. "Being sought after in the most innocent of intentions." A nod to continue, "But love? Love in such a situation as ours? There she is an innocent. Though she has suspicions, she has no idea you are truly attracted to her. Are you?"
Poorly hidden panic took over the slim features looking back at her. Eleri looked away effectively putting the redden tips of her ears on display. "Sh-she knows?"
Leliana stifled her laugh but not well enough as Eleri's blush deepened. "You are not as secretive as you think, Inquisitor. But, whatever is between you, I ask that you treat her with kindness. For her sake as well as your own."
"Did you just threaten me?" No malice was infused with the words but incredulity oozed from them. A small laugh pushed out with them.
"I'm aware how little my opinion counts in matters of the heart."
"That's not true." Despite the blush that still lingered, Eleri's face was set with a determination to make Leliana's worth known. "Your opinion always counts. You're my spymaster. I don't really want to be talking about this, let alone with Josie's best friend but I will always value your opinion."
"And if it is not what you want to hear?"
"I said I would value it, not follow it." Eleri shrugged with a crooked smile.
"I will not trouble you any further…but I do watch over my friends and as you said, Josie is my very best. Good day, your worship."
And with that, Leliana walked off. She glanced behind her as she turned a corner to find Eleri still standing in the same spot. A look of bewilderment on her face. Leliana let another laugh loose with a shake of her head. The young Inquisitor was hopeless. As she walked, her thoughts turned to her behavior. She had not laughed this much since well before the conclave. Tristian's influence without a doubt. Her heart lifted then immediately sank as she thought about their impending separation. She hurried her steps to the rookery, needing to check in before taking the day off. Yet again. Tristian's influence once more.
Her room was dark when Leliana got back. Odd since it was nearing midday. She walked to the small window, the only window, and pulled back the curtains just enough to let a strip of light in. Her eyes adjusted quickly, landing on Tristian's still sleeping form in the middle of her bed.
"Love," Leliana gently shook the warden's good shoulder before cupping her face, "it is time to get up. You need to apply the salve."
Tristian stirred but didn't wake. She mumbled something before trying to roll over, directly onto her wounded shoulder. Tristian yelped and shot up, clutching at her shoulder with curses flying. She looked pale and a slight sweat covered her forehead, the bags under her eyes that had been disappearing during her time at Skyhold starting to show themselves again.
"Do you feel ill?" Leliana asked as her hand went to Tristian's forehead to check her temperature. She was warm but not alarmingly so. Not yet.
"Just tired, Leli."
"You look worse than tired, love. Let me see your shoulder."
Tristian shifted on the bed so she was sitting on the edge with her wounded shoulder closest to Leliana who carefully removed her shirt then the bandage. The gash was an angry red, the stitching looked frayed but the skin around it no longer looked spongey.
"This does not look good. We need to get it checked again."
"What does it look like?"
"Red with stitching that looks half ripped out. You never told me how you got this." Leliana asked as she began applying new bandages.
"I ran into a few bandits. I thought there were only two of them but they had a rogue. She jumped me from behind. If she were more skilled I would probably be dead. She didn't take into account my armor; the blade didn't go deep enough to do any real damage."
"This looks real enough to me." Leliana pulled the knot harshly. Tristian inhaled quickly but let out a chuckle. She leaned in to steal a kiss before Leliana could pull away.
"If you are going to inflict further pain, the lest you could do is help me put my shirt and sling back on. Did you have your talk with Josie?" She asked while struggling to get her shirt right-side-out. Years ago they would have fallen into a shouting match but Tristian dealt with their limited time with forgiveness and a short memory. Leliana stood and took the shirt from her.
"No, I decided to go a different route but this conversation can wait." She watched as Tristian winced through the shirt then cradled her arm close to her body. Leliana gently placed the sling around her neck and guided the arm in. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For pulling the bandages too tight." She pulled Tristian up by her good hand and into a hug. "I get worried and the thought of you fighting alone frustrates me."
"I'm fine. I probably just need the stitching replaced. Nothing some rest won't fix. I've survived worse with less medical aid. You've witnessed it."
"How foolish would it be to ask you to stay?" Leliana asked suddenly, quietly with her head pillowed on Tristian's shoulder. A long sigh was her answer. She squeezed her eyes shut at the words that would follow. The rejection that needed to be.
"You've taken four days completely off of work since I've been here which, from what Josie has told me, is out of character for you. As is the fact that you've been sleeping through the night. In your own bed. I would stay in a heartbeat, Leli. It isn't even a question if it were up to me. But we both know it isn't. How much of a distraction would I be?"
"Tristian, you have only just returned to me after so long apart. Devastated and injured. Would you rather I ignored you for my duties? Let you see me but for one night then disappear to my work?"
"I didn't mean to upset you. It was only a question."
