So chapter 11 yay! Oh and when this story is over... I think I can milk this for another three chapters, do you want me to do a side story to this one with it being from Kanan's POV or do you want me to do a sequel or both? Cause I'm having way to much fun with this one to be done with it. Oh and I'm working truth or dare but that's more than likely going to be a every other Friday night thing so yeah. Do you think I should do a Ezra sicfic? Let me know.
So on to the chapter.
this chapter will have slight mention of rape
EZRA POV
I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I did that. What the hell is wrong with me? What does kanan think? Why do I care? Ugh!
Kanan was trying to comfort me, to show me he cared and I just literally pulled away.
He probably hates me. I would, I do. But he can't blame me for that, it's not my fault. oh but he can, he doesn't know. And you can't tell him, he WILL leave you. Don't trust him. but I already do. Somewhat. And that's already to much. Especially now after what I did. I even can't tell him why, he'll be... I don't actually know how he would react but it wouldn't be good.
"But I have to come out of this room at some point, how am I gonna explain why I did that?"
You can't. you have to. you CAN'T.
Suddenly the tears stared from the argument that was going on in my head. And for the fact that once again I was alone. Again.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I Need out. Out of This situation with kanan. Out of the attacks. Out of my responsibilities. Out of the crew. Out of being alone. Out of the way my life goes. Out of life. That's what I need to do. Get Out of life. Get one mission right. And make everything better for everyone, especially kanan. Everything will go away for good. I'll be free.
I dug my knife out of my bag and stared at it. can I really do it? I don't see why not. I've been cutting since I was seven, when my parents were taken...and I've attempted this before, it's time I go through with it.
I slowly put my knife to my left wrist and pressed down. Then I stopped, I couldn't do it. I failed as always. Then I felt a pain in my head, like someone slammed my head into a wall, but from the inside, it was like last time but stronger. Kanan never told me who came after Darth Vader, who's attacking me? The pain got worse so bad that I dropped my knife and fell to my knees screaming in agony. I wanted to find kanan but after what I did that didn't seam like an option, the pain was so bad that my vision blurred and I couldn't breath, move or even think. I had to make it stop.
I grabbed my knife screaming the whole time, the only way to make it stop was to do this. Then my attacker backed down only enough for me to think, and the memory's that came to mind, I thought I pushed under the rug a LONG time ago but there back.
The abuse. Why? I was just a child. I didn't know what was going on, and it wasn't my fault but as always I payed for it.
The raping. I was helpless. Why does everyone take advantage of me. What is it about me that makes people want to use me. Probably because I was easy to use.
I pushed the knife dead into my skin and pulled, then went to the other wrist. Blood poured from my wrists and I saw kanan rush into my room. He probably heard me screaming.
"Ezr..."
Everything happened so fast that I didn't hear the rest of what he said. I felt his arms around me and I felt like I was being picked up. I heard Kanan say something like 'I can't lose you' which didn't make any sense.
Then everything when black.
So what'ca think? Review please