Leliana ignored her, seething but knowing the truth of her words. She had been slacking on her work. Their main goal hadn't suffered for it but how long could that good fortune last? She thought through all of the possible outcomes if Tristian stayed as they walked to the healers' tents. Her jaded mind, because she was finally accepting herself as she truly was, came up with only negatives.
She held Tristian's hand through the ripping out of old stitches and application of new. She listened intently as the healer gave strict instructions on her new care. She picked at her food through their lunch and then held Tristian as she slipped into a medically-induced sleep. Her thoughts remained pessimistic, her heart slowly cracking. This would be her last day off.
"I can hear you damning the world." Tristian mumbled hours later with eyes still closed. Leliana hadn't slept, hadn't even tried. And she was right, that was exactly what she was doing.
"I thought I told you I didn't like this new funny bone you found." She teased back.
"What's wrong?"
"You were right. You can't stay." Leliana kept her eyes down, studying the material of Tristian's shirt instead of the emotions in her eyes. Her warden didn't respond or attempt to make eye contact. Then, Tristian's head pushed against hers.
"Would it be foolish if I asked to stay?" That snapped her eyes up causing their noses to collide. Tristian chuckled with a scrunched face, "I'll take that as a yes then?"
"What about our earlier conversation, my work?" Leliana's eyes frantically darted between Tristian's, looking for some sort of deception or lie but finding nothing close. "The calling?"
"Leli, with everything you know of me, just based on what is going on in the world, would I be able to leave this inquisition to hunt after a selfish cure to the calling? Would I ever turn my back on Thedas if I could help in any way? No. I only hesitated at first because I was so far away." She scooted closer, giving her restricted hand the help it needed to close the distance and wrap itself in Leliana's shirt. "And I'm tired of walking away from you. Nothing is turning to fruition. I do not want to spend the time I have left without you. Nothing scares me more than the possibility that there is no cure and I wasted so much time searching for it instead of loving you."
Emotions warred inside Leliana. She was elated that Tristian was choosing to stay. Though she couldn't tell if she was devastated that her warden would sacrifice their future to do so or that their future was not as bright as they once thought.
"We can still search. The Inquisition has many allies."
"Allies that should be focused on ending this new version of a Blight, not curing a single warden."
"We have access to Grand Enchanter Fiona, her mages are with us. At the very least you can speak to her. I refuse to give up on this, on us."
"The calling will not come any time soon, Leli. I would feel it and I don't. I'm not giving up either. Now, please. Can we celebrate that I will not be leaving?" Tristian smiled, an alluring display of teeth and lips, of unadulterated happiness.
Leliana closed the distance between them for a short kiss, murmuring against Tristian's lips, "We can truly celebrate when your shoulder heals." Then she was pulling away with a giggle, up and out of bed. Their bed.
"You're cruel." Tristian laughed, trying to maintain a pout.
"And you are due for your next does of salve and sleep." Leliana grabbed the supplies along with the bread and cheese she had brought to her room. "Here, eat as I apply this."
Tristian dutifully obeyed as Leliana undressed and then redressed the wound with fresh salve applied. It already looked volumes better thanks to the new stitches. It was still an angry red but no longer did it look as if it was festering.
"Drink." She pressed the cup with the mix of herbs that would aid sleep into Tristian's hand.
"I would like to talk with the Inquisitor tomorrow so that I can officially offer my help."
"I would like you to be healthy before you started offering anything to anyone, officially or not. Can it wait, please love?"
"Careful, Sister Nightingale. Those under your command may think you soft if they heard you right now." Tristian smirked, handing the cup back and settling back into the comfort of Leliana's bed.
"And they would be corrected. Harshly." Leliana gave a wicked grin back. She ran her fingers through Tristian's hair, savoring the sight of it free instead of in its rebellious braid then gave a sweet kiss to her warden. "Speaking of work, I must attend to a few things. I should be back by the time you wake up. If not, I'll send Josie."
Tristian nodded as sleep pulled her away. Leliana smiled, content to watch for a few moments longer before getting up to leave. She reveled in the lightness and ease that accompanied the action, knowing that they may still be on borrowed time but it was measured in years and not days.
…
The sling was pulled off slowly and with wincing from Tristian even though she tried to hide it. Leliana leveled her with an arched brow that let the warden know she was not successful. After a few mobility assessments from the physician, their fifth trip to the tents since Tristian came to Skyhold, the sling was judged to be no longer necessary. The stitching came out, a new salve applied and explained.
"I would advise against any strenuous activity for another few days. Five at the most, three at the least." The natural healer explained. "No sparring, no heavy lifting. Give the muscles just a little more time to fully heal."
"But in three days I can?"
"Five." Leliana interjected before the physician could answer. Her eyes met those of her lover. Tristian didn't put up a fight but the set of her jaw spoke for her. This would be a conversation had later.
"Three to five, yes. I would continue to roll your shoulders, do some arm circles to keep it loose but don't overdo it. Three times a day, ten times for each movement. When you wake up and before you go to bed most importantly then fit in the third whenever you can."
"Understood. Thank you." Tristian stood and nodded at the healer. Her hand reached for Leliana but the stubborn set of her jaw was still there. She sighed taking the offered hand. Barely midmorning and today was already shaping up to be a long day.
They reached the rookery, walking in silence, and found it empty. Tristian dropped her hand but not harshly before she began. "You are not my mother, Leli. I don't need you to be. I will begin sparring and training when I see fit."
"You're right, I'm not your mother but you do not think clearly when injured, Tristian! I have seen you push through pain and at that time it was necessary. Which is no longer the case!" Leliana kept her voice at the same level but threw her words at the woman in front of her. Tristian had a high pain tolerance and an even higher caliber of willpower to surmount any injury she suffered during the Blight. She would fight through even when she no longer had to because it has been so long since there was any other option. "You have time to heal and I am begging that you take it!"
"I am healed enough. How can I sit by and favor a minor injury when I am more than capable of fighting, of helping?" Tristian's voice was raising, the anger Leliana was familiar with from long ago when pain was necessary making an appearance. It had been ages since the last time they had an actual fight that she had forgotten the force behind Tristian's voice and the passion she argued with. It had not been unleashed often but Leliana remembered each time vividly.
"Enough is not enough, Tristian!" Leliana closed the distance between them, right into Tristian's face to get her words across. "You are more useful to this Inquisition fully healed than with some half injured shoulder that could have killed you if you had not gotten here sooner!"
"Would you advise any of your agents to take the time to heal?" Tristian fired back. "Any of the guards?"
"No. No, I wouldn't but you are not them! Why must you always throw yourself in harm's way? Why can't you be content to just push back the danger for even a few days more?!"
"That is not who we are, Leli." Tristian's voice calmed. She took Leliana's hands in each of her own. "We are not the people who allow ourselves the time to heal when there are others out there hurting. I'm not asking to be sent out, Leli. I promise you that but I have been here for weeks, healing. No sword in hand. No activity at all. I need to start again if you wish me to return once I am sent out."
She was right. Leliana knew she was right but that did not make it any easier. It had been so long since she had seen Tristian injured. It was harder than she thought it would be to let go. "Four days." Leliana murmured.
"Three and a half?" Tristian tried with a smile.
"Four." Leliana challenged with an eyebrow raised. "Unless you want me to go up to five again."
"Then let me talk to the Inquisitor today. I'll explain my situation but let me do something."
"Somehow I am not surprised to find that the Hero of Ferelden stands down in the face of our Spymaster." Came Dorian's voice from the stairs. Leliana moved around Tristian to address the mage. He held his hands up, palms out, in front of him. "I apologize for the interruption. I would have knocked but," he shrugged, "no door."
"What can I do for you, Dorian?"
"What? No introductions? I'm insulted, Leliana!"
"Dorian, may I introduce the Hero of Ferelden, Tristian Cousland. Tristian, Dorian Pavus. Our very own Tevinter mage."
"Pleased to meet you, Dorian." Tristian offered with a smile, always the charming noble she was raised to be. When it suited her of course.
"The same to you. Now, may I be nosey?" He didn't wait for permission. "What is the status of relationship between the two of you?"
"Dorian." Leliana warned but Tristian answered over her, a hand slipping into her left and holding it up, fingers out to show off her ring.
"Married."
"I knew it! Oh, how I wish I could have been at that affair. From the stories I have heard of your past, dear Spymaster, I am sure it was an extravagant affair."
"It was rather simple, really." Tristian looked to Leliana with a smile, remembering the day. "A few friends, little family."
"Ah, but the king didn't let it end there I'm afraid." Leliana allowed herself to share. This was not a secret that needed protecting. "King Alistair threw us a party with barely any notice to us."
Tristian laughed, loud and clear. "He knew we wouldn't have gone if we knew what it was really for. But, it was fun. I'm glad he did that for us."
"You did come for a reason, Dorian? Or only to inquire about my past with my wife?"
"I ran into an irate Josephine Montilyet. I thought you should be warned and notified that she is looking for you."
"Ah, yes. I was wondering when this would find its way back to me. Thank you, Dorian." He nodded and departed. Leliana turned back to Tristian. "Go find the Inquisitor. I need to have a talk with Josie." She leaned in for a kiss, staying close as she issued her threat. "But, you need rest before you begin again. I will find out if you tell her differently."
Tristian kissed her again then started to walk away with a shrug. "You know I wouldn't go against your wishes if I can help it, Leli. Happy wife, happy life."
